An evening walk

 Craig and I went for an evening walk after dinner.... 

On the way down the street we heard two owls hooting back and forth to each other, one very low pitch, one higher. On the way back we could hear where they were... I led the way across the neighbor's grass toward the trees lining the golf course view.... as we grew closer the large bird flew down from one branch to the other...a few more steps and it took off from its perch toward a companion... what a sight!

Another few houses toward home in the pinkish purple-ish sunset sky a bright meteor made me jump and turn immediately to Craig, who was also startled and starting to talk..."I saw it too!" I blurted. "What a walk!" Craig said, "we heard and tracked an owl and saw it, then saw a meteor so bright we could see it in basically a daytime sky."

Our view as we walked toward the end of the street, hearing the owls. 

This is the direction and how bright the sky was when we saw the meteor.

The evening view toward our house.

30 Days of Gratitude #29 and 30

#29 is texture. WHAT?! Who is grateful for a texture? I guess I am grateful for the texture of fuzzy fleece. Once I am home for the day I love to put on soft, fuzzy, fleece clothing.

#30 Color... well, I really do love the color blue, in all kinds of shades. I guess my favorite is kind of a royal blue. I dream of the day when I have a blue car. I am tired of white cars, but when one is buying used or discounted one does not get to choose. I have seen a couple of cars in the color below....

It looks a little brighter outside than this picture shows. I'd really like to have something this color some day. Of course, I have a car that is less than a year old (this one is silver, a step up from white) and I swear I am going to drive it AT LEAST ten years, so it will be a while, LOL!

30 Days of Gratitude #27

#27 Touch.... I don't have much to say about it - probably freshly laundered sheets, especially after a night shower.

30 Days of gratitude #21

21 Hobby... well I already wrote about my knitting looms and I certainly love to make and give away hats... I think my second favorite hobby is gift wrapping. I LOVE picking out gifts for people. I try very hard to choose gifts that are beautiful and useful or otherwise much desired. I love to wrap them nicely too! Maybe some hand printed gift wrap, maybe a theme that matches the gift, maybe reusing some materials in a cool way to avoid making more waste. I am going to take a few minutes before we do our French lesson to find a couple of photos.

30 Days of Gratitude #19

#19 Sounds - I like the sound of rain. Our house has a screen room and it is a lovely place to sit when it is raining and warm outside. There are trees and bushes all around, so it isn't just the sound of rain on the roof; it is also dripping from leaf to leaf and it is really beautiful.

30 Days of Gratitude # 17 and 18

#17 Skill... My favorite skill is baking. There is a lot to it that is just following recipes and knowing the chemistry of cooking, but I think it takes real skill, and maybe another gift, to know what flavors go together, when to stay basic and when to go fancy, and also having patience.

#18 Knowledge ... I really love having the knowledge of good spelling. I think it has helped me succeed in many things that I have done.

30 days of gratitude Day 12

Day 12 is clothing. Do shoes count as clothing? I've had so many foot problems and foot pain over the years. I am grateful for SANDALS. I found a really comfortable type of sandals. The brand has several styles and colors. They are kind of fake Birkenstock style shoes. An eight and a half fits me perfectly. Also they are not expensive. I spent about fifteen dollars on each pair that I have! They aren't very dressy, but I don't have much occasion to really dress nicely. Even on cruises that we have gone on, they have been nice enough for me to feel pretty AND pretty comfortable!

  I found a photo of one pair. I also have black, brown, and tan in similar styles. I also have some pretty floral ones in a not-quite-so-practical style. I am one my second pair of black ones and I think I will need a new pair of white next summer.

30 Days of Gratitude # 8 & 9

# 8 Something new. Well.... I have many new things in my life: people, places, job, clothes, car, items... and it might be hard to choose!

I guess my favorite new actual *thing* not person, place , or situation, is my car. I bought it before I moved away from Bloomington. I knew I was going to quit my job and soon be unemployed, and coming from a shaky credit history in the past, adding unemployed to it, would not work. In preparation for moving up north to the land of ice and snow I bought a little Ford Eco-Sport. It is four wheel drive and rides higher than my past few cars. Also, it is NOT WHITE, as my last three have been. It still isn't blue, like a dream car would be for me, but "moonlight silver" and I'll take it!

#9 Recipe - this is a hard one! You know I love cooking and baking and I have some favorite recipes I use over and over again. I guess my favorite "recipe" is the basic thing that I have altered over and over again to make different flavors of cheesecakes. For every eight ounces of cream cheese, 1 egg and 1/3 cup of sugar. There, that's it. Use whatever crust you want and then add flavoring, varying between melted chocolate or white chocolate, lemon, vanilla, pumpkin, fruit, or extracts and that is the secret to making different flavors of cheesecake. I guess one has to be careful to not add too much "stuff" so it will still bake up and set right, and that is maybe where my experience comes in handy - knowing how the texture should be and how much you can add and still come up with a yummy cheesecake.

Things I need to do, updated:

from post of October 10:


but seem overwhelming:

Get the computer out of the trunk of the car

Take all the pictures, cookies, and crap OFF the computer

Sell/Donate the computer

Sort out more family photos/pare down to MY OWN, and maybe one other container

Pare down more craft supplies - one container?

Clean out the bedroom closet (doing the above will help)

Get rid of the non-working dryer

Sewing machine: Repair Singer? Test the White? get down to ONE WORKING MACHINE

Get rid of the non-working dryer has been completed!

I think the next task to tackle will be to take the Singer to the shop and see how much it will be to repair.

Going Gray...

Gone Gray


I could have written this. I should have written this.

I need to go back and look at photos. I can't remember when I stopped dyeing and cut it all off. I think sometime when I lived with Kathy. It's been about a year and a half, I guess and my hair is back to shoulder length. I am starting to feel more comfortable with it. I am talking on the phone to a new guy I met online and I told him I have gray hair, instead of saying "brown." I did say it is kind of long, because even though I like short hair, long hair is always my default. I am too lazy to go get it cut all the time and have to worry about it, plus for food prep it is nice to have it long enough for a ponytail.

September 2016

March 2017

So sometime in between these two....... My "official" headshot was October 2016, when I was in the "Resilience" play...

So I guess, really after this.... 

I remember that I had already stopped dyeing it before this picture and the photographer touched up my roots in my part!

This all strikes me as a trivial distraction from the discouraging social ills of the day and it feels shameful to write about it, but I keep telling myself that life goes on and that everyday keeps happening every day, even with the threat of treasonous fascism hanging over our heads.  

The Perils of Penelope...

This might as well be the Housecleaning of Hope.... even my dream in my last post was about housecleaning...

So I have maybe two months left in this apartment if I decide to move away from Bloomington. I have all the stuff out in the car ready to go to Opportunity House. It's about two weeks until Britt and Sierra are going to come visit for a couple of days, and I may let someone pay a few bucks to use the extra room for a week after that. Here are some photos of my sweet little apartment. I just realized that there aren't any of my bedroom. I took these for the person who may stay here in July, so my bedroom isn't part of the deal. I really do like this little place and if I stay in Bloomington I will stay here another year. I think it was built in the late 60s to early 70s so not just my furniture, but everything is authentic mid-century modern, LOL!

Post every day...

In 2018 I am going to try to post every day even if it's one line. While I was with Emily over the weekend she mentioned that she does a one-line journal. I've done it before where I needed to post something I was grateful for every day and this time I'm not necessarily planning to make it a gratitude post but at least something. I do have some vacations planned and I'm a little bit worried about posting while I am away from internet, but I will try to either record a memo on my phone that I can transcribe into the blog or to make a written entry that I can transcribe. Today I do want to mention that I am really grateful for a safe drive home. It is so cold that if an accident or flat tire or something had occurred it would be physically dangerous to take care of any issues and I'm glad that no issues arose. Also the moon was so beautiful that it was just an incredible sight. In my bed now, so ready to sleep. I did not sleep well over the weekend.

Meditative Writing Prompt

Well... supposed to be  a meditative writing prompt, but what I learned during those few minutes that we were supposed to be listening to the sounds around us is that I cannot sit the fuck still. My feet twitched, my legs wiggled, my breathing was rough, my neck creaked. I wondered if Kathy and Meg could hear all the things my body was doing instead of being still and listening. I peeked a couple of times and both of them were sitting authoritatively still - their bodies silently controlled by willpower and discipline. I wondered if there was a timer Kathy should have set after she read the prompt. Surely, nobody could be expected to sit THIS long! Even now when I can sit and write my body doesn't like it... YET. I sit on my ass all day at work and feel like it is hard to get up and take a break, I am entertained enough by my tasks or my sneaky online article and social media reading to either make my body be still or it keeps my mind occupied enough that I don't notice each twitch and quiver.

I really think I need this vacation, probably could have done it without the tropical cruise, but time for my body to recharge, purge those tics and twitches, and my mind to really, really listen to the sounds around me.

Goodwill rant

I HATE Goodwill, and that is one of the reasons. I will go there to look when I need something, but it really upsets me that I see stuff still with Target clearance tags on it for sale for higher prices at Goodwill. I really think Goodwill rips off people who don't have money so they don't shop at stores like Target thinking they can't afford stuff. Then it is donated to Goodwill and they sell it at outrageous prices and get all these tax breaks because they hire people with developmental disabilities (and pay them less than a dollar an hour) Gah! and I am ranting right now, but I totally admit that I shop there when I needs stuff and that I will donate there if it is a Sunday and I just have to get crap out of my house NOW.

Deep Thoughts

Thoughts from today:
1) At Goodwill I found a gym bag in the size and shape I want that does NOT advertise a brand name.
2) As I checked out at Goodwill I said I did not need a bag FOR MY BAG and sort of decided that I want to try to go without getting any more (and I mean zip, zilch, nada) single-use plastic bags, BUT: I really like using them as trash bags in my little trash cans throughout the house. I hate putting trash in a can without a liner. It seems gross to me. Does anybody have a solution for that?
3) I also looked at what I think MIGHT be a dehumidifier, but I have never had/used one before. I couldn't even tell if it has all the parts it should. Does anybody have experience with that and want to go to Goodwill with me and look? I've been running my window AC units often, but I still found mold growing on a coat in the closet.
4) Re: gym bag. One more excuse eliminated. Wednesday when I have a plan to eat out and go out to Nell Weatherwax​'s Storyzilla I could go straight from work to the gym and get ready for the evening afterward. Hard part is that I just really HATE never being home all day. I love my little house/home and I want to be here. << (That is in whining font).
5) I seriously purchased a "fatkini." I hoped to have it complete before the 12th when I went to the Indiana Dunes with a group of friends who would have been supportive. I'm not sure if I am a gutsy enough " Women with Guts​" to wear it to a pool or lake without the protection of a large group.

Ten seconds at a time - Kimmy level

Tonight I feel unmotivated to do very much. I'm not surprised. Last week I on Monday and Tuesday I came home and pretty much went to bed after work. I had to do some mustering to get back out of bed and do some things.

Tonight I wasn't that bad. I did go to my usual Monday night gig, but I was glad when it ended early (which is really VERY sad, because that means we didn't have very much food for people who need it). I came home and wasted time until I finally warmed up some leftovers and ate around 9:00.

I did watch the second half of an episode on "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" which I am enjoying. Kimmy was kidnapped by a cultish religious leader who kept her and some other women in an underground bunker for fifteen years (this is fictional, mind you), and now she is trying to make her way back in the world. When she was in the bunker she survived because she broke everything down into ten second increments and took it ten seconds at a time. My usual housework/exercise/odious tasks increments are ten minutes, but tonight I felt like I needed to get down to Kimmy level.

So I went out to the garage and managed to gather my eight things.

(not the stool) The food things are very past expired, the loaf pan is rusted, I haven't opened that container of pasta in YEARS, no kidding. I don't even remember where I got the plant trays. The canister is nice, and a real McCoy vintage, but I have others that I have the lids for. I am going to clean that up and sell it. If it doesn't sell I will donate to Opp House. I will take the plant trays to the Trading Post at the dump and recycle the other stuff appropriately.

I've been having the sleeping/motivation issues, and yes, I know that is a depression thing for me. It is being addressed appropriately, I promise. I will try to sleep and that will help.

Sick.

I have a terrible cold, which started about Tuesday. It has been at its peak this weekend. Both Friday and Saturday K. came over and spent time with me. Friday we watched Zoolander, a goofy movie that made him guffaw. Last night we just snuggled... It got a little intense, which scares him. I finally just told him, "just let me love you and don't worry about it." I feel a little bit worried because he hasn't contacted me today, but then Sunday is not always a day we spend together. I am signed up for the set up shift at the Interfaith Winter Shelter and I am feeling well enough to go. It is not really a shift that has direct contact with clients so I don't have to worry about spreading my germs with a bunch of people who don't have health care.

After I move this load of clothes to the dryer I am going to go rest in bed in preparation for the evening shift. It will be hard to go back to work and work a full shift after all this resting and illness. I only work Monday and Tuesday, then I am off Wednesday and Thursday.... Thursday night I have a shelter shift, back to work on Friday and I start my NEW, SECOND JOB after I get off work at the paper on Friday! More on that later.

Still alive!

I will take an opportunity to post just a smidge. It's very late and I should be in bed, but I want to note my living state online besides Facebook.

I am VERY ready for Eric to move out, and access to this computer unencumbered is one big reason. I have learned that if I do take on a roomer, it needs to be in one room only. I still need access to this room for my computer and to use for the occasional guest.

More soon, I hope.

Still alive, I promise.

It's late though. It took me while to get on here because my cookies needed reset or enabled to baked or something. I managed to do it finally, so here I am!

Eric is gone this weekend so I hope to write some more.

Time flies...

One thing about having Eric live with me is that I can't really write in my blog. I use the computer sometimes, but I have been working on updating and maintaining Hope's Homemades.

There are days when I feel like I have so much to write and then when I don't do it, the ideas fade away.

Here are some logistical updates.

This week I am going to Illinois to see Henry Rollins speak. I saw him a couple of years ago when Garet and I were dating. I was tempted to invite Garet to go with me, but I kept imagining a couple of scenarios. 1) We go together and fight the entire time and we are TRAPPED. 2) We go together and have sex, and then try to get together and I remember why I broke up with him. There was not imagining that we would go together and remember how much we love being together, have mind-blowing, satisfying sex and get back together. Based on the lack of imagining that scenario the invitation never happened. Probably good. Oh, another scenario I keep imagining is that for some reason I meet up with Henry Rollins and WE have mind-blowing, satisfying sex. I think that's my favorite scenario.

I am feeling somewhat depressed. Most mornings when I wake up the first thing I say is, "Fuck! Shit!" because all I want to do is stay in my bed. Mornings that I don't say it out loud I want to just lie there and scream. I am not enjoying my work right now. I really need a break and I hope my trip this week will help. I have what appears to be a fairly nice hotel reserved for Wednesday and Thursday nights. Friday night I will drive back to Indiana and stay the rest of the weekend at Chez Vaughn, and babysit the baybeeze Saturday evening while Lisa and John go to a big wedding.

I'm feeling scattered about writing right now. I am going to go eat some lunch and then try again later.