Sunday, November 30, 2008

What a trip.

Three hours to Lafayette and three hours back. We saw five or six accidents on the way there and I saw two accidents and someone stuck in the median on the way back. There was snow on the ground up north, but the roads were honestly only wet. People just go too damn fast when they ought to be cautious. I always say, "The speed limit is 65 when it's a sunny, dry day. That doesn't mean you have to go 65 when it is raining, foggy and dark!"

Happy notes - we also spotted two hawks in th trees on the way there and on the way home I spotted two in trees and two that swooped in front of my car - one so close that I was afraid I would hit it and in the fragment of a second worried that it was big enough to break my windshield. I also went under an airplane by the airport. Those are the silly, happy things about my trip.

I guess another happy thing about it was that Emily and I had a great time and we were able to talk and laugh about our (or my) psycho-ness yesterday. We can fight and bitch like you wouldn't believe but we ALWAYS end up laughing at each other and ourselves later.

Right now she is deciding about Christmas. Mandy's father invited her up there for the holidays and she is seriously considering going. I will be sad if she goes up there and asked her if she did if they would consider coming down here for New Year's. So we will see. I know that this is part of the children growing up. Also if I move 2000 miles away like I would like to do that there will be plenty of years I will end up celebrating holidays without Emily and Michael around, depending on where she gets a job, where he goes to school, who lives with whom, who gets married and all that.

So a LON, LONG day in the car, but a good day, overall. Christmas tree is assembled and lights and garlands are on, but it is up to Michael and me and maybe Katie, depending when we do it to complete the decorating. I'll try to get a picture when it's done. Last year we used only our homemade ornaments with a couple of exceptions. This year I think I want to do the whole shebang. We shall see.

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Hard Night...

Emily and I got bitchy with each other at the gift wrap thing. I wanted to decorate the Christmas tree when we got home and she came in the bedroom and shut the door. I ended up getting upset and going to bed for a couple of hours. I probably needed it anyway. I realized I haven't taken any medicine or had any water today. That is probably behind a lot of my bitchiness. I hadn't eaten too badly, but had no protein. I checked my sugar when I got out of bed and it was 172, which is really high for me lately. So I just ate a big chunk of turkey and some tomatoes and now I am going to take my medicine.

I am going to get stuff picked up in Katie's room because we have been using it over the weekend, but I think she's coming here tonight. then I want to try to watch the rest of that movie and see what's eating people in New York. Emily said she'd try to get her stuff together tonight so we can decorate the tree in the morning before we go up north.

I still feel cranky and tired and somewhat emotional. I hate it when I am like this. Sometimes i just feel like I spend so much time taking care of everybody else's needs. I try to make sure everybody is fed, then I clean up, then take them where they need to go... by then it's time to feed them and clean up again. I need to quit spoiling my children, who are really big enough to take care of themselves. I am doing some serious thinking about Christmas. I might go on strike for cooking and cleaning again. I did it last year and Heather did most of the cooking. Problem with doing it is that if I go on strike, I have to be willing to accept other people's standards and not be psycho if things aren't the way I would do them. That is maybe harder on me mentally than just doing all the (or most of the) cooking and cleaning myself. I kind of have to choose between one or the other. I wish I could not be so psycho and be like a normal person. :(

Saturday list:

Clean kitchen AGAIN, as usual!
Get Katie's room ready for her again, including washing bedding.
Get Christmas tree assembled so we can decorate it tomorrow.
Gift wrap at Border's for orchestra 4 - 6:00.
Finish watching the movie from last night - I fell asleep.

I'd also like to do assorted stuff like start the next knitting project, work on the bath salts, think about Christmas, etc. I don't have any money to go shopping, but I need to think about the things I am going to make and what materials I still need etc. I'd also like to write a couple of notes or cards. Gillian really made my birthday pleasant this year and I haven't properly thanked her. Jennifer had a birthday this week and I meant to get a real card to her and on time... well, you know how I suck at the on time thing. Also I really want to play Rack-O with Emily.

That's about it. I don't want to do too much today. I have been fighting headaches for about three or four days and I have to be well enough to drive up to West Lafayette and back tomorrow. I hope we can decorate the tree tomorrow before we take Emily back to school.

Friday, November 28, 2008

Ahhh.... Sweet relief.

I really do love my family, but I was stressed over this holiday. I am glad to have it just be me and Emily tonight and Michael is already in bed. Katie is in Indy for the night. Emily wants to watch a scary movie tonight, which I am not sure about.

Going to post some pictures. Night of Dance, with Emily and Many. Miss Kitty Fantastico in her Halloween costume. Food pictures from thanksgiving. My Halloween wreath. Tonight I turned it into Christmas. I'll take a picture of it tomorrow. With the new computer Emily can just take the memory card out of her camera and stick it in the computer and load in the pictures I want.

Michael and I went downtown to the lighting ceremony for the "Canopy of Lights." I was really stressed before we went and then I calmed down when we got there. We got there in time for the Carol singing and Santa and the lighting. Then we went into the courthouse and looked at the giant Christmas tree and then into Fountain Square Mall to see the decor in there. We also went to The Inner Chef, our favorite kitchen store. David, the owner, had been working all day and was about to drop dead from exhaustion. He was still so nice to us. He is always so kind and answers all our questions, even though we can never afford stuff from his store. if I ever decide to drop serious money on knives I will definitely do it at his store.

Now pictures:

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Also happy...

I basically got a new computer. Katie's roommate, John was supposed to take my computer and clean it up and send it back so it would be faster. Instead I ended up with a new computer. I went from 128 MB of ram to 512. It's much faster.

He said he imported all my bookmarks which has proven to be false. I haven't checked all my documents yet. I hope they're all there! I'd hate to lose another book, or portions thereof.

Tomorrow is the beginning of the Christmas season for us. I am so excited.



Watching "Atonement" with Emily, getting ready to eat some leftovers.

Happy today for a day off work. a cozy nap.

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Well, that was new!

A new chapter in the pie baking chronicles.

I spilled a bunch of the filling of one pie all over the inside of the oven door. It smelled good as it quickly cooked to the inside of the oven door. Forget that start at 425 degrees part because I am sure the oven lost fifty degrees as I stood there washing it off. Oh well, they will bake anyway, and they will taste good in the end, and that's what matters. One pie will be a little flatter than the others... maybe those people can have extra Cool Whip!

I'm glad to have a day alone to bake my pies. Only one visitor I want and he probably can't come over. Pout.

After my irritability last night I decided I'd better check my drug supply and called in refills for the anti-anxiety drugs. I don't know when I will get to the store to pick them up, however, in the middle of all the pie baking and getting ready to go to the show tonight and the other things I hope to do to make tomorrow easier. I may have to just CALM DOWN (haha!) and take it as it goes, and if something doesn't happen it wasn't meant to be. I also need to remember there are LOTS of other grown up people who will be here and they can help. In that case I just have to be calm enough to accept if something is not done exactly as I like. That's almost as hard as doing it all by myself.

Tuesday, November 25, 2008


I had one of my VERY IRRITABLE NIGHTS. I had to run away from home for a while so that nobody was harmed. No matter how nice anybody would have been to me, nothing would have been enough. So I left and went to Wendy's and had chili and sat and read my book until it was time for the Biggest Loser to start. Even then, I hid in my bed in the fetal position for about an hour before anybody dared knock on my door. I was also irritable at work today and so frustrated with some of the piles that I hadn't sorted out that Kerri came over and took a pile of crap and got rid of it for me. You know how I like it when everything is all caught up and organized and filed and complete. It has been the opposite of that for about three weeks and I need to get it fixed. I am working Friday and it will probably be slow, so that will probably be my time. Then after work was a diabetes education refresher class. My A1C went up from September (6.0) to 6.2 tonight. I know I have been binge eating and I have GOT to get it back under control. I also knew they would tell us we need to have some kind of "strategy" for coping with the holidays and it almost made me puke when those exact words were used.

Tomorrow is pie baking day and then, in the evening, THE LION KING!!! I can't wait. Even the little lion King show at the animal Kingdom Park made me cry. I will probably bawl my way through the entire show. I am so happy I spent that money. Definitely not frugal, but it stimulated the economy, right?

I am happy today for Ativan, definitely Ativan.

Forgot one hat!

The one made frm leftover yarns!

Monday, November 24, 2008

Pictures of hats.

I have a goal to make and give away ten hats this year. So this is eight completed! Two more to go. One woman at work wants one and then I'll probably make some more for the baby house. I want to do more with fuzzy brims. I have some more pretty fuzzy yarn that I got at Dollar Tree for $1, and in the craft stores it is around $4.00.

Happy today for Target pharmacy coupon + insurance. I paid $1.60 for Rxs, used my coupon for a $10 gift card so got FREE toilet paper. Woo hoo! A BIG pack of double rolls.

Now, off to balance the checkbook. I will have that Saturday list complete sometime...


the hat with the fuzzy brim. I really like it. Maybe hat pictures tonight.

I'm just home for lunch. I ate, played my Scrabble games on Facebook and am watching "What Not to Wear."

I have to go back to work. I am glad Leah is back. She had a traumatic return though. She hit a deer on the way to work - a giant buck. Had to have the car towed and everything.

Sunday, November 23, 2008


I think the bad haircut has been turned into a good one.

I turned Pull some dead plants from garden into Pull a truckload of dead plants from garden, pick up every stray stick in the yard and burn it all. The yard looks much better.

I am going to go pick up some mirrors from a Freecycler after I eat. My idea is to take mirrors and make some kind of wonderful, cool and aesthetically pleasing frames around them for wall hangings. Because I need more projects.

Happy today for my fire bowl thing in the yard. I really love it. It is some of the best money I have ever spent!

Trying to decide

if I am going to church or not. If it were warm outside it would be easy. It's cold, however, and it sounds much nicer to stay home and work on the list some more. Sigh.

I've eaten, it would just take a couple of minutes to dress, I would be social and see people, I would enjoy the music and the sermon, but it's just so hard to get there!

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Mission somewhat accomplished...

These items completed:
Clean my room and bathroom really well:
Tub, vacuum, top of dresser.
Wash and change my sheets
COMPLETELY clean kitchen and living room, including floors!
Trash to dump.
Clean tub in Michael's bathroom. (I also did his sink)
Knock down cobwebs in hallway.
Take pictures of completed hats. (I have Katie's camera)
Look in Michael's room and see if there's anything to do to help him (he's still struggling with health issues. I know he's sixteen, but there are times we all need help!)
Listen to some GREAT music.
Read thirty pages.

So tomorrow I need to:
Clean my room and bathroom really well:
bathroom floor, cobwebs,
Balance checkbook.
Make bath salts.
Organize pumpkin pie baking goods.
Laundry. (Will probably do one more load of last "strays"
Make Thanksgiving menu.
Go get hair cut again - the new cut sucks.
Finish hat with fuzzy brim.
Pull some dead plants from garden so it looks better.
Take pictures of completed hats. (I have Katie's camera)
Eat healthy, homemade food all day, (Day two, with no going out)
Listen to some GREAT music. (again!)
Read thirty pages. (again!)

I felt like I had a good mix of work and recreation today. The recreation included the reading breaks, internet play and a little tiny bit of TV. Tonight I went out to Bear's Place to Comedy Caravan. It was a riot. I am so glad we went, even though it was damn cold and I had to park a couple of blocks away and walk. Ugh! Then I never seemed to get warm the entire time! I wore my coat and gloves!

BUT: I am really happy I went. I would have never gotten out of my jammies without that motivation. I swear I would have taken the trash tot he dump in my jammies!

SO Happy today for Bear's Place and Sonja even bought my dinner for me so it was extra nice. I really appreciated that! I was planning on spending the money, but every little bit saved really helps right now.

I have a headache. I woke up with one in the middle of the night last night and medicated it with Lortab and I think I am going to take some tonight too. It started on the way to the club and then while we were waiting for the show to start they played loud music and it did me in. I had fun anyway.

Saturday list!

I want to do A LOT today. We have had so many activities the past weekends or I have been so tired, things are behind, behind, behind! Also with Katie here, it is easy to sit in the warm room and TALK, instead of doing things in the evening like we should.

Clean my room and bathroom really well:
Tub, bathroom floor, cobwebs, vacuum, top of dresser.
Wash and change my sheets
COMPLETELY clean kitchen and living room, including floors!
Trash to dump.
Balance checkbook.
Clean tub in Michael's bathroom.
Make bath salts.
Organize pumpkin pie baking goods.
Knock down cobwebs in hallway.
Make Thanksgiving menu.
Go get hair cut again - the new cut sucks.
Finish hat with fuzzy brim.
Pull some dead plants from garden so it looks better.
Take pictures of completed hats. (I have Katie's camera)
Look in Michael's room and see if there's anything to do to help him (he's still struggling with health issues. I know he's sixteen, but there are times we all need help!)
Eat healthy, homemade food all day, until I go out tonight!
Do my nails and toes.
Listen to some GREAT music.
Read thirty pages.
The end.

I probably won't get it all done, but I am going to make priorities and start with the most important. The rest might happen tomorrow.

I am going to say top priority is the dump, kitchen & living room complete and all the stuff in my room. I've been keeping things up mostly and Katie has helped with dishes and stuff, but kind of little things have been bugging me for WEEKS and I can't take it anymore. I need those little things accomplished to feel more "settled" and ready for Thanksgiving. I need my room completely done because I need to have a very happy and calm sanctuary through the week while I have extra people in the house and extra work to do!

I am going to work in fifteen minute increments today and if that starts to feel like I am not getting enough accomplished I may need to bump it up to twenty minutes at a time. When we're going out tonight we are going early - to the 8:00 comedy show, so I don't really have that much time considering all that's on the list. I need to make sure my breaks in-between work periods are not too long.

Ready, set, go!

Friday, November 21, 2008

Minor rants...

... but also a little disappointment in myself.

I was very judgmental tonight of a woman in Wal-mart. She was checking out ahead of me and using WIC vouchers to buy baby formula. She also had on UGG boots, carried a Gucci purse, was texting on a super-cool cell phone and also wearing a diamond ring with several diamonds and they were so brilliant, they had to be real. I know it's none of my business. I know you have to prove that you qualify income-wise and health-wise for WIC. I used it when my children were little. I even qualified when I had higher income because Michael was anemic or something and it is not only based on income, but also on health issues and nutritional need. I was really judgmental tonight anyway!

One time a friend on food stamps asked me to use her foodstamp card and she would pay me in cash. I felt really bad about doing it, but I did it anyway because she has a gaggle of children and I figured she really needed the money. I have also been on food stamps and also AFDC (now TANF), so I have been in that situation where they give you a bunch of food stamps, but you don't have money to pay the electricity bill. A couple of weeks later, however, I found out that she had gone to Bonaroo (a big music festival in Tennessee). She said she was only able to go because someone had given her the ticket, but I was still kind of bitter and angry about it. I have kind of distanced myself a little bit from her ever since. Not just for that reason, but other reasons too. It's part of the big picture, however. I feel kind of sad about it, and sometimes I miss the kind of good times that we had together. I still care about her, but it bothers me that she didn't see anything wrong with it, especially when I told her that I really felt like I had committed food stamp fraud to do it.

Another little rant. Online forums. I have been visiting the Mormon or DAMU (Disaffected Mormon Underground) bulletin boards ever since I have been playing internet. I have met several of the people in person, corresponded regularly, etc. I REALLY CARE about these people. One bulletin board, however, that is full of still active Mormons, recently turned into a place of people spewing anti-gay diatribes about how evil it is. I couldn't take it anymore and finally said goodbye and deleted it from my favorites at work and at home. I honestly feel like I am going to miss it, though, because I genuinely care about the people. I will have to allow myself a little grieving time over it, even. I was thinking of Christmas cards, and even thought, "I will send one addressed only to Vickie and not to Jay," because I am so angry and amazed by his venom. I need to be a grown up and when I send my cards (on time this year, I swear!), still send to the whole family, but I am kind of just flustered by the whole thing. I don't understand their point of view, I don't understand their behaviour, I don't understand how you can hate and accuse someone of EVIL because of their sexuality. They would probably all think I am evil, too if they knew that I have had sex since my divorce... gasp! Maybe they would spew their hatred toward me! Whatever happened to loving like Jesus did and all that?

End of rants.

Happy today (and I really was happy today, honestly, not just ranty!) for getting the "Proofs" printed out for Leah before she got back. It is the part of the Public Notices that nobody ever did for me while I was gone and it would take forever to get caught up. It made me feel really happy and accomplished to do it for her. She works much harder than I do and deserves to have it done.

Thursday, November 20, 2008

Feeling better!

I worked hard today, but am not so exhausted. Oh - well, actually I remember that I left work early to take Michael to an appt. Then I came home and slept for about an hour before cello lesson! So maybe I WAS tired, but now I'm not! During his lesson I went to the mall to eat Chik-Fil-A and ran into Danille! YAY! We have been out of touch and I have been sad about it. So we ate dinner together and chatted and it was great! I talked too much about me and I need to hear more about her and what is going on. I know she is doing the PhD job search after a gazillion years of school, but there aren't that many openings for Folklore professors int he world. I've been thinking of hosting a brunch and inviting women from my different groups who I think would all enjoy each other and Danille is definitely one of them. She's one of my leftover LDS friends with whom I hope to never part. She was in YW when Emily still went to church and was so dedicated to Emily that she came and took her to early morning seminary 2-3 time a week because she knew how hard it was for me to get up in the morning - now THAT is love and service, for me and Emily. I think Danille would love some of the women from Buffalo Sisters and Women Inspire. Maybe around New Year's I will try it. I'll have to start working it out.

I am baking cookies (already done) and brownies for the orchestra chili supper tomorrow. I still need to put the brownies together, so I am going to do that now so I don't miss the beginning of ER.

Happy today for: DANILLE! Also Chik-Fil-A was super busy so they gave me TWO free sandwich cards tonight and I go almost every Thursday anyway during the cello lesson. So for two weeks I will only have to pay for my lemonade! Woo Hoo!

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Very tired.

I had a better day with my food, sugar levels, etc. I did work straight through, however and STILL am not caught back up with the work. I was tempted to stay late and work until I was satisfied, but I was too tired.

Michael got caught up with all the homework and got all the assignments turned in. Therefore, he was able to go to Bike Project tonight. I did need to drive him there so he could take in the broken bike. I went shopping while he was there so now I have groceries to put away before I can go to bed. I committed to cooking Thanksgiving dinner by buying a turkey, so now I'm in for it.

Okay I must go.

Happy today for: ninety seven cents a pound turkey, even though I remember it wasn't too many years ago turkey was the big loss leader and twenty nine cents a pound could be found. No longer.

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Worked hard again today.

I am going to bake a cake for Leah when she comes back!

Michael has been so overwhelmed. I suggested he skip school today and get caught up and offered to call in for him.

He called me and said he felt so bad about it, though, like it was the easy way out of his mess and he was a coward to stay home. I really feel like he is sort of in the academic mess for three reasons: he is depressed, he has been ill, I failed to set a certain boundary this weekend when I should have. I should have said no fossil hunting on Sunday, but I didn't. He did finally admit however, that he realizes he feels bad enough to want to go see the counselor. I had sent him to school counselor back in middle school, but he always refused to talk to her and just sat in silence. This one, however, he had talked to and seemed to respond well - this was a few years ago. So I made an appointment for him on Thursday.

I think all of the depression, illness, problems with his father are all feeding off one another in a dangerous combination. I absolutely hate to see him like this. The women at work have encouraged me to just stop taking him to Ed's and to let Ed try to take me to court for contempt. They figure because Michael is almost 17, by the time it made it to court he'll be 18 anyway!

I think my next step is going to be to compose a letter to Ed to suggest alternative visitation like because Michael is so involved in school activities that it is too difficult and stressful for him to go every other weekend. That instead of "trading" as Ed currently insists if Michael has a weekend activity, that Ed come down during the week and attend an activity with Michael, they could go to dinner, do Bike Project together, hang out at the library and talk or ANYTHING. Ed used to work second shift, but he now works first shift and there is no reason he could not come down and visit Michael instead. If he says he can't attend any of those activities with Michael I might even go so far as to volunteer to leave the house for several hours so they can hang out and talk or cook dinner together or something. On the state guidelines webpage this is one of the alternatives they suggest for teenagers who are heavily involved in sports or activities. I would of course quote heavily from those guidelines, stress the desire that I have to help Ed "maintain" his relationship with Michael etc... (as if maintaining a relationship of hatred, resentment and fear is good), but include things to demonstrate that I am not trying to take away his opportunities to see Michael. Of course a copy would be kept and it would be sent certified mail with a receipt for future reference, should it be needed... It pisses me off that Ed still uses Michael as a tool of manipulation and doesn't consider his desires valid because he is a child. It saddens me that Michael has said he is afraid to talk to Ed about it because he is afraid of Ed. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong for a child to be afraid of a parent.

Happy today for: good financial news. I made enough commission in my first month that I can pay a house payment AND my debt management plan this week. If I get child support we'll even have money for food and gas too! Can you believe it? YAY!

Monday, November 17, 2008

Up and down day.

I started out with a headache.

I took Excedrin.

I had a stomach ache.

I drank some Sprite.

I got high somewhere in there.

I crashed to 62.

I sweated. I shook. I sat down and ate 3 rolls of Smarties.

I asked Tina to go out and get some real food for me.

I ate a chicken sandwich at my desk.

I felt better.

I worked during all of this.

I worked from 8:00 - 5:15.

Leah is on vacation and I am back to doing some Public Notices and portions of production, yet have the pressure of working on commission again at the same time.

I am also supposed to train a couple of my coworkers on the production portion of the work, but today it was just easier to do it myself.

I came home and ate a muffin before cooking to make sure no more crash - sometimes starting to cook does it to me. Made a good dinner and we all ate together.

I was going to go to a place and try "Zumba Dancefit." First time is free. I decided after such a day that it was not the time to try something new. I know that generally, exercise is supposed to make you feel better, but i would hate to be in a new place with new people and get sick or pass out.

So I have been doing laundry and reading some more of "The Milagro Beanfield War," while hanging with Katie and Michael. Pleasant.

Happy today for Smarties. I may have used them as my happy before, but boy, today, they made a difference and probably kept me vertical.

Sunday, November 16, 2008

I forgot

to post my Happy for today.

I am happy today for the Betta fish. I have ended up with two - mine and Emily's: Peg and UV Ray... Peg is really active and displays his tail a lot and I love it. It makes me happy. I want to get one of the split tanks now that I have two. Maybe soon. Maybe I'll put it on the Christmas list.

The event went well tonight. Not as well attended as we would have liked. I blame the publicity crew for that. BUT the entertainment was great. The food was great. Rachael said it was bigger than a Sunday night usually would be and I didn't screw up too badly as emcee. I forgot to introduce the first band and had them just start playing.... but I made up for it with some of my witty banter as they ended and said I'd "un-introduce" them, and that went over well.

So I am happy for that too!

This was a little wild.

I took this personality test on Plenty of singles site and this is the analysis. I feel like a lot of it is spot-on. Kind of scary. I'm going to try to bold some parts that really strike me.


As someone with high self-confidence, you feel quite comfortable interacting with other people. Indeed, you find the company of others very stimulating and enjoy meeting new people. Your relaxed demeanor in groups makes people around you comfortable too. Perhaps because you feel comfortable talking about yourself, others tend to enjoy being around you and perceive you as socially competent.

The confidence that helps you feel comfortable talking to people also spills into your own personal beliefs about yourself. Although you have several strengths, it’s likely that you also acknowledge and accept your weaknesses. But unlike some people, you take full responsibility for your actions—you rarely regret things you’ve done in the past and are not embarrassed easily.

Perhaps the defining feature that sets you apart from most people is the exceptionally high standards that you set for yourself. Your competence in social gatherings as well as at work should provide ample evidence for this. With these characteristics, it’s very likely that people come to you for advice and generally think of you as someone with leader-like qualities.

Family Orientation

As someone who is oriented to familial matters, you value the company of family-members and domestic life. If you have children already, you enjoy spending time with them very much and work hard to be a good parent. If you don’t have children, you very much desire having children in the future. And your preference for cooking and entertaining guests at home will likely ease the transition into parenthood.

You take pride in maintaining and cultivating a healthy family and work hard to achieve this. This natural tendency is easily illustrated by your preference for doing things around the house as opposed to going out to clubs and restaurants.

What really sets you apart from people that are low in family orientation is that you know how to manage your frustrations and work well on your own. This means that you are well-equipped to manage a family without letting all the work that is involved wear you down. However, as someone with strong family values, all the work that is involved in maintaining a tidy home and well-stocked kitchen might occasionally make it difficult for you to finish everything that you need to do.


The self-control personality dimension captures the way in which a person regulates and directs him or herself. Being low in self-control can be both good and bad. Occasionally people may be compelled to follow their intuitions and give in to their temptations, and your degree of self-control makes this likely to happen more often than not. This can be good in circumstances where being relaxed and open are important. However, in situations where it is necessary to be focused and careful, you might find that you do or say things that may be inappropriate.

As someone who exerts little control over your actions, you may find that you commit social blunders that might offend other people and get yourself in trouble. For example, if you’re given responsibility to work on a project that requires close attention to detail, you may be likely to overlook important details because you have difficulty staying focused. Consequently, you might feel more comfortable delegating such tasks to other people who are more detail oriented. Being able to recognize such characteristics in yourself and having more detail-oriented people do such tasks could be an effective way to manage your own stress level.

Low self-control may diminish your effectiveness at work. Acting too relaxed can make it difficult for you to focus on projects that require organized sequences of steps or stages. Thus, your ability to accomplish may be inconsistent. Indeed, it’s possible that you might be criticized periodically for being unreliable or unable to “stay within the lines.” Nonetheless, you may still experience many short-lived pleasures and never be thought of as boring.


As someone high in openness, you have a strong appreciation for beauty, both in art and nature. Indeed, it’s likely that you are easily absorbed in music and art, as well as natural phenomena. Another aspect of your openness is your emotional insight; that is, you probably have good access to and awareness of your own emotions.

Another aspect of the openness dimension is the tendency to think about abstract concepts and ideas. This thinking style may take the form of artistic and metaphorical use of language, and/or music composition or performance. Thus, it is likely that, either in your work or spare time, you enjoy activities that get your “creative juices” flowing.

Your tendency to be open-minded can have advantages and disadvantages. For instance, when there are no clear rules about how to approach a particular problem, your openness makes it easier for you to identify new ways to solve problems that might not be very obvious to people that are not as open as you are. In contrast, you may be bored easily in situations that lack high amounts of intellectual stimulation. In such cases, you might have difficulty excelling on projects that do not provide much stimulation or require much creative thinking.


Easygoingness refers to one's ability to relax. Based on your score, you appear to work and play hard. The benefits of being moderate in easygoingness are that you achieve success through hard work, but you also know when and how to relax. Your colleagues and friends likely consider you as reliable and fun to be around.

Being moderate in easygoingness can cause you some stress, however. For example, you may sometimes find it difficult to complete tasks thoroughly and efficiently, which can cause stress for both you and the people around you. You may occasionally experience stress by working hard to reach your goals, but you value having fun and just relaxing. Knowing how to balance both work and play is a gift, and you have the key ingredients for doing this.

You have enough mental flexibility to think creatively and enough focus to implement those ideas well. This might be epitomized by your occasional difficulty focusing on subtle details, but the ease with which you’re able to adjust to changes in your life.

As someone who is neither rigid nor careless, you likely get along with most people well. On the one hand, you recognize the value of working hard and therefore consider such qualities in others beneficial. On the other hand, you know how to relax and thus appreciate people that know how to do this too. Chances are your friends and colleagues perceive you as someone that works hard, but also knows how to have a good time.

How does your personality affect your love life?

With your strong degree of confidence, it’s no surprise that you get along well with most people. Indeed, it’s self-confidence that allows people to feel comfortable interacting with others without feeling insecure and vulnerable. For this reason, you shouldn’t have much difficulty in romance, at least not initially. Your social skills will likely help relieve any anxiety your romantic partners might have on those first few dates. However, over time, the high standards that you have for yourself could potentially frustrate your partner.

Given how much you value family life, you probably get along best with people who share your values and beliefs. In fact, it’s likely that you maintain close connections with members of your immediate and distant family. For this reason, you would probably be most satisfied in a romantic relationship with someone who also values domestic life. Being in a relationship with someone who enjoys going out to parties and staying-up late at night might be fun, at least initially; yet it’s likely that you will find this tiring over time. Thus, it might be easier and more satisfying for you to develop a long-lasting relationship with a person who also enjoys spending time at home and desires starting a family. On first dates, perhaps you might suggest to your partner that the two of you spend a quiet night having dinner at one of your respective homes instead of going out to a restaurant or club.

As someone who is more relaxed than most people, you’re likely be attracted to most people. However, your free-spirited nature might make being in a relationship with a person that is more rigid than you difficult because you might perceive the person as being too uptight and controlling. For this reason, you may ultimately be most satisfied in a relationship with someone that is shares your level of self-control.

Your openness probably makes it easy for you to respect and appreciate people that are different from you. However, when it comes to romantic relationships, your openness might make it difficult for you to tolerate people that cannot appreciate diversity as much as you. Therefore, you may be happiest in serious relationships with people that share your open-mindedness. But, your openness might occasionally cause a certain degree of dependency on your end because you may be so open that you easily adopt the preferences and habits of your partners and gradually relinquish things that make you so unique.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Date Report:

It was mixed. He seems like a nice guy. We had pretty good conversation. He has a real job in his own business and explained how he got there. We talked about Bloomington - he used to live here. We talked about family. We talked about cooking. All that was nice. He is just really socially awkward. He didn't do any of the nice things like greet me well, offer to take my coat, make sure I had eaten dinner, etc... When he paid the tab he gave a $20 and she didn't ask if he needed change nor bring any back, so it must have been $20. THEN he left four quarters on the table for a tip. We were there for two hours, the woman refilled my Diet Coke numerous times, checked up on us frequently and deserved like a $5.00 tip. I should have sneaked back in and given her more money. He wants to go out again and invited me to his house so he can cook Mediterranean food for me. That might be nice, but I am not sure I feel comfortable going in his house. I think we'd need another test date or two first. Also he is kind of effeminate and wimpy looking so I didn't feel very attracted to him and you have to admit that's part of life. I swear my friend Rachael looks less feminine in her wig and nails and makeup and whole cross-dressing thing, than my date did in male gender identification clothing. Does that make sense? (Sorry Rachael, it's those fab shoulders and arms that do you in!)

So in summary, I might go out with him again if he initiates it. I don't think the next date should be dinner at his place. And I wonder if the reason is is 52 and never been married is something he either hasn't discovered or admitted to himself yet. Ah hah... maybe he needs a different kind of friend.

It's cold.

I'm a whiner!

BUT I am happy for hair dye. Yep. I thought I would just gracefully go gray, but I get this "Bride of Frankenstein"streak on one side, that makes it not so graceful. Sigh.

I'm nervous about the orchestra fund raiser tomorrow.

I have a date tonight with a new man. I'll return and report.

That's all. I have to go figure out how to undye my face. My mom called while I was steeping and the phone got dye on my face! I think I'm going to bleach it. Caustic substances are just a BIG exfoliation, right?

Friday, November 14, 2008

Long Day

I got up and baked muffins, but I couldn't eat any because I had to go to the hospital for a fasting blood test. By the time I got to work I was SHAKY. I ate a muffin and Christie was making an Egg McMuffin run already so I had some protein too. I definitely felt better afterward, but It seemed like all day all I felt like doing was eating!

I even went out to dinner with people. Almost all of them also went out to a Club to see a band, but I am here instead. I hadn't written today AND we have to go to the American Legion for a breakfast tomorrow.

The Legion is sponsoring a breakfast for the orchestra. They donated all the food and are cooking and everything. All the kids had to do was sell tickets and some will help out with cleanup. The orchestra gets to keep 100% of the funds! The Legion really wants to support the orchestra for this trip. This is the only orchestra in the state invited to this international music festival and THEY are the ones chosen to play on the beach at Normandy on the anniversary of the invasion. I really hope Michael gets to go, but as far as I see it right now it is hopeless. Even with all the fund raising it will still be almost $3000 per kid. Also Michael is second chair cellist, but would get to be section leader on the trip because Jake, the section leader, is in another orchestra that is also touring Europe at the same time and that trip is paid. Michael is 2nd chair to a kid who is so accomplished he has been invited to play in some ensembles with Joshua Bell this year. It would be such a wonderful experience for Michael to get to go to France with the orchestra and be section leader. Sigh....

That's what kind of happened to Emily on the Hawaii trip. The concertmaster had a gig with the Indianapolis Symphony that week so Emily got to be concertmaster and do the solos. I think it was a good experience for her. That is part of the hazard of being in Bloomington. When is most other small towns you would probably be the best player, here you are either with students who have actually come from their countries to come to IU and study music or you have students like Jake, whose parents are both professional musicians and started playing the cello with some of the world's best teachers when he was a toddler. Of course, it is possible I also wouldn't be able to have such great teachers for my children in other communities either, but the amount of the budget that goes for lesson! Oy!

Happy today for a nice little shopping trip to Dollar General. It's not as scary as the evil empire and I can stock up. I have irrational fears of not having extras of stuff like tissues, dish soap, fabric softener and detergent. Dollar General eases my anxieties. Each item does sometimes cost a little more, but it is worth it to not have to face the crowds and scary stuff at the evil empire.

Thursday, November 13, 2008


Happy today for a new battery in my Mickey Mouse watch! YAY!

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

NOT mono...

Hippie Boy has been so sick. Three or four weeks ago I had him go get a strep test - negative. In the meantime, we find out his friend John has mono. Today he was so sick he couldn't get out of bed. I took him to the dr. this afternoon. She said his spleen is not enlarged and his glands aren't too swollen, but they did the CBC and mono test. His red and white cells are okay and no mono. She said if in a couple of weeks he is still so fatigued to come back.

I have been worried about him being depressed and overwhelmed. He has been VERY upset lately about visiting his dad and very, very busy with school and activities. He hasn't had time to go climbing, not as much bike project as he would like, no war protest, and so tired. He usually goes to bed at 9:00, but his bedtime lately has either been too late because he has had too much homework, or earlier because he is so fatigued. I have even offered to take him back to counseling (he went some a few years ago), to see if he could learn some new tools for coping with his situation with his father.

I am getting more into Facebook lately. Big time waster. I need to read five more books to make my goal for the year and I am currently reading "The Milagro Beanfield War" which is extremely good, but very dense in character description and it requires concentration. I haven't even read for a few days, maybe since the weekend... I did some knitting today on a hat which I think will be super, super cool. I will definitely post a picture of it when complete. I think tonight I am skipping dishes, even though I always regret the next day, but I really want to either watch something and knit or work on the book. Emily left "27 dresses" and maybe I will watch that.

Katie and I went grocery shopping tonight and really stocked up. It felt good. We did Aldi and the evil empire and got everything on the list except wheat germ. It's usually cheaper in bulk at Bloomingfoods anyway.

SO - happy today for lots of things. That we have health insurance and I was able to take Michael to the doctor when needed. That on Facebook I joined the Bob Zaltsberg Fan club - he's our editor and I think it's hilarious and I love him!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

Happy today for:


Nuff said.

Proud to be a Hoosier

SCHERERVILLE, Ind. – Indiana state police said that after a mother was arrested for drunken driving, the three relatives who came to pick up her 1-year-old son also had all been drinking. A state trooper stopped a minivan for speeding early Saturday on U.S. 30 in Schererville in northwestern Indiana. He arrested the 24-year-old woman on a drunken driving charges.

The boy's father arrived later to pick him up, but officers determined he was intoxicated and also arrested him on a drunken driving charge.

Police said the boy's grandparents then arrived. Both of them also had been drinking, state police said, but the grandmother who was driving was not over the legal limit, so officers escorted them home with the child.

Monday, November 10, 2008

Buffalo Gal...

Well, really Buffalo Sisters Gift Circle.

Tonight I gave how to make bath salts and took materials so a couple of women could make a jar and take home.

I received an accupressure session focusing on stress points, and then talked to a woman about food and nutrition. She kind of talked to me about making things from scratch instead of buying, specifically pasta and yogurt. Michael eats a ton of yogurt so if I could make it myself it might be cheaper. She said the best kind of culture to buy is just over $5.00, but it is enough to make 2 gallons of yogurt. So let's see, if I spend $5.00 on culture and $6.00 on milk, it's $11.00 for two gallons of yogurt... Usually I pay about $2.00 or just under for a quart so if there are four quarts to a gallon... then I now paying $8.00 a gallon for yogurt as opposed to $5.50 if I made it from scratch. The method she uses doesn't require any special equipment and makes two quarts at a time, which is a reasonable amount for Michael to have.

It was a pretty cool night, literally and figuratively.

Happy for: That Katie is staying here. She went to Bike Project with Michael while I went to Buffalo Sisters. Michael really needs another nurturing adult in his life right now. There is a lot of negative with his dad and he needs to know that other adults love and respect him and his principles.

Sunday, November 9, 2008

Women want me.

Tonight at the Rusted Root show these women were all over me. I think one of them kissed me on the neck. They loved me because I was old and love Rusted Root. It's too late to write too much more, but

HAPPY TODAY FOR: RUSTED ROOT!!! I talked music with the guy who played the penny whistle on Send me on my way and figure out why I never sound good. It's because he has a special whistle in C - He told me where to order one! Fpllow this to go see the song and hear.

Saturday, November 8, 2008

I'm addicted!

You thought it would be to my prescription medications, right? Nah - I'm not famous enough for that! IT wouldn't be a good "People" cover. Not even the "National Enquirer." It's to Oh my gosh, some of that stuff gets me laughing out loud. Even some where people get hurt, and I usually HATE when people laugh at others' misfortune. There is this one where a guy is on a TV shopping show with replica swords and he pounds it on the table and a piece of it breaks off and stabs him in the back.... I could not stop laughing and had to watch it again.. I am a sicko.

I am waiting for everybody else to wake up so I can start the ribs in a slow oven and clean the house. Come on, girls! I think we're planning a mellow day of food and movies and I maybe some shopping, although all of us are poor. I do want to return the pedometer that doesn't work and a bra that doesn't fit. Big plans, let me tell you, big plans.

Friday, November 7, 2008

Getting ready for Night of Dance

cheesecake is cut and boxed. I am sad because I didn't realize I am out of "cake circles" so I had to put it in the box on the bottom of the springform pan. It doesn't look as professional, plus I risk losing the bottom of my pan. I forgot to ask Heather to take a picture before I cut the cheesecake. Oh well.

Happy today for: Emily and Mandy are coming down for NOD. I look forward to seeing them!

Thursday, November 6, 2008

Baking Chocolate Cheesecake

For the Night of Dance tomorrow. You know, I think it was for Night of Dance that I first started the whole cheesecake baking experiments. I remember that year I made an "Autumn Harvest" cheese cake, with sliced apples on the top, then I decided it needed a caramel sauce to go with it. After that was a success I decided to start checking out different recipes until it evolved into making my own recipes as I varied, combined, added different kinds of toppings etc... I still look at recipes on allrecipes and stuff like that... I have my basic recipe that I am happy with and vary it to make different flavors. Next up, I want to try try butterscotch. I decided to just go with plain chocolate for tomorrow. I think my best successes have been the "chelonia cheesecake" the mint chocolate and the white chocolate raspberry swirl. I think I can add a picture of it later.

Happy today for someone to share meat with! I made meatloaf for dinner, which I have been craving. Yum. Let hippie boy worry about his own protein source tonight!

Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Party day!

I felt good all day today about election stuff and about knowing I had done my part! Some of the local races turned out other than I would have liked, but that's life.

Tonight Heather and I went out to dinner. She got to choose because it was her celebration, so we went to O'Charley's. I like it, but I ate too much! Then we went and walked all around Old Navy and walked down to Lowes and walked all around the store and I fantasized about home improvement. Pedestal sinks, tile, celing fans, patio doors, light fixtures... things that generally make a woman swoon, of course.

She's watching some TV she likes and I am going to get the kitchen completely clean tonight. Tomorrow is baking night. I am going to make some kind of cheesecake and some other "fancy dessert." I am thinking of either truffles or of gingerbread cookies. Gingerbread doesn't sound fancy, but I make them in the fall with these leaf cookie cutters and put granulated sugar on them so they're sparkly, and I think they are pretty! Also, I don't know if it's true of all gingerbread cookie recipes, but the one I use is vegan; no butter, milk or eggs involved. I need to go ingredient shopping and I wonder if I can get Heather to do that while I am at work so I can have more baking time in the evening. She has already volunteered to take Michael to cello lesson and I don't want her to feel like I am using her for a slave, but it would sure help out.

Happy today for. That kidney still filtering away in Heather! After years of dialysis, nine years with a working kidney is an amazing treat. Also, one more warm day. I couldn't resist, I painted my toesies this morning and wore my sandals to work that one last time - of course now my feet hurt. Ouch, but a happy ouch that was worth it today!

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Hello, everybody!

I would be bad if I didn't talk election today, right? Let's just say I voted and I think my favorite presidential candidate will win.

I can't really talk politics because never know why I pick whom I pick. I am a purely emotional voter. I encourage all of you to go to Amber's blog, "Soggy Cheerios," to read some sound reasons for voting for Sen. Obama. She's logical. I am not, but when I read her points I find that I agree with most of them. I'm lucky to have such an intelligent and well-spoken niece!

Polls have only been closed for a little over an hour and they are already calling some of the state elections. Governor went as I expected, which is that Gov. Daniels stays. I had mixed feelings on that one, so I'm good with it, even though he is a Republican. He's cute and he flirts with me when he comes into the office. Like I said, I'm an emotional voter. :) In our congressional district, my candidate is winning. I didn't vote for him in the Primaries, and in fact, participated in Gretchen Clearwater's campaign against him. I would rather have him than his opponent, however. The opponent seems like a shady character to me.

The end of politics for me. I may have a little celebration tomorrow.

Happy today for: Well, for the right to vote, of course! As Ann said in her blog. "Well done, Sister Suffragettes!" (from Mary Poppins)

Monday, November 3, 2008

Smokey & Me

This is last fall when Heather and I took a two day vacation down at Spring Mill State Park. When I see this picture I feel like I can really tell I have lost weight since then and that FINALLY some of the weight that I have lost has been in my belly. YAY ME! She's on her vacation this week and is going to come down here Wednesday or Thursday. We're too poor to go anywhere this year, but we are probably going to go out to eat Wednesday to celebrate the ninth anniversary of her kidney transplant. Thursday I have to bake cheesecakes for Night of dance. Friday is Night of Dance and Emily and Mandy are coming too... It's a busy week for me!

Tonight I am baking cookies for Sonja's birthday tomorrow. I am going to make EASY cake-mix cookies. French vanilla cake mix with butterscotch chips and pecans. They are SO good. It's one of my favorite combinations. Cake mix cookies are kind of "cheating" to me because they're not really from scratch, but sometimes you do what you've gotta do!

I bought a new pedometer last night and it doesn't work well either! I can't figure out why I can't get a pedometer to work anymore. This is the third one I've tried since I broke my old one. I had it for a couple of years and it served me well until I dropped it too many times and broke its guts. Now I can't find one to replace it that seems to keep an accurate count. For example, I looked at mine today and it said 146 steps. I walked all the way to the bathroom and back and then it read 151... Umm yeah - more like 100. So I don't know what to do. I want to be able to set a goal and achieve it. I like doing the minutes of activity and recording that okay, but I like to have the number of steps along with it.

Happy today for: Michael made dinner - it was simple, but I didn't have to do it.

Also - I didn't write that the other night at the bar I found an old friend with whom I worked 19 years ago. It was really nice to see him and I had wondered over the years what had happened to him because he had some traumatic things happen in his life back then. I am glad to see that he is doing well now.

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Drunken domestic bliss...

I went out last night and met two different batches of friends at a bar. My friend Pat, from work came and started buying drinks. I hardly EVER drink when I go out, but last night I ended up getting drunk. I haven't done that in over twenty years. I had fun though and was rather uninhibited, while usually I am pretty reserved. I danced and just had a really good time. It was a good thing I was with Pat because he is a good friend and doesn't think with his penis... I could have been an easy target for anybody last night in that condition. Pat is so nice, though - he brought me home, made me check my sugar, take my medicine, made sure I went to bed okay. Then he came back and took me today to go get my car. I'm really happy to have a good friend I can trust. I had such a crush on him when he first came here and was disappointed that nothing romantic ever happened, but I have really learned to value him as a friend over the past couple of years.

The rest of the weekend for me is domestic bliss - I actually made a huge batch of spaghetti sauce and canned it this morning. We like the homemade because I make it with no sugar - most of the bottled sauce has sugar or high fructose corn syrup. I hadn't canned it before, but always frozen it. I was encouraged by Amber's canning and Christie at work so I was daring.

I plan to take a long walk, probably on the Clear Creek Trail, and then just relax some more.

Happy today for Pat's kindness, that Michael got to go climbing, that I swept my floor and that life is content and calm.

Saturday, November 1, 2008

I'm not dead,

but I really actually did skip blogging for a night. I got so tired last night while we were waiting for trick or treaters that I fell asleep on the couch. I finally wandered into my room and went to bed in my clothes on top of the covers, just under my Hello Kitty throw. I finally woke up about 5:00 and was freezing, so I changed into jammies and went back to sleep until about 8:30 this morning! I must have been totally exhausted. I have slept pretty well this week, honestly, and even skipped dishes to go to bed early a couple of nights (you should see my kitchen!).

Michael and I just returned from a round of thrift shopping. He had to play his cello at a holiday Bazaar, and I went to Goodwill while he was there. I spotted one pair of pants that were his size (30x32, nearly impossible to find - and really he could use a 29 waist!), but REALLY light khaki, which doesn't really go well with chain grease. So after I picked him up we returned so he could try them, on. He decided they fit well enough to buy, but that he wants to dye them black. It makes me kind of nervous to think of black dye in the new washer, but I know if you run a bleach load afterward it's usually okay. He also found a jacket he likes that is SO eighties, the zipper is off center. It makes me laugh. I tell him because he didn't live through the seventies and eighties he doesn't remember hpw ugly everybody was! I found some good books. I picked up a couple of books of women's erotica. I am wondering if writing a couple of erotic books might be a quick way to get published and make some money. I guess there is a big market for it, yet a lot of it is very poorly written. Some well-written erotic books might sell well. We'll see! I'm sure if I have the guts to do it. or the imagination, because it would mostly have to come from my imagination and NOT experience! :) I was a good, Mormon woman for so long...

Well, I might write again later, but maybe not. I have about three days worth of dishes to do and exercise and dump and, you know, all my Saturday stuff. Michael also has to play at a wedding today, but he has a ride to that one, so at least I get some time to myself and some uninterrupted home time.

Happy today for THRIFT SHOPPING! I love that Michael found some clothes and I found some great books... including a hardback of Barbara Kingsolver's "Prodigal Summer" It's one of my favorites. I want hardcover editions of all her books. I have three so far.

Off to be domestic for a while.