Friday, September 2, 2016

One of my friends posted a link to this blog entry on Facebook.

I read it and remembered how one of my friends really mourned when I left the church. I remember writing to her - I am still the same person, I am still your friend, even though I think of the role of the church in our relationship differently. I think of it now as the place that we met, and I will be forever grateful for that.

I am still the same person, and probably even a better person than I was before. I no longer have internal conflict about the way I live my life and the way I was told I should believe.

I am still the same person who went to all those childhood slumber parties, who slept by the fire at Girl's camp and learned to love canned spaghetti with cut up hot dogs. I am still the same person who crushed on boys and went to those "Super Saturday" dances.

I am still the same person who played countless pingpong games and spied on the other teams in a game of Diplomacy. I am still the same person who put out the fire when you burned the popcorn!

I am still the same person who nursed your baby when I babysat for him. I am still the same person who comforted you when your husband was abusive. I am still the same person who went on that temple trip and talked for hours.

Friday, January 15, 2016

Erin got Tarot cards for Christmas and she has been practicing doing readings. I don't really believe that anything "predicts" the future, but I do think it is interesting to read Erin's interpretation of the cards because she knows me pretty much inside and out.


It's time to remove all toxins from within and around you. It's time to finally release and let go of all old and harmful habits you may have fallen back into. 

Ask the universe to help you release the toxins from your mind & body.

You'll be guided to look more closely at everything in your life which may be weighing you down...from food labels to unnecessary relationships and/or expenses.

Let go of anything that didn't work out that you hoped for in the last few months. It would have ended up being toxic for you.

As you do this your thoughts will veer away from self judgements and fear...and you will learn to love yourself even more as you continue this journey.

Find a creative outlet this coming year or get more involved in creating if you've let any of it fall to the wayside. Your life force is often connected to your creativity. Step out and try new facets like
Flower arranging or photography. (Just the ide
as that popped into my head....if you feel impressed to go about her route, by all means listen to your guts.)

Your creative expression doesn't need to be skillful or for anyone else. Paint outside the lines. Be a kid again as you explore this part of your spirit. You have many creatures endeavors you're pretty masterful at.... But this card urges you to dig and discover and old dream that you've always kept in your back pocket. heart emoticon

Moving Forward Fearlessly...
Your gut feelings, dreams and strong impulses aren't just wishful thinking. You're receiving them for a reason. They represent germination for new projects and situations to lead you to your divine mission. 

Honor those feelings. Have you wanted to move or uproot yourself? Now is as good of a time as my to take that step in your life. If you have a dream, step forward and work toward it this year. It's time for you to live the life you have always wanted. heart emoticon

Monday, August 17, 2015

Goodwill rant

I HATE Goodwill, and that is one of the reasons. I will go there to look when I need something, but it really upsets me that I see stuff still with Target clearance tags on it for sale for higher prices at Goodwill. I really think Goodwill rips off people who don't have money so they don't shop at stores like Target thinking they can't afford stuff. Then it is donated to Goodwill and they sell it at outrageous prices and get all these tax breaks because they hire people with developmental disabilities (and pay them less than a dollar an hour) Gah! and I am ranting right now, but I totally admit that I shop there when I needs stuff and that I will donate there if it is a Sunday and I just have to get crap out of my house NOW.

Sunday, August 2, 2015

Wisdom in books

I'm reading "Bastard Out of Carolina" right now. It's a really, really raw story, and I am only 50 pages in.

There's one quote that begins on page 24 (Dutton Book paperback edition, 1992)

     That Earle's got the magic," Aunt Ruth told me. "Man is just a magnet to women. Breaks their hearts and makes them like it." She shook her head and smiled at me. "All these youngsters playing at something, imagining they can drive women wild with their narrow little hips and sweet baby smiles, they ain't never gonna have the gift that Earle has, don't even know enough to recognize it for what it is. A sad wounded man who genuinely likes women --- that's what Earle is, a hurt little boy with just enough meanness in him to keep a woman interested. "
     She pushed my hair back off my face and ran her thumb over my eyebrows, smoothing down the fine black hairs. "Your real daddy..." She paused, looked around, and started again. "He had some of that too, and that's something I can say for him. A man who really likes women always has a touch of magic." (Emphasis added)

As I read that a man popped into my mind. A man who is a friend, and that is all I have ever seen in him, because that is all I want. I can see in his past interactions with me, and his interactions with others, the genuineness of his attraction to women. I feel like he loves the smell, the taste, the feel, the everything about women. When he is with a woman, in that moment, that woman is the one he wants to be with, maybe even loves. He is living so much in the moment that the past and the future don't even exist. It feels amazing to be with a man who is so "entranced," even though it may not be particularly you, just what you are. Of course when a woman (me included) is with him, what he gets back is the attention that he craves.

I almost didn't include the first paragraph above as I quoted because I don't believe he has "meanness" the character of Earle has. I did include it, however, because the women he spends those moments with even if he "Breaks their hearts and makes them like it." seem to not hold anger with him. I will fully admit that I haven't spoken to or interviewed women has has been with. I can see, however, that he is loved in our community, and thought of as a kind man, a fun man, a smart man, etc. I don't think women/people in general examine his motives or question his behavior.

In full disclosure I will admit that I haven't interacted with him for awhile. While I am not heartbroken, I do feel a loss. I'd be willing to give him the admiration and the feminine attention he craves for a few moments, an afternoon, an evening in exchange for the feeling of being touched by that magic.

Friday, July 31, 2015


I hate memorial ads, but sometimes it is worth it: 

It brought tears to my eyes.  It is beautiful like her and her spirit.  Thank you for helping me to honor our mom.  I appreciate it so much.

Monday, July 20, 2015

Deep Thoughts

Thoughts from today:
1) At Goodwill I found a gym bag in the size and shape I want that does NOT advertise a brand name.
2) As I checked out at Goodwill I said I did not need a bag FOR MY BAG and sort of decided that I want to try to go without getting any more (and I mean zip, zilch, nada) single-use plastic bags, BUT: I really like using them as trash bags in my little trash cans throughout the house. I hate putting trash in a can without a liner. It seems gross to me. Does anybody have a solution for that?
3) I also looked at what I think MIGHT be a dehumidifier, but I have never had/used one before. I couldn't even tell if it has all the parts it should. Does anybody have experience with that and want to go to Goodwill with me and look? I've been running my window AC units often, but I still found mold growing on a coat in the closet.
4) Re: gym bag. One more excuse eliminated. Wednesday when I have a plan to eat out and go out to Nell Weatherwax​'s Storyzilla I could go straight from work to the gym and get ready for the evening afterward. Hard part is that I just really HATE never being home all day. I love my little house/home and I want to be here. << (That is in whining font).
5) I seriously purchased a "fatkini." I hoped to have it complete before the 12th when I went to the Indiana Dunes with a group of friends who would have been supportive. I'm not sure if I am a gutsy enough " Women with Guts​" to wear it to a pool or lake without the protection of a large group.

Sunday, July 5, 2015

Fourth of July

 During the parade I sat on the wall of one of the new planters along Kirkwood Ave. It was a huge bee place and there were tens of bees constantly buzzing and on the flowers. That reminded me that I need to get some bee friendly plants as I am working on perennials....

 The bagpipers had to stop right in front of me and mark time. Most people who know me know how I feel about bagpipes. :/ although honestly, my heart is starting to soften a little bit. Maybe people start to like bagpipes better as they get older because of hearing damage and bad ears...
 Friends Charis and Ross rolling the ReStore truck.
People from UU and especially Christy shakin' her thing.

Facebook post: The problem with coming to the parade alone is that I always cry and it feels stupider....
  • Chris Cluff Webber You cry at parades?
  • Hope E Golightly Yes. I have a lot of inner turmoil and grief about national pride and war and the military and honor and the flag and patriotism and...I just cry a lot when presented with this kind of reminder.