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Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I have to go ahead and do it!

With this post I have accomplished BLOG 365. I wrote 365 days this year. The rules said you could skip on Leap Day... I wrote on Leap Day, but missed on Halloween because I fell asleep, so STILL 365. A couple of times I didn't have internet access so I hand wrote journal entries and back-dated them when I posted

I wanted to do it to develop a habit of writing every day, even if it was minimal. I feel like I have done that. My minimum goal was to at least express happiness each day for something in my life. My happy things ranged from paper clips to relationships!

So, TODAY: Happy for me! For a goal accomplished! YAY ME! I ROCK!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Must. Go. Read.

Uberlist goal to read 35 books this year and I am on number 35! I just started it today. I have to read a lot tonight so I don't have to read at Gillian's party tomorrow. I am reading Choclat - I think Joann Harris is the author. I have seen the movie (Oooh Johnny Depp!), but never read the book. It is a great read so far.

I have also made a batch of cookies and still need to make a cheese ball. Cheese ball is better made the night before so the flavors blend well.

Ummm.. Dad is in hospital - maybe another heart attack, but not too bad, I guess. Mom said he was sitting up and eating and complaining about the food, so that's a good sign.

Happy today for an extremely busy and productive day at work. I really felt like I earned my living and did good work for my company and my customers. Even though there are some bad things about my job, it is good days like today that make me appreciate it for more than the paycheck and the insurance. Also Michael cleaned out the garage so I can park in there, even though he didn't feel that well. No more scraping windows!

Monday, December 29, 2008

Ohhh.

So tired. I am blogging now because I am afraid I'll fall sleep without writing if I try to do anything else first.

I could hardly get out of bed this morning. I am so tired it is unbelievable.

I worked all day and basically sat at my desk for nine and half hours and was still totally busy.

I am going to try to read and MAYBE, just MAYBE get up and do some dishes and all that evening stuff. I still need to work on the holiday letters.

Happy today for leftovers. I may have said that one before, maybe even recently, but YAY for already cooked, yet homemade food.

Sunday, December 28, 2008

Sunday...

I am tired so I probably won't write much.

I had just settled in for a long winter's nap last night around midnight and the phone rang. Heather and Emily had made a late night run to the evil empire. They hit a pothole on the way back and it burst the tire. They made it to the parking lot of the trail near our house. I wrote a note that we would come get the car in the morning to leave in the window so it wouldn't get towed and went and picked them up.

So this morning I spent my time trying to get Heather's tire changed - her lug wrench sucked so bad we couldn't do it, even with me JUMPING on it and I weigh over 200 pounds. Michael and I went home to look for better tools and while we were gone a lovely man with the right kind of tools came and did it. YAY for guys with pickup trucks with big, well-equipped aluminum tool boxes! I had inwardly wished that would happen so when I drove up I told him he was a dream come true!

Then I took Heather over to the car fixy place so they could see if she could drive it, etc. They said if they moved the donut spare to the back she would make it back to Indy so they did and she did.

I spent the rest of the day cooking a turkey dinner. Heather had really wanted turkey for Christmas but I did NOT so I offered it on an alternate day. It was supposed to be yesterday, but then we gave in to the urge for Chinese instead. Dinner was nice. I didn't get enough help in preparation. Emily did some and I appreciated that. I was a little resentful and probably passive aggressive about it. I was verbal in asking for help with cleanup, however. Michael did most of the cooking dishes and Heather picked the turkey and packed up the meat, which I don't like to do, so that was nice.

The bad thing is that I didn't get the stuff complete today that I hoped to do. I had some gifts I wanted to wrap, finish my Christmas letters, bake some cookies for hopeless crush and for Will... Now all that is not done. I did get my sheets changed and a lot of laundry done because I could work on it in fits and spurts.

I guess I will just have to take the rest as it goes. I guess first priority is to finish the Christmas letters because it was on my uberlist to mail them before the end of the year. I am going to do the final few TOMORROW and get them in the mail. After the mailed ones are done I will post on here. Then if any of my readers are some of the few for whom I have old addresses or have inadvertently left out or something can read my witty and newsy holiday epistle!

Despite all my complaining, I really am happy for some things today!

Happy today for: watching another movie with Emily. We watched the German movie "The Counterfeiters." It was good. I have a difficult time with Holocaust films sometimes, but I was okay tonight. Watching a movie is really a restful activity for me. I still insisted on a couple of breaks to switch laundry, make the bed, finish the dishes, and stuff like that, but honestly, I feel calm while I am watching. Calm for me = Good thing.

Saturday, December 27, 2008

Pictures:










Victoria - our new friend.
Christmas Tree with blue & silver gifts except that PINK Victoria's Secret bag!
Ribbon bird on our tree - my friend Robin made it several years ago
Pat & Emily at the Office Lounge
Pat & Mark? (we just met him last night too)
a new ornament I bought this year - YAY for Clearance BEFORE Christmas
Mom and Dad on Christmas night
Dad and Michael on Christmas night - Michael is looking at his new bike tool.
We celebrated with gingerbread with lemon sauce, YUM!

Still no turkey...

Orderless rambling...

Suddenly last night we developed this plan that included going out to the Chinese place for lunch. Crazy - considering the amount of food in the house....

I woke up this morning and made a batch of ham salad and Mom and Dad and I had ham salad sandwiches for breakfast. It was really good! I might go have some more tonight.

Last night Heather and Emily and I went out to karaoke. Pat came later and brought a new woman with him. She was really nice and fun and I hope she liked hanging out with us so she'll come back.

Mom and Dad left mid-morning, but they haven't called yet. I am going to call and check on them when I am done typing.

We went to the Chinese and took Michael to a cello lesson and Heather and Emily did some mall shopping. I spent a little at Target because I had a $20 gift card. I bought some bows and gift tags for next Christmas... I feel almost ASHAMED because I bought blue and silver again and we will have the same theme two years in a row. We just happen to have a lot of blue and silver paper left over, PLUS the snowman gift tags I saw that I really liked were blue and silver based. Oh well.... nobody is perfect. I had Emily take some pictures of the tree with all the blue and silver gifts under it. I will probably post it later.

I think my favorite Christmas gift I received was the Jewel "Pieces of You" CD. I used to have it, but I don't know whatever happened to it. Heather picked it up used somewhere so YAY for great bargains that are also wanted items.

My favorite gift I gave was probably Michael's birthday present - a bike tool. I actually went to the bike store and the guy helped me pick it out and and Micahel was really happy for it. I NEVER spend $20 for a present, honestly, but this was well worth it.

Okay Michael just called and he's having a malfunction so I have to go get him.

Happy today for leftovers!

Friday, December 26, 2008

Mellow

No fights with anyone today. We opened our stockings and gifts and then took turns cooking, napping, talking, watching things, computer time, etc. Michael rode his bike to the store to get a couple of things and Heather and Emily went out a little later for salads from Wendy's to go with the lasagna. The lasagna wasn't the best ever - we had a big squash on hand so I sliced it thinly and used it. I think it tasted a little too squashy. I'd rather have carrots and spinach, I think. Part of what we are trying to do, however, is use in-season veggies and what we have on hand as much as possible.

Now we are getting ready to go out, Michael is practicing his cello, Mom and Dad are reading their new Christmas books. Tomorrow is the compromise turkey dinner, but I told everybody they have to eat LOTS of leftovers the rest of the day. I am not cooking until some of the leftovers are gone!

Happy today for good stocking stuffers. I got a business card portfolio and just cleaned out my purse and filed all the cards. I meet so many people at networking events, classes and women's meetings, it was really a necessary thing.

Later!

Thursday, December 25, 2008

Survived.

I am anxiously awaiting Michael's return from his dad's. The big event here to day was dinner. We haven't opened any gifts yet or anything because of Michael's absence. Also I have a birthday gift for Michael I am anxious to give him. We had some conflict here today. I know everybody blames me for being too uptight or whatever, but that's the way it goes. Heather told me I behaved like a five year old. It pisses me off, however, that it is my house and then my guests seem to think they get to say what we have for dinner etc. I said I didn't want turkey, don't bring the turkey, I want to have ham. Then they all want to start cooking turkey. WTF? No. It's my freaking house! Also tomorrow it will probably be a conflict because I promised Michael vegetarian food and I am making lasagna. Heather hates lasagna and I had to hear a diatribe about the church party this week and how they had lasagna and it made her want to vomit. But you know what? My son was gone during his birthday and Christmas day and he gets something he wants and enjoys. So there. There are plenty of leftovers of ham and other stuff AND I said I would cook turkey on Saturday. We have a ridiculous amount of food around here for poor people and it's just insane.

Speaking of ridiculous food. I am going to bake gingerbread with lemon sauce so that when Michael gets home we can eat it and he can open his birthday present.

Happy today for: I really am happy for my family, despite the conflict. I am also happy for Ativan.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008

Christmas Eve

I got off work around 1:30 and went to the store to pick up a few last things. It was extremely busy of course. I was pretty calm and just stayed in my little world and shopped for what I wanted. The lines were long, but I didn't mind at all, EXCEPT I hadn't eaten much and nothing since about 8:30 so I was starting to feel a little shaky. I made it out and all the way to the car at the far end of the parking lot. By the time I got home I had to eat quickly or I was in danger, Will Robinson!

I came home and ate and poor Katie had a blowup with her dad her brothers. They basically did a family Christmas dinner out without her and without trying to find her. It really, really hurt her feelings. She has left now and is up in Indy with her brother Jon. Half of me wants to call and invite them down tomorrow. I am worried about having Jon all day, though. He is schizophrenic and I am honestly frightened of trying to be with him for a long period of time. I don't think he's dangerous or anything, but he has had delusional times. I know that Schiz is different than Bi-Polar, but I am worried that I am just not able to cope emotionally with it. I have a hard enough time dealing with my family without added stress so maybe this is one time where I am going to have to make a boundary and not invite when I am probably not really able to deal well with it.

I have already invited Pat if he is not able to get up to his family. He probably won't come to dinner, but if we do go out to a movie or something he may do that. If he does come to dinner I think the dynamics would be better without Katie and Jon. Katie doesn't tolerate Pat's know-it-all talking very well, whereas I am able to just let it flow right over me and love him despite his Republican self. There are a couple of people I am able to be that way with and Pat has moved into the ranks. When he first moved here I had a huge crush on him, then I couldn't stand him because of all the talking and now I just go with the flow and let him talk and appreciate his friendship for what it is.

UU on Christmas Eve was very nice. It was actually more "traditional" that The Open Door church where we have attended the last few years. They did the readings from Luke and sang many Carols. The other music was all very good. There was a number called "Joy" with writing credited to the Jonas Brothers. I pointed it out to Heather and laughed. It was actually my favorite song in the entire program. I am going to look and see if there's a Youtube of it or something so Y'all can hear it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK99aSJOUFs

At church it was a piano and a man singing baritone. Very lovely and simple arrangement.

Lovely.

Happy today for: getting off early, and oh my goodness, Emily just started this DVD of "Big Bang Theory" and it is hilarious. Now my dinner dishes will never get done!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Lost and Found.

I spent a great part of the afternoon under stress because I couldn't find a money order I had purchased over the weekend. I had Emily looking at home. I looked through all the papers in my purse and bag, looked in the car etc. When I got home from work I only wanted to lie on the couch and mope and try to think about it. I KNEW it had to be somewhere here. Katie's brother and sister-in-law came over and we had an impromptu dinner party with a big pot of my cream of veg soup and a loaf of Hawaiian bread. It was pretty good and kept me from being completely non-functional. After dinner I was lying down again and remembered a possible spot for the MO and it was there! Whoo Hoo! That would have been $337 of NOT affordable loss.

My friend Byron played on WGBH in Boston today with his new trio and it replays in a few minutes so we are going to listen at WGBH.org. If you like classical music, tune in quickly!

Happy today for: finding the MO and amazing people in my life.

Monday, December 22, 2008

Ann's Movie thing

I think I have done it o something eerily similar before. I don't remember the answer, however.


(x)Rocky Horror Picture Show*
(x) Grease*
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean*
(x) Pirates of the Caribbean 2: Dead Man’s Chest
(x) Boondock Saints*
(x) Fight Club*
(x) Starsky and Hutch*
(x) Neverending Story
(x) Blazing Saddles*
(x) Airplane
Total: 10

(x) The Princess Bride*
(x) Anchorman*
(x) Napoleon Dynamite*
(x) Labyrinth*
() Saw
( ) Saw II
( ) White Noise
(x) White Oleander*
() Anger Management
(x) 50 First Dates*
(x) The Princess Diaries
() The Princess Diaries 2: Royal Engagement
Total so far: 17

() Scream
() Scream 2
() Scream 3
() Scary Movie
() Scary Movie 2
() Scary Movie 3
() Scary Movie 4
() American Pie
() American Pie 2
() American Wedding
() American Pie Band Camp
Total so far: 17

(x) Harry Potter 1
(x) Harry Potter 2
(x) Harry Potter 3
(x) Harry Potter 4
() Resident Evil 1
() Resident Evil 2
(x) The Wedding Singer*
() Little Black Book
(x) The Village
(x) Lilo & Stitch
Total so far: 24

(x) Finding Nemo*
(x) Finding Neverland
(x) Signs*
(x) The Grinch
(x) Texas Chainsaw Massacre
() Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning
() White Chicks
() Butterfly Effect
()13 Going on 30
() I, Robot
() Robots
Total so far: 29

() Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story
() Universal Soldier
(x) Lemony Snicket: A Series Of Unfortunate Events
(x) Along Came Polly*
() Deep Impact
(x) KingPin
(x) Never Been Kissed
(x) Meet The Parents*
(x) Meet the Fockers*
() Eight Crazy Nights
() Joe Dirt
(x) KING KONG
Total so far: 36

() A Cinderella Story
(x) The Terminal*
() The Lizzie McGuire Movie
() Passport to Paris
(x) Dumb & Dumber
() Dumber & Dumberer
() Final Destination
() Final Destination 2
() Final Destination 3
() Halloween
(x) The Ring
() The Ring 2
() Surviving X-MAS
(x) Flubber [the original]
Total so far: 40

() Harold & Kumar Go To White Castle
(x) Practical Magic*
(x) Chicago*
() Ghost Ship
() From Hell
() Hellboy
(x) Secret Window
(x) I Am Sam*
() The Whole Nine Yards
() The Whole Ten Yards
Total so far: 44

() The Day After Tomorrow
() Child’s Play
() Seed of Chucky
() Bride of Chucky
() Ten Things I Hate About You
() Just Married
(x) Gothika
(x) Nightmare on Elm Street
(x) Sixteen Candles
(x) Remember the Titans
() Coach Carter
() The Grudge
() The Grudge 2
() The Mask
() Son Of The Mask
total so far: 49

() Bad Boys
() Bad Boys 2
() Joy Ride
() Lucky Number Slevin
(x) Ocean’s Eleven
(x) Ocean’s Twelve
() Bourne Identity
() Bourne Supremecy
() Lone Star
() Bedazzled
() Predator
() Predator II
() The Fog
(x) Ice Age*
() Ice Age 2: The Meltdown
()Curious George
Total so far: 52

(x) Independence Day
() Cujo
() A Bronx Tale
() Darkness Falls
(x) Christine
(x) ET*
() Children of the Corn
() My Bosses Daughter
(x) Maid in Manhattan*
(x) War of the Worlds
() Rush Hour
() Rush Hour 2
Total so far: 56

() Best Bet
(x) How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days
() She’s All That
() Calendar Girls
(x) Sideways*
() Mars Attacks
() Event Horizon
() Ever After
(x) Wizard of Oz*
(x) Forrest Gump*
() Big Trouble in Little China
(x) The Terminator ***** *
(x) The Terminator 2 **** *
(x) The Terminator 3 *
Total so far: 63

() X-Men
() X-2
() X-3
(x) Spider-Man
() Spider-Man 2
() Sky High
() Jeepers Creepers
() Jeepers Creepers 2
() Catch Me If You Can
(x) The Little Mermaid *
(x) Freaky Friday
() Reign of Fire
() The Skulls
() Cruel Intentions
() Cruel Intentions 2
() The Hot Chick
(x) Shrek *
() Shrek 2
Total so far: 67

() Swimfan
(x) Miracle on 34th street
(x) Old School
(x) The Notebook
(x) K-Pax *
(x) Krippendorf’s Tribe
(x) A Walk to Remember
(x) Ice Castles
() Boogeyman
(x) The 40-year-old Virgin *
Total so far: 75

(x) Lord of the Rings Fellowship of the Ring
(x) Lord of the Rings The Two Towers
(x) Lord of the Rings Return Of the King
(x) Indiana Jones and the Raiders of the Lost Ark *
(x) Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom
(x) Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade
Total so far: 81

() Baseketball
() Hostel
() Waiting for Guffman
() House of 1000 Corpses
() Devils Rejects
(x) Elf
() Highlander
(x) Mothman Prophecies
() American History X
() Three
Total so Far: 83

() The Jacket
() Kung Fu Hustle
() Shaolin Soccer
() Night Watch
(x) Monsters Inc.
(x) Titanic
(x) Monty Python and the Holy Grail*
(x) Shaun Of the Dead*
() Willa74
Total so far: 87

() High Tension
() Club Dread
() Hulk
() Dawn Of the Dead
(x) Hook
(x) Chronicles Of Narnia: The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe
(x) 28 days later
() Orgazmo
() Phantasm
() Waterworld
Total so far: 90

(x) Kill Bill vol 1
(x) Kill Bill vol 2
() Mortal Kombat
() Wolf Creek
() Kingdom of Heaven
() the Hills Have Eyes
() I Spit on Your Grave aka the Day of the Woman
() The Last House on the Left
() Re-Animator
() Army of Darkness
Total so far: 92

(x) Star Wars Ep. I The Phantom Menace
(x) Star Wars Ep. II Attack of the Clones
(x) Star Wars Ep. III Revenge of the Sith
(x) Star Wars Ep. IV A New Hope
(x) Star Wars Ep. V The Empire Strikes Back
(x) Star Wars Ep. VI Return of the Jedi
() Ewoks Caravan Of Courage
() Ewoks The Battle For Endor
Total so far: 98

(x) The Matrix
() The Matrix Reloaded
() The Matrix Revolutions
() Animatrix
() Evil Dead
() Evil Dead 2
() Team America: World Police
() Red Dragon
(x) Silence of the Lambs
() Hannibal
Total so far: 100

Yeah - I must waste a lot of time. I am tempted to go back ans asterisk the one I would recommend. Oh heck, why not - dishes can wait!

The ones I starred will have no logic to them whatsoever. I like: Ben Stiller, Tom Hanks, things blowing up, Clever dialog, slapstick humor, Jack Black, Kevin Spacey, good cinematrography, and sometimes simple entertainment...

There are a lot of movies I love that aren't on this list. I kind of want to work my way down the AFI list of the top 100 movies.... Recently I have watched "Sunset Boulevard" and "Patton" I am not sure what's up next. I'd like for Michael to watch some of the classics with me. He's dying to watch "Citizen Kane," so maybe that is next. Rosebud...

Tooth

Will need a three-quarter crown, which is planned for January 13 - a two hour appointment. I am going to ask for the entire day off so I can come home afterward and just go to bed. Sigh....

Just Emily and me at home tonight. Katie has back to her apartment in Indy to get some more of her stuff. Yes, you read that right. Katie owns a house in Bloomington, has an apartment in Indy and is living with me! She is having a difficult time transitioning between jobs and living spaces and I am the stop in-between to ease it along. Her brother, Jon, is coming to Bloomington to visit during the holidays. That has made Katie work on getting her house more ready and spending the time there. I think that will probably be a good step along in her transition. I have suggested that she and Jon come over for dinner a couple of times while he is here, but have only once vaguely suggested they stay here and only if it's an emergency and Jon would have to stay in Michael's room and sleep in the loft bed. I don't really want Jon staying here with Emily while Katie and I are ay work. He is schizophrenic and even had no social boundaries before he went over the edge. That would just be asking for an all 'round uncomfortable situation for Emily and I won't do that for her. I don't think he is dangerous or anything. It just wouldn't work.

Well I need to go be a little productive tonight. Emily and I started watching "The Holiday" with some of may favorites, Kate Winslet, Jude Law and Jack Black. I promptly fell asleep however. All the tranquilizers I took before I went to the dentist certainly had me relaxed! I also want to go to FitDay and record my foods today.

Happy today for a good dentist whom I trust. I hate THE dentist, but I love MY dentist. Get it?

Sunday, December 21, 2008

Dentist again.

That same filling popped out again tonight. Sigh. I know he will end up putting a crown on it now. Tomorrow I will ask him to just do the thing that doesn't really work and then try to make it last until after the first of the year when I get my new health care money. Last time he did it for free because it only lasted a few weeks. What has it been now? three? It's just a place where my tooth won't hold a filling, I guess, not enough edges or something. Sigh... I hate to admit it, but I know the culprit this time was a Butterfinger bar. That will teach me to eat candy when I know I shouldn't!

Phew!

It is freaking COLD out there. I went to church and then did some shopping. Goin in between car and doors was miserable. I HATE winter in Indiana.

I did some "normal" Christmas shopping this year instead of making everything or buying it used. I still don't feel like I have a good present for my mom. There was an animal print cosmetic bag at Target I think she would like, but it was $20 and that is WAY beyond my budget this year. Sigh.

I am going to change into my soft clothes and stay in the rest of the day! No more bra, so more real shoes, no more cold and wind! Only soft happiness and housework and reading and TV and ahhh! I will try to do my one mile walking tape sometime, but I am not feeling real determined about it.

Happy today for: One good bargain I found for someone about whom I was frustrated.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Emily ...

is opening and hooking up my digital cable box, which I ordered before the October 17th deadline to avoid the fee later. It has been sitting on the floor in a box ever since. Yay for children coming home for the holidays.

At the Asian Market:





Dried squid and something called "Sea Squirts"

No list!

It is Saturday and I have made no list! I don't even really have a list in my head, only a few vague desires. Last night I went to take Michael to his dad's, then up to get Emily, then back home. We got here around 1:30, then I posted - I backdated it because I had expressed it earlier in the evening so it would count for the 19th. We finally got to bed and I (mostly) slept until 9:30.

We messed around the house and stuff and then I really wanted to get to Opportunity House to look for books for Christmas so we took off and went. I found a lot of books today which was really nice. Then I was starving and we went to this Chinese Buffet where I have never been before. It was really, really nice. There was a huge selection of great food and almost everybody in the place was Chinese or Asian of come sort. I always take that as a good sign. There was also this HUGE family party taking place of this giant Chinese family. It was good food and relaxing and fun. There is an Asian market attached and we went over there and looked and bought candy and stuff for stocking stuffers. They had giant octopus tentacles in the fridge section and dried squid right by the candy. It was fun. Emily took some pictures with her phone. Maybe I can have her send them to me.

Then we went to the evil empire. The Saturday before Christmas. Even the toy department. I should have taken drugs first. Oh. My. God. Even though we went through the toy department I couldn't make myself stay long enough to actually find a Christmas present for Miko. We got the other necessary stuff, though - Drano to help in my efforts to poison the water supply, dental floss, blah, blah, blah.

When we got home I finished my current book and then fell asleep for over two hours! Now Em is watching some TV episodes. She loves "How I Met Your Mother" and gets it from Netflix. I am doing my computer stuff and MAYBE, only MAYBE will I spend some time working on my little bits of things I want to accomplish today. Or MAYBE I will just continue to hang out and be a waste-oid! We shall see.

Oh and Happy today for all of the above and Facebook. I am really enjoying it.

Friday, December 19, 2008

Just a couple happies

Happy for: finding a mechanic I feel like I can trust.
that Rita was my Secret Santa. She knows me so well, everything was perfect and nice! She gave me a gift card for Michael's for the final gift. I will have to be careful to use it for something for ME and not for gifts for others.

Thursday, December 18, 2008

More complaints.

I came home from work early. I felt so bad that when Gill asked me if I had a headache I cried. I really needed to get medicine and a heating pad, though, so I went to the evil empire after I left. I decided while I was there I might as well get everything on the list. I had $109 in my account and I spent $103.

Then I went to the tire place because the car is still making funny noises when I go around curves. A different guy was at the counter and he said it's not tires without even looking. I KNOW the usual counter guy would have at least checked. The new guy sent me across the street to some other place. The guy there said he couldn't even look at it until Saturday. I have to drive on the highway tomorrow to go get Emily. So I took my car to the place where Katie had just taken her car and instead of telling her she needed a new head gasket for $1000 he told her it's barely leaking and to go get a can of Head Gasket sealer from the auto parts store and charged her $15. He can't look at my car until morning, so Katie is going to go with me to drop it off and take me to work. This guy said it probably IS the tires, that maybe a belt is broken inside and that's why I only hear the noise going around curves, because then the tires lean a little. He wants to look at it on the lift and drive it to make sure. After the Katie experience I trust him. They sell tires there also, so if it is tires, they have probably gained a new customer. I am disenchanted with my previous tire place after that guy didn't even look at the car. Also if the guy at the new place says it is something besides tires, I feel like I can trust him. Sigh... I wish I had money. Tomorrow is payday so I will get it fixed or get new tires, but basically anything that is not yet purchased for Christmas will stay unpurchased at this point. I at least paid the gas and electric and phone already and the water bill isn't due until the 29th, so I know we will be clean and warm and able to communicate a little longer! Also we did grocery shopping already and I finished up with my $103 at Wal-mart, buying the stuff we couldn't buy more cheaply at Aldi.

I am happy today, though for something - can you believe it? I just completed one project for Christmas that I have been trying to get done for a long time. YAY! Now I just need to wrap it.

I still feel like crap. Lying down SOUNDS like a good idea, but it make the pressure in my sinuses worse. I have to choose between babying my hip or my head. Right now the head is winning. Sitting up is better for it. Owies in any case.

Wednesday, December 17, 2008

Ouch! Also Fried Food Fiesta

So today was my day off work. I took it on purpose to have some time alone before Emily returns home and the house is full, etc. Well, we had a lot of freezing rain last night. Michael had no school and Katie had no nannying. I also still don't really feel well, so either my problems were all viral in the first place or I need another round of antibiotics.

I wanted to work really well on the house, spend time reading, work on Christmas craft projects and sort of do my weekend thing, but with Christmas and solitude being the main foci.

Katie's car has been broken and she needed to go take it to a different place where they would repair it more cheaply and Michael wanted to go work on his bike. Also I said I could be convinced to go out if we went to the store... So we went out to do the errands and when we got back and I was carrying groceries I fell in the driveway. I landed on my left hip and arm which is my "bad" hip and the elbow I broke a couple of years ago and still has residual pain already. It hurt so bad. I lay on the ice and cried for maybe five minutes before I could even think about getting up. Finally I was able to get up with Michael's help and come in. I made them put the groceries away... but here's one of my irritable bitchy things. This morning I cleaned the table off completely so it looked so nice and UNCLUTTERED out there. Even though they supposedly put away the groceries there are still two bottles of salad dressing, ketchup, the "garage" stuff, I think the shopping bags too, still on the table. So for it to be really clean, again I either have to nag and ask them to do it or do it myself. The message everybody seems to get if I nag/ ask is "Nobody can ever do anything to my standards and you all suck and may as well not help." Or if I do it myself the message is. "It's okay to do everything half-assed and I will always come clean up after you." I lose either way if I want a nice, uncluttered table.

We did have fun with lunch. Michael, who usually only eats healthy food, with the exception of ice cream (but because he actually NEEDS to consume more calories, it's okay), wanted fried food for lunch. My family always used to make fried "donuts" from canned biscuits on snow days, and Michael really likes that.... then he also really likes onion rings. So we made, donuts, apple fritters, fried mushrooms, sweet potatoes and onion rings. My stomach even told me it was too much grease and I DO eat french fries and fast food! Michael also dipped some tofu slices in the batter and fried them. I'm uncertain of what the final call was on the deliciousness.

I finally took some Sudafed. As bad as my head has been I have been avoiding it, because it generally knocks me out. Michael reminded me that it didn't matter if I napped today... so after lunch I started watching a movie with Michael and then slept for a couple of hours.

Now they have left I asked Katie to take Michael down to the Bike Project so he could work on his bike. I said for two reasons, 1) I am afraid of the driveway now. 2) I still hurt pretty bad. She said she might go over to her house and weave so I can have some more alone time, but she doesn't really want to because she doesn't want to be alone. I said it was okay if she comes back, but I'm kind of hoping she goes for the weaving thing... If she does come back, she can come in here and play her game she plays online and I will just do my other stuff. I am posting now, however, in case she does come over here.

So it's been a mixed day. My biggest disappointment was losing my time alone. I also had kind of planned a clandestine lunch with a friend with more potential. I canceled that however, when everybody else ended up being home for the day. Missing out on that maybe made me a little bitchier and frustrated. I didn't even want to complain about it because like I said, "clandestine."

I am happy today for: the Sudafed and the two hour nap sans nightmares.

Now: pain pain go away... don't come back any other day! Oh - I had also planned to start doing the walking video again and trying to work back up. remember how I had done three days in a row, then decided I was too ill to continue? Now my fuckinng hip hurts too badly. It doesn't have a bruise, at least yet, but it really hurts a lot.

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

She won!

I kind of wanted Michelle to win on "The Biggest Loser" and she did. Good for her. She looks great and she looks like she feels great. Inspiration.

I worked hard today. I am over the pack of antibiotics. I still feel pretty congested and yucky...I went to bed without cough syrup last night and I don't think I woke up until almost 4:00, so that was pretty good. Tonight my head is aching a little bit more and feeling more pressure again. I think I will probably go ahead and take some tonight. When I take pain pills or the cough syrup, though, I have lots of bad dreams when I do sleep; monster dreams, zombie dreams, victim dreams and even dreams that take place in the trailer we lived in that Heather and I bot h swear was haunted. The dreams alone are definitely one reason to try to get off the medicine. I think after my surgery I only took the pain pills one, maybe two days, because the nightmares were so disturbing, the pain was better. Without the cough medicine or some other strong decongestant, however, I can't breathe when I am lying down - makes sleeping difficult.

Happy today for: IT guy finally came and moved my new computer and phone to my new desk. It is less spacious, but I just wanted to get it over with. Now I am in the final stages of cleaning out the drawers and files etc. I shredded a bunch of documents today. I decided if we settle with Classifieds Plus accounts every month there is no reason to keep documentation for a year - six months will be plenty of time to dispute anything. So I shredded everything up through June. In January we are probably going to drop the service so then if I shred a month every month it will all be gone. Woo Hoo! I LOVE SHREDDING!!!

Monday, December 15, 2008

It's done!




I wrote a holiday letter today! Wooty Hoo! I have page one printed, but the printer didn't like the nice holiday stationary I got on clearance last year. It was too thick. So tomorrow I need to print the back pages, but it honestly paper jammed with every page. It took like half an hour to print 45 of the fifty and the other five pages were ruined. So I learned my lesson to just buy the cheap paper. I think tomorrow I will tell the printed it is cardstock and see if it works better.

Happy today for my holiday toes.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

More wierd things about me....

Since I did the 16 things I have been thinking about others...

I hate when people say "heighth" It is not a word. Height! Height! Height! It ends with a T, not an H.

I hate when toothbrush bristles get all bent up. I replace my brushes frequently. It's kind of sad because my dentist even told me I brush my teeth too much. I am supposed to use these ultra soft brushes, but they cost around $3.00 each and I can't stand to spend that much as frequently as I like to replace my brush. PLUS the ultra soft ones I want to replace even more frequently because of course those soft bristles wear out even more quickly.

I wish I had time to really learn to decorate cakes well. I think I could be VERY good at it. I am jealous of Amber's cakes.

I am a secret slob. People think because I am picky about some things that I am probably completely organized and clean. Ha! I have a hall closet that honestly, truly the door won't latch because there is too much crap in there. Last week I said I am going to set a goal to get two things out of there every day until it is organizable, but I haven't done it. Also I hardly EVER dust. When I finally did dust the ceiling fan and ceiling in the "great room" this summer there were ROPES of dust over an inch thick on the edges of the ceiling fan blades.

I don't answer my phone if I don't want to talk. It is probably nothing personal with most calls. It is just that I have to talk on the phone all day at work and pretend to care when I really don't. Sometimes by the time I get home I don't even want to talk to people even in person. I have to hide for a while first.

I hate my hair right now. I wish I could ask Lisa to fix it, but I don't want to expect a charity cut, and I can't afford to pay her.

I can't stand Rachel Ray. Her voice drives me nuts. I also don't like the "Almost Homemade" or whatever that show is host. I love Alton Brown. I like learning the science behind the cooking and baking.

I want to sing in the choir at UU. I know the director, but I am afraid to ask about it because they are so good I am intimidated. I also don't know if I can be committed to rehearsals and such the way my life already goes.

I really want a tattoo. If it weren't for money I would already have one.

I love to wrap gifts. I decided to do Secret Santa at work just because I want to wrap the little gifts... Friday I bought her a can of soda and had taken a special gift bag and ribbon just for a soda.

I haven't been to the zoo in years and I am dying to go. I was really sad when my hopeless crush took his son to the zoo and told me about it afterward. Okay, DON'T fall in love with me, just take me to the damn zoo!

Okay that's enough silly stuff. I need to eat something healthy, take medicines and get to bed. I didn't take a nap earlier and I was really tired, but make myself stay awake because if I get out of sync it's horrible. So now if I get to bed ny ten I should be okay. I'll probably sleep until at least two before I have troubles.

Happy today for: Wikipedia. I like to look things up so after I watched Patton I learned more about the differences between the movie and the real person from Wiki.

Half the day is gone.

I awoke at 6:43 with a BIG HEADACHE. I took two pain pills, turned the TV on to "Gunsmoke" and went back to sleep for a couple more hours. The HEADACHE was still there when I woke up the second time. I took a long, steamy shower and it seemed to help a little bit today. I got dressed in real clothes, deciding to fake it because I wanted to go to church. So I ate a little breakfast, finished getting ready, set some stuff out on the porch for a Freecycler to take, made Michael get loaded up, dropped him at Skylar's and went to church. Oh, I also took another double dose of pain pills AND the magic cough syrup before we left. So church was AMAZING AND WONDERFUL. Great, rollicking Gospel Christmas music. I enjoyed it and just sat and listened and loved. Even through the narcotics the hand clapping all sounded like tiny explosions... especially in the left ear, the one with the infection. Probably the narcotics were the only thing that made the hand clapping bearable.

So now I am home, it is after 1:00 and probably as soon as I get settled in and comfy Michael will call and say he is done, can I come pick him up, oh and then he will need a ride to bike project because the bike is broken and he needs to fix it to ride to school tomorrow. It would be smart of me to load the bike on the car before I go, but I feel so crappy that I don't know if I can lift it onto the rack. I think the fixed gear has a heavier frame than the Peugeot road bike. It looks a lot sturdier...Then I would also be responsible for carrying the cello in the house when I got back home because it is too precious to leave out in the cold. Every time I carry it in the house I somehow manage to bump it into the door frame. It sounds easier to make the extra time and driving to go get Michael, bring him home, make him do all the carrying and lifting and then he can ride home from Bike Project afterward. I wish he had enough tools to work more on his bikes here.

One of the things he asked for when I asked about Christmas/ birthday is a new "bike tool." So yeah, if it's under $20.00 I am going to get it. It will save me driving when the stupid bikes break. I think he is a good bike builder/ mechanic, but some of these things you just can't work out until you ride it a few times and give it a real test before you know it needs more adjusting/fixing.

I need to complete a few household tasks today and I would sure like to work on my holiday stuff and crafts, but I don't know if I have the oomph with my head like this again/still. Even the movie I have to watch is "Patton." Three hours of war, doesn't sound very restful, no matter how amazing the character exploration and the acting are supposed to be.

I am tempted to make a list today, but guess what! I think today I am going to have to say, just "Go with the flow." If things get done, they do, if they don't they don't. I can feel like I have accomplished enough by getting something out of the garage and into the hands of a Freecycler and attending church and hearing all that amazing music. Oh and I was also inspired that I need to ask Rev. Breeden where to refer a gentleman who wrote to the classifieds from prison and wants a personal ad for a penpal but we don't do those. Rev. Breeden works with prisoners at a nearby facility and might know of a program to help them once they get released to get back into the community, which this guy says is within the next few months. So I plan to email Bill today or tomorrow and get info for this guy.

I think I am going to lie down for a while and await Michael's phone call.

Saturday, December 13, 2008

Follow up

Volunteer at orchestra fund raiser. Done.
Dump Done.
wash dishes. Done, done and done.
Do one load of laundry. Have completed two, will probably start another.
watch a movie Watched "The Wild Thornberrys" with Michael
read 100 pages of "The Distinguished Guest" Just about - will finish before I sleep.
Start making the next thing.... maybe a scarf, so I can knit in bed. Tried, but the yarn I was using is chenille and not stretchy enough. I need to try something else.
Clean all my stuff off of table and change tablecloth. Table is clean. I need to pick a table cloth. I am thinking red & white checked - it will probably look nice with the Christmas tree behind it.

I was just getting ready for the hoped-for nap when Michael called. He was riding his new "fixed gear" bike (He made it, I didn't buy it!), and something broke. Last time this happened he had to walk home carrying his bike. Today he had his communication device with him and was able to call.

He cooked sweet potato fries for dinner and I had some deli chicken in the fridge so we had a pretty good dinner.

Tomorrow church is an all music service - the UU choir combined with the Bethel African Methodist Episcopal choir performing " A Black Nativity" inspired by a Langston Hughes poem.... I have to be sure to get up early and be ready to go. Also Michael wants to go to Skylar's and jam so I am dropping him on the way so we will have to leave extra early. I am really looking forward to it. I hope I feel well enough to get up on time and get there.

I am so snackish today... I want to go eat SOMETHING. I don't know what!

Phew

I went to the mall with Michael for an orchestra thing. An ensemble played, and we had gift wrapping for donations. After we got home we made the dump run. I am still pretty damn sick, however and now I am exhausted. So I am back in my jammies and going to plan restful things to do, which include a nap, I hope. It's hard to be hyper and guilt-driven and be sick.

Here's my list for today:
Volunteer at orchestra fund raiser
Dump
wash dishes
Do one load of laundry
watch a movie
read 100 pages of "The Distinguished Guest"
Start making the next thing.... maybe a scarf, so I can knit in bed.
Clean all my stuff off of table and change tablecloth.

So there - not a lot of work. Just a couple of normal maintenance tasks. I would also like to write a letter or start addressing envelopes for the as yet unwritten holiday letter, but I am not ambitious enough to put them on the list. Maybe if I don't get to sleep I will be bored enough to get them accomplished even without the list.

I'll return and report later. My next thing is to go get my bed nice and cozy and lie down and read for a while in a heated room. This fifty-five degree shit is making me crazy.

Friday, December 12, 2008

Left work early.

I felt worse the longer I was there. Gillian encouraged me to leave and go home so finally I gave in.

I worked really hard while I was there and tried to help Leah get caught up on the Public Notices. She works so hard and it seems like they giver her more and more to do all the time.

I left about 3:30, went to the store on the way home, got home, ate and was in bed watching a movie by 5:00. I think I fell asleep about 6:00 and slept until Michael came home about 7:00. I just had a snack, took Day 2 of my antibiotic and I'm watching TV and playing computer. I think I am going to take a couple of pain pills and some cough syrup and watch more TV/movies until sleep hits again. The pain and pressure in my face and head is incredibly bad. I could tell last weekend that it wasn't just the sinuses in my forehead, like usual, that it was down into the cavities in my cheeks, and they are what hurts the most right now. It didn't even help when I took a steamy shower this morning. Usually that helps when my sinuses are so bad.

Ow. Whine and moan.

But I am happy today for: soft tissues. Even with the nice ones, under my nose is SO sore. I can't imagine life without them!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Still Sick .

I went to the dr. and am officially diagnosed with two types of head infections! Ear and sinus. No pneumonia, but he gave me some of that life-giving cough syrup anyway.

Katie dropped Michael at cello because I was still at the dr. I went to the mall and got my meds and also still managed to walk to the food court to get my Thursday Chick-Fil-A. It was a VERY slow walk today, however. I am going to mess around online just a little longer - have to see if anybody makes a Scrabble move - and then go get horizontal and cozy under my comforter.

Happy today for modern medicine.

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Sickly.

So I am going to bed.

Last year after a cold like this, I suddenly had deadly pneumonia. I am trying to avoid this.

So like a rich person with a live-in nanny, I have sent Katie to take Michael and attend his concert so I can lie about and watch movies and sip ice water, which will morph into ginger ale after Katie and Michael arrive home. See, you can also ask nannies to run errands.

Amber asked recently who the heck is Katie. If I feel better tomorrow I will relate my history with Katie. She really IS a nanny, AND she really did nanny for me for both children. I just never paid her, so I always called her my "Pseudo-Nanny."

Happy today for: Gillian brought me lunch, Katie being a good friend and nanny, making it through the workday without death. Now that I am back on commission sick days are only in case of desperation or death.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Wow.

So of course the IT people couldn't get the phones set up for the call rotation properly. I was the only one on call rotation. By 3:30 when they got it fixed Leah said I had 45 incoming calls and had managed to answer 41. I didn't take ads with all of those, we transfer a lot to circulation, editorial etc... because Classifieds phone number is easier to find for many people. I also processed several "Classifieds Plus" ads (our "overflow" service, when I did NOT get the calls), did several Sheriff's sale public notices because Sue is on vacation AND waited on about 10 people at the counter WHILE I AM SICK! So I am SO tired. I have done intentional movement three days in a row, but I want to be done writing by 8:00, in my jammies and then I am going to watch "The Biggest Loser" and work on dishes during commercials.

Erin and Kim and Kathy did a thing on Facebook where you write 16 things about yourself. I am going to try that, but I am going to do it here because I don't know how personal I will get. I am trying to think of things I have never mentioned before. If it's not too close to the heart I will post it on Facebook.

I started it at work today, but didn't have time to do more than two. I emailed them home and I am going to copy and paste them to start out so they will look funny - it always seems to when I copy and paste here!

1) I have a lot of anxiety, but I try not to let it affect my life too negatively. For example, one Thursday night as I ate my Chick-Fil-A in the mall food court I realized I was sitting under a HUMONGOUS 10,000 pound chandelier. The idea of it falling on me made me really nervous. I was able to repress that anxiety and stay in the seat under the chandelier until I was finished eating. I do plan for the future, however, to sit on the edges of the food court so I am not underneath it again.

2) I really like having long fingernails. I think this is because my mother bites her very badly, to where they are around an eighth to a quarter inch long and her nail beds are chewed and often sore and stuff. She has been trying to stop for her entire life and just never been able to do it. My grandma Pechin, on the other hand (har!), had beautiful, long nails that she kept immaculately manicured and painted in bright colors. I always envied her beautiful nails. I bit my nails until ninth grade and then I was able to stop.

3) I have become more materialistic this year. Sometimes in my life I have lived more frugally than others. This last year or two has been really forced frugality. I have no credit to use, even if I wanted to. I have usually been really happy with the simple things in life, but suddenly I feel like I am dying for a digital camera, a new couch, airplane tickets, nicer clothes, new carpet or floors and other home improvements, CDs, DVDs, and all kinds of stuff that we have done without. Stuff for Michael and Emily too. I think I am just tired of it. And stuff like making sure Michael can still have cello lessons means no digital camera $70 = 2 cello lessons or a camera. I go for the lessons. Even then his teacher wants him to go to a longer lesson at $50 a pop. Sigh... less stuff for me. Maybe I am getting selfish!

4) I have eating disorders. Most noted being simply compulsive over eating. I can also binge, however. I also have temptation, but have resisted it to purge by using laxatives and throwing up. I'm lucky I hate to throw up. I probably couldn't resist if it didn't bother me. Intellectually, I know and understand very well EXACTLY what my food choices should be and why. I am very well read in nutrition, have taken THREE series of classes for diabetics or food/ eating disorders, had personal consultations with dietitians all to no avail. There is something psychologically wrong with me that make me somehow want to stay fat and make my food choices according to that instead of with my intelligence. Of course all that makes me feel worse, then I feel like eating more because I have low self-esteem, then I get fatter.... vicious cycle.

5) I really, really like my children. They are great people and I think we have really good relationships. Sometimes that makes it almost harder to parent because we have different boundaries, maybe.

6) Speaking of children... I resent Michael's vegetarianism a little bit. When he made the choice I told him I wouldn't cook especially for him, but would try to make sure there are always alternate protein choices available. But you know what - I end up cooking for him all the time. Even simple things like not mixing the tuna in the macaroni and cheese, or only making salmon for myself when he's gone, because I know it was his favorite, or ALWAYS making veggie lasagna instead of meat. I have always tried to have vegetarian options when I host parties, out of respect for my friends' choices, but you know what... no vegetarian is ever going to say, "Gee Hope is coming for dinner, and she loves steak or chicken, we should buy one and cook it up for her," because they think their choice is the RIGHT one for whatever reason, so meat eaters (I) don't deserve any special treatment because the meat eaters are WRONG, and probably comitting a crime gainst the environment or animal welfare or both.

7) I hate a lot of jazz. I like mellow jazz with good vocals. Our show that I planned with Janiece Jaffe was amazing, but I HATE HATE HATE that kind of instrumental jazz where the musicians take turns improvising and each piece takes over half an hour. I'd rather binge eat and throw up repeatedly than listen to that.

8) I love opals. It is the "real" birthstone for October, and they also represent the characteristic of HOPE. I just love that and also their beauty. Someday I would love to have a really really beautiful firey opal in a sterling silver ring. One of the women at work heard me talking about this one day. She gave me a little set of stud earrings, each with a pretty firely, but small, round opal. They are set in gold so I can't wear them, but someday I would like a jeweler to maybe design a ring for me and use those opals.

9) I like my name too. I can't imagine having a name that tons of other people have. I love that it is meaningful and I feel that hope is a characteristic I try to embrace and display. Can you believe I named my children the most common names for each of their genders when I feel this way? I should have Sunshine Marie and Courage Nicholas or something.

10) I love my bed. There is almost no other place I would rather be. I like to keep my room clean and think of my room and my bed as a total sanctuary. Every day when I have to get out of my bed it is a struggle (It was REALLY hard when I was depressed). Often, the first words I say every day are, "Oh shit." No kidding.

11) I am VERY liberal in most of my thinking. I couldn't explain why if you asked me. I just am. I usually don't talk politics because I have no logic, no explanations, no way to express it verbally. I just want everyone happy and healthy and cared for and that's all I know.

12) I love Christmas. I love most of the music, the decorations, gift wrapping, gift giving, special foods, traditions, all of it. I think I have six Christmas trees in my house - only one large That is part of the reason I refuse to start celebrating until after Thanksgiving. I think if you do it for three months, it's just not special. I want it to be rare and special. This year I am a little sad because of my newly formed materialism. I would like to buy good gifts for people, but even though it's not an official rule this year it is probably a secondhand/ used Christmas again.

13) I don't like dogs. I don't like the barking. I don't like their smell. I don't like how you have to take care of them. Every once in a while when I get to know a dog and it's "personality" I will get to like one, but it takes a long time and I still wouldn't want to take care of one. And funny - I used to hate poodles the most, thinking of them as little yip yip dogs. One day, however, I saw a Standard poodle sproinging around and just loved the way it looked. So I am kind of fascinated by poodles now.

14) I like Hello Kitty (but please don't send Hello Kitty gifts to me). Her face is so simple and plain and innocent that it is just super appealing to me.

15) My favorite color is blue.

16) I like to use things until they wear out. I mean really, really wear out. I will wear a shirt for years, even after it gets stained I will wear it for pajamas until it is shredded. I realized that this is why my garage sales are always failures. So now I put everything on Freecyle or donate it to Opportunity House where if it is too worn out they will throw it away.

Happy today for: The one little break I got where I got off my ass, went to Dollar General and bought three packs of cloth napkins for ninety cents a pack and a tablecloth for $1.80. They were considered "Thanksgiving," but they're just plain green, no turkeys or pilgrims or anything. Maybe that's another thing I should have mentioned above. I am a little obsessed with tablecloths... I have MANY, and I like to have matching ones for my different size tables for when I have parties.

Monday, December 8, 2008

Sore throat.

Tired, achey. Can't call in sick tomorrow because everybody else moved to Bedford today. And we're not set up well enough yet for me to test what happens if I am not there. So unless I am damn near dead tomorrow it's off to work I go.

So short and sweet.

Today I am am happy for: going to the grocery store. TWO containers of grape tomatoes AND some pretty good looking tomatoes on the vine.

Not only do I love tomatoes, I need to get my electrolytes back in balance. I'm having cramps again. Ow.

Sunday, December 7, 2008

Missions Accomplished?

Here's what I want to accomplish today:
Finish reading "Pay It Forward." Done.
Go to church, maybe. Done. It was up to 18 degrees on the way to church, then I had to park two blocks away and walk. Whine.
Go to store. Done.
Bake cheesecake. Done.
Wrap two more Christmas gifts. Done. I actually wrapped everything I have ready.
Begin knitting Baby Erica's (Katie's charge) hat (started, I'm not sure if I like the yarn)
Do two miles of exercise videos. # 1 6:07 # 2 7:31 + walked to church 2 blocks!
Eat at least 20 grams of fiber. Well Fitday says I am up to 17. I suppose I could go eat a bunch of celery, but I am going to bank on the fact that I put a WHOLE bunch of carrots, celery and onions in my chicken noodle soup I made, and very few noodles. I used little stars! I made homemade chicken and stars soup! Aren't I cute?
Clean out refrigerator. Done.
Start one additional Christmas gift project, that shall probably not be mentioned on this site until after the actual holiday has passed. Oops. haven't done this yet! Maybe I will still get it started tonight, or at least assemble my materials.
Stop by newpsaper office and pick up a Sunday paper and Michael's gift that is on my desk. Done.
Pick up mail. Done.
If I have time I would like to watch another movie, but reading the book will take priority today.
Try for that pedicure again. I'd really rather wait and see if I can convince Renee to barter for one and have it done for me. I'm sure she'd take a cheesecake, but I usually make her one for her birthday anyway which is next month. Maybe I'll get double ingredients while I am shopping, just in case. Talked to Renee. Tuesday at 8:00. She's thinking about what she'd like in trade. So, sort of done.

What to do, what to do...

I have some things I want to accomplish today that will require LEAVING THE HOUSE. Problem is, it's about TEN DEGREES outside. I am supposed to bake a cheesecake for work, however, and don't have all the ingredients. I am trying to decide if going to church will help motivate me to leave the house or if it will make it harder because I will go out, go to church, and then have to go out in the cold a second time. I haven't been to church in a few weeks, however, and I kind of miss it.

Here's what I want to accomplish today:
Finish reading "Pay It Forward."
Go to church, maybe.
Go to store.
Bake cheesecake.
Wrap two more Christmas gifts.
Begin knitting Baby Erica's (Katie's charge) hat
Do two miles of exercise videos.
Eat at least 20 grams of fiber.
Clean out refrigerator.
Start one additional Christmas gift project, that shall probably not be mentioned on this site until after the actual holiday has passed.
Stop by newpsaper office and pick up a Sunday paper and Michael's gift that is on my desk.
Pick up mail.
If I have time I would like to watch another movie, but reading the book will take priority today.
Try for that pedicure again. I'd really rather wait and see if I can convince Renee to barter for one and have it done for me. I'm sure she'd take a cheesecake, but I usually make her one for her birthday anyway which is next month. Maybe I"ll get double ingredients while I am shopping, just in case.

Damn. Look at all that stuff that requires going out in the cold! I am going to check what the temperature is in Santa Fe. Okay - yeah, It's SIX degrees here and 34 in Santa Fe, with an expected high of 54. Sigh... Maybe it will be up to ten degrees when it's time to leave for church and errands. I can only hope...

Saturday, December 6, 2008

Complete knitting one hat. Done. (Katie's, supposed to be for Christmas, but she said yesterday she lost her current hat!)
Watch one movie. Done.
Do at least three miles of "Walk Away the Pounds" #1 5:07, #2 6:52 #3 Nope.
One load of laundry. Done.
Change table cloth. Done.
Sweep floor (Swiffer?) Done.
Wrap one Christmas gift. Did TWO!
Finish "The Milagro Beanfield War" Done.
Start the next book. Done. I chose "Pay It Forward"
Take Christmas tree tub into the garage. Done.
Pedicure. Moving to tomorrow.
Change fish tank water. Done.

Copy of a post on my women's bulletin Board:

I used to be TOTALLY dedicated to "intentional movement" (exercise). I have lost it and become almost completely sedentary. Today I set a goal to do three miles of my videos. I have completed one. I don't know if I will make all three considering what time of day it already is (after 5pm) and what my activity level is, but I feel great about accomplishing at least one!

I want to get back to where I was when I felt really good, which needs I need to lose about 35 pounds. I'd also like to be able to drop some of my meds and weight loss should help that.

I hate to admit it, but I also believe intentional movement helps my mental health. It increases my sense of well-being which decreases my anxiety and helps me sleep better at night.

I wish all these things could happen without it. I really don't enjoy it at all.

Happy today for: Fitday.com. I am going to start using it again. It was a useful tool the last time I was dedicated to improving my activity level and diet.

Oh My!

I watched "Stranger Than Fiction." It is an absolutely fabulous movie. Reminiscent of "Adaptation" in the mix of writing/life. I liked that one a lot too. I knitted a lot while I watched so my hat is almost done, too. The goal to knit a lot today was why I chose that movie, rather than "Volver" I can't knit and read subtitles....

I have done a lot of the household tasks also. Still need to exercise and finish the other stuff. I just felt so strongly about the movie I wanted to mention it right away.

Still headachey and sinusy. I wish it would go away.

It's Snowing!

Haha! Did you think I am excited? Well guess what! I HATE SNOW. I HATE WINTER. All the bags of trash in my garage are going to stay one more week because I am not leaving the house today - not unless I get some kind of invitation that includes LOTS of sex AND money.

So: Saturday list:

Complete knitting one hat.
Watch one movie.
Do at least three miles of "Walk Away the Pounds"
One load of laundry
Change table cloth
Sweep floor (Swiffer?)
Wrap one Christmas gift.
Finish "The Milagro Beanfield War"
Start the next book
Take Christmas tree tub into the garage.
Pedicure
Change fish tank water.

I got a good start on the day by waking up and showering right away. My head and sinuses are so messed up I needed a good steam. That reminds me I need to keep a pan of water on the stove today and get it more humid in here.

Now the dreaded task of deciding which movie I will watch today.

Friday, December 5, 2008

Happy today:

For PAY DAY!

I need to put away the dinner stuff, and then I think I am going to go to bed.

I talked to Pat earlier today and said I felt like doing something mellow tonight, but now I am already in my jammies! Too late Patrick J!

I feel like I haven't been warm enough in weeks. It's warm in this room, but the rest of the house is freezing. If I go out and finish the dinner dishes and put the food away I will freeze. I'm sick of being frugal., I want to put the thermostat at 65 like normal people. :(

Pictures:




Christmas Tree and Bath salt display.

Thursday, December 4, 2008

Bath Salts

I made a bunch of bath salts to take to the work "Craft Show" tomorrow where I hope to sell them. I will price them very low so they will be more likely to sell. I am also pleased to say that EVERY jar I used was reclaimed and repurposed. Some from the dump trading post, others I have just saved throughout the year. SOme of the lids are still drying - spray painted them silver. In the morning I plan to make a pretty display and take a picture. I just have to get up early enough to make it happen.

Happy today for: a little walk at lunch even though it was too damn cold. Heather gave me two more pedometers to try and the one I tried today I thought was working because every time I checked it was a higher number of steps. Then I checked it again when I got home and it said FIVE. Sigh.... I know I have become more sedentary and I would like to have concrete goals. The time goal thing isn't working for me right now.
1.Started your own blog
2. Slept under the stars
3. Played in a band
4. Visited Hawaii
5. Watched a meteor shower
6. Given more than you can afford to charity
7. Been to Disneyland
8. Climbed a mountain
9. Held a praying mantis
10. Sang a solo
11. Bungee jumped
12. Visited Paris
13. Watched a lightning storm at sea
14. Taught yourself an art from scratch
15. Adopted a child
16. Had food poisoning
17. Walked to the top of the Statue of Liberty
18. Grown your own vegetables
19. Seen the Mona Lisa in France
20. Slept on an overnight train
21. Had a pillow fight
22. Hitch hiked
23. Taken a sick day when you’re not ill
24. Built a snow fort
25. Held a lamb
26. Gone skinny dipping
27. Run a Marathon
28. Ridden in a gondola in Venice
29. Seen a total eclipse
30. Watched a sunrise or sunset
31. Hit a home run.
32. Been on a cruise
33. Seen Niagara Falls in person
34. Visited the birthplace of your ancestors
35. Seen an Amish community
36. Taught yourself a new language
37. Had enough money to be truly satisfied
38. Seen the Leaning Tower of Pisa in person
39. Gone rock climbing
40. Seen Michelangelo’s David
41. Sung karaoke
42. Seen Old Faithful geyser erupt
43. Bought a stranger a meal at a restaurant
44. Visited Africa
45. Walked on a beach by moonlight
46. Been transported in an ambulance
47. Had your portrait painted
48. Gone deep sea fishing
49. Seen the Sistine Chapel in person
50. Been to the top of the Eiffel Tower in Paris
51. Gone scuba diving or snorkeling
52. Kissed in the rain
53. Played in the mud
54. Gone to a drive-in theater
55. Been in a movie
56. Visited the Great Wall of China
57. Started a business
58. Taken a martial arts class
59. Visited Russia
60. Served at a soup kitchen
61. Sold Girl Scout Cookies
62. Gone whale watching
63. Got flowers for no reason
64. Donated blood, platelets or plasma
65. Gone sky diving
66. Visited a Nazi Concentration Camp
67. Bounced a check
68. Flown in a helicopter
69. Saved a favorite childhood toy
70. Visited the Lincoln Memorial
71. Eaten Caviar
72. Pieced a quilt
73. Stood in Times Square
74. Toured the Everglades
75. Been fired from a job
76. Seen the Changing of the Guards in London
77. Broken a bone.
78. Been on a speeding motorcycle
79. Seen the Grand Canyon in person
80. Published a book
81. Visited the Vatican
82. Bought a brand new car
83. Walked in Jerusalem
84. Had your picture in the newspaper
85. Read the entire Bible
86. Visited the White House
87. Killed and prepared an animal for eating
88. Had chickenpox
89. Saved someone’s life
90. Sat on a jury
91. Met someone famous
92. Joined a book club
93. Lost a loved one
94. Had a baby
95. Seen the Alamo in person
96. Swam in the Great Salt Lake
97. Been involved in a law suit
98. Owned a cell phone
99. Been stung by a bee
100. Made amends with someone who offended you
101. Flew in a small Cessna plan with just you and the pilot
102. Ran out of gas
103. Eaten fried okra
104. Swam in the Carribbean Sea
105. Peed in a swimming pool
106. Rented a beach house
107. Hosted an exchange student
108. Been a Secret Santa to a family in need
109. Worked on a political campaign
110. Coached a sports team
111. Baked bread from scratch
112. Driven from coast to coast
113. Paid off all of your debt
114. Roast marshmallows over a campfire
115. Cut up a credit card
116. Built a fire without any matches (or lighter!)

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Remember my fondess for Jack Black?

You probably don't know I am also secretly in love with John C. Reilly, despite his lat film with Will Ferrell which I will NEVER watch.

See this:
http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/c0cf508ff8/prop-8-the-musical-starring-jack-black-john-c-reilly-and-many-more-from-fod-team-jack-black-craig-robinson-john-c-reilly-and-rashida-jones

Homos and Jesus and Mormons, oh my!

Michael crashed his bike on the way home tonight. We had to go buy a new light because it broke and he rides to school in the dark, and often rides home after dark. He also hurt his shoulder, to the point where he didn't want to carry stuff with that arm out of Target tonight... I told him I want to look later and see if it is bruised. I suggested he could go to Dr. Karin on Friday and he kind of wants to see if he can get free chiropractic from his other side of the family over the weekend. I think it's worth spending some money if necessary. I'll check for bruising and kind of go from there, and maybe see how he says it feels tomorrow.

Happy today for: steamed carrots, yum. Also the guy at the bike store stayed late to allow Michael and me time to choose a proper light. That was really nice of him!

Tuesday, December 2, 2008

Dentist

He did the same thing he did when the tooth broke and said he didn't want to do anything more dramatic until we try this kind of filling again. I was totally afraid he was going to say it needed a crown. He didn't charge me for the new filling either. My appointment was at three and I could have been back at work by four. I called Kerri, though and she said she was okay and not crazy so I came home. I checked email, made a couple of Scrabble moves and then went to bed and slept until 7:00.

Katie came home and she and Michael made dinner. I finally got up and ate because I was dreaming that I fainted because my blood sugar was too low. I switched a load of laundry and completed the Christmas tree and started a hat while I'm watching "The Biggest Loser" I also opened piles of mail and sorted it out. Yuck.

I am going to finish the laundry and the next hour of the show and then probably head right back to bed. I think after the bad sinus headache yesterday and the dentist thing today I need to rest. I feel so lazy, but that's life. Like I said yesterday, I am going to learn to rest when my body tells me - no more pneumonia, no more flu... I go to the dr. on the 17th and I am going to ask for both shots.

Today I decided that the next episode of "Half-Wit" is going to be called "Teeth."

Happy today for Dr. Whitlock and that I have always provided dental care for my children. Sometimes I just look at Emily and say, "Show me that $4000 smile!" Remember that I had to fight Ed in court and get a court order to get braces on her teeth? Sheesh!

Monday, December 1, 2008

Pumpkin Pies



I cheat and used frozen crusts for these because it is just so much easier to take and deliver them etc. I really can make a lovely pie crust, however. Sometime I will make a good pie and show you. I just hardly ever make pies as usually the cheesecakes are more in demand. Usually in the fall I make at least once an apple pie, and the pumpkin bars and gingerbread cookies. I haven't done as much baking this fall, however. I guess because I have been stressed and overwhelmed. Better to rest when I need to. I do NOT want a redo of last year with months of illness and tons of money to the dr. Especially back on commission. I can't miss any time off work!

Very busy.

Work was so, so hard today. It was the first day of our new assignments with the rearranging and blah blah blah. SO Gillian is physically in my area now, which is nice. Her specialty is still inside sales/ special projects. Stacey is not answering phone rotation, because she is now part of Inside Sales, rather than Classifieds. Her specialty is display recruitment and she will also make outgoing calls to sell that. Christie and Kerri still have not moved to Bedford - that is supposed to happen next week. The phone and computer systems have not been transferred yet. So today, after many businesses has a four day weekend Kerri and I were the only ones on phone rotation, because Christie is still holiday traveling. SO we had a gazillion calls and a lot of ads to process that were placed online over the weekend. I also didn't feel well. The pressure change made not just the sinuses in my forehead hurt, but the ones all the way into my cheekbones. So through it all I was drugged on Mucinex and Excedrin and still hurting. I came home and slept on lunch and ended up taking an extra half an hour where poor Kerri had to be the only one on phones for an hour and a half. I really need to make something nice for her!

I was so tired after work. I did not feel like cooking at all. Katie came home and we were all starving so she chopped up all the veggies and started them cooking and then I finished up the easy part of a nice cream of vegetable soup. It was a good night for warm soup! Michael and I did work on decorating the Christmas tree while she was chopping and I have worked on it a little more now. It is still not all the way done, but soon. I think all that is left is to put on the icicles and the paper snowflakes. Then I'll take a picture. Katie is still here with her camera. I also took a picture of all my pumpkin pies that I would like to post. I was tempted to go to bed earlier, but I don't want to go to bed too early or I will wake up in the middle of the night and have troubles!

Bad news, the tooth that broke on my birthday - the little part he built on it broke off tonight. I must have swallowed it too, because I don't know what happened to it. So it's back to the dentist for me tomorrow. Tragedy. I bet it is going to need a crown. If that is true, then I will have to wait until after the first of the year when I get new health care money. So tomorrow who knows how long I will have to leave Kerri alone and who knows how many drugs I will have to take. Sigh...

Happy today for laundry machines that make my life easier.

Sunday, November 30, 2008

What a trip.

Three hours to Lafayette and three hours back. We saw five or six accidents on the way there and I saw two accidents and someone stuck in the median on the way back. There was snow on the ground up north, but the roads were honestly only wet. People just go too damn fast when they ought to be cautious. I always say, "The speed limit is 65 when it's a sunny, dry day. That doesn't mean you have to go 65 when it is raining, foggy and dark!"

Happy notes - we also spotted two hawks in th trees on the way there and on the way home I spotted two in trees and two that swooped in front of my car - one so close that I was afraid I would hit it and in the fragment of a second worried that it was big enough to break my windshield. I also went under an airplane by the airport. Those are the silly, happy things about my trip.

I guess another happy thing about it was that Emily and I had a great time and we were able to talk and laugh about our (or my) psycho-ness yesterday. We can fight and bitch like you wouldn't believe but we ALWAYS end up laughing at each other and ourselves later.

Right now she is deciding about Christmas. Mandy's father invited her up there for the holidays and she is seriously considering going. I will be sad if she goes up there and asked her if she did if they would consider coming down here for New Year's. So we will see. I know that this is part of the children growing up. Also if I move 2000 miles away like I would like to do that there will be plenty of years I will end up celebrating holidays without Emily and Michael around, depending on where she gets a job, where he goes to school, who lives with whom, who gets married and all that.

So a LON, LONG day in the car, but a good day, overall. Christmas tree is assembled and lights and garlands are on, but it is up to Michael and me and maybe Katie, depending when we do it to complete the decorating. I'll try to get a picture when it's done. Last year we used only our homemade ornaments with a couple of exceptions. This year I think I want to do the whole shebang. We shall see.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Hard Night...

Emily and I got bitchy with each other at the gift wrap thing. I wanted to decorate the Christmas tree when we got home and she came in the bedroom and shut the door. I ended up getting upset and going to bed for a couple of hours. I probably needed it anyway. I realized I haven't taken any medicine or had any water today. That is probably behind a lot of my bitchiness. I hadn't eaten too badly, but had no protein. I checked my sugar when I got out of bed and it was 172, which is really high for me lately. So I just ate a big chunk of turkey and some tomatoes and now I am going to take my medicine.

I am going to get stuff picked up in Katie's room because we have been using it over the weekend, but I think she's coming here tonight. then I want to try to watch the rest of that movie and see what's eating people in New York. Emily said she'd try to get her stuff together tonight so we can decorate the tree in the morning before we go up north.

I still feel cranky and tired and somewhat emotional. I hate it when I am like this. Sometimes i just feel like I spend so much time taking care of everybody else's needs. I try to make sure everybody is fed, then I clean up, then take them where they need to go... by then it's time to feed them and clean up again. I need to quit spoiling my children, who are really big enough to take care of themselves. I am doing some serious thinking about Christmas. I might go on strike for cooking and cleaning again. I did it last year and Heather did most of the cooking. Problem with doing it is that if I go on strike, I have to be willing to accept other people's standards and not be psycho if things aren't the way I would do them. That is maybe harder on me mentally than just doing all the (or most of the) cooking and cleaning myself. I kind of have to choose between one or the other. I wish I could not be so psycho and be like a normal person. :(

Saturday list:

Clean kitchen AGAIN, as usual!
Dump.
Get Katie's room ready for her again, including washing bedding.
Get Christmas tree assembled so we can decorate it tomorrow.
Gift wrap at Border's for orchestra 4 - 6:00.
Finish watching the movie from last night - I fell asleep.

I'd also like to do assorted stuff like start the next knitting project, work on the bath salts, think about Christmas, etc. I don't have any money to go shopping, but I need to think about the things I am going to make and what materials I still need etc. I'd also like to write a couple of notes or cards. Gillian really made my birthday pleasant this year and I haven't properly thanked her. Jennifer had a birthday this week and I meant to get a real card to her and on time... well, you know how I suck at the on time thing. Also I really want to play Rack-O with Emily.

That's about it. I don't want to do too much today. I have been fighting headaches for about three or four days and I have to be well enough to drive up to West Lafayette and back tomorrow. I hope we can decorate the tree tomorrow before we take Emily back to school.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Ahhh.... Sweet relief.







I really do love my family, but I was stressed over this holiday. I am glad to have it just be me and Emily tonight and Michael is already in bed. Katie is in Indy for the night. Emily wants to watch a scary movie tonight, which I am not sure about.

Going to post some pictures. Night of Dance, with Emily and Many. Miss Kitty Fantastico in her Halloween costume. Food pictures from thanksgiving. My Halloween wreath. Tonight I turned it into Christmas. I'll take a picture of it tomorrow. With the new computer Emily can just take the memory card out of her camera and stick it in the computer and load in the pictures I want.

Michael and I went downtown to the lighting ceremony for the "Canopy of Lights." I was really stressed before we went and then I calmed down when we got there. We got there in time for the Carol singing and Santa and the lighting. Then we went into the courthouse and looked at the giant Christmas tree and then into Fountain Square Mall to see the decor in there. We also went to The Inner Chef, our favorite kitchen store. David, the owner, had been working all day and was about to drop dead from exhaustion. He was still so nice to us. He is always so kind and answers all our questions, even though we can never afford stuff from his store. if I ever decide to drop serious money on knives I will definitely do it at his store.

Now pictures:

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Also happy...

I basically got a new computer. Katie's roommate, John was supposed to take my computer and clean it up and send it back so it would be faster. Instead I ended up with a new computer. I went from 128 MB of ram to 512. It's much faster.

He said he imported all my bookmarks which has proven to be false. I haven't checked all my documents yet. I hope they're all there! I'd hate to lose another book, or portions thereof.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the Christmas season for us. I am so excited.

YAY!

Tired:

Watching "Atonement" with Emily, getting ready to eat some leftovers.

Happy today for a day off work. a cozy nap.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Well, that was new!

A new chapter in the pie baking chronicles.

I spilled a bunch of the filling of one pie all over the inside of the oven door. It smelled good as it quickly cooked to the inside of the oven door. Forget that start at 425 degrees part because I am sure the oven lost fifty degrees as I stood there washing it off. Oh well, they will bake anyway, and they will taste good in the end, and that's what matters. One pie will be a little flatter than the others... maybe those people can have extra Cool Whip!

I'm glad to have a day alone to bake my pies. Only one visitor I want and he probably can't come over. Pout.

After my irritability last night I decided I'd better check my drug supply and called in refills for the anti-anxiety drugs. I don't know when I will get to the store to pick them up, however, in the middle of all the pie baking and getting ready to go to the show tonight and the other things I hope to do to make tomorrow easier. I may have to just CALM DOWN (haha!) and take it as it goes, and if something doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be. I also need to remember there are LOTS of other grown up people who will be here and they can help. In that case I just have to be calm enough to accept if something is not done exactly as I like. That's almost as hard as doing it all by myself.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Tonight

I had one of my VERY IRRITABLE NIGHTS. I had to run away from home for a while so that nobody was harmed. No matter how nice anybody would have been to me, nothing would have been enough. So I left and went to Wendy's and had chili and sat and read my book until it was time for the Biggest Loser to start. Even then, I hid in my bed in the fetal position for about an hour before anybody dared knock on my door. I was also irritable at work today and so frustrated with some of the piles that I hadn't sorted out that Kerri came over and took a pile of crap and got rid of it for me. You know how I like it when everything is all caught up and organized and filed and complete. It has been the opposite of that for about three weeks and I need to get it fixed. I am working Friday and it will probably be slow, so that will probably be my time. Then after work was a diabetes education refresher class. My A1C went up from September (6.0) to 6.2 tonight. I know I have been binge eating and I have GOT to get it back under control. I also knew they would tell us we need to have some kind of "strategy" for coping with the holidays and it almost made me puke when those exact words were used.

Tomorrow is pie baking day and then, in the evening, THE LION KING!!! I can't wait. Even the little lion King show at the animal Kingdom Park made me cry. I will probably bawl my way through the entire show. I am so happy I spent that money. Definitely not frugal, but it stimulated the economy, right?

I am happy today for Ativan, definitely Ativan.