Friday, February 29, 2008


Went to Women Inspire tonight. Two presenters: a woman who does videography work and specializes in making family history kind of documentaries. Pretty cool. Then this guy (our first male member - tee hee I'm twelve, "Male member!") who talked about two things, his music work as a piano/ voice teacher and composer, very nice and interesting - THEN this at-home shopping service thing which I am very cynical about. It sounds like Amway glorified to me - like a multi -level marketing plan where you get people to sign up below you and earn points off their sales, blah blah. I was disappointed, because I hate that sort of thing. It was nice anyway to get to go and I enjoyed talking to the woman who sat next to me. It was her first time to go and I felt social enough to introduce myself and have a decent conversation tonight. Earlier in the day I had doubted if I would feel very social tonight and worried a little about going.

I worked my butt off today at work, figuratively and literally. Figuratively as I completed the end of the month tasks quite well, and literally as Gill and Nikki and I took a nice afternoon walk that I am pretty sure was at least fifteen minutes. I had to keep reminding them to go slowly for the fat lady, but it was nice. They want to go tomorrow and take their doggies to Bryan Park and they're going to call me to see if I want to go when it is time. I had planned on the quilt show being my walking tomorrow, but it is supposed to be really warm so if it is I will do the dog walk ... and you won't believe it, but I want Porter, the pit bull for my walkee! I think he's my favorite of the doggies. He has the most mellow doganality, and Nikki said he won't mind walking slowly. Frasier, Nikki's little puppy is too hyper, and Silver, Gill's doggy is a stinky dog... but I'm not picking up any poop!

Happy today for: Baked potato at dinner at Women Inspire. I have been wanting one for a couple of weeks.

I've got the heater warming up my room and now I am going to toss Kitty out into the garage for the night, take my medicine and go lie in my warm room!

Good night!

Thursday, February 28, 2008


Long day, but a lot of work done. Toward the end of the month it's FINISH THE PAPERWORK AND DOCUMENTATION OR DIE. Well not really die, but not have your work completely done and that's not good.

Then cello lesson. Gillian fed us dinner in exchange for Michael and I doing the dishes. A fair deal. I relaxed while she cooked. She relaxed while we washed and we all had good company while we ate. It's a great thing our children all like each other and get along so well. We plan to maybe do a little more of these nice exchanges in the future. Everybody gets half the work and twice the fun!

I talked to Jennifer on the phone as soon as we got home. It was a good conversation, despite her recent sad happenings. It felt really good to just talk again. We always wait too long in between talks and visits. At the same time, we're the kind of friends that no matter how long we wait, it's always just as good! :)

I came home for lunch and made ham salad, but it wasn't my best ever. It tasted good, but I had too much in the food processor and had to mix it too long to get it to blend properly so it was not as chunkily textured as I like. I still think it is what I will have for my bedtime snack for my night-time meds.

So I still want to do a few of my dirty dishes so breakfast is possible in the morning, MAYBE start a load of laundry and have my snack and meds and get my butt in bed.

My house is freezing. My fingers feel so cold I feel like I can barely type. I was just complaining to Jenn about it. I am such a rebel I bumped the thermostat up a couple of degrees, but I'll probably feel guilty and turn it back down in the morning! Spring come soon, please! and that reminds me that today I was...

HAPPY FOR: On the way back from lunch the sun was shining, the sky was a beautiful blue and there were lovely mares' tails (cirrus clouds) wisping across the sky. If it hadn't been for that silly bank sign saying 22 degrees, it could easily been a lovely summer day!

Oh and a report on Dr. Payne from my SIL:
They are home now, and she says the Glenn is doing pretty good. There's still some swelling and blood that has to go away, but his memory has improved. He's doing therapy to work on getting his multi-tasking and recall of words back. Two doctors have said that there's no reason everything can't come back after he fully recovers. They also said the surgery in Guatemala was done well- which is a relief! It's so hard to trust doctors in another country when you can't speak their language.
What happened on the zip line is he was the last to go down out of 18 people. Somehow he got turned around, so he couldn't see the end, so he didn't know when to squeeze the handle to slow down. The main problem was the man on the ground who was suppose to stop people if they didn't slow themselves down wasn't paying attention, so he didn't stop him either! So he hit the pole (and also a nail or screw that was sticking out of the pole) with the back of his head!

Also another happy report that my great niece had her surgery to fix her ureters/ bladder reflux, which is what caused all my sister's kidney damage and subsequent transplant. Annika's surgery went great - she was in the hospital only six and half hours! YAY for great doctors, early diagnosis, and prevention of later life problems.

Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Better day.

Nobody cried at their desk today that I know of. I only had one moment where I felt like jamming my scissors into my eye socket, but it was brief and I resisted the temptation.

I walked one mile plus one lap tonight and our track is seven laps is one mile so one and one seventh mile.

Michael is being annoying. He must be deprived of motherly attention.

Happy for: I cleaned out my pen container on my desk today and that really made me happy.

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Rough Day

Started out with my daily check of the paper and HOLY HECK! The Commissioner's Claims weren't in. Somehow in the Brouhaha of my computer font changing on Friday a wrong thing got clicked on and.... so one of the first things I got to do was call the County Auditor's office this morning and be all humble and groveling. Then had to work on a particularly hard notice of foreclosure/ Sheriff's Sale. One of the typists is one vacation, so normally I would pass it off, but the remaining typist is overwhelmed so I worked very hard on it for an hour and a half and it had a very complicated and hard to read legal description (things like, " running thence 52 feet 46 minutes from a rock located on the center line of Hartstrait Rd 60 degrees southwest northwest 52 seconds quarter..." and it all makes no sense at all unless you are a land surveyor and I SUCK as a copy typist so when it doesn't make sense it is mind boggling). So then I go to get a drink and I wash my glass and I get my ice, lovely ice, and I fill up with water and head back to my desk and I say to Sue, "I really want soda, but I am being so good. I am having water." and together, we applaud my goodness. So I take a big swig of water and THEN notice a big black kinky hair, so definitely not mine, floating under my ice! I couldn't take it. I started crying right then. Probably all y'all know I kind of have a germ thing, a people touching my food thing, a commonly accused of OCD thing. I cried quietly for a couple of minutes, tried to suppress the true sobs, reminded myself of the picture we ran a few weeks ago of the man selling mud pies for people to actually EAT, and that I am happy I am not grateful for mud pies. I did decide at this point, however, that I DESERVE a soda, with sugar... SO I went a washed my glass again and bought a Sprite out of the machine (still half good - no caffeine), on my way back to my desk I though Hmmmm, I cried awful easily over that, so I checked my sugar - 96. About 100 is where I cry easily.

I'm not sure why it got so low. I actually felt like a high protein breakfast this morning which is VERY rare so I cooked eggs with tomatoes, onions, ham, and cheese and drank some grape juice with it. I didn't have any complex carbs, but I figured with all that protein the juice would be okay. So I must have crashed either because of the sugary juice or because of the emotional upset of the missing notice, etc... I read in the Live Journal community all the time of people going so low like in the fifties and sixties - I swear I would be unconscious if I went that low!

Then Gillian came back from sales meeting and burst into tears at her desk, too. Then Nikki came back from a sales call and said she had just been crying in her car! We all had that kind of day! Yuck.

I came home for lunch and made sure to have a balanced lunch of my whole grain, high protein pasta, with chicken and cheese added. I still need to make homemade sauce though, because the store bought is evil. Maybe I can get to that this weekend. I felt better physically this afternoon, but still very, very tired. So I called Michael and asked him to please not have any expectations from me for dinner, but that if he did I was willing to stop and get him Chinese. He was cool with just eating one of the entrees I bought for him at Trader Joe's that was an "Indian Fare" boil in a bag kind of thing, which now he is excited about because he thinks it will be good backpacking food. I just had a peanut butter and jelly and some trail mix for dinner and I think I'm good.

We watched the rest of "The Shawshank Redemption" while we ate and I am so glad Michael finally got to see it, because doesn't every mother love to share with her son a movie about homosexual rape and deadly violence... no about hope in a hopeless situation. "Get busy living or get busy dying."

Now Michael is at the climbing gym, either that or hit by a car and lying by the side of the road - he was supposed to call and tell me if he was going to stay, ahem! I have turned on the heater to make my room all cozy and as soon as I am done typing I am going to put in a load of laundry and then go cozy up to either a good book - I'm on a new Anita Shreve novel - or some good TV. No walking tonight. It's a day off for sure and then back in the saddle tomorrow because M will probably go back to bike project and it is the perfect time anyway.

Happy today for: Friends to cry with me!
Convenience food that is NOT mud pies.
My big exercise ball to sit on when I type that doesn't hurt my circulation and make my feet tinglier after a long day at the desk at work!

Monday, February 25, 2008

Back in the saddle...

Last Thursday I walked three blocks from our lunch restaurant to the stamp shop and then back and back was UPHILL, and it was cold, too ugh.

Friday I took a 10 minute walking break downstairs around the little "track" by circulation.

Saturday, because of the parking dilemma at State solo/ensemble contest I walked probably over a mile and QUICKLY.

(Which is probably why Sunday I couldn't get my ass out of bed to make the soup!)

Tonight I went to the Y and walked a slow mile around the track. To tell the truth I probably wouldn't have left the house if Michael hadn't wanted to go to Bike Project, but he did, so I did and it was good. I could tell I was tired.

Problem is I know I have been REALLY sick, REALLY REALLY sick. Honestly. But a mile still feels like a failure to me. This is one of those things where I judge myself harshly. I had to FORCE myself to stop, even though I could feel that I was extremely tired. It's not that I am into some runner's high (or slow walker's high!), it's just some "not good enough" thing I have. Sad....

I still need to take a shower and maybe wash some dishes. I have decided I don't have enough time to do all the things I want and need to do so I am giving up cleaning house. It is now optional.

BUT TODAY: Happy for - I HAD cooked the chicken for the tortilla soup so we had an easy, lovely dinner of "Hawaiian Haystacks" because the chicken was already cooked. YAY!

Sunday, February 24, 2008

I'm freezing.

I am so ready for spring.

Michael said he had a terrible weekend at his dad's. At least the performing the solo part worked out well, even though his rotten mother missed it. I still feel really bad about that.

Tonight Gillian's tamale party was great and Michael had a good time. I am glad he had a good part to his weekend. I was supposed to make tortilla soup to take, but every time I thought I'd get out of bed and make it, it just didn't happen. I think I did WAY too much yesterday and My body really told me today.

I have a few things I have to do now and then I am going to go to bed. I turned my heater on in my room so it will be nice and toasty and I think I am going to make some kind of warm drink to warm up my insides. I don't know what has gotten me so chilled. I was even feeling like this at Gill's and she keeps her house warmer.

Happy today for nice little electric heaters! And oh, I just remembered I have Ovaltine. I know what my warm drink will be.

Saturday, February 23, 2008

Player's Pub

Mostly pleasant. Sat with Rita and another band wife, which is always kind of fun. When the band takes a break and comes back to talk to their wives it makes me feel like, " Ooh, I'm with the popular girls."

I have a little bit of a history with the owner of this bar, in that he basically sexually assaulted me once, several years ago. I never pressed charges against him, although I have often wondered if I should have in case he is a sexual predator and I could have protected other potential victims. Then, dammit, he opened this great bar which often has great music and the older (read non-student) crowd goes and hangs out. Because except for the whole sexual predator thing he is a cool guy... For a couple of years I wouldn't go because I knew it was his place and I didn't want to see him. Then one day I just said to myself that if he is keeping me from social activities I would enjoy I am still his victim! So the next time people were going to the Pub after Contra dance I went too! That was an especially easy time to do it because I was with a large crowd and felt very protected and safe with those people.

Tonight he came back and crouched down between my chair and Cheryl's chair, rested his elbows on the backs of our chairs and made small talk and told a joke. I am not sure if he realized it was me until he was already there. I know he knew Cheryl and Rita were the band wives and thought maybe I was just some random woman. I felt pretty vulnerable. I had dressed so I felt nice, and worn a boobalicious shirt and just felt good. But now I feel a little yucky. I HATE that I let him make me feel that way. I need to tell myself that I can go on, that I can go when I feel like it and that even if he should approach me again I can be strong. I don't have to dress like a nun, I don't have to be with a big crowd, I don't have to be afraid to look at him. HE is the asshole. I am strong. I have a right to be anywhere I want and if I am intimidated he wins. And we all know I AM NOT A LOSER. So there.

Getting ready

to go to Player's Pub, but had to post first in case I don't get home by midnight, even though I really plan on an early night.

Michael got a first on his solo and I am pretty sure they got a first on the ensemble, too. I MISSED the solo, because I got in a parking dilemma. I am really sad about it an almost cried, but the important part is he did well.

I went to Trader Joe's and got organic food for hippie boy so he will be all happy when he comes home tomorrow.

I took pizza to Heather's work and had lunch with her and her coworkers so they were all happy today.

And now, something to make ME happy, Player's Pub, good music ( I hope) and relaxing.

Happy today for: New windshield wipers and fluid, even though I had to put them on myself. Usually I lovebeing an independent woman, and sometimes I wish there were someone to say, "honey... we really need....

Friday, February 22, 2008

How can you lose a microwave?

I seem to have done it!

I swear Emily's microwave she used in the dorm should be out in my garage, in the original box. I told my sister I'd bring it up to her tonight because hers is kaput. It is not out there. I do remember giving one microwave away on freecycle. I had bought a small countertop one to use when my big one kept turning itself off and it scared me that it had a short in it and was going to burn my house down. After a while, however, I tried it again and it worked and I gave away the little mwave. I am SURE I kept Emily's, though! Michael checked the garage, I checked the garage, we checked the garage together and it is NOT out there. So either my generosity got the best of me and I just don't remember it, or someone took it, or I am completely psycho... hmmmm.

I still have enough that if we go to the evil empire and they have one of those little ones for thirty or forty dollars I can get one for Heather. I want her to be able to prepare healthy meals quickly at home so she is less tempted to eat fast food. It's adds up to fast financially and health-wise. Maybe we will go shopping tonight when I get there after I take Michael to his dad's.

Frustrating day today at work when my computer decided to change the appearance of my legal font all by itself and no IT super geek can figure out why, yet when they do a pretend "flow" to test how it will appear in the paper it looks the same. It freaked me out to do all my work with it looking different.

Happy today for: Hippie Boy changed the litter box!
Progresso Soup.

Now off to Indy!

Thursday, February 21, 2008

Ice, Ice Baby!

Maybe tomorrow I will get my day where nobody else makes it to work and I get to focus intently, get a lot of work completed and then organize my space and play the rest of the day and get paid for it.

My class tonight was pretty much cancelled. She had us fill out an evaluation form and sign the attendance sheet and leave.

It was VERY dangerous. I turned one corner where I completely slid around until I was sideways in the street. I was fortunate that the car behind me was able to stop and did not hit me. I wasn't going fast or anything and I know how to turn into a skid, it was just that slick.

Today show was up in Vermont this morning - Michael Carr's territory. Taking a trip east has been one of our vacation options for the past few years. I now have a niece in the Boston area, a nephew in Maryland a great friend in Brooklyn, another in Maine and "know" (internet) an inn owner in Vermont. I wonder if there is any rock climbing that way.... There is so much to do to the house, however ( financially), that I am not sure what kind of trips are feasible, or if we take any, it ought to be exploratory for moving southwest. There is so much I want to see and do in this world!

House stinks like cat shit. Never did get litter box off the list and that was an entire week ago. How gross is that? Now it's time for Michael to go to his dads AGAIN, so it will be up to me, and I will only be here half the weekend. After I take Michael Friday I am staying up in Indy so I can go see him perform at State solo/ ensemble Saturday, then having lunch with Heather and her coworkers at the store before I return to Bloomington.

Saturday a friend's band is playing at Player's Pub and I kind of want to go to that, and Sunday is HYP/ BSO side by side concert, then Gill's tamale party! Wow. It's hard to be so popular. :)

Happy today for: Long Window scrapers for short little people like me.
Cholesterol 120!

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

Same old stuff

Good day. I came home for lunch and put a little roast in the crock pot. Michael decided he had too much homework and needed to practice too much to do his usual Wednesday night war protest and bike project and when I arrived home he had the potatoes already washed and cut and ready to boil for mashed potatoes! Tonight he's a good, long-haired hippie freak. Really, he's a good hippie every night. He was just teasing me and being annoying on purpose last night.

Ooh - I just had to run outside for a minute. It's too bad it is so FREAKING COLD. It is a perfect, clear night and would be nice to watch the eclipse. Now I know that it being clear is what helps it be so cold and they're connected and all that, but if I were nearer the equator it could be clear and WARM!

I sprayed oven cleaner in my oven and the front part of my house is totally toxic. I need to go do at least some swabbing before I go to bed.

Happy today for: lots of things! Really happy for grape tomatoes, my crock pot, my knitting loom.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Just a shorty today

Michael had a rehearsal that didn't even start until 8:30 and he likes to go to bed at 9:00 and you know how I have been lately! So I am making my entry, having my snack so I can have my medicine, and getting to bed too. Screw the dirty dishes.

Class tonight, only one more in this one on FDA regulations, then one more and I am done with the certificate! Then on to a much higher paying job, right?

Current job: I worked my ass off this morning and caught up two weeks worth of behind paperwork in one morning. When I am sick my coworkers cover for me in getting the public notices entered by deadline and my part of the production process performed but do not do the associated, legally required paperwork for the public notices. Therefore when I return I must continue to meet the current deadlines and processes and then CATCH up all the paperwork.

Happy today for: Able to listen to music on headphones while I worked so hard. It made it my little world and it included Allison Crowe, KD Lang, Rusted Root, Blind Melon, Jewel, Tracy Chapman... hmmm I can't think who else, but many happy members of my happy place.

Monday, February 18, 2008

One more thing

to complain about.

People who tell me I need to read/watch/ go to the website of "The Secret." It will change my life. I will lose weight, write my book, change jobs, become famous, solve all my financial problems, and everything else if only I do that one thing. BULLSHIT.

Couple of things:

I know I call this "Joy in the Journey" but I want to complain a little bit tonight! Okay, I know I complain a lot anyway, but this is bitching about things other people do that bug me.

Dangerous drivers. People who speed, cut in and out of traffic, tailgate and all that stuff. It wastes gas and risks lives.

People who don't leave voice mails. These are tools designed for convenience and to make our jobs and lives easier. Sometimes it is so much more efficient to leave and receive a voice mail than to have to exchange the pleasantries of the day!

My neighbor who has approximately 17 pieces of trucks and tow trucks in his yard. It makes the entire neighborhood look bad. When I get a camera I will take a picture for y'all.

Barking dogs. (I'm sure CoCo never barks) my neighbor now has FOUR large dogs and it really pisses me off. She told me that they told her she had to have a kennel license to get any more when she had three and I am tempted to check because it is bad enough now with the house sealed up and when spring comes and we open the house...

My editor - who a few weeks ago had an editorial about how horrible domestic abuse is, yet every time there is a story about a guy beating the shit out of his wife and getting arrested it is on page seven and the front page story is something about a fucking basketball coach.

My son who is trying to piss me off. God damn long haired hippie freak.

A woman at work is prejudice against many different types of people and talks loudly and frequently about them in a "joking" manner. I have already talked to Cory once about her comments about a gay customer. I will do it again if I have to.

A woman at work who passes emails on to me about Christian stuff even though I have asked her not to do it. Last week she passed on this one about people who denied God and the horrible deaths they suffered, then it said I should pass it on to eight people to be blessed. One of the examples was the guy from AC/DC who sang "Highway to Hell" then choked to death on his own vomit ---- good thing I woke up that night before I started puking! It could have been my atheist punishment for not passing on the email!!!

I think I am finished.

Idea on which I wouldn't mind feedback or ideas. About once a week I pass a guy here or there with a sign that says something about "hungry, stranded, broke, desperate, etc.... anything helps or will work for food." I rarely have cash and wouldn't feel comfortable giving it anyway. What about making up a couple of gallon ziplock bags to keep in the car with small water bottles, peanut butter, crackers, raisins, packaged cheese, beef sticks, peanuts, or stuff like that which could easily be handed out the car window and would keep for a while? Bloomington does have a Community Kitchen and Shelters. I could also put in a note or card with addresses to Community Kitchen and a bus ticket or something? What do you think? If one of them is a scammer, all I've lost is a couple of bucks, tops, and I waste money on a lot worse things than the chance that I might actually be helping somebody.

Happy today for: Mittens. I love mittens. Much warmer than gloves and gloves inside mittens is DA BOMB!

Sunday, February 17, 2008


I finally got all the dishes done! It took basically all weekend, but yay.

I was supposed to go out to dinner with Debbie tonight for her birthday, but she canceled on me. She is a frequent canceller of plans so I am not TOO surprised. I even said to Michael, when we were still up in Indy, "I will be so pissed off if Debbie cancels on me. I have passed two Pizza Kings and I have been craving Pizza King for weeks." I said if she cancels, we are at least ordering pizza for dinner when we get home, even though we have no Pizza King in Bloomington. One lucky Michael, he got pizza for dinner instead of whatever he would have had to make for himself while Debbie and I ate out without him! I am sure glad my stomach is handling spicy food. I am making up for my week of blandness! I honestly have been craving Pizza King pizza so badly I have had several dreams about it.

I have been dreaming about food a lot lately. I think my sugars are getting low in the night. I woke one morning this week with 94 - my lowest morning sugar EVER. Usually I have the opposite, what they call the dawn phenomenon - HIGH sugar in the morning, because once it gets low, your liver pumps out its own sugar and you wake up high, so something changed, but I don't know what. Whatever - I'll take it. I just have to get used to it, and maybe start to eat breakfast before getting dressed and stuff so I don't get wacko or pass out in the shower or something.

I only have about 10 pages left in First Wives Club. It's great. I seem to remember the movie as a comedy... the book has funny moments, but not a comedy.

I got three great books at Opp House yesterday . They are so inexpensive that since our library raised the overdue fees to twenty-five cents a day I end up spending less buying second hand books then checking them out and forgetting to turn them in on time. Then I can pass them on the the next absent-minded reader!

Happy today for: I have a 16 year old son who thinks watching "Ice Age" is entertaining. Ain't it great?

Saturday, February 16, 2008

No movie.

But I think a hot bath and more reading. I feel cold and a bath will warm me up.

Happy today for: Opportunity House. My favorite thrift store.

Going to go lie down.

Have gone to Target to get medicine:
taken box to Opportunity House - bought three new books!
bought postage
taken trash to dump
done about half the dishes
gone to the bank and bought Money order
called Loni to see if she wants to go to movie - had to leave a message

I am very tired - going to go lie down and read First Wives Club, if I sleep, I sleep. If Loni calls, she calls. We'll see what happens.

They charged me too much for my medicine at Target. Now I will have insurance issues to straighten out on Monday. sigh.

A list:

of things I want to accomplish this weekend. I swear, I promise, I vow, however, and do solemnly affirm, that if I am tired I will rest.

Pick up medicine at Target
Take some trash to dump
take box to Opportunity House
Shop at Opportunity House (gotta have a little fun!)
get all the dishes done
wash one load of laundry
organize the CDs
clean off the table
change the litter box
go to the bank
have dinner with Debbie (see, going to have more fun!)
buy postage for holiday cards
pick up Michael from Ed's
Read a whole lot of "First Wives Club" (see more fun and it will be in bed)
Pay bills and get money order for DMP Pmt.
Balance checkbook.

Okay, I know it sounds like a lot, like the old days, pre-being sick all the time. I promise however, that the only things I think in my head are HAVE TO DOs are go to Target and get the medicine and go get Michael. And go to the bank I can go to the drive through, and pay the bills I can do online, and balance the checkbook is sitting here at the desk.... the physical stuff I can face the fact that if I can't do it, I can't do it. PLUS I have two whole days. I don't go to church anymore so it gives me a lot more time!

I also thought of calling Loni to see if she wants to go to a movie tonight. I think she is stressed and needs a purely social activity, too. I rarely go to movies at the theatre. I think the last one I saw was that "Stardust" movie with Emily over the summer. I would like to see "Definitely Maybe."

I will return and report.

Friday, February 15, 2008


I did NOT throw up the spaghetti!

I ate more normal food today and it stuck. My body is saying YAY vegetables, YAY protein. I checked my BS often and was able to keep it fairly level all day and drank LOTS of water and some more Ginger ale and I am sure I am rehydrating well.

Michael is off to his dad's soon and I am into my sweats and into my bed. Tomorrow I will try to mostly rest and work little by little (I promise!) on dishes and NOT overtax myself. I am TIRED of being sick and I am going to do what it takes to get better.

Happy for: Bagged salad.

Thursday, February 14, 2008

I went to class

It made me tired and HUNGRY. I was supposed to be thinking about new drug applications and all I could think about was food with tomatoes in it, chili, spaghetti, ravioli, breadsticks with cheese and tomato sauce, pizza... I was tempted to stop on the way home and buy something but we have hundreds of dollars worth of food in this house. I came home and made a little spaghetti with some bottled sauce. When I throw it up in the middle of the night it will look like I have a bleeding ulcer. It will probably also make my blood sugar too high, which is why I try to make my own sauce most of the time. The bottled stuff is full of high fructose corn syrup. I did use a product I haven't tried before which is a high protein, whole grain pasta. Whole grain I've done, but not the higher protein.

I am going to go back to work tomorrow unless I am up all night so I need to get to bed really fast. I really need to go to work because if I miss three days in a row they can require me to go to the dr. before I come back and I don't want to.

Happy today for: even though most of the trees didn't get frosted the way they do in an ice storm I had this one beautiful glimpse of a couple of trees glistening with ice in this magical way with the clear, starry sky behind them and it was breathtaking. (I still want to move to the desert.)

Chicken Noodle Soup.

I ate some about an hour and a half ago and it has stuck.

It makes me want to drink some warm tomato juice. Probably tomato juice is too acidic for my stomach, though. It just sounds SOOOOOO GOOD. I have been missing my lovely tomato juice. Also, even with the Gatorade, I have been having lots of leg and foot cramps and the tomato juice is potassium rich! Although I guess if it doesn't stay in, it wouldn't really help. I feel so bad for missing work again. I know if you're sick, you're sick and it really has nothing to do with your work ethic, but I still feel guilty.

I am going to try to go to class tonight. The class is an UPHILL walk from the parking lot, however, and I am just not sure if I can make it. It is only a six session class and if I miss one more that will be half the classes. I would probably have to retake this particular class to complete the certificate, which would really suck.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008


Had to skip work again. Sigh.

Happy for: my comforter, Canada Dry Ginger Ale, and my friend Debbie who took me downtown to get Michael when I realized I was probably too sick to lift the garage door.

Back to bed.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Too sick to write tonight

Mental, physical, emotional.
Skipping class again which makes me feel awfuller.

Happy today for soup.

Monday, February 11, 2008

Oh, an update on Dr. Payne

I guess the new news is that he hit something, not that he fell off the zipline. I guess he cracked his skull and has had surgery and his wife and son have flown down, but it will be couple of weeks before anything is known.

Stuff I made

Chenille Baby hat - newborn size. For a man at work who just got a new baby, well actually for the baby! :)

Michael's chalk bag - it's not perfect, but it is definitely better than the two washcloths sewn together he was using before! I am going to try another one for my friend Christie after the rest of my Christmas projects are completed and see if I can improve on it. The most expensive part of the chalk bag was the carabiner. I think it was $1.29.

Happy today for: Access to a professional photographer and studio.

Sunday, February 10, 2008

Happy for:

the ease of packaged noodle mixes.

Definitely a to bed early night. Got to see if I can make work tomorrow.

Michael did well at Science Olympiad. First places is Geology and making airplanes. Second place in Circuit Lab and Third in Five Start - some random science questions stuff. Team won first, which would normally mean a trip to State, but this was designated the JV team so no state. Michael is happy for that because State conflicts with orchestra trip, which he would rather go on. The Varsity team that went to the other regional also won first so they will go to state - if they win state the team will go to nationals, so Michael may still get to go to nationals with the team especially because he is really the king over geology and airplanes. Michael said last week the grad student who was supposed to be coaching him and Alexander in IDing minerals said they knew them all better than he did....

Been sleeping some more

Woke up and I just ate some applesauce and a couple more pretzels. We'll see what happens.

Amber wrote in her blog that my brother's best friend, a dentist - a Bobby loved to joke about his name being Dr. Payne! - Fell off a zipline while on an Operation Smiles trip in Guatemala. So send prayers, thoughts, positive mind energy south to Guatemala. Deb, you're good at the candle lighting! One would be appreciated. Dr. Payne was a wonderful friend to Bobby, taking him on a couple of trips to translate even after the cancer had made him ill, which really made the quality of his life better and more satisfying for him.

I'm going to go back to bed and try to sleep SOME MORE. My body must be in shock the past six weeks, me going from insomniac crazy to sleeping so much. So why isn't it getting better?!?!?! Sigh....

Saturday, February 9, 2008

Not just psychotic, I guess.

Still terribly ill. When Heather arrived we went and got something to eat - my first real food since Thursday, I guess. Well about three o 'clock in the morning... hello! And I have been terribly sick ever since. The emissions have stopped since then, of course all I have eaten is pretzels, Sprite and Gatorade. but it HURTS this time. My stomach has been just cramping and in pain, pain, pain. I talked to Emily and was deciding to take a bath to see if it helped it relax and she encouraged me to also take a tranquilizer so I took a mild one and have slept off and on for about five hours. I'm trying a few more pretzels and some more Sprite and it already feels like it is hurting again.

I am so tired of this.

I guess I'm happy today for that I had that medicine here to take and it helped me rest a little.

I hope Michael can get a ride home when they get back from Science Olympiad. I don't think I should drive.

Friday, February 8, 2008


For all the times my sister drives me crazy...

Long parenthetical digression - I know she reads here, but I think it's pretty safe to say that between me, Emily and Heather we pretty much all three know we all three drive each other crazy at times. It all seems to work out in the end as we also all rely on each other at times just as much or more as we drive each other nuts, such as tonight...

when I was having mild nervous breakdown due to pressures to attend orchestra event and behave socially when not really feeling well physically and not able to cope socially. I called Heather and cried mildly hysterically (is that an oxymoron?) begging her to come, when she had decided not to. So she is going to drive and hour and a half to run interference for me so I don't have to pretend to be nicer than I really am. I can hide in the corner and knit if I want and Heather will talk to people and be nice. She has attended enough orchestra events over Emily and Michael's years that she knows the people who will probably approach me and it will work out fine. I thought of just dropping Michael off and coming home, but it would be too hard to go back and get him and he would end up abandoned. I had him ask if he could stay all night with a friend, but the mom said no. I should have done it as a mom ask mom thing, but I was feeling too anti-social to do it that way. Heather understands when I am this anti-social and puts up with my psychoses pretty well. I am sure it drives her a little batty, but she is used to my insanity. If I felt better physically I might be able to fake it, but the combination is deadly.

Happy today for cake mix.

Thursday, February 7, 2008

You won't believe it.

Sick again.

Got Michael's stomach thing, very bad. Also up in the night with leg and foot cramps so my electrolytes were already messed up. Sigh... All I've had all day is pretzels and Gatorade and sleep. I finally got in the shower about 5:00, then got a leg cramp AND got so weak I had to sit down. I was afraid I wouldn't be able to get back up.

I'm skipping class right now. I hate that. Also worried about my commitment to bake for orchestra's Night of Dance tomorrow.

Happy for: At least if I had to miss a day at work Peter the Organizer, my hero, was on Oprah.

Wednesday, February 6, 2008

Duty blog

for Blog 365, because boy, am I tired!

It is definitely going to be one of those early to bed nights tonight and tomorrow is a BIG day.

Happy today for seeing the heron flying overhead. I love the way you can see the legs trailing behind.

Tuesday, February 5, 2008

Today's Recap:

Cheesecake: I baked lemon, but I thought the edges were too brown so I didn't take it to Tamyra. I took it to work and asked for feedback. What I got was eleven "excellents." I didn't get twelve because I left one piece home for Michael, but he'd better rate it excellent too! It gave me a lot more confidence in this recipe. I asked several people specifically about the browning on the edges and they said they liked it, that it made it more interesting and not look manufactured....

Work: I worked really hard and methodically at preparing my copies of proof of publication for my Township Annual reports so my piles on my desk are more under control and I feel much more organized and relieved.

Class: "Regulatory Affairs of the FDA" It was much better than I expected. I was afraid I would have trouble staying awake after a hard workday and staying up late baking, etc. Also we had severe thunderstorms and wind that kept me up a lot in the night. It was fairly interesting, however, and the instructor knowledgeable and enthusiastic, so no problem.

Financial: I paid off a small debt that has been on my uberlist for two years running. A great feeling of personal satisfaction and relief of a burden of responsibility that I should have taken care of a long time ago. The tax refund money is dwindling, but I feel for the most part I have used is wisely in paying off small debts that are not included in the debt management program and I will not have to even think about them any longer. Very happy.

Household.: House is a wreck! I was too tired after baking to clean up properly last night, then Michael home sick today making messes and not cleaning up, me coming home for lunch, also have left sewing stuff out from working on chalk bag.... more. Tomorrow kitty has vet appt. at 9:15, part of my financial commitment with the tax money. I asked to just take the entire morning off, so will work on house during that time. I also hope to muster enough energy to at least do one sink load of dishes tonight to get a head start.

Personal: A woman at work whose husband works in the flooring business is going to try to help me get tile cheaply for my bathroom. I want to retile with ceramic, take out the vanity and put in a pedestal sink. It will really open up the bathroom and should increase the value more for the intended resale of this place. Can you tell I'm really thinking about this?

It sounds like the thunderstorm is about here so I'd better sign off before the lightening strikes.

Happy today for: A garage to park in so I don't have to worry about hail damage or limbs on my car!

Monday, February 4, 2008

"What we have here...

is a failure to communicate."

Watching "Cool Hand Luke" with Michael, but I need to go make cheesecake. Michael is sick to his stomach again so no bike project tonight. I am going to make chocolate cheesecake to take to Tamyra at Ragazzi Arte Cafe tomorrow, or maybe lemon.... but must go bake now.

Happy today for: how voicemail makes my job easier.

Sunday, February 3, 2008

Much better

Felt much better the rest of the day. Post below I said first time I tested was 96, it was actually 93. Headache has stayed away. I got lots of housework done, food prepared and taken to Nikki's. We stayed until after halftime, which was sort of the plan. Michael likes to go to bed early and I want to work on projects.

I had what felt more like a normal, pre-pneumonia day today. It might be rough this week as work will still be busy and I am adding a two hour class on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. One about FDA regulations this time, which sounds daunting.

I had so many nights last week where I went to bed so early. I hope I can make it through busy work days and class this week. I am going to try to NOT stress about housekeeping and projects and deadlines and whatever else my compulsive tendencies seem to dictate. I need to realize sometimes that just functioning is good enough, and good enough is good enough!

So now off to wash some dishes and work on understanding that sewing machine and finishing Michael's Christmas gift! I hope to get it done tonight and my Christmas cards by Valentine's Day! :) There I go; imposing deadlines on myself again!

I need to remember

that even though tomato juice and pickles are lovely snacks from a weight-loss viewpoint, no carbs can lead to trouble when one eats breakfast at eight o'clock, has pickles for snack and then goes for a physically invigorating trip to the grocery at eleven thirty. By the time I reached the checkout I could hardly write my check! I grabbed a hugely expensive bottle of sugary Hawaiian Punch, managed to get out to the car, get the stuff in the trunk, park the cart and check my sugar. I could hardly get the blood on the strip, my hands were shaking so badly! I was in a sweat and about to cry. I tested at 96, which isn't even that low! I think I felt much worse than the time I tested at 76. SO either I had something on my hands that made me test higher from handling things in the store, or I have been running higher in general lately - and I have to confess I haven't been testing as frequently as I was for a while. I slugged down some yummy! Hawaiian Punch, waited a couple of minutes, drove home, washed my hands and tested again and it was up to 96. So I ate some real food, including some fat and protein and I feel much better now. Argh. I know I would hate having injections, but sometimes it seems like it would be easier to regulate if I were insulin dependent, because now I will probably go too high from having yummy! Hawaiian Punch AND real food, and then who knows... crash again? Sigh....


which sucks, as usual. I said I only have three things I want to accomplish this weekend - laundry. dishes, and finish Michael's chalk bag, but there's really so much more involved.

The weekend also included all the music contest stuff... also a trip to the evil empire, I still need to go to Kroger to get more stuff, I need to set up the new sewing machine and know how to use it to finish the chalk bag, I need to cook the food for the Super Bowl party (thus the shopping trips). Nikki is hosting because they have a big screen TV, but I am cooking because they are actually traveling today. I am only making a few things: Spinach dip, stuffed mushrooms, then we are having Doritos and nachos with already prepared fake cheese! I also needed to dye my hair - already done...and thought I might try to get a haircut, but now that is beyond me. Crud, I should probably also make something sweet for the party - maybe I will BUY something. I love to bake, but maybe the headache will overcome my standards. Who couldn't use a few Chips Ahoy every now and then? :)

Happy today for: Claussen pickles. They really are better than any other kind.

Saturday, February 2, 2008


Fell asleep around 8:00 last night - slept until 3:30, then fitfully until 8:00 after that! Guess I am still a little tired.

Michael is lying on couch sipping herbal tea and eating white crackers. Cello solo contest is supposed to be in two and a half hours and he was up in the night throwing up. Throwing up doesn't stop when they get older it just means that instead of puked on sheets it is hundreds of dollars in extra cello lessons....I'll report what happens.

Friday, February 1, 2008

Not as much snow...

as predicted. And I was actually a little bummed because I sort of had my day planned for fewer people being at work and instead it was normal. I worked hard, came home and made soup and now I am tired. I am going to try to do some dishes a clean up a little tonight, though. I contemplated a trip to the evil empire tonight, but I don't think I will make it. I have quite a shopping list of items that are cheaper there.

Happy today today for egg drop soup on a blustery day.