Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Deep shit.

I watched that video tonight and I loved it and shared it with Lisa because she and John have begun their parenting journey. I went to the store and on the way home I realized I have a profound grief for parenting my children alone. I don't know if it will ever get better. I think all I can do is bury it deep, deep inside and go on. Alone.

Thursday, September 13, 2012

Life in Alabama...

So in the courtroom scene there are times when we are supposed to react and say nonsense to make a ruckus. The director told us he should not hear any recognizable dialogue, so most of us just say, "burble, burble, rutabaga" and such. The woman next me me the entire time has said real sentences often using "nigger." Tonight after Atticus called Tom Robinson the the stand she turned to me and said. "I can't believe they're going to let a nigger testify in court." I turned back to her and replied, "I really don't like it when you say 'nigger' even though we are in a play!" behind my fan. I have been TORN UP about this and wanting to say something the entire time we have been rehearsing and performing this show. I am so glad I finally said something. We tried the indirect approach - I told my friend who is in the colored balcony about it and when all the the townspeople were discussing burbling she said, "We can hear it when you say real words when you're talking." It didn't seem to get the message through... Even if she doesn't change her behavior I don't feel that the tacit agreement is implied by my non- reaction. Phew!

Life in Indiana...

I did some financial finagling and with Gillian's assistance have the money to get a new roof. When I told Cooper is is leaking when it rains and getting worse he juggled the schedule, the materials will arrive tomorrow and he got started on the gutter work to get ready today. Yay!

Michael moved out to a non-capitalist living arrangement so my dish issues are over. I'm worried though, because I have sent him messages and called him and he has not responded. I am going to call the violin shop tomorrow afternoon if I don't hear from him by then.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012


The first time I ever felt like music could sort of um... "excite" me was watching a certain rendition of the Stones Start Me Up. Tonight I was doodling around on YouTube, which I rarely do, and landed on Maroon 5 Moves like Jagger, and instantly thought their front guy, Adam Levine, is incredibly hot. He's shirtless and wearing these low-cut pants and...

Sunday, September 9, 2012

Real life

We have Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday off and don't do another show until Thursday. I am going to be back in real life work and house and try to rest. I'm excited about doing more shows and when this show is over we will be closer to auditions for the Wizard of Oz and I will have some more connections in the theater community. There was a review in the paper today and the courtroom scene got a good review, so did the principal actors. I'm especially pleased for Emily Scott and Ian Martin, their first professional roles and they're young and talented and eager and I love being around them about a million times more than some of the snobby old actors!

Saturday, September 8, 2012

Woo hoo!

Last night was the real opening night, even though it was our third performance, one preview and one student matinee came first. It was wonderful. I am back in love with the theatre.  I've had some little health hangups, like I can't eat before a performance, and my feet still hurt. I've been able to cope with them and really participate fully. I even accidentally volunteered to be a scene changer all through the second act and I am doing well. So happy. I feel like even if something would happen and I never am able to do anything theatre again I will never say I wish..." The wish is already come true.