Thursday, April 30, 2009


I felt frantic much of the day, but took some time to write out some of the instructions Pam and Joyce will need to know while I am taking my days off. That felt great. I am still WAY behind in paperwork, filing and desk cleaning. I am considering Sunday spending my day at the office and instead of doing housework intervals, doing work work intervals. The problems with that is that the house is so messy! Crazy life, mine.

Despite fatigue and crazy and pouring rain I went to listen to Sarah sing at Rachael's Cafe tonight. Gorgeous, entertaining AND, you're not going to believe it. I was actually quite relaxed. Part of the time I was alone and just mellowed, part of the time a friend was there sitting with me, part of the time we were talking to others we know from dance and music events. The guy playing the vibraphone looked so familiar - finally introduced him and said his last name and I realized he is one of my customers! He was a nice customer AND nice to talk to tonight. I love knowing the people in the band when I go out. Oh, and the bass player was the same guy who gigged with Ben last night so I saw him two nights in a row! Maybe I'll tell him I'm a bass groupie.

But now it's late and I have tomorrow to make an eight or nine hour work day try to feed Michael and make sure he's tuxed up appropriately and then drive to Indy to hear him play and get him home quickly to sleep for the SAT in the morning!

Positive thoughts for good SAT scored despite the boy having to stay up late for his orchestra commitment.

Wednesday, April 29, 2009

All. That. Jazz. /Poop.

Michael had Ben's microphone and Ben had a gig tonight and needed it. He was supposed to go get it from my car while I was in class. I went out and checked and the box was still there, so I was freaking out even though he had my cell # and was supposed to all me if he couldn't find the car. So finally I called home and had Michael check my email and the last one Ben sent me said where his gig was. I called HIM one more time and left a message saying I was on my way over, but I sure hoped he wasn't answering because he was playing and everything was okay. So I got to the place and went down to the bar/ performance space. Oh my. His playing was some of the most beautiful music I have ever heard. I have always said I hate improvisational jazz, but it was SO pretty, and BEN is SO pretty and I was tempted to order a drink and stay and listen some more, even after I found out that he had taken the mic out of the box and just left the box in the car because he plans to give the mic back to Michael tomorrow! Tomorrow night, however, I do plan to go out to listen to MORE jazz, only vocal to hear Sarah, whom I have met in my business classes sing in her trio - Sarah's Swing Set. I will be jazzed out/ totally musicked out by Friday night, cello rehearsals, extra for contest, hearing Ben a little tonight, cello lesson and another rehearsal tomorrow, then Sarah, then Friday I am going to hear Michael play at contest because the spring concert is the night that we have left for Georgia in the morning.

I am taking two days off work and going to Georgia with the team! They will pay for my gas and hotel and some of the food and I get a little extra time with Michael. Our time will be so limited this summer because of his travels and stuff that we really need it. I know he will be with his friends and will also be working at his events, but he sounded really glad when I told him I could go. That makes me happy. I get to see MY SON participate in a super cool NATIONAL science competition.

And here is the first poem I have written in years. I think the year I wrote our holiday letter in rhyming stanzas was the last "poem" at all. I used to be quite the active poet, but now I realize how badly I suck and am sticking to prose. Too bad I'm not like Barbara Kingsolver and can do it all, AND in two languages. Sigh.. Covet.

Poo-poo Poem

I realize I’m losing weight
Every time I defecate.
Fiber, fiber, bring it on
Chew, chew, chew, weight be gone.
Feed me carrots, grapes, tomatoes
Celery and sweet potatoes.
Low in sugar, low in fat –
Large intestines, they like that!
Metamucil, Fiber Choice
Lots of water, keep it moist!
If the mechanism starts to fail
A little grease will get it well.
McDonald’s fries will do the trick,
A lot of lube to keep it slick!
Every time you grunt and push
A little fat comes off the tush!

So positive thoughts for good poops all around, although in your own yard, please, good jazz and a happy, happy week. SLLEEEPPP sooon.


I forgot to blog, but I am still awake, even though it is almost 2 am so I am counting it for Tuesday.

I've been up doing homework, which I actually intended to begin last night, but our internet was out! We actually do the homework through an online guide and then print it out and turn it in in class.

This week's home really needed to be done well ahead. I am going to have to turn in the BS I made up and complete it over the weekend. I need to actually do RESEARCH, like they expect something of me! Can you believe it? I know it will be good and all that, but Whine, anyway.

Something has been making funny noises and I am scared to go get more water to finish taking my medicine. It's probably the wind blowing the wreath so it bangs on the door, or Flop the cat outside on one of the porch chairs leaning on the window. I am a weenie, though. I need to get FLop to come in the house. Michael saw a mouse this morning. Maybe the noise is the mouse and it's a really BIG one! I should have set traps tonight, but I forgot. I hate when the mousies make a mess and everything has to be cleaned up and thrown away and disinfected. Ugh.

Well now positive thoughts that the few hours of sleep I am going to get here will be deep, deep and restful. It's a crowded and busy day tomorrow.

Monday, April 27, 2009

My email to the mean guy last week.

You treated me extremely rudely on the telephone and I do not recall ANY verbal conversation with you until yesterday, or Tuesday at the earliest. As you can see, I sent the specs first thing Tuesday morning. I had also told Eugene from Sp***** that art, even camera ready, needed to be in my Wednesday noon. I will be glad to send you a copy of that email if you don’t believe me. I am sorry if that deadline was not passed on to you and maybe I will learn a lesson about trusting the middleman between the newspaper and an ad agency. I do my job well and I deserve to be treated with respect, just as I have tried to treat you and Gail both with respect throughout the day, each time I have called, despite my distress over the missed deadline and the pressure I am receiving from my production department.


From: Hope L*****
Sent: Tuesday, April 21, 2009 8:37 AM
To: ''
Subject: Blgtn Reader's Choice Tab

Sp***** Ellettsville:

1st place in Convenience Store
3rd place in gas stations


Printing Process Offset ............................ (100 line screen)
Depth of page .......................................126p6 (21 inches)
Width of page .......................................70p2 (11.5inches)
Columns ...........................................................6 columns
Broadsheet pages ......... 6 columns wide by 21 inches deep
Tabloid Pages
Column measures same as above with 5 columns per page
limited to 11.5 inches
Display Measurements
Columns Approx Picas
Inches Wide points wide
1 .................................... 1.833 .............................. 11p1
2 .................................... 3.792 ............................ 22p11
3 ...................................... 5.75 .............................. 34p9
4 ........................................ 7.5 .............................. 46p7
5 ........................................ 9.5 .............................. 58p5
6 ...................................... 11.5 .............................. 70p2
Double Truck ......................... 24 .......................... 144p11

I have also attached a file with the Reader’s Choice logo both in black and white and color.

Congratulations on both the wins!


I am so proud of myself for not taking his crap. I am also glad Cory supported me in standing upfor myself. Cory knows a lot about me, including my past and I bet he is pleased that I did not let this guy abuse me and just take it, even though it did make me cry.

Sunday, April 26, 2009

South science squad heading to nationals

South science squad heading to nationals
By Andy Graham 331-4215 |
April 26, 2009

A quote by 19th century British prime minister William Gladstone that now serves as a legal maxim states: “Justice delayed is justice denied.”

But for Bloomington South’s Science Olympiad squad, which now knows it is going to the national championships, obtaining a bit of delayed justice sure beats getting none at all.

South officially finished second to Bloomington North at the state science olympiad contest in March at IUPUI, but if results from the trajectory event had stood as initially posted, South would have won the state title.

Other events also reportedly were muddled to a degree, which isn’t unprecedented in a competition staffed by volunteers, but officials felt that trajectory was mismanaged enough to toss the event out of the final team computations completely. That made North state champion for the eighth time in nine years. And since Indiana was only allowed one automatic berth to the nationals this year — set for May 15-16 in Augusta, Ga. — North got it.

South didn’t begrudge North a berth, but felt it certainly should be going, too. Now, after a squad from Oklahoma dropped out to open up a spot, Bloomington will have two squads at nationals.

“We are really happy, obviously, for the opportunity to have the chance to compete at nationals and receive recognition for all of our hard work,” South biology teacher and science olympiad coach Sabrina Grossman wrote via e-mail Friday. “The students were really upset that a mistake by the competition organizers was their reason for not being able to go to nationals or winning first place in Indiana, so this announcement has really allowed us to move on from the state tournament and concentrate on the future.”

The immediate future will involve some prompt fundraising, now the South has a date in Georgia in three weeks.

Grossman said the community already had been generous and South will conduct a Nationals Car Wash and Fundraising Drive from 11 a.m.-5 p.m. Saturday at Pizza Hut South at 110 E. Winslow Road. South sophomore Marshall Mullins said he thought the amount needed was about $5,000. Tony Gao, a senior, said, “We’ll pay it out of our own pockets, if need be. We’d find a way. Nothing is going to keep us from going now.”

South has eight seniors overall, including alternates, and six on its current competing team — a couple of whom have a little experience with nationals from the last time South won the state title in 2006.

“A couple of us went our freshman year, but not as a part of the competing core team,” Gao said. “Plus, it was held at IU, in our hometown, so maybe it didn’t seem quite as special. But this squad has been a powerhouse for the past couple of decades, and this current team is especially strong, so not getting to go back to nationals to compete would have been hard to handle, especially under the circumstances.”

Mullins noted that North, a blameless beneficiary of the state officials’ decision, wasn’t responsible for the circumstances. “We have friends on their team,” he said. “A real close friend of mine from middle school, Kaela Hawkins, is on their team. We were at Batchelor together.”

Mullins and freshman Ian Carrico had finished second in electric vehicle and fifth in trajectory, only to see the latter results tossed.

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, as they say,” Mullins said about such foibles of life. “We learned something about life from that. I learned something from it — it was my event that was thrown out. Ian Carrico and I stayed after school pretty much every day of the week, from 2-5 p.m., since October. We came in to work weekends, too. Lately, we’ve been at it till 6 p.m. or so. Some people might tell me to get a life, but I really like working at it, and, naturally, we all want to see all that hard work rewarded.”

Elizabeth Sherrill, a senior, said South expects a strong showing at nationals. The team will renew its rivalry with North and has a lofty goal of placing in the national top 10 among the 120 teams competing in 46 events spanning the sciences.

“North finished 10th last year, and that’s a real accomplishment,” she said. “It’s a real challenge, but it’s a good goal for us.”

Ramin Rajaii, one of the seniors who got a taste of nationals as a freshman, said: “For me, freshman year, I don’t think I fully realized the significance. I hadn’t already put in four years of time and effort. Now, I feel a significant difference. It feels well-earned.”

Nationals competition team

SENIORS: Jeff Atwood, Tony Gao, Ramin Rajaii, Hayley Schilling, Elizabeth Sherrill, Jason Wong.
JUNIORS: Alexander Bertoloni-Meli, Josh Fix, Sam Hass, Michael Lukens, Kirsten Wallskog.
SOPHOMORES: Timothy Leake, Marshall Mullins, David Wong.
FRESHMAN: Ian Carrico.
ALTERNATES: Melanie Wallskog, Doh Kyung Kim.
STATE TEAM ALTERNATES: Alex Audretsch, Kyle Bristol, Sara George, Heather Browning, Zach Bretsch.

One more trip for Michael.

LUNA Fest today felt successful. We had a lot of people come by our table and really got the word out, not only on our products but on the Kitchen Incubator altogether. I didn't give near as many sample as I prepared so everybody at work gets cookies tomorrow! I felt like I did a good job talking it up and explaining. We started an email list of people who want to be be notified when the products are available for sale and I think about twenty signed up, which is a good start.

I was so tired when I got home I ate and then fell into bed and slept until the most persistent home teacher IN. THE. WORLD. came and first rang the doorbell, then knocked until I answered. I was kind of grumpy, but I have told him twice that I really would like no contact. The hilarious thing was he (and his wife) brought a plate of chocolate chip cookies! I said "I have two hundred chocolate chip cookies in this house right now and I am diabetic and my son doesn't eat sweets." It's not actually true that Michael doesn't eat sweets, but it is limited - I think he still has Halloween and Christmas candy in his room - and when he does it is very dark chocolate, ice cream, and cookies and like I said, I have 200 cookies!

I hate being mean to HT and I kind of was mean to the missionaries a couple of weeks ago too, but I think it is rude to come over without asking, and in the case of HT, having been asked not to. Also both came when I was sleeping and you know how tired I am lately.

Michael came home from Ed's and didn't talk to Ed at all about the possibility that he will take the SAT next Saturday. He missed the registration deadline, which sort of infuriates me...but we found out that you can show up at the test site the day of the test, pay extra money and take the test. Problem is orchestra contest is the night before and he won't really have enough sleep to take the test. BUT - he needs to take it before a certain deadline for this "Questbridge" scholarship program for which he has registered. He thought he'd just take it the next time it's offered in June - turns out he will be in Paris. Poor boy. So damn it all I have to call Ed and talk to him this week. Ugh. The last voice mail he left me I saved so I could make a transcript of it in case he takes me to court. He wasn't really abusive or anything, but it really was a demonstration of how inflexible he is being with Michael. He said something like. "Fine, but he's coming on the 2nd then, fund raiser or no fund raiser!" What I don't get is why it doesn't occur to Ed that HE could come down here and volunteer and freakin' HELP with the fund raisers and crap and HELP his son accomplish his goals! When Michael is up there he is forced to attend all the sisters' performances and competitions and such. I have always given Ed a calendar of the orchestra events and fund raisers every year and MAYBE they will come to one concert - maybe. Even when Emily took lessons and had recitals I think they only came like two out of five or six years. What a jerk. My parents came more than that and they live farther away and are OLD. And that was even when my mom was still working and she would have to ask off work for it, so I don't think that's a valid excuse.

Enough complaining.

Michael and I were talking about rock and roll cello tonight and I looked up some videos on YouTube and found trio of cellist I really like called Melo-M. Watch some of them they are pretty cool. There was also one of a guy called VonCello playing Black Sabbath's "Iron Man," which was pretty entertaining.

I'd better go try to do a little more cleaning recovery from the weekend. Still things to put away, pictures I was digging through strewn about, foodstuffs and catering equipment that needs stored properly and some person keeps leaving shoes, shoes, shoes everywhere in this house, hmmm...

Positive thoughts toward feeling groovy at work tomorrow and coping, despite my busy weekend.

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Baking, Baking, Baking....

The first sixty cookies are in the oven, the next thirty on the tray ready to go in. I figure about one hundred cookies per batch so I can probably get three hundred samples done by about 1:00. We shall see.

Dad's party went well. I had too many veggies and not enough cheese and sausage. I think the older people aren't used to the idea of veggie trays and dip? I may have to remember that for future caterings. With my table cloth fetish I have enough white cloths for 3 long seating tables, a display table, the food table, and a cake table...I will have to remember not to buy anymore white tablecloths unless I start doing the type of catering where it matters that they really match and all that, but I don't really want "fancy" parties. I have decided it's "Hope's Homemades - like you would do it if you could."

Speaking of table cloths, I wanted to take my red and white checked ones for our booth tomorrow, but didn't communicate that to Bobbi so she's planning to take hers. Maybe I will take mine and hope everyone thinks it's cuter. I think it seems so "farmy" and homeish...

I hope I get up in time in the morning that I can stop by the office and print a sign for my cookies that displays the name prominently and also has an ingredients list for allergic people. I also want to make a name tag. Michael came home with a nifty name tag from a research Symposium he attended. I can just slip his thing out and put mine in. I bought pink flowery paper that's not the same, but similar enough in color to the personal cards I use that I think it will look good. I don't really plan to hand out cards because I don't have the cell phone I am going to use for the business AND I am not really ready to operate, but I want to start getting the name in peoples' heads. I think I will make a sheet where people can give me an email if they would like to receive word when I am ready to operate, also. Then I can start my first marketing stuff. Smarty-pants, huh?

Phew! I learned from the first batch that I have trouble making small cookies. It's NOT my style. Also small cookies actually bake differently. They are more likely to be crispy instead of chewy (I prefer chewy) because they will spread out more with less mass of dough. I put fewer oats in this second batch hoping the higher ratio of fats will make them spread less - or it could have the opposite effect. We'll see in a few minutes! I know that I am also going to make a FEW of my regular size cookies to display so people can see that these are sample sizes and if they order a couple of dozen cookies they will get their money's worth!

Gosh I am on batch three and it's 1:30. I guess I'll aim for 2:00 and do cleanup tomorrow. I'm pretty darn tired. Lots of driving today. party giving, spending money at a restaurant that I was reluctant to spend, and being with sad Michael as I took him to his dad's. That was probably the hardest part... oh, let's see - I also rear-ended a car at a stoplight on the way to Lafayette. She was in a big SUV with a rubber bumper, however and it didn't do a thing to her car. My paint on my front bumper was all messed up, but it didn't leave any on hers! She was fine with it and we didn't even exchange names or anything so that was a relief. I was a bad driver today. I actually hit that SUV. I changed lanes without checking the blind spot once and the guy had to slam on the brakes, AND I went the wrong way down a one way street. Usually "I'm an excellent driver," I think I was nervous and distracted by all that is going on this weekend. I was better on the way home, even though it was a longer trip because of taking Michael to Ed's, but I think with the party part over I was not so nervous. Social situations are hard for me. Tomorrow it will be different because I will put on my friendly, professional demeanor character and she does well in those situations.

Well last batch ought to be cool enough to out in container. I will plate the big ones so they are pretty. Maybe I'll use a Fiestaware plate. they look nice.

So positive thuoghts for my professional character. May she be alive and well in the morning and ready to face hundreds of people. Ahhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!

Friday, April 24, 2009

Getting there...

I left work early today, yet with a good feeling that I had accomplished a lot. I' have been working on sorting out the kept-too-long files I received when I took over the auctions and that is a good feeling. I vow next week I will wipe the sticky dried Coke off my desk, now that I am down to it!

I went to the store and bought all the ingredients for party food and for cookie baking. I made a list if things to do that only includes party food, but somehow I had some fantasy of also baking the cookies so I wouldn't have to stay up all night tomorrow. Sometimes I am much too optimistic.

I also haven't made a poster or gotten pictures together or .... Sometime around Christmas I printed out the stuff Dad had written and I had typed out. That will be the first thing I will do if I have time for "extras" is find those new copies and put them in a binder so people can read them.

I have all the veggies and cheese and sausage sliced and bagged and ready to go. I need to make sure my cooler is clean and start finding my serving dishes. I pulled out all my white tablecloths and I think we should have plenty. I bought just some pretty ribbons to set in votive cups for decorations. I bought blue and red, but I don't want it to look like I am trying for a patriotic look, so we'll see.

I still want to wash the strawberries, find my serving stuff, refill my medicine case - I don't like going out of town without extra with me - and do just a few other things, then off to bed.

I'm tired, but mentally healthy and feeling good (Except for ED crap, which I don't want to write about right now.)

So positive thoughts for getting my act together and getting a little catering practice.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

My conversation w/ C****

Only I corrected my typos because I am a terrible typist and especially when I chat, which I don't do very often or very well. I don't really like to "chat" very much.

9:26 C:
what happened?
Ad agency guy screamed at me and I wrote him an email that he was rude and I deserve to be treated with respect. I was very blunt. I CC:d my ad director so he knows I did it. I was very upset though and cried forever after it was over and after the guy screamed and hung up on me I threw my headset and yelled "Fucking Asshole!" across the office.
I'll either be employee of the month or unemployed
do you think your ad director will be understanding?
I hope you will be ok
sometimes people need to be called on their crap
still, how nervewracking
I'm just going to try to sleep tonight and see what happens tomorrow. The guy accused me of not telling him the deadline or the "specs" (Sizes) for the ad and in the email where I told him off I forwarded my email from my send file which recorded when I did it.
good on you
He accused me of lying to him
and you exonerated yourself
which is what you are supposed to do
He called to apologize, but it was an apology where he still said it was my fault and told me I was "thinned skinned" and needed to separate business from personal.
thin skinned
what is the politics between him and your boss
I don't know. I don't usually work with this type of ad it was a special project I worked my ass off on and probably sold the most revenue. I even got a congratulations email from the ad manager yesterday for selling to Kroger, saying they NEVER buy extra stuff and praising me for keeping after them with good follow through
you should be fine, Hopie
I hope so.
Cory (Ad director) really loves me so I think I will be okay, but I am still upset.
yeah, I doubt you would ever be a huge fan of conflict
Nope, hate it.
sorry to hear you had a bad day
I am already DAMN sure I am leaving that office EARLY tomorrow!
sounds like a plan

So positive thoughts toward tomorrow and toward it leaning in a positive direction rather than unemployment.

Wednesday, April 22, 2009

13 hour day!

or something like that. I left home about 9:15, worked until just after 5 with no break, then off to class. I did get a little break in there because I thought we had a kitchen incubator mtg before class, but we didn't. Then class until 8:30, then to the evil empire for a money order, dairy products for Michael and some supplies BKI needs for LUNA Fest Sunday.

Now home. Wrote a quick email to send off for the brochure the BKI for Sunday, talked to Heather. Her apt. was broken into Monday and her purse was stolen. So she has no debit nor credit card, only a checkbook with no ID. She needs stuff to make the cake for Dad and gas to get to Lafayette and hmmm... dilemma, and I don't have a way to get any money to her. She's going to try going to Kroger with her Plus card and see if she can buy the ingredients and get $20 back and use it for gas.

Tomorrow is another hellishly busy workday, cello lesson, must shop for ingredients for party catering and for LUNA Fest. Friday work, please oh please, I hope I can get off early! Prepare food for Dad's party, box up all linens, serving platters, utensils, etc... decide if we are taking record player to play old records and such.... Saturday, drive to Lafayette, set up for party, have party, clean up after party drive home - maybe dropping Michael at Ed's on the way, then stay up all night baking as many hundred tiny cookies for samples that I can. Sunday is LUNA Fest where I go man a booth for four hours (?) I think and smile a lot and pretend like I'm not tired. Then clean that up, then come home and either die or sleep. Then Monday... gee! Back to work! I love my double, triple, quadruple life. Full-time job, homemaker, student, mother, entrepreneur, writer, anything else? Oh, and must have time for Facebook too! :)

Goal is bed by 11:00 tonight. Dishes stay dirty. How many nights in a row have I said that? Bad thing is I feel like the kitchen has to be IMMACULATE before I can cook for other people so that will be part of all of the above.

I want to think Positive Thoughts, but I think I also need positive thoughts from others to carry me through this weekend. I love life, I really do. It's just busy and hard sometimes. So positive thoughts for positive thoughts flowing all directions.

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Doing my homework.

I saved it until the last minute AGAIN. I slept after work today too. Michael made some pasta for dinner and had it ready when I got home. I ate and then lay down while he did his homework and played music by Cello Joe, which was quite soothing. I haven't eaten near enough protein today. Dr. Andry said I need 50 grams a day so I don't wreck my metabolism while losing weight and it's hard to do. I bought some bars called "Pure Protein" that have 20 grams in each one. I have been having those for breakfast because I can't face eggs in the morning. Tomorrow I plan to TAKE A LUNCH (gasp!) and go get a chicken sandwich somewhere that will feel like a treat. I know I won't have time to eat in between work and class and will probably have something dinky, like a protein or fiber bar for dinner. Probably within the next couple of weeks I will no longer be a 200 pound woman! When that happens I get a massage for my reward AND I am going to measure my waist again and see if it is some belly fat I am losing. I think it is. My only other fat is a little tiny bit at the tops of my thighs and some upper arm stuff could stand to go, but I really need it to be belly going away this time to improve my overall health.

I sent the letter to Ed today, and the calendars. I was still really too busy to do it at work, but Pam and Joyce helped me by taking it down to the mailroom and that way Pam, who moved down from the Martinsville office, got to see more of the building. I got encouragement from the responses here and also from a friend from childhood, recently found on Facebook, who practices family law. Yay for me for being brave. I hate confrontation and even though writing is the easiest way for me to confront (and the easiest way to keep records for court), it is still nerve wracking.

I developed a headache by the end of the day and it is still nagging. If I could be sick tomorrow I would, but the workload is still too heavy, unless I am in bed and can't get out sick. I kind of hope that I can have it all done by Thursday and then either ask Leah for Friday or call in sick. (Shhh! Don't tell). I really need to work on the food for Dad's party AND have a few hundred cookie samples for LUNA fest on Sunday.. Hmmm.. time crunch anyone?

Well, back to homework. Positive thoughts for homework completion, job work completion, party work completion and LUNA Fest completion. Phew! No wonder I am so tired.

Monday, April 20, 2009

They're killing me.

Not really, but I am really worn out, that's for sure. Long gone are the days of listening to music and working methodically and making sure every task is thoroughly completed.

I went in early today, took no lunch, stayed until 5:30 and never went farther than the kitchen to wash my cup.

I had to finish a couple of phone calls to follow up in selling the Reader's choice Awards ads. THEN I had to do all the paper work to get them logged. Now I am working on submitting the ads to the Creative Services (previously known as Art) department. All this while on the phone rotation (most of the time, I cheated a little bit), handling walk-in customers at the counter, doing paper work and submitting previously taken ads, and I can't even think what else.

Michael had an extra orchestra rehearsal at 7:00. I stopped on the way home and bought a "take and bake" pizza, put it in the oven and lay down and promptly fell asleep. I had planned to go back and work some more while he was at rehearsal. Instead he let me keep sleeping and rode his bike in and used his "school" cello instead of taking his good cello. He returned about 8:30 and I woke up when he got home. I didn't actually get out of bed until about 9:00. I ate some pizza and checked email, played a couple of games and now I am blogging and then I am going to go back to bed!

I have had the first disc of "Angels in America" from Netflix forever. Maybe I will try to watch the first part before I fall asleep. I don't think we have anything special tomorrow night so maybe I can cook a real dinner and converse with my son for more than ten minutes.

I also planned to make those calendar copies and print out the letter to Ed and get it in the mail today. I think tomorrow I am going to do that before I start working. I figure I've already worked over an hour and half overtime this week, I get a little comp time!

So now off to take medicine, brush teeth, drink water, and watch TV until I fall asleep. No dishes. They will still be there tomorrow.

Positive thoughts toward hard work, yet a feeling of completion of at least one thing or another tomorrow!

Sunday, April 19, 2009

Okay, I didn't make midnight.

Here's what I did instead:


I have enclosed copies of Michael's upcoming activities and events as far as we know. Many of these activities take place on weekends, even though they are academically related. The trip to National Science Olympiad is still uncertain as there was controversy in judgment at the state tournament level and the National organization cannot make the final decision about South's participation until all the state tournaments have been completed. The coaches estimate they will be notified of the decision approximately April 30 or May 1. I have also enclosed a copy of the orchestra schedule which includes events that are already scheduled.

All of Michael's pursuits include fund raising events; car washes, orchestra ensembles for donations or pay, bake sales, hot dog stands and more. Many of these events are not planned very far ahead of time, but quickly as opportunities arise, and the students and their families do not receive much advance notice, just pleas to be there and help! As we are notified of more impromptu fund raising events we will let you know as soon as possible so that you are aware of Michael's schedule more fully. Often when he is on a visitation weekend I attend fund raisers as our family representative, but many of the warmer weather types - car washes and hot dog stands for example - are too difficult for me because of health concerns, and I definitely can't fill in in the cello section if it's an ensemble! It is vital that Michael takes responsibility for helping his teams and the orchestra with his attendance. He will be the section leader for the cellos on the France trip and it is important that he practices and demonstrates his leadership skills before the trip as well.

Michael is also a frequent volunteer at Community Bike Project where he is recognized as a knowledgeable and trustworthy mechanic. The organizers of the Bike Project respect, mentor, and teach Michael. In return he donates much of his time to the project. He would like to be able to continue to spend as much time as possible at the project through the summer, which is very busy. I am sure you recognize that Michael has deep feelings about encouraging biking to improve our community and our environment. His work with Bike Project is based on his principles toward achieving those goals as well as his enjoyment. He is participating in writing grant proposals and even working with his school counselor and the "High Achieving Recognized student" (new phrase for gifted and talented) coordinator on a possibility to make his work with Bike Project be recognized for academic credit next year! All these activities are great for college applications and in fact, Michael has already been nominated as a scholarship recipient for the "Leaders of Tomorrow" program.

It is important for Michael to have consistency with his cello lessons to maintain his skills, even through the summer. This year he was selected as an alternate for the All-State orchestra. The audition tapes for All-State are due not too soon after the school year begins. He would like to audition again this year. He needs to have as many lessons as possible to be able to prepare his audition pieces completely and make recordings which are high quality. He has recently begun working with a new teacher and needs consistency in his lessons with the new techniques, styles and theory he is now learning.

I understand your desire for Michael to have as much visitation as possible and for you to get your "fair" amount of time. It is important that we work together in parenting to help Michael accomplish his goals musically, athletically and academically. Perhaps we could work out some alternate visitation schedule that allows for the increased responsibilities he now has. For example, next weekend is my father's 80th birthday celebration. My father would be hurt if Michael would not be able to attend. I propose that Michael attend this important family event, then I can bring him to your house afterward (Saturday evening) where he spends the remainder of the weekend. Through the rest of the school year and probably throughout the summer there will be many weeks where Michael will need to stay in Bloomington for fund raising activities or even to have a job. It has not been possible in the past years because of your shift work, but now that you work first shift, maybe you could come to Bloomington to spend some time with Michael, even on a weekday afternoon and evening. You could participate in an activity, have a picnic or a hike together, etc.

If you have upcoming family events, vacation plans, special things you would like Michael to attend I would like to honor those as well. Could you possibly make copies of these calendars, add those types of things and return copies to me? I would like to work together and make the rest of the school year and summer a good experience for Michael and for both of our families.



Any suggestions? I'm putting it in the mail at 4:00 tomorrow so comment or email me with improvements as soon as possible. Any good family lawyers who read this?? Give me your input if you can!

Yesterday and Today:

Yesterday's List:
KITCHEN AND COUNTER - MOSTLY DONE, but now another day has passed...
SHOPPING - DID NOT DO, and did not give Emily a graduation gift at all.
LOG MY BOOKS IN GOODREADS AND BOOK LOG. NOT DONE, but I made a pile so they are all together
CLEAN FISHY TANK: NOT DONE, but the water is dechlorinated and ready to go.
FIND SOMETHING TO WEAR TO EMILY'S CONVOCATION - Wore a black skirt and short sleeved dark green sweater with black trim, black STOCKINGS (ugh) and black loafers. I didn't buy anything new. I may also wear this to Dad's party next week. I felt confident in it.

Today - went to Lafayette to Emily's honors convocation. She didn't earn any BIG awards, just what they call "semester honors." It was still very nice and I was glad to attend an event because she doesn't want to go through graduation. I took her and Mandy (her roommate), and Michael out to dinner at O'Charley's afterward. I let Emily pick and Michael hated it because he hates chain restaurants AND they have very little there he can eat and he was really hungry. He ended up with some of the fried cheese appetizer, rolls, a salad, and loaded potato soup minus the bacon and the waiter brought him a second bowl of soup at no charge out of pity for the skinny boy! I gave him what I think was a good tip, but Emily says I am a terrible tipper.

Then a stop back at Emily's apt. bathroom break and back on the road. Now I have a couple of things to accomplish. I need to drink water and take meds, fill out some calendars for Ed and write a little letter to Ed about our alternate visitation proposal for the upcoming months. I planned to try for bed by 10:00, but I think 11:00 is going to be more like it. I was so proud. I went to bed before 11:00 last night and I had a terrible night's sleep. Awakened once and took valium, awakened a couple of hours later and had a headache and took painkillers, still started out with a headache this morning and had to take more. I am worried about tomorrow. A headache CANNOT exist because I have to start the paperwork on all those "Reader's Choice" ads I sold, and follow up on a couple more customers who could not give me a final answer until tomorrow morning. I can't wait to get the paycheck with all this bonus on it. I NEED it!

So positive thoughts toward a good outcome with the visitation AND for feeling good tomorrow to be calm, methodical and organized at work so I can accomplish the necessary tasks.

Oh - Michael came in fifth out of thirteen in the alley cat race. The guy who won the trick competition... Ummm. he did a "track stand" - that's when you balance your bike while standing still - unzipped his fly, peed in a bottle and then DRANK his pee. Totally disgusting. Michael wants to practice his track stands a lot and learn some tricks, but thank God or Goddess he also thought that was absolutely gross. Some of these bicyclists are strange characters. These were more the "punkish" kind than the "hippie" kind and Michael commented that he didn't like some of their talk and behavior and I feel like he is having good judgment to realize that some of it is inappropriate. He will learn that the are mini-subcultures inside the bicycle sub-culture and he will have to be selective about with whom he spends his time. A race is a great thing and I am glad he participated and felt good about that part, but maybe he will realize the after-the-race gatherings are not for him.

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Slept and slept and slept!

I slept super late and it felt great. Sometimes when I do that I wake with a headache and high sugar, but this morning, no headache and sugar 108, sort of like a normal person!

I feel well rested and calm, even though I have a lot to do today. I have been working in my intervals, playing FB games in between and generally feeling good. Michael is gone first to bike project to volunteer, then to his alley cat race and they are cooking out afterward so I am on my own for the day. Tomorrow he will be with me all day in Lafayette for Emily's thing and four hours of car riding so he can have a great time with the crazy bike hippies today and I won't feel neglected this weekend.

My list:
MOW THE GRASS - I have already bought gas, but I haven't tried to start the mower yet and it's always hard the first time of the year. I dread that part.
DUMP - already done and thee containers of recycling too!
KITCHEN AND COUNTER - started, first load of dishes dry and ready to put away and then off we go!
TABLE CLEANED OFF - It's that damn mail thing again!
ORGANIZE FRONT PORCH SO IT LOOKS PRETTY - okay, maybe they are valuable fossils, but they need to be consolidated. It looks like a pile of rocks to me.
LAUNDRY - 1st load is washed and ready to go into the dryer.
SHOPPING - Need to go to Walmart and get MO to pay a bill, PLUS I think I will get Emily a graduation gift card. I'd rather get her a lovely gift, but she can only work five hours a week while she is student teaching and she needs funds to finish the school year. I HATE HATE HATE giving money and gift cards for gifts, but this is really practical in this case.
LOG MY BOOKS IN GOODREADS AND BOOK LOG. I hate that it seems like a chore I need to get "caught up" on, but I really do like to do it and am four or five books behind and I don't want to forget them or the order I read them.
CLEAN FISHY TANK: I overfed a couple of times this week so it got dirty fast.
PICK UP TEN THINGS IN PURPLE ROOM, formerly known as Katie's room, formerly known as Roma's room, formerly known as Emily's room, who knows its next occupant?
FIND SOMETHING TO WEAR TO EMILY'S CONVOCATION - I am actually quite worried about this. I have a couple of black skirts, but I think it will be too hot for stockings, I hate them anyway, and I don't have any nice black sandals. I may have to SHOP for clothes, which means I better get my ass going on the lawn thing, because I will need to shower and stuff if I am going to shop for clothes. Sigh.

Positive thoughts for accomplishment and lots of good music listening while I am doing it all! Also, Yay for lawn mowing season, my favorite exercise!

Ready, set, go AGAIN!

Friday, April 17, 2009

As usual lately...

I worked my ass off today. Today I was selling a special product, however, and for some reason I always have great success with stuff like that. I HATE HATE HATE cold-calling selling. Usually when I do it I do great. (Last project no - right now I can't even remember what it was) but yesterday and today I rocked AND I get 10% straight-up commission on this one. I sold one full page at $1200, so there's $120 extra dollars on next month's pay. Woot! I'm not sure on all the others what I will end up with. I sold Kroger and because they are a big national company I am hoping for a full page or something large, at least. I might go in tomorrow and start the paperwork for processing the ads. There is A LOT to do, plus I have a few more people who said they'd make their final decision Monday morning so I have to make follow-up calls by 10:00. It will be better if I have as much done as possible when I get there. I worked for about half an hour last night while Michael was in his orchestra rehearsal, mostly just doing stuff like putting things away, filing and cleaning off my desk, and even doing that made my day go better today. I was still VERY stressed and tired at the end of it all. Cold-calling and selling things is like this character I have to become to succeed and it is mentally and emotionally draining.

So since we have been home tonight I have read and played on the computer and that is all. I have a lot I want to accomplish tomorrow. I'll probably make THE LIST, but tonight is for recovery, including bed soon with no clock set.

Tomorrow Michael has a "Show Up Alley Cat" bike race. They do different things at different races. This one is going to have three check points where each rider must accomplish some unknown task before they can continue. The total route is about ten miles. They are also having a one minute trick competition. I wouldn't mind watching the tricks, but this bike group is one place Michael doesn't want me to be. He says he's not embarrassed to be seen with me and he goes everyplace else with me okay, so I think this is just his world and his way of separating from me and I have to let it go.

He interviewed for a job at Target yesterday assembling the BIKES. They said they are not going to hire for a couple of weeks. It would be cool if he would get it, then he would be a professional bike mechanic as well as a community volunteer bike mechanic AND a solar bike team mechanic and rider!

Michael got his letter from the college boards that he is in the top 50,000. He will either end up a semi-finalist or at least get a letter of commendation. Either way they will notify two colleges you choose about your status. He's thinking of Harvey Mudd, in California and Swarthmore in Pennsylvania. I guess both have great engineering programs. He's deciding on Mechanical engineering now. Emily got the letter of commendation on hers, which I think is what prompted her invitation to University of Chicago. We campus visited there and I loved it, but once we went to Purdue she really just wanted to go there. I couldn't understand because Chicago is so much more prestigious and cool to me, but it was her choice...
U of Chicago swore they'd make it financially possible for everybody invited to go, but she is probably better off financially in the end from going to Purdue. Michael swears at both Harvey Mudd and Swarthmore if they accept you, you get GRANT money and not loans to meet financial need. I feel skeptical, but we'll see, I guess. We might be able to swing a visit to PA, but at Mudd, he'd have to do everything over the phone, unless they send out recruiters, but I don't know how those private colleges work, so they might do that.

I had bought at half price fifty dollars to use at an Italian restaurant (Grazie) so after work and Michael was done with solar bike we went out for a VERY nice dinner. We spent the entire fifty bucks + three more and I gave the waitress all my money for a tip, which turned out to be about eight dollars. She probably deserved more, but I literally gave her all the money I had except I didn't dig for change. I needed the relaxation SO badly. We could have come home and Michael would have made spaghetti for us, but I would have ended up with the dishes, this way, no more dishes. We also brought home a piece of tiramisu Michael can have tomorrow. That's what took us over the edge of the fifty.

Well, I must feed fishies, take meds, and maybe read or watch TV or something until I zonk, which will be very soon. I can feel it coming on. I may be too tired to even check FB again. Yawnnn...

Positive thoughts for safety for our bike racers tomorrow and also for a good, productive day so I will feel relaxed when we go to Lafayette on Sunday.

Thursday, April 16, 2009


When I signed in, it told me my last post was #666. Good thing I am blogging again! I already seem to have friends who think I have somehow become the anti-Christ.

Busy day, same old stuff, blah, blah, blah... Highlight: attended most of Michael's cello lesson with new teacher of improvisational style. Wonderful. Teacher is fantastic, and Michael is amazing. I had no idea he could do this stuff. Have I said the teacher's name on here? It's Ben McClelland. If you Google him you can go to his MySpace page and hear some of his music.

Heather has been really good about getting things ready for Dad's birthday celebration. I am doing other food. She is doing cake. I am going to have veggie trays, cheese, cracker & sausage plates and some grapes and then maybe some nuts and stuff. Nothing I have to actually COOK, or needs major refrigeration, other than a cooler for the drive. We asked Chris if he can be the paper goods guy. I think we won't have a decorating theme. I'll just take my major collection of table linens and we'll use all the colors and designs we want! I have some old pictures I want to try to scan in and make a poster or two showing Dad over the years. I don't have a printer so I will have to store them on a disc, then go to one of the photo makers and pay to print them out. Ugh. I should also look up stuff like what happened on his birthday and make a poster for that. I did that for Mom and Dad's 50th anniversary and people enjoyed reading that, I think. I had what the hit songs were, prices of different things, who was president, clothing styles and stuff. It was pretty neat, if I say so myself. I think Mom and Dad still have it around their house somewhere. I don't want to spend too much money on this, but somehow I get the idea it is going to add up quickly. Probably especially the picture printing. It would probably be cheaper to go buy a color printer and do it at home! I hope someone actually comes. We didn't give a lot of notice because I have been so tired and scattered lately. Sigh. Thank goodness for Heather for being on the ball this time. It wouldn't have been done at all if it had been left to me. It was just one more thing I could NOT manage.

SO positive thoughts for quick mail delivery of invitations and lots of good emails received with gracious hearts towards the modern, impersonal delivery!

I still need to take my meds, refill my pill case for the week and, feed my fishies and get to bed. I have been having WAY too many naps, and too many late nights. I think I will take drugs tonight so I can go to sleep quickly and try to get a little back into the swing of things. No dishes tonight. Tomorrow is Friday, who the heck cares?

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

I love my floor.

Michael was telling me about the wonderful hub he found tonight and how he is going to build a new bike with it... (to me it's like,,, "ooh. It's shiny.") and as I listened to him I had this wave of love for my colorful floor and my house. Sometimes I want to move away here the minute he is out of HS and get me to the desert! Other times I wonder how I could ever leave my home I love so much and have worked on for so long. Probably nobody will buy a house with nine different non-neutral paint colors and a six color tiled floor anyway, so I may be stuck forever!

I was SO busy at work today that I was insane. I didn't clash with my coordinator, however. I think we both knew we needed a calm to cool off toward each other, so that was good. I had a couple of extremely annoying customers, but I managed to stay upbeat and pleasant, I believe. I also received a complementary email from a customer whom I had helped so that was cheerful. I ended up staying until about 5:25, supposed to be at a BKI meeting at 5:30, before class so rushed right over there. Didn't really make the meeting, but managed to pay my $5.00 portion toward our booth rent at the upcoming Luna Fest to celebrate women in business and the arts. Class was good. Speaker tonight was a librarian talking about the resources the library has to help small business owners find trade associations, research competitors, etc. I did the homework until about 2 this morning (yes, I am tired), and was pleased to be one of the few who seemed to understand the directions about how to do the homework on line, print it out and turn it in.

Tomorrow will be another busy day. Work will be crazy again. Immediately afterward Michael has cello lesson, then an orchestra rehearsal, then finally home. Dinner when? Homework when? Tonight Michael ate at Bloomingfoods before he went to Bike Project and I ate a fiber bar during break in class and a can of soup when I got home. Michael has a job interview at Target tomorrow to be the person who assembles the bicycles. Even though he considers all the bikes Target sells to be crap (I love mine), he would be making money doing something he enjoys, and I wonder if he could have flexible hours around his other activities and stuff. Also he will have to upfront tell her he is traveling this summer, and summer is bike season so we'll see. I kind of want him to have money of his own, but at the same time he is so busy all the time I don't know if it's realistic to think about it.

Positive thoughts toward bed soon and some rest for me, for good healing for those in need and gratitude for sister for having the motivation to quickly make and mail invitations to Dad's 80th birthday.

Tuesday, April 14, 2009


I posted last night's entry on Facebook because face it, I wanted sympathy. I got some responses and here is my response to the responses.

Here are my responses to the responses:
I hardly drive Michael anywhere unless cello has to go. He rides his bike everywhere in almost any kind of weather.
I skipped the orchestra meeting, deciding that my work Saturday was enough for the week.
Michael can't talk to his dad because his dad is psycho. I am taking the weenie way out and calling tomorrow when I know they are at work and will leave a message that Michael can't go this weekend. Then I am going to write the letter, include calendars of all the known activities through the summer and propose to Ed alternate visitation where HE comes to visit Michael on a weeknight and spend some time with him. That used to be impossible, as Ed worked second shift, but it is now a possibility. If he refuses and tries to press contempt charges against me as he has threatened I'll just let it go to court. He has never paid my lawyer fees he was supposed to from his last assholishness, he never paid a penny toward Emily's braces like he was supposed to, and when Michael went over spring break and was supposed to get his sprained wrist rechecked Ed did not provide medical treatment and take him to the dr. I had even verbally offered to go pick Michael up and bring him to Blgtn to the dr. if Ed was not able to get something arranged.

As far as food, Michael probably cooks as often as I do for at least himself and often for me too. He's pretty self-reliant that way.

The end. I still haven't done homework, nor really blogged for the day, but I will probably copy and paste most of this.

I am adding now. Work was hell today. My coordinator who is supposed to do my paperwork for my auction ads did stuff either wrong or incompletely. I don't understand how sometimes she is so helpful and I think I can't live without her and other times she just seems like she doesn't get a thing. One example today is she brought over an ad ticket with three things listed on them, the prices, etc... and asked me to make sure it was correct. I checked it and said yes. She went back to make the "Memo Bill" we send the auction companies so they can bill the clients immediately and she left out one of the ads and had a completely different total - within about five minutes of checking the total with me, and still having access to that total in both the computer AND the paperwork. Sigh... now it has to be redone tomorrow. She is the paperworker, but if it is wrong I am the one who loses hundreds of dollars in sales (that's what happened when she undercharged an ad last week) or takes the heat from unhappy customers. I had to call Leah today to get calmed down after the undercharged thing I was so upset. How can a person think $93 is 50% of $488.16 and not notice a small error there??? I just wrote the auction company rep an email that the Memo bill was incorrect and I would send a corrected one. I did it right at the end of the day so I don't know her response yet. Sigh.

Now, off to homework. When I have my own business I will be IN CONTROL, right? :)

Monday, April 13, 2009


We had a simple Easter dinner which I gradually prepared throughout the day, working only when I felt like it. We had ham, deviled eggs, tomato salad, cooked carrots and cheesy potatoes. I meant to make rolls, but that never happened. I also planned to make a pecan pie, but it was one of my rare, but spectacular cooking disasters. I had forgotten the recipe called for corn syrup, thinking it was a brown sugar base. I decided to make brown sugar syrup to use. I make it for pancakes, no problem... I boiled it too long, however and ummm.... well. We had cherry pie with canned pie filling instead. It was just Katie and Michael and me.

I called later in the evening and talked to Mom for a while. She sounded pretty good and was happy that Heather and Emily had gone over there for Easter dinner. They had turkey, which I don't enjoy as much so it was probably good we were split up!

I didn't make Easter baskets this year and Michael was disappointed. I did have a couple of things of chocolate around. I don't know why he cares. He still has candy left from Halloween and Christmas. He hardly ever eats any candy except his really dark chocolate. Even when I did make Easter baskets I always put in tooth brushes and dental floss and nail clippers and stuff like that anyway so it's not like they were some great prize. I guess I usually bought a new Pez dispenser every year, but he gave his entire collection to Opportunity House last year so I thought he was over that. He did kind of whine for one on Valentine's day so I went and got one on Clearance the day after. Maybe I just need to keep with the Pez and forget everything else. Tomorrow I should go to Target on lunch and see what they have. I need to pick up meds anyway. Oh - I have a dr. appt on that side of town at 8:45. I can go after the dr.

Today at work was busy and hard, as usual. Tomorrow I have work, then at 7:15 an orchestra Booster Mtg, then at 8:00 a parent mtg for Science Olympiad, in case the nationals thing works out. Then I will be exhausted. Then Wednesday, back to work, then at 5:30 a Kitchen Incubator meeting, then from 6 - 8:30 class... Then Thursday is cello lesson right after work.... then Friday, somehow deal with the issue that Michael is supposed to go to his dad's, I haven't done anything to prevent it, there's an "Alleycat" bike race Saturday Michael is completely planning to ride in... and Sunday is an honors convocation and reception at Purdue. I told Emily if she wasn't going to "walk" in graduation I want to go to this convocation and she never has told me if she found someone to work her work hours for her. So tomorrow I have to get proactive and write Ed a letter, talk to Emily, probably hire a new attorney, AND somewhere in there I do homework, write my novel, exercise, cook, clean house and what - do yard work and garden to save the earth, right?

Yeah. I'm overwhelmed, which is what makes it easier to sit and play dumb-ass games on Facebook and repress it all.

Positive thoughts for survival, simple enough?

Sunday, April 12, 2009

My inner bitch escaped a little bit.

I caught the neighbor's dog in the act of shitting in my yard. I would have thrown rocks at it, but the piles of rocks on my porch happen to be all (probably valuable) fossils, carefully collected by Michael. I debated taking over a bag and nicely saying, "I'll be glad to help you find it if you have trouble spotting it." or taking the actual poop. I went for the actual poop. It's really gross to pick up, even with the inside-out bag method and I am reminded why I don't want an animal. I decided to knock on the door and politely say, "This belongs to you. MacGuire left it in my yard." Damn it all, they weren't home. They have four cars between them and only one was gone, so I was sure somebody would be there! I left it hanging on the doorknob. That will be a nice surprise when they come home from Easter dinner! They have a fenced back yard and there is NO REASON to let the dog out front to come poop in my yard. They keep their front yard beautifully. I keep mine so-so. Still it would help me keep it nicer if their dog wouldn't come over and pollute it!

It's not even a cute or nice dog. It growled and barked as I screamed at it to get out of my yard. If it were the cute little Lucy next door, I might have been more forgiving.

Saturday, April 11, 2009


I haven't been to a BIG shop in quite a while and we were out of almost everything fresh and lots of other stuff too. I went to Aldi and spent $121, which is a lot of food! It should last a while and keep me from wanting to eat out so often.

Michael is backpacking down at Red River Gorge overnight. They are supposed to come home around 2:00 tomorrow. Katie called and said she didn't have anything to do for Easter. I bought a little boneless ham and we'll have an Easter dinner at suppertime, instead of lunch like I would usually do it. I am going to make plenty of side dishes and probably go ahead and devil the eggs so Michael will have a protein. I actually thought of looking for some tofu and attempting some kind of baked tofu thing, but I never did make it to Kroger and they don't have tofu at Aldi.

This morning a bunch of the orchestra kids played at the Farmer's Market. Michael chose to go backpacking instead so I went as our family rep. I passed out information on the orchestra and the trip and helped set up the table where people could put donations. I stood and talked to several people and one man wrote a check and handed it to me. It was for $100!! Wow. That alone was enough to make it worth the effort for the time and work. There was probably at least another hundred dollars in the bucket.

I didn't count the money today. Usually I do, but I hadn't eaten and was beginning to feel it very badly. So after that AND going back to school and helping unload the stands and chairs I drove through Burger King and got a coke and drank some of it on the way home. When I got home I tested my glucose and it was only 95, even after the coke. So I ate food, but then I was SO TIRED. I slept for maybe three hours off and on. Since then I did the store run and have just been playing on the computer and gradually putting away the groceries and working on the house. I don't even feel energetic enough to do 10 minutes at a time. I am going out and putting away 10 THINGS at a time, which takes maybe three minutes. I decided it's better than doing nothing!

I have a headache which is probably my own damn fault for not eating when I should. I am going to just do a few more rounds of playing around and ten things until at least the dishes are done and all the groceries are put away. The rest can wait until tomorrow. I should look and see what the sermon will be about at church tomorrow and see if I want to go, but maybe I'll just wait and see how I feel in the morning before I even look. Then if I feel bad, I won't be sad if it is something I would have enjoyed. I don't know what they would preach about at UU on Easter, seeing as how it is not really a Christian church although many who attend ARE Christian.

I enjoyed time at Farmer's Market this morning. I saw some people I know and that is always nice. I was glad to help the orchestra make some money and even though I was cold, it was sunny and pleasant to be outside. I also got in plenty of movement walking the market before the rest of the orchestra arrived and then carrying chairs and stands and canvassing the crowd.

I thought I would get the lawn mowed and maybe see a movie today. With all the sleeping that just didn't happen. Oh well, when it is time, it will be done!

Positive thoughts towards Michael returning home safely and a pleasant day preparing and enjoying a simple holiday with the little part of the family that will be here. It was unplanned - I thought Michael wouldn't return until evening - but now I am looking forward to it.

Friday, April 10, 2009

I don't want to write

I am tired and I have been wasting time playing games. I am going to go lie in my lovely bed and watch something until I fall asleep. I don't have to be anywhere until 9:00 tomorrow so I get an extra hour in the morning.

Positive thoughts toward a relaxing weekend, yet accomplishing some needed tasks as well.

Thursday, April 9, 2009


The "new" (to me) patio door is in! Woo hoo! It is SO nice to see some sunshine. We had it styrofoamed, taped and sealed for the winter. Now we can see out forest again. The guy (James) is going to come back tomorrow and finish some of the trimwork and other stuff to make it complete. It has some spots where it is worn and was broken and then glued sloppily. I think I know how I am going to cover that up and it will sort of match some of my other stuff in the house. I will take a picture with it plain and then take a picture after I get my decorating/cover up done so you can all see. The fake wood is a little bit darker than the real wood trim around it. I don't like that so I am deciding whether to paint before I decorate it and go for simply outrageous or just decorate it and hope that it distracts from the difference in the woodtones. Life is good.

Michael made a quick dinner that we ate before cello and then I read and slept in the car while he was in his lesson. Then when we got home I slept again for about three hours. Now I just finished the dishes and put his laundry in the dryer for him. I kind of want to try to get to bed by midnight. I tried last night, but it turned more like 1 am. I also woke up with that headache and had to take meds and totally fake all cheer today because I was in pain. I feel better now. I feel like eating a little bit. 5:30 dinner was a long time ago. I don't know what to eat. Maybe a little ice cream, but it's so cold in here I think it will make me colder.

I still need to feed my fishies, eat something, take medicine, oh wait, I still need to wash a couple of dishes, I remembered I didn't do the pot yet. Also there are some old curtain hardware still on the doors. I might see if I can get those off. Or maybe I should take the picture first. Hmmm... I think I will bring the work camera home over the weekend. Katie hasn't been staying here for a couple of weeks so I don't have a camera in residence right now.

Katie is deciding to move back to her house so she can have a dog. She doesn't like being alone, but the doggy will help and I think it helps her feel good to be taking care of something. Even with her work as a nanny, I think she feels like she gets taken care of by people and doesn't like it at the same time she appreciates it... I don't know if that makes any sense, but do people ever make any sense?

Well babes, I want to go set my timer for ten minutes and see what else I can accomplish. Well, I might distracted by a game first. I have found an ultimate time-waster game. I'm kind of embarrassed to say it, because I normally frown on video and computer gaming, but the redeeming quality is that it's a word game so it will stimulate my mind, right?

Positive thoughts toward WARM WEATHER and enjoying the view of my forest once again. Come back blue jays. Come back hummingbirds!

Wednesday, April 8, 2009

Long day...

Work with no lunch break, but I did take a small walk.

Came home quickly, ate a can of soup, then off to class. This portion of the class is developing a business plan. It seems like it will be a lot harder and take more work. Michael had to go to the Solar Bike team parent meeting because of my class. He was kind of bummed because he really wanted to go to Bike Project, but if he also wants to race, he needs to help out with part of the obligations! Volunteer work is good, but being committed to the team is important.

Guy is coming to install patio door tomorrow! So I am spending some time washing dishes and putting things away. I don't want him to see what a pig I really am. My goal is to get to bed by midnight. Usually the goal is 11:00, but with class and wanting the house to look a little nicer I am taking some extra time. I am getting a headache and I am sure it is from thinking about all this and feeling the stress. I also have laundry in, feel like there's not a clean bathroom in case he needs to pee, all the stuff I worry about that probably shouldn't matter as much as I make it matter. Does that make any sense?

Work is hard, still very busy, but I sold a nice $800 Auction ad today and things are going well. We're still not near making as much money as our goals and projected revenue and all that, but I feel good about what I am doing. It's tiring. I don't get to listen to music while I work anymore and I don't get to play around as much, but I am glad to have this job. I am double glad because I get to have this job and also work toward some long-term goals that will get me out of an office and working for myself in the future. This is a time in my life to prepare to take some risks and do the best I can. I tried the Life sciences classes and nothing has come to fruition with them (I'm still keeping my eyes open, however), and now I am learning if owning and operating a small business is right for me and if I have the guts to do it!

So positive thoughts toward patio door installation, having guts and courage and using my smarts in a satisfying way.

Editing to add: I got my food handling test score today 97%!!!!! I am now a certified food service manager, or something like that. I will have to see what it actually says when I receive my certificate.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Sleeping again

Fell into bed as soon as I got home and just woke up about half an hour ago when Michel came home from climbing. I'm going to eat something and drink something and then go back to bed!

I got my score on my Servsafe classes. I passed with a 97%. Pretty good for the day after a migraine.

The small business classes start up again tomorrow. It's probably good I had a sleeping night tonight. It's kind of bad I didn't spend any time with Michael. He went climbing anyway, but we could have eaten together.

This having to actually work hard at work stuff is wearing me out!

Positive thoughts toward a good day tomorrow and I hope I get to see Michael at least a little bit!

Monday, April 6, 2009

I almost forgot to blog tonight!

I have been playing "Scramble" on FB and listening to Michael practice his cello and working on house and laundry and just went, "Gasp!" So now I am going to do my next fifteen minutes of work because I need to switch laundry and then I will come back and tell all about my exciting day! I bet you can hardly wait.

I'm back!

I finished tonight's dishes and switched the laundry. All I have left to do tonight is finish the laundry (I hope), finish cleaning the oven, take my medicine and do dome intentional movement. I think I'll watch some Food TV at 10:00 or 10:30 and walk during the show.

Today was another busy and good day at work. I had a couple of big ads and one of my recent ideas for the need for a new classification was re-enforced by a customer calling and asking for it and saying he would definitely advertise if we had it! I have put in my uberlist (which I plan to blog about soon) for the last three years to present three creative or revenue producing ideas at work and I swear I think I have already presented three this year: the new classification, a special offer for extending auto ads, and that we need to put on the websites that customers need to enter the CVV code from their credit cards, because the credit processing company charges less for each transaction if we have that number. I probably have actually presented more than those three if I think about it. Since we have changed the call center main location, the pay scale and commission structure I have really tried to think of ways that we can totally improve our efficiency and teamwork. We're still not making our revenue goals, but March was much better than February and I think we will get back to where we need to be.

I stayed and worked late trying to figure out a way to transfer some files in a better way to our auction site. Right now the way they transfer when a customer looks at the picture of the display ad it is really too small to read the listings of the items and that is what they really want to see. I've gotten it a little better, but it's still blurry... What I did was printed out the PDF that comes from the art dept. Scanned it in, cropped it and made a new PDF in a bigger size. For some reason the type is all blurry. I've tried adjusting the definition, pixels psi and sharpness and nothing has made it better yet. I might have to have Steve look at it tomorrow and see if there is a way to transfer the PDF to the program where I can crop, crop it, and save as a PDF again. Right now it makes me resave it as a JPeg, which the site can't load. I need a computer genius, but I might have to settle for Steve. I'd better wear a boobalicious shirt tomorrow in case he has to come peer over my shoulder to see what I am trying! :)

Here is the address of the one I am working with, if you care.
It could be all fixed by tomorrow if I am smart and good. While I was finding this to get the address I looked at the ads on the regular site and they are clear as can be. I need to find out how they get loaded on there and see if we can make sure I get access to that file of PDF files and use them, rather than making my own. Sometimes communication is not the best and I have to really push to get it to happen! I guess we'll see tomorrow.

Positive thoughts today are for good things and happiness. Is that too vague? I just feel really positive right now about solving some distressing situations for myself, Michael and a couple of friends too. I hope we can all find ways to work things out and feel good.

Sunday, April 5, 2009

Danced again.

I want to say I danced my butt off, but I really hoped I danced some belly off...

On my way up to Indy. Going to go to a movie with Heather and then pick Michael up from Ed's. Michael's got some 'slpainin' to do. We just need to talk. I talked to Pat a lot about it last night and he had some good ideas. I was clingy with Pat last night - probably drove him crazy 'cause we're not that way. I am still upset about the Michael leaving thing, though.

Later, gaters.

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Trying to have a normal Saturday.

Part of me wants to jump in the car, go to Indy and bring my child home. The rational part of me says it is time for me to be in my routine, try to feel secure and work toward changing the visitation situation in a legally acceptable manner. So toward that end...


Clean kitchen area:
All dishes complete
refrigerator shelves wiped clean
sort the mail on the table (this is a HUGE task!)
Put on a nice table cloth
Finish cleaning oven
Sweep and swiffer floor

Do all trash cans
Take trash to the dump and at least one category of recycling

Finish the load of laundry that is already started

Change fishy water

Update Goodreads and Book log

Finish Watching "Office Space"

At least 15 minutes if intentional movement, preferably outside

Remove old hinges and knobs from patio doors

I think that ought to be enough to keep my mind occupied and prevent me from taking a nap today.

Tonight I would like to go out; either with Debbie or to a movie. If I don't go out to a movie today I will do it tomorrow. List may also be completed tomorrow because it is big and I do want reading and movie breaks in there. The things that MUST be complete today are fish, laundry and dump. They are the most dire or limited in time.

Ready, set, go!

Didn't post before midnight!

But I haven't gone to bed yet so I am counting this.

Had a rough night with Michael upon which I will elaborate tomorrow, probably. It's pretty personal to him, however. Of course it had to do with the fact that he is THERE this weekend and not HERE where he wants to be. He got on his bike and took off because he was so upset. Then I was really upset. I am sure his stepmother who was picking him up and had to wait, was upset. Horrible.

I had planned on staying home tonight but after all that I IMmed a friend who also had said he'd had a rough day so we went out and had a little to eat and drink at my favorite Lounge. I sang a couple of songs. We felt relaxed and able to support each other, I think.

I thought positive thoughts at the right moments for less personal pain for all involved in complicated and painful situations. This is a time I wish I had someone here to comfort me through the night, but it's not working out that way. I could use some plain, old snuggles tonight. Sigh.

Thursday, April 2, 2009

Last ER

is finishing up right now. It's been a good time. even though I missed three years or so when we didn't have cable. So long, ER.

I napped today after work again. I feel like it was a better nap than the ones I was taking last week, or was it a couple of weeks ago? This was more by choice than a feeling that if I don't sleep now I will DIE. I am still tired though. I ate a big bowl of salad while I watched ER. Yay fiber.

Michael had a cello lesson with his cool new teacher (and cute, too!). While he was in his lesson I went to Target and picked up my medicine and bought some stuff Michael needed and some rechargeable batteries for our camera at work. I use it to take pictures of peoples' cars for their ads. We also use it to take pictures of fun stuff we so in our department. This morning Shawn made us do a team-building activity of singing "Don't stop Believin," Something that happened on American Idol last night prompted this... I was the only one who really knew the song well enough to sing, but I was having too much fun taking pictures to sing very much. It was a fun, but busy day today. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed with some of my new responsibilities at work, especially handling the auction ads. I think that is part of what has been making me so tired, just the mental focus it takes. I looked at March's sales figures today and I sold like $12,000 more in ads than Kerri, the other full timer, and that is counting only regular classifieds, not my additional auction ads I have handled. I have an assistant (coordinator) who handles a lot of the paperwork for the auction ads, but ultimately it is still my responsibility to make sure everything is completed by the deadlines and all that.

I only meant to write a tiny bit tonight and I have typed on and on again. I guess there are worse things one could do than be a compulsive writer.

Positive thoughts today for a good tomorrow, toward more friends who need healing thoughts and toward improved health for myself and some other friends as we work hard to make good choices and feel good about ourselves!

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

Cheating blog entry.

I am going to try to make short answers AND probably use this for my blog entry tonight because I really need to clean my house or I will have a freak-out soon.

1. First thing you wash in the shower?

2. What color is your favorite hoodie?
My ONLY hoodie is navy blue. I saw a Hello Kitty hoodie at Hot Topic last week that I REALLY want, but Emily said if I buy it she will have Clinton and Stacey come burn it.

3. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?
Oh yeah. Maybe this weekend... :)

4. Do you plan outfits?

5. How are you feeling RIGHT now?
Satisfied about my workday and ambitious about my worknight.

6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?
Michael's binder.

7. What was the last dream you remember having?
There were mice in my house.

8. Did you meet anybody new today
I always meet new customers.

9. What are you craving right now?
Absolutely nothing.

10. Do you floss?
I am a chronic and addicted flosser. I have funny teeth that make it necessary.

11. What comes to mind when I say cabbage?
a bad story I heard in my food handling class about coleslaw.

12. Are you emotional?
Yes, but I repress a lot so I can function.

13. Have you ever counted to 1,000?
Not that I recall.

14. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?
Lick it until the end, then I'll have to bite...

15. Do you like your hair?
I don't like that I dye it, but I don't like that I have one white stripe if I don't dye it.

16. Do you like yourself?

17. Would you go out to eat with George W. Bush?
Probably, but I wouldn't want to talk politics. I'd rather walk around and see his ranch.

18. What are you listening to right now?

19. Are your parents strict?

20. Would you go sky diving?
Never, ever, ever.

21. Do you like cottage cheese?
Not really, but I can eat it with fruit.

22. Have you ever met a celebrity?
I answered this question recently and talked about seeing John & Elaine Mellencamp around town. I guess I have also met the governor. I also have a friend who is a professional musician who has like a gazillion CDs and is probably considered famous in the classical music world. Also we know David Baker pretty well (jazz world). My daughter took violin lessons from his daughter so he has attended every single one of Emily's recitals! Brett Butler will be a famous actor soon. One of the kids I nannied for is a professional swing dancer and get this - burlesque performer - so he is regionally famous. I sang in choirs many times directed by a guy who studied with Pavarotti, so the six degrees of separation...

23. Do you rent movies often?
I have the Netflix where you get two month and sometimes I don't even use my two.

24. Is there anything sparkly in the room in which you are?
Some of the gravel in the fish tank.

25. What countries have you visited?

26. Have you made a prank phone call?

27. Ever been on a train?
I have.

28. Brown or white eggs?
I buy white. If I send Michael to the store he goes for brown organic and swears they are only thirty-five cents more...

29. Do you have a cell-phone?
I have it. It is uncharged in my "bag of useless crap." I am a terrible cell phoner.


31. Do you use chapstick?
I am on the eternal search for the perfect lip gloss or balm. I probably own about 20 - not kidding.

32. Do you own a gun?
Nope. Never will.

33. Can you use chopsticks?
I can, but I don't do it the right way.

34. Who are you going to be with tonight?
By myself until Michael gets home from Bike Project, then we'll have a few minutes before he goes to bed.

35. Are you too forgiving?
Lately I am thinking maybe, but sometimes I think I hold a grudge too long, so I don't know.

36. Ever been in love?
I have been.

37. What is your best friend doing tomorrow?
I don't know.

38. Ever have cream puffs?
Yes, but not my favorite.

39. Last time you cried?
I can't remember.

40. What was the last question you asked?
I asked Michael why he asks advice from me and then argues with my answers.

41. Favorite time of the year?
Anything above sixty degrees.

42. Do you have any tattoos?

43. Are you sarcastic?
I try to not use sarcasm as humor, but it is hard at work because I am surrounded by it.

44. Have you ever seen The Butterfly Effect?
No, but I have read the short story where the concept originated.

45. Ever walked into a wall?
Probably every day.

46. Favorite color?

47. Have you ever slapped someone?

48. Is your hair curly?
When I get sweaty the hair by my neck gets curly if it is short.

49. What was the last CD you bought?

50. Do looks matter?
I think so in some ways, but I try to not make quick judgments based on looks.

51. Could you ever forgive a cheater.
I don't know. I have never been in that situation.

52. Is your phone bill sky high?

53. Do you like your life right now?
Yes. I am feeling positive about many things in my life and anticipating some changes. Change scares me, but I am doing everything I can to be prepared.

54. Do you sleep with the TV on?
I have a timer and I fall asleep watching a movie... This week it's "Office Space." I have five or six movies I sort of rotate through.

55. Can you handle the truth?
I hope so. I try to always be honest and I hope people are honest with me, even if it is painful sometimes.

56. Do you have good vision?
Up close I am fine, but I wear glasses to drive.

57. Do you hate or dislike more than 3 people?
I don't think so. I dislike a couple of people. I don't trust a couple of people. I hate the things some people do, but mostly I feel sorry for people who are disagreeable or whatever.

58. How often do you talk on the phone?
Well at work it is constant. At home sometimes I don't answer the phone for days because I am so tired of it from work.

59. The last person you held hands with?
That might be a secret here.

60. What are you wearing?
A sweater and sweats and socks.

61. What is your favorite animal?

62. Where was your profile picture taken?
In Katie's apartment in Indianapolis.

63. Can you hula hoop?
Nope, not even as a kid.

64. Do you have a job?
I have a full-time job, I am a single mom and I am developing a small business. Um yeah.

65. What was the most recent thing you bought?
A double cheeseburger happy meal. The most recent REAL thing was hardware for my patio door. I am excited about that!

66. Have you ever crawled through a window?
usually Lisa would stand on my back and she would crawl through the window.

Positive thoughts tonight toward a clean sink, counter and table. I am repressing the wishes for a clean floor, as usual.