Goodwill rant

I HATE Goodwill, and that is one of the reasons. I will go there to look when I need something, but it really upsets me that I see stuff still with Target clearance tags on it for sale for higher prices at Goodwill. I really think Goodwill rips off people who don't have money so they don't shop at stores like Target thinking they can't afford stuff. Then it is donated to Goodwill and they sell it at outrageous prices and get all these tax breaks because they hire people with developmental disabilities (and pay them less than a dollar an hour) Gah! and I am ranting right now, but I totally admit that I shop there when I needs stuff and that I will donate there if it is a Sunday and I just have to get crap out of my house NOW.

Wisdom in books

I'm reading "Bastard Out of Carolina" right now. It's a really, really raw story, and I am only 50 pages in.

There's one quote that begins on page 24 (Dutton Book paperback edition, 1992)

     That Earle's got the magic," Aunt Ruth told me. "Man is just a magnet to women. Breaks their hearts and makes them like it." She shook her head and smiled at me. "All these youngsters playing at something, imagining they can drive women wild with their narrow little hips and sweet baby smiles, they ain't never gonna have the gift that Earle has, don't even know enough to recognize it for what it is. A sad wounded man who genuinely likes women --- that's what Earle is, a hurt little boy with just enough meanness in him to keep a woman interested. "
     She pushed my hair back off my face and ran her thumb over my eyebrows, smoothing down the fine black hairs. "Your real daddy..." She paused, looked around, and started again. "He had some of that too, and that's something I can say for him. A man who really likes women always has a touch of magic." (Emphasis added)

As I read that a man popped into my mind. A man who is a friend, and that is all I have ever seen in him, because that is all I want. I can see in his past interactions with me, and his interactions with others, the genuineness of his attraction to women. I feel like he loves the smell, the taste, the feel, the everything about women. When he is with a woman, in that moment, that woman is the one he wants to be with, maybe even loves. He is living so much in the moment that the past and the future don't even exist. It feels amazing to be with a man who is so "entranced," even though it may not be particularly you, just what you are. Of course when a woman (me included) is with him, what he gets back is the attention that he craves.

I almost didn't include the first paragraph above as I quoted because I don't believe he has "meanness" the character of Earle has. I did include it, however, because the women he spends those moments with even if he "Breaks their hearts and makes them like it." seem to not hold anger with him. I will fully admit that I haven't spoken to or interviewed women has has been with. I can see, however, that he is loved in our community, and thought of as a kind man, a fun man, a smart man, etc. I don't think women/people in general examine his motives or question his behavior.

In full disclosure I will admit that I haven't interacted with him for awhile. While I am not heartbroken, I do feel a loss. I'd be willing to give him the admiration and the feminine attention he craves for a few moments, an afternoon, an evening in exchange for the feeling of being touched by that magic.

Awww....

I hate memorial ads, but sometimes it is worth it: 

It brought tears to my eyes.  It is beautiful like her and her spirit.  Thank you for helping me to honor our mom.  I appreciate it so much.

Deep Thoughts

Thoughts from today:
1) At Goodwill I found a gym bag in the size and shape I want that does NOT advertise a brand name.
2) As I checked out at Goodwill I said I did not need a bag FOR MY BAG and sort of decided that I want to try to go without getting any more (and I mean zip, zilch, nada) single-use plastic bags, BUT: I really like using them as trash bags in my little trash cans throughout the house. I hate putting trash in a can without a liner. It seems gross to me. Does anybody have a solution for that?
3) I also looked at what I think MIGHT be a dehumidifier, but I have never had/used one before. I couldn't even tell if it has all the parts it should. Does anybody have experience with that and want to go to Goodwill with me and look? I've been running my window AC units often, but I still found mold growing on a coat in the closet.
4) Re: gym bag. One more excuse eliminated. Wednesday when I have a plan to eat out and go out to Nell Weatherwax​'s Storyzilla I could go straight from work to the gym and get ready for the evening afterward. Hard part is that I just really HATE never being home all day. I love my little house/home and I want to be here. << (That is in whining font).
5) I seriously purchased a "fatkini." I hoped to have it complete before the 12th when I went to the Indiana Dunes with a group of friends who would have been supportive. I'm not sure if I am a gutsy enough " Women with Guts​" to wear it to a pool or lake without the protection of a large group.

Fourth of July

 During the parade I sat on the wall of one of the new planters along Kirkwood Ave. It was a huge bee place and there were tens of bees constantly buzzing and on the flowers. That reminded me that I need to get some bee friendly plants as I am working on perennials....

 The bagpipers had to stop right in front of me and mark time. Most people who know me know how I feel about bagpipes. :/ although honestly, my heart is starting to soften a little bit. Maybe people start to like bagpipes better as they get older because of hearing damage and bad ears...

 Friends Charis and Ross rolling the ReStore truck.

People from UU and especially Christy shakin' her thing.

Facebook post: The problem with coming to the parade alone is that I always cry and it feels stupider....

• Chris Cluff Webber You cry at parades?

  Like · Reply · 10 hrs
• 
Hope E Golightly Yes. I have a lot of inner turmoil and grief about national pride and war and the military and honor and the flag and patriotism and...I just cry a lot when presented with this kind of reminder.

Short and sweet

 The easy stuff. I didn't wear this hat this past year. I hate store hangers, another catering tray, an unused stepstool, unused tent sealer, unused wall hooks. This will all be donated.

 Stuff to be donated to the tool share. I really super hope they can use it. The gallon container was left here after a party (full of hibiscus tea!) and it's time for it to go home. I think the big drink cooler can be used at the tool share event this weekend - I actually asked for it to get back, but I have some flexibility on that. One nice thing about having it back is that if it is at my house it can be used for events that I seem to often be marginally involved with and then if I get it back I know where it is for the next time.

Will be left out for the woman who gave me the perennial plants to pick up and use. I will be a little embarrassed for her to see that some of the plants aren't faring too well....

I also asked the tool share to take some of the wood scraps in the garage. I haven't actually counted them, but if they take them they def count for the 19th. If they don't I will decide on making up the 19th or not later.

Tired, trip tomorrow... bye!

All in all it was...

just another brick in the garage. 

or another thirty-seven. I, figure this counts for tonight and for one of the days that I will be gone over the weekend. Actually Saturday is day 20, so that is perfect.

These were left by that last bad roommate, so they have been in my garage for two years and I have been walking around or tripping on them all that time. I am almost done getting rid of his crap. There are a couple of things left. I put these on Freecycle a couple of days ago and I have one offer who hasn't shown up and about four backup offers, one of whom is the woman who gave me plants a couple of weeks ago. The first person said she would come after work today and she hasn't shown up, so if she doesn't I am going to offer them to the plant woman (Sara) next. They are probably historic in some way. They appear handmade and have BRAZIL stamped on them. Maybe there was a brick factory in Brazil. It's not too far from here.

My goal is to have them off my property by the time I leave Friday morning.

Easy Peasy

Tonight I have items that I started to find last night when I actually made myself work in the garage for half an hour.  That's a good thing because I was gone from 7:30 this morning until almost 10:00 tonight. I went shopping after work to help the other soon-to-be-bride in my life (besides Emily) get some accessories for her wedding outfit. We went to the mall, which is one of my least favorite places in the world, but we did find what she needs.

So baskets, Easter eggs, Easter cups, another stray egg carton, colored doilies, a gift box, a tube of Korean (I think) chopped ginger, a Tupperware cheese plate, and mismatched tops and bottoms of catering trays. There is actually more than 16 items if you count individually, but with groups of the smaller items it is 16.

And that's all. I am tired and I need a night to relax. Tomorrow I need to do some big time house stuff and start getting ready for my weekend trip.

The nitty gritty...

All of my items today are from the garage. It is so disgusting out there. I changed into grungy clothes to work out there and I was so gross when I was done I had to shower immediately. I have A LOT of work to do before it is ready to use for extra social space for a party. I did have some ideas tonight that will help. I've also already chosen some more items for the count tomorrow.

The picture frames are mostly empty I decided to pull the photos and put them in page protectors and albums. If they are worth keeping they are worth keeping more nicely than shoved in dusty, dirty boxes in the garage. One of them is a family photo of Ed, Emily, and me. I kind of want to just throw it away, but at the same time, that marriage and all that happened are part of what make me who I am today.

The black thing is the cracked boot from around the gearshift of the Escort... the car has been dead a year and a half and I had replaced the boot a year before that. More garbage that I kept for some unknown reason! The video case hasn't held a video for YEARS and I don't have a clue what happened to it.

The book is "The Hours" which is a good book. I realized that I have probably donated some books that will be okay books for my little library I am going to host in my yard. From now on if I decide that books are good for the library I am going to count them as items gone and keep them in a special place for library books. I mostly have children's books. I wonder things like putting novels in there that children might take before they are really old enough. I don't want parents mad at me. I might stick to all elementary appropriate books. I mainly want to do it for the children anyway. The bookmobile comes to the elementary school that is close to us, but there aren't sidewalks so it is dangerous for children to go up there.

Okay, super tired. I've been so sore all day from booty camp yesterday! and I worry that tomorrow will be worse. Tomorrow I need to get some more walking in - and squats, yeah more squats...

Two for the price of one.

Today will be items for both day 13 and 14. Yesterday I went to Indianapolis for Pride Day. I walked the parade route with the Indy Adult Show Choir, my sister's choir. I hung out with her and her choir members for part of the time and then I worked at a booth selling drinks for awhile. I did SO MUCH walking. I was exhausted at the end of the day!

 This is the twelve foot tall lady who was right ahead of us as we lined up for the parade. Somehow between parking my car and getting to our parade spot I lost the socks I was planning to wear while walking the parade route. My friend Dylan was hitting Pride Fest right before getting on an airplane to go do genius math things in New Jersey. He offered to bring a pair of socks (he was packed for a trip, see) to me. As we texted back and forth for him and Ken (other friend) to find me, I finally texted "I'm standing next to a twelve foot tall gold woman," and I think that is the thing that really helped them find me. So I wore Dylan's black socks with my hiking sandals and I was "hot." (In the now colloquial term meaning attractive and desirable). What really mattered however, was that even though my feet were so tired I did NOT get any blisters.

This is my pretty little sister, Heather. I'm very proud of the choir she has built and pleased that the choir walks the parade in support of equality (and to recruit!).

 This is my batch of items for the 13th. Food Not Bombs T-shirts and donation baskets. My time with FNB has passed and my friend ELLE sometimes does it now. She is going to make sure the shirts and the donation baskets (still with a couple of dollars!) end up in the new crew's possession. I already gave them the equipment I had last year, but found these in my garage later.

Today's batch, plus a couple of private items not shown. Instruction and warranty papers for a couple of items no longer needed, a weird basket, two wreaths, snap-on visors for bike helmets, one glove, a light, a dress, a gift box. I'm still trying to decide on the wreaths if they are trash or donate. I guess I can donate and if nobody wants them they can toss them. 

Elle and I had some Goodwill shopping to do today so we did take a couple of boxes and donate them as we went. Goodwill is probably my least favorite place to donate items, but it is the one that is open on Sundays. I will be traveling and busy for the next few weeks so it will probably bw quite awhile before I get a chance to get to Opportunity House again. 

I am super tired, to the point of "jelly legs" tonight. Angie, Elle, and I went to "Booty Camp" that a couple of friends gave (so we can get great booties like they have). We did a lot of HARD activities, sprints uphill, squats, planks, lunges, I can't even think of everything. I couldn't do everything that the younger and more fit people could do, but I tried to keep moving and adapted as I needed. Jacob was super encouraging and it made me try even harder. When it was all done we all took a cool down walking lap around the park, which is almost a mile. 

I have some laundry in and I am going to do just a little more housekeeping and take a shower and then try to get to bed early tonight!

Turn the page 2.0

BOOKS again, and one puzzle. It is time to publicly admit I have never read "War and Peace." If I ever get around to it I will need larger print than this edition.

In a way, it is probably good to go to books when it is late and I am tired. I think I am less prone to think too hard about it. There are some Jewish history books here, (in the form of novel and play). Those will be hard. Also strong women themed novels, biographies, and memoirs will be hard.

Turn the page.

So one thing I have decided is that I only need to keep books that I love so much that I think I will read them again. There might be a day when I only keep books that I can't easily get electronically or from a library, but I'm not there yet. Eventually I think I will toss all my cheap pocket paperbacks, because really they get crumbly if you keep them too long anyway.  #MinsGame2.11

Catchy Title here:

I'm super tired tonight. I kind of had hurty feet and I did a lot of lawn mowing anyway. I gave away a couple of things - one through Freecycle and one to a friend. I made the pile bigger for Habitat ReStore.

Gave away the keyboard on Freecycle

This is the batch for Habitat ReStore there are eight things here, I promise, that makes it nine for today.

Except crap, as I typed the nine above I realized that today is the 10th, AND I called my mom to wish her a happy birthday.

There. I went a grabbed an Orson Scott Card book and threw it in a donate box. I'm so sad that I've discovered what a misogynistic homophobic jerk is Orson Scott Card. blech. I'd like to burn his books...well, not really. A couple of them are quite beautiful and I need to take them at their own value and ignore the author.

That's all for tonight, so tired.

#MinsGame in progress

I'm getting beyond trash, finally. I worked in the garage some tonight... called one Michael's friends whose little amp ended up in the garage and they will come get next week. Posted photos of a mic stand and cymbal stand on Facebook and have friends who will come and get them, posted some movies and a friend wants one, then posted the rest on the Swap group. If nobody claims them they will hit the donate pile... All together there are more than tonight's nine items, even though they are still actually in the house, they are on the way out.

YAY!

Also am giving a kitty litter pail to someone who requested it on Freecycle and have offered lumber and wood scraps on the swap group.  I also started making a group of items to give to Habitat.

Go, me!

Ten seconds at a time - Kimmy level

Tonight I feel unmotivated to do very much. I'm not surprised. Last week I on Monday and Tuesday I came home and pretty much went to bed after work. I had to do some mustering to get back out of bed and do some things.

Tonight I wasn't that bad. I did go to my usual Monday night gig, but I was glad when it ended early (which is really VERY sad, because that means we didn't have very much food for people who need it). I came home and wasted time until I finally warmed up some leftovers and ate around 9:00.

I did watch the second half of an episode on "The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" which I am enjoying. Kimmy was kidnapped by a cultish religious leader who kept her and some other women in an underground bunker for fifteen years (this is fictional, mind you), and now she is trying to make her way back in the world. When she was in the bunker she survived because she broke everything down into ten second increments and took it ten seconds at a time. My usual housework/exercise/odious tasks increments are ten minutes, but tonight I felt like I needed to get down to Kimmy level.

So I went out to the garage and managed to gather my eight things.

(not the stool) The food things are very past expired, the loaf pan is rusted, I haven't opened that container of pasta in YEARS, no kidding. I don't even remember where I got the plant trays. The canister is nice, and a real McCoy vintage, but I have others that I have the lids for. I am going to clean that up and sell it. If it doesn't sell I will donate to Opp House. I will take the plant trays to the Trading Post at the dump and recycle the other stuff appropriately.

I've been having the sleeping/motivation issues, and yes, I know that is a depression thing for me. It is being addressed appropriately, I promise. I will try to sleep and that will help.

Pride and Pinkness...

Last night I went up to Indy to my sister Heather's choir show. It was really good. You can check out indyadultshowchoir.org to learn about it. Afterward a few of the choir members and Ian and Heather and I went to karoke at a bar named Tilly's. It was pretty fun. I had a headache, probably from working outside too long, too hard, and without enough water. I put in a perennial bed! A woman in my swap group on Facebook asked for some hostas and I told her she could split mine. She brought me a bunch of perennials in exchange. I will have a bed with some iris, shasta daisies, phlox and some ground cover, instead of my ONE ornamental sage I bought last year and parked in that spot, dreaming of my perennial bed. YAY! I will take a picture in a few days, after I know it all won't die. :)

Today was the beginning of the Pride Week events. Heather and Ian and I went to a family picnic, and then a couple of innings of a softball game where the teams were drag queens IN DRAG (although some of them were definitely more dressed up than others). It was a find raiser for an AIDS charity of some kind. It was funny, but I was a little grumpy and we were all tired from staying out so late, and Heather and Ian from working hard for the choir shoe (He does lights and sound).

This is the color guard at the softball game, that was performed 

by a veteran's for equality group.

Here is #MinsGame

Saturday:

 Two boom boxes out of the garage and left at the "Trading Post" at the dump.

 Box of bike parts sorted by Michael and designated for Community Bike Project. Also taken in and handed to a volunteer on Saturday.

 Box of items from garage sorted by Michael and designated as good enough to be donated. The items went to Opportunity House. On the lower edge of the photo is a square purple planter. I swear I picked that out in the April #MinsGame edition 1. It has somehow eluded me every time I take things to donate. I've almost decided there is some cosmic force telling me I need that planter in my life. okay, not really a cosmic force, but maybe my sub conscience is telling me I really love it. Considering that on this day, actually many more than six items went out of the house. I've decided to keep it. 

Sunday:

More clothing items unwanted by Michael, cleaned and ready to go. 

I've started the next donation box.

Ha ha ha! Ho ho ho!

Tonight I worked as an usher at the Buskirk Chumley Theater. I try to work at least once a month and get events that I enjoy. I loved tonight, but she asked me to work the late show, which has me up way past my bedtime. I did nap some after work, but I had funky dreams, so it wasn't quite restful. Limestone Comedy Festival is on right now. There were four comedians, two ten minute sets and two headliners. Of the ten minute sets I really liked a guy I think his name is Brad Wenzel, the headliners I enjoyed Kyle Kinane.

There was a little toad out in the garage earlier this evening. I caught him and set him out on the front porch. I didn't want to go any farther out to put him in the grass because I was only wearing my underwear.... I always leave the porch light on when I am out late and it is June bug season. Tonight little toad was still out on the porch and there were a few sets of empty june bug wings around. I did set him out on the grass so he wouldn't have to be in a concrete place and will have better luck finding love, but it was tempting to keep him around. Maybe I should have kept him long enough to watch him some night and see him catch a bug. That would be cool to see.

#MinsGame is something easy tonight. When I Michael was home I asked them to look through some stuff from the garage. These are some of the clothes cleaned and ready to go to Opportunity House tomorrow. I have a pretty nice box of stuff for them and a box of parts for Bike Project that I haven't even counted for #MinsGame so I am above and beyond!

In the fridge...

Well tonight I went to the fridge for my four things. These are things Michael brought home and they were dumpstered. They are all expired long past. NOW, if I KNEW that these things had been properly refrigerated, even though they are expired, I might give them a try. That is not the case, however.

I also got rid of something BIG. I asked my friend at work to save a damaged newspaper machine for me. I had the idea to turn it into a neighborhood "little library." Well, I never got it done. I realized that the spring that shuts the door is so strong it could probably cut off or at least break a child's fingers. Um, that was at least one year ago...maybe TWO. It's GONE. I save all my metal cans and lids and whatever I get and every few months a guy comes to collect them and take them for scrap. He told me he wanted the newspaper box a long time ago. I finally gave it to him today. We were emailing a little bit tonight and he said he is not going to scrap it, that he wants to make it into either an aquarium or a lizard cage. So that's kind of cool, upcycling like that. I asked him to send me a picture when he gets it done.

It's late, I'm tired and I still have things to do...

Stuff

and by "Stuff" I mean STUFF, as in how much stuff do I have, how long have I had it, does it hold any value for me personally, or for others...

MinsGame 2.3

Round two, day three. These are the zipper packs that sets of sheets came in. I bought the sheets over a month ago and still have these. I will NOT store the sheets in them, who can ever fold sheets as tightly as they were folded when purchased? Not me! That is for sure. I do have a couple of large zipper packs like these that I store my quilt and my fake down comforter in off season, but they are not so difficult to work with .... So these are IN THE TRASH!

But Hope, you may say, "today is day three. You are supposed to have THREE items." Well, item number three was actually maybe ONE HUNDRED items! Kelly R came over and helped me sort through some mail and piles of papers and I BURNED a bunch of them! Much faster than taking them to work and shredding them.

Angie S. also came over tonight and she vacuumed all my floors and tidied a bunch of stuff while I mowed the yard and burned already pulled weeds.

I really needed help tonight. I've been feeling overwhelmed this week by life in general and for me it usually manifests in physical ways like headache and fatigue, and that leads to the accelerated decay of my physical surroundings. Both Monday night and last night I came home from work and went to bed and slept. I even skipped food bank on Monday night, which is fairly rare.

So YAY for friend help and for fire.

Life changes

Sometimes life changes in unexpected ways and sometimes it seems like the same things roll around over and over again.

Since I last wrote:

Michael graduated from IU. He received an Associate's Degree in string instrument technology.
They (a singular they, referring to Michael) took a full-time position with a large instrument company in the east.
They moved to Waltham, Massachusetts.

Emily is officially engaged to Scott and they are planning a wedding September 19.

I've had various combinations of people in and out of the house, Michael for awhile in between graduation and job, a young friend E. who sometimes needs to be around other people, a woman who needed some time off from a strained relationship. Right now I am back to just me most of the time and probably E. will still come by for a night or two now and then. I enjoy it when E. comes over. They (the singular they) gives me somebody to talk to and is helpful around the house. I guess this is one of those things that rolls around over and over again for me.

I've started exploring a part of myself that has always been in the back of my mind. I am probably not ready to publish it in a public post, but I will say I have entered a new community that has completely enriched my life and opened my mind. Don't worry, it's NOT a cult... ;) I have made new friends that will be in my life forever and I am really happy. E is one of the people I have met because of joining this community.

The things that roll around again and again are my everyday activities of house maintenance, cooking, going to work, etc. Same old struggles with health and finances... Sigh. Friendships are here though. I am so glad I have always had uplifting friends who are long-term relationships. My friends definitely enrich my life.

I will probably focus a lot on the #MinsGame for the next month, but I will most def post if anything exciting happens.

(Started this post night of June 1st, completed June3)

June #MinsGame Day 2

In the April round of #MinsGame I found that I have kept way too many empty boxes over the years. This round I am working in the garage. I scooted this coffeemaker box up to the front of the shelves so I could recycle yet another empty box. Lo and behold! It contained a coffeemaker that looks like it has been used once, and still even had all the original packing materials! Seeing as how this would make THREE, yes THREE coffee makers in the house of somebody who drinks coffee maybe once a week, I decided the entire thing needs purged. I promptly gave it to my friend Angie, who drinks bunches of coffee and only has one of the small, four cup capacity coffee makers. (I have one of those, too).

The other thing is a pretty nice planter, but it has been several years since I have planted anything in it and I have plenty other pots and planters that I am currently using.

I'm doing this thing again

This blogging thing.

I need writing to be part of my life. I've been distracted by too many things that are so much less worthy.

Here is a new beginning.

 These two items are things that I want to remember, but I threw away during April's Minimalist's Challenge that I did with my friend Katrina. The game is explained here: http://www.theminimalists.com/game/ I completed the challenge in April and I have just started doing it again for June. I want to focus on the garage a lot this month. I have a party scheduled for June 27 and I would like the garage to be clean enough to use for a social space/ play area.

Tomorrow I will write about these things.

This is item 1/1 of the June #MinsGame.