Monday, June 30, 2008

Happy day.

Work was good. Deanna is in town and we went out to a nice dinner. She had a certificate so that after we split dinner costs I ended up with Prime rib and a nice glass of wine for $12.00. The met was excellent. It came with mashed potatoes and Deanna and I both agreed that mine are MUCH better.

Happy today for lots of things, but especially Deanna's company!

Isn't it ironic

dontcha think...

when the guy with whom you have a date and you know is an Ex-Mormon turns out to be the former Branch President of your ex husband's second wife? Um yeah. A little awkward. Still a nice, intelligent, caring and kind man. We plan to see each other again, probably. It might be a little while before we get together because of distance and children obligations. But oy vey! The irony!

Sunday, June 29, 2008


I just finished reading a comment I made on someone else's blog where I claimed to not be lazy, but to be mostly hyperactive. ha! Not so today. I woke up at 8 o'clock, had a bowl of raisin bran, then went back to bed and read for an hour and then went back to sleep until after 11:30! Now I need to get active and get going on stuff. I will say in my defense, however that I do have a headache. Not a debilitating, must-lie-in-a-dark-room headache, just an annoying one. I hope it won't disturb my social plans I have set for this evening. I took some of the med with caffeine, so I hope it will kick in soon and I will just be normal.

Speaking of med, I never reported much on new doctor (regular doctor , not the gyn) I saw him on the 19th. I REALLY like him. He changed around some of my meds just a little. We spoke really frankly about the fat issue. His practice is bariatric medicine and chronic disease management. He is kind of pro aggressive approaches like the lap band surgery or very low calorie diets, partially because of what they potentially do for Type II diabetes. He was also really compassionate about my fears with those approaches and agreed to help me try some other less drastic measures. My weight has been about the same since that one week or two when I lost rapidly... Today it was 212.4, I think. So I have been hovering, but not gained it back. I'd sure like to go below 210 soon! I keep hoping by the end of every month and then it doesn't happen and I guess with tomorrow being the end of June it won't happen in June either!

Blood glucose has been amazing lately. Yesterday fasting in the morning was 89, today 86. I could tell it was low before I tested, but I didn't feel incapacitated. I am getting used to having lower numbers and being more like a normal person. I used to get very ill feeling and weepy if I got anywhere around 100 or below. Now there have been several times when I have tested before a meal and been in the eighties or nineties and still been functioning. I haven't really changed my diet a lot, and the meds that were changed were not the blood sugar meds so I don't know what has happened. I haven't been doing as much intentional exercise as I really should, but maybe the warmer weather has contributed to me being more naturally active...

FLEAS - we have fleas in the house again and get this - IN THE GARAGE. I don't know if I've ever had a flea problem in the garage before, but it is horrible. So bad that Michael called me at work Friday saying there were so many on his legs that he ran out and it took him several minutes to brush them off his legs. He called it, "mind-blowingly disturbing." I came home from work and was about to set off flea bombs out there and just happened to notice that it said you shouldn't use them where there is open flame or pilot lights and I have both a gas water heater and furnace in the garage! I am glad I didn't blow up my house! That would have been rather inconvenient. So now I can't bomb it until I call the gas company and make arrangements to have them do the pilot lights. I hope they don't charge for it. I hate this cat so much. Emily keeps even saying I should keep her just a little longer, until she and Mandy actually get moved to the new apartment and settled so Kitty won't be traumatized. Well I'm traumatized, dammit! I got the stuff for kitty's neck yesterday, but I haven't let her back in the house since Friday. She can keep living in the flea-infested garage. She'll be lucky if I let her out when I bomb it. I know a flea bomb can kill a Beta fish quickly - Poor Ringo. It might be a good way to solve the cat problem too.

I'm supposed to go out with new man tonight. Again, I don't think we're aiming for anything permanent, but I think we have some short-term goals for a relationship that mesh really well.

Michael should be driving home from Chicago and music festival/ Rusted Root concert right now. I need to get busy on some domestic stuff so I can be ready to greet him and ready to get ready for trip to take him to Ed's and social event for the night.

Happy for: Excedrin headache medicine (and its generic equivalents). If there is a God, may he or she bless the pharmaceutical manufacturers who thought of putting caffeine right in a pain pill.

Saturday, June 28, 2008

Follow up and Happy

Trash and dump - got the trash together, didn't make the dump. It will have to happen Wednesday, the next day it is open.
Weed corner with lantern - DONE
Weed around cherry tomato plant and mulch. - DONE
Clean off table except for sewing stuff. ALMOST DONE WILL FINISH TONIGHT
Get sleeves into Miko's dress. PROBABLY WON'T HAPPEN TODAY
Finish laundry, including bedding from purple room. UNDER WAY WILL FINISH TONIGHT
Get trash out of car. DONE
Go to Shannon's retirement party (make a card first!) DONE
Cook and eat all healthy and homemade food! DONE- except what I ate at the party, but it was healthy and what I had for lunch - so not extra and not eating out.

Happy today for: That even though I am looking for a new job, I work for a good company. There are good people there and I enjoyed being with them today for Shannon's party. The fact that many people stay there are retire from there is an indicator that it is a good company. Shannon was there 44 years!


The infamous Saturday list:

Trash and dump
Weed corner with lantern
Weed around cherry tomato plant and mulch.
Clean off table except for sewing stuff.
Get sleeves into Miko's dress.
Finish laundry, including bedding from purple room.
Get trash out of car.
Go to Shannon's retirement party (make a card first!)
Cook and eat all healthy and homemade food!
Figure checkbook.

The end. Time to go and do a few minute's worth!

Friday, June 27, 2008


I did some writing today that I feel good about. It is possibly another segment for "Half-Wit." I wrote it in the past tense and I am writing Half With in present tense so I will have to go revise it. It was a sensitive subject area though, and I think I needed to purge it in past tense first so it didn't feel quite so intimate. I am happy I spent the time doing it. I'm not ready to share it here, but maybe later.

Happy today for: A really good text message I received. Yippee!

Thursday, June 26, 2008

Good stuff.

I took off work early and finally went to the gynecologist. I have to have an ultrasound to see how big the fibroids are. It is too hard to just feel them when you have a fat belly. It will be a couple of weeks because the tech has a vacation and then Dr. Weiler has a vacation and she wants them both to be there. Dr. W. talked abut the thermal oblation that is often done now as a possible solution and a couple of my friends have had that with good results. Nothing will be decided until after the ultrasound.

Went up to get Michael, then we went to Heather's. She finally got out of hospital today. I had her make a grocery list and then we went and got her some groceries. I would have liked to stay and clean her kitchen for her, but we just really needed to get home. I have to work tomorrow and Michael leaves for Chicago for the Rusted Root concert in the morning.

I also met a nice man today - an exmo! So he understands me. I think he's even better than Tim. Well I KNOW he's better than Tim. So there.

Happy today for: all kinds of stuff. But I had a frozen Coke while I was driving and that was especially nice.

Wednesday, June 25, 2008

Home for lunch.

had a nice time last night with Tim. I don't think I'm up for anything serious with him. He still has a young child (five year old son) and you know I am WAY over having a young child in my life. It was really nice, however, to be with an INTELLIGENT man and have a nice conversation. It might be nice to hang out or mess around (come to your own definition of that, dear reader) with him every now and then if he feels similarly. (That's my "so there," Erin!)

Blood sugar was 91 before lunch and I didn't feel shaky! I must be getting used to having lower numbers. Yay!

Heather is still in hospital. As far as I know they still haven't determined the source of the infection.

I've been saying all week that I am going to go to contra-dance tonight, but at the same time it sure sounds nice to come home and be in my house when I know I have to drive up and go get Michael tomorrow after work. I haven't gone to contra for so long, though, and it is a nice activity, good exercise and lots of nice people. It is the kind of thing I should be doing while Michael is away and mom duty is on hold.

I wrote a long letter to our exchange student yesterday. I am still nervous about him coming, but I felt like I was able to tell him more about our family and it is good that he knows that stuff ahead of time.

Watched a trailer of a movie about people trying the raw food diet for thirty days and it implies that it "cured" their diabetes, even Type I. I would like to see the entire movie. I may check on Netflix and see if they have it. I have been thinking of doing the cheap Netflix again anyway. Erin says she is going to experiment with it. Maybe I will let her be a guinea pig for me! :) Michael wants us to eat fewer processed foods, which I think is fine, but I don't know if I could go all raw. I am learning to provide for him as a vegetarian, but with no eggs, dairy etc. I don't know how to get enough protein... I already worry about Michael eating enough fat and getting enough calories. He must have two or three percent body fat. I think he was even thinner after just a week at his dad's. He made sure to take some TVP and tofu with him for this week. I think he lived on peanut butter last week and also rode his bike three hours a day and that just won't work! Sigh... how can you have a child who wants to eat healthy food and refuse to provide it? I just don't understand! I swear I think it's child abuse. Well, it probably really is abuse, because it is an issue of control over somebody who is really old enough to make his own choices, and I think Michael is making good choices for sound reasons and deserves respect for that! Damn Ed.

Well, I'd better get back to work.

I don't know what I'm happy for yet today. I think probably Deanna as my friend. I really miss her living in town and I am so happy that she emailed me today.

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Not real news

Heather is still in hospital. They are doing more tests, more cultures, more IV antibiotics. She said she's bored and tired of the bed.

I have a (sort of blind) date tonight with a history grad student named Tim. I will return and report.

Happy today for Coke Zero.

Monday, June 23, 2008


Heather is in the hospital. She has been really sick all week and called me a couple of times about it. She has been away at "Show choir camp," a really big deal for her company. So even though she was sick she worked all week. She has high white cells so she is in for at least overnight and on IV antibiotics. They did an ultrasound of her ovaries and kidney because she did have some acute abdominal pain earlier in the week. I think they did a creatine level to see about her renal function, but she told me she IS peeing so her kidney must be working! I had called her last night after I dropped Michael at his dad's because I knew she had called me a couple of times during the day, but hadn't left any messages. When I called her she said she had taken a bath because she thought it would make her feel better, she had let the water out but felt too weak to get out of the tub! I told her I would be at the point where I had to decide if I was going to go home or go to her apartment and take her to the ER in 10 minutes so see if she could get out of the tub in 10 minutes and then call me and if she couldn't I'd go north instead of south. She called back and had managed to get out of the tub and to the couch. So then I told her to call whomever was on call and see if she should go to the ER. I would stop driving and go walk around at Meijer and wait until she called back to see if they said she should go in right away. So I went to Meijer (new goodformyfeet shoes on clearance!) and walked around and shopped until she called back and said the person on call said go ahead and wait until morning. So I came on back to Bloomington.... She called this morning and said her own transplant coordinator (you get one of those for life when you get a new kidney!) said to go in to the IU Med center and get labs. So she did and then they admitted her. I think it's probably an infection and not rejection, but she is still on immuno-suppressing drugs so infections can be dangerous. So long, story, with no conclusion as yet, but I will will post tomorrow if she finds something out.

Yesterday was good - a bike ride with Michael and Gillian and her children. Then Michael and I took the long way back to his dad's and stopped at Brownie's Family Restaurant - a little country diner. Story of the day - we were in this kind of back room with an extended family who was having a big Sunday family dinner. The waitress told us the main part of the family lives next door to the restaurant and they do it every week. One of the adult men said, Christie and I went to see that stupid "Sex and the City" movie. Another man said, "How'd she convince you to do that?" One of the women (I'm guessing the first guy's sister) said, "Sex in the COUNTRY! Duh!" It was so funny I almost burst out laughing!

Okay I swear fleas are eating me alive, damn this cat! I wonder if there are fleas in Santa Fe. I don't know what the elevation has to be before you get flea-free.

Happy today for: The internet. I really like being able to look things up quickly like EVERYTHING! Especially Wikipedia and imdb. Love 'em!

Sunday, June 22, 2008


Michael's march last night. He's deep in the middle so you can't see him. I am glad he is willing to protest and stand visibly for what he thinks is right. I worry about it sometimes, but it is nice to know he is so willing to stand for his principles.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

Long day

We went downtown just after 10 am and just got home a few minutes ago and it's 11:30.

First went to bank and PO to pay important bill. Then went to Farmer's Market, then Michael rode his bike over to another bike team parent's house to get the solar bike and ride it back downtown. During this time I went to the Arts Fair on the square and shopped all the stores on the square that I enjoy and don't often get to shop. I went to two cooking stores and THREE bookstores. I had in mind to find the original Moosewood Cookbook to get some ideas for more vegetarian main dishes. All I could find were the new editions and specialty ones, however. At one bookshop the owner is ordering one that she thinks might be the original and she said she won't get mad if I don't buy it when it gets here. At that particular shop I was shopping with my neighbors John and Elaine and their boys, Hud and Speck. I kind of wanted to tell Elaine the funny story about when John saw Michael at the mall when he was a baby and was all googoo over him because he was so cute and then a few months later I heard on the news that she was pregnant with her first hooligan. I don't want to be one of those people who bothers celebrities in public, though, so I didn't do it. After all the shopping (didn't buy a thing!) I walked back down to the plaza where the Taste of Bloomington would be to help set up the table for the solar bike team. Three other bike team moms were there and they were all really nice. We had lots of good conversations while the team members explained to people about the bike and how it works and how we're trying to raise more money for Japan next year and stuff. We took turns going around and getting food to taste and taking breaks and walks. Some of the vendors fed the team members for free so the students got to try some different things.

Debbie who usually cancels whenever we make plans actually SHOWED UP! I could hardly believe it. SO after we closed down the bike team table we went over to listen to the bands. "Here Come the Mummies" I actually liked. They were kind of funk and had a horn section, which I love (remember how I like Blood Sweat and Tears? Yeah ) . But Debbie was acting all depressed and sad and it was kind of a bummer. So then Michael left to go to the emergency I-69 protest march that was called because some tree sitters were forcibly evicted from their posts in an allegedly dangerous manner.... By then Debbie wanted to leave because she was so depressed, so I followed the protesters back to People's Park because I decided it was so dark I didn't want Michael to ride home. But then Michael just disappeared! I saw him marching, his bike was still there and he was nowhere to be seen! So I sat there a long time and he just never came back.... Finally I borrowed some guy's cell phone and tried to call Michael, because he had my phone... no answer. I tried to call Debbie to see if Michael had called her phone, no answer.... I was starting to freak out a little bit. This guy James knows Michael from the war protests (yeah, I'm not just kidding about the hippie boy thing) and agreed with me that it was totally unusual for Michael to leave his bike and not come back, so James started walking and riding his bike around looking for Michael while I stayed right by Michael's bike. James came back to report and Michael came walking back, finally! He had walked all the way back over to the taste... for some reason he felt like he had to leave the park until the cops were gone because the marchers might get arrested for having blocked the street with the march... I told him I thought the cops were following the marchers more to keep them safe from random traffic and that they didn't seem antagonistic at all. They just stayed and watched the park until everybody started to disperse and then left. Michael is still an inexperienced protester, except for his weekly war thing, but it doesn't really involve any civil disobedience, jut a peaceable assembly holding signs. So he will learn more as he goes what the police are usually willing to put up with and all that. I kind of had to learn as I went, too ( in my days it was Apartheid and hey! it's over!). I had expressed to him at other times that I didn't want him to go to Washington for a protest because if the adults he was with were arrested it could cause trouble and maybe even custody trouble for me, so maybe that was in his head... So anyway TWELVE long hours or more downtown, with miles of walking. I wish I had worn the pedometer today! My new one resets itself all the time, though so it really sucks and I need something different. That's why I quit talking about my step numbers. So boy am I tired, feet hurt, and guess what , my stinking bed isn't made because I had to wash sheets today and then we were gone all day. I may sleep in here with the damn fleas and hope I don't get too eaten up by morning.

Happy today for: I think I was especially happy to meet the other bike team moms, and a good horn section.

Friday, June 20, 2008

Random Quiz...

Just because Michael is in bed and I am not ready to head that way yet, even though I should.

Name one person who made you smile yesterday?

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?
just getting to work.

What were you doing 30 minutes ago?
Washing dishes.

What is something that happened to you in 1994?
Michael cried a lot!

What is the last thing you said aloud?
I'll talk to you tomorrow. (to Stephanie)

How many different things did you drink today?
Water, Diet Pepsi, Diet Coke.

What color is your hairbrush?

What was the last thing you bought?
A Subway sandwich for lunch.

What was the last gift you received for your birthday?
Gosh, I don't remember

What color is your front door?
It's white, but I want to paint it purple.

Where do you keep your change?
In a baking powder can on my bookshelf.

What was the weather like today?
Sunny, warm and marvelous!

What is the best ice cream flavor?
Hard question! Peanut butter 'n' chip.

What is something you are excited about?
Listening to live music tomorrow (I hope)

When was the last rainbow you saw?
Last fall, I think.

Do you have a little sister?

Are you very random?
Insanely random.

Do you want to cut your hair?
Nope, just did it!

Do you have some bad habits?

Do you talk a lot?
Sometimes, especially if I have caffeine. Some weekends, however, I will go for two days without talking to anybody.

Do you watch The O.

I don't even know what it is.

Does your screen name have an "x" in it?

Do you know any Stevens?
yes, I have a crush on one!

Do you make up your own words?

Are you ticklish?

Are you typically a jealous person?

Do you have plans for today?
Today is almost over. I need to have a snack, take meds, go to bed!

Name a friend whose name starts with the letter "J":

Who's the 1st person on your received calls list?
Stephanie at the home phone and also on the cell phone - She's having a lot of drama.

What did the last text message you received say?
"Hey, bring my DVDs you have when you come."

Do you chew on your straws?

Do you have curly hair?

What is the next concert you're going to?
Tomorrow at the Taste... I think it's called "The Living Mummies"

Who is the worst person in your life?
Maybe Ed, I'm not sure. I think he provides the most conflict and I certainly don't like conflict.

How many times have you cussed today?
Probably quite a few, but just for fun. i was never really upset.

What is something you say a lot?
No problem.

What is the last thing you ate?
Ro-tel dip and blue corn chips.

com or MySpacePhotos. com?

Do you have work tomorrow?

Is marriage in your future?
Probably not.

When was the last time you said "I love you"?
To Michael tonight.

What should you be doing now?
Should probably be in bed.

Do you have a nickname?

Are you a heavy sleeper?
Depends how much Valium I take! :)

When was the last time you used a skateboard?
A VERY long time.

What is the best movie you've seen in the past three weeks?
Kung Fu Panda

Is there anyone you like right now?
I like lots of people, but I am crushing on Steve and Sam.

When was the last time you did the dishes?
A few minutes ago!

Are you currently depressed?
Not clinically depressed
, but I am feeling a little lonely because of my unrequited crushes.


Sitting here waiting for Michael to get home from his dad's.

Debbie came over for awhile and we talked and thought about going out, but decided we'd wait until tomorrow.

I just made Ro-tel and ate it and chips for dinner. I don't like to cook when it is only for me. I swear I am tempted to eat out for EVERY meal.

I guess I am going to start some laundry and settle in for the night into my jammies. I am pretty damn lazy feeling, but tomorrow will be a big day. We are going to have a table for the Solar Bike Team at the Taste of Bloomington and I am slated to help set up and sit there for a couple of hours, then I want to see some of the bands at the event, then maybe go out too. AND maybe the Farmer's Market and Arts Fair on the Square in the am! WE'll see how much time I think I can spend in the sun and all that.

Happy today for: Sam at work. He really, really makes me happy. I swear I am getting a crush on him too and he is just a baby. He called me Darling today in an email just for fun, and it made my heart race. I think he is just one of those people who is super nice and fun and flirty with everybody, but I am going to enjoy it and be flattered anyway!

Thursday, June 19, 2008

Happy for:

My little weedeater. I mowed the grass and FINALLY did the edges, for the first time this year. I always feel like the yard isn't really completely done unless the edges are also done, but I just haven't made it that far this year. I actually didn't finish the entire thing tonight. The string ran out and I knew by the time I changed it it would be dark outside. So time to go take a shower.

Better cheesecake pictures:

I wish I would have put some raspberries around the perimetre of the platter for the presentation, but I was kind of rushing. If I were serving it commercially where it would be displayed first I would do that.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

Tired, I guess.

I came home after work and ate a couple of pieces of leftover pizza and then decided to lie down for a few minutes. I thought I'd get up at 7:00 and mow the lawn. I just woke up a few minutes ago! I did have a bout of insomnia last night and stay up QUITE late.

I don't having any deep or philosophical thoughts today.

I'm happy today for: Aerosmith.

Mmmmm Cheesecake

This is the picture Steve took. It's a little out of focus. Title is also a quote from Steve. Maybe he loves me after all, or at least my cheesecake.

I could find lots of other ways to make him say, "Mmmmmm."

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

Day off.

It didn't go exactly as planned, but then, I didn't really have a big plan anyway. It ended up with Kevin taking Jack to the mall to get his stir fry, so Steph came over and hung out. Things were back and forth all day with Stephanie and Kevin fighting over the phone a couple of times, etc. At one point I had Jack and Alex over here while the adults were at home fighting. Kevin came to pick them up and tried to get me on "his side." "I don't know what Steph has told you, but there is no other woman. I know you are trying to be a good friend, but by letting her come over here you are just enabling her in abusing me. When she gets alcohol in her she is mean to me." I just raised my hands and said over and over, "I am not involved in this." I know Steph drinks (Sarah, it really was all her booze in the fridge and garage I swear!). I have seen her after drinking a lot, and have never seen her mean, just really, really sad. She hates Indiana. This is her worst fear, that she would some to Indiana, a nowhere place to her, and he would leave her with no resources, no support, nothing. He has his family and friends here because this is his hometown and he has never grown up and still has the same buds as forever, but she left all that for him, and I really think I am about her only friend. She has worked so hard, first making a living and then finishing college, that she hasn't had much time for much else. The whole thing is horribly sad for all involved, even though I still reiterate that I think Kevin has acted like a brain-dead fuck.

Miko's dress is mostly assembled, except for the sleeves. The neckline looks bad, though. I am trying to decide if I want to pick it apart and try again. Sigh. Also I want to remember how to make a thread button loop, instead of using elastic like the pattern says to. I like it better when it's the same color as the dress. I made a dress for Emily where it has a similar neckline AND I made a thread loop that I want to look at. I loaned it to somebody for pioneer day and never got it back. I called her today and she said she'd put it out on her porch before she went somewhere, but I went down there and it wasn't out. It kind of pissed me off. I know I have forgotten stuff like that too, but I really hoped to finish the dress today and I need to look at the other one to get reminded. I have sewn in the past few years, but only free-form stuff I have made up myself, pillow cases, shower curtain, chalk bag... I can hardly remember how to follow a pattern and trim seams the right way etc. I may need to get more fabric and do attempt two to make Miko's dress really nice!

Happy today for: my new sewing machine. even though I am having skill recall trouble at least I don't have to contend with technical difficulties at the same time.

Monday, June 16, 2008


Eating kettle corn. I don't make it as well as the people with the giant copper kettle who sell it at the farmer's Market and at events around town, but I'm pretty darn good!

I have Miko's dress cut out, all the edges zig-zagged, and I am ready to start actual assembly.

I took the day off work tomorrow because my gyn appt. was in the middle of the day and to spoil myself. So of course my period started early and heavy and I had to postpone the appt.... So tomorrow I will work on the dress and house and garden depending on bad it is.

I also called Steph to see if she needed to hang out while Kevin moves out. Kevin is such an asshole... he asked Jack, age 9, if he would help him pack to move out. WTF? Jack told Stephanie he didn't really want to help Kevin, but he didn't want to disappoint him. So Steph asked him what he really wanted to do and he wants to go to the mall and eat stir-fry! So if I am not too bad I may go to the mall with them to eat stir-fry at the Chinese place. What kind of brain-dead fucker thinks having your son help you pack to move out is okay?

I kill DVD players. Last night I tried to put one on in my bedroom and it thinks there is no disc when there is. I tried a different disc with the same results. This is the one I only got around Christmas. I know a DVD player is not essential to life, but it is a really good-drug free way to help solve my insomnia, which has been creeping back lately. It went away for a long time after being sick, but I have been having to medicate some lately and putting in a movie that I know really well often helps me avoid drugs.

I have the TV on and I have to say that this "Master of Dance" show is really, really bad... but I am glad they have people who are all different body types and styles.

Happy today for: instant mashed potatoes. I love real the best, but when Michael is not here it is really hard to make myself cook and instant mashed potatoes work. I was good and did not eat out AT ALL today.

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Good Day!

I got everything on the list done except the mulch and that was because when I planted the flowers I kept feeling dizzy every time I stood back up. I decided I needed to wait another day before I did all the stooping and stuff the mulch would take.

Good thing:

I talked to Mom and Dad today. I talked to Dad about helping in the house and he started out just like he always does that they don't want me to feel like I need to come and do that. We talked a little more and I told him that Heather and I had talked about helping them and that Heather is concerned that we don't be jerks and go in and say, "You have too much stuff and you have to get rid of it and we're going to throw it all away. Oh and by the way, you should be happy and grateful." I told him that our idea is to start by taking care of the things that are precious to them and packing them carefully and labeling them so that the things they want and need to keep and take to the apartment with them will be protected and ready to go. That way if the house should sell or an apartment come open quickly those things will be ready. I mentioned things like Grandpa Holt's Letter carrier hat, and Dad mentioned his first edition books. He said he knows they are not worth a lot of money, but they really mean something to HIM and that he would like to keep them. I really feel good about taking this approach as a good way to start and having them feel okay about us helping them be ready to move and getting the house less cluttered and ready to sell.

I am going to start bringing home LOTS of boxes from work. For Mom and Dad's and for Stephanie. Kevin (her husband) told her he's moving out Tuesday, but just to a temporary place so he is not taking his stuff. I said we need to get boxes and pack up what he doesn't take and start reclaiming the house as HER space, both physically and psychologically. If she is going to have to be a single mother when she doesn't want to be, it is her right to do it without his stuff around that has always driven her nuts and been part of the conflict in the first place. I don't think of it in a mean way - like, well, we'll show the bastard, but just that if this is the decision he is going to make then he needs to be prepared to have it followed through with all the implications and that means not using the house as a storage space for his stuff until he gets a place to live for real.

I have the sewing machine out and the ironing board and all the stuff out so I am really ready to start Miko's dress. I also wound a bobbin in navy blue so I can hem some pants I bought WEEKS ago and haven't worn yet because they are too long. I have cut them off already and now I just need to do the sewing part! Maybe I will get them done and have new pants to wear to work tomorrow. YAY. I have been alternating two pairs of pants Monday through Thursday and then my jeans on Friday. I really could wear jeans though the week too, but I try not to do it because the sales reps can't.

LIsts and last night:

Things I need to be ready for Exchange Student: (Roma)
Get box springs
Get small dresser
Rearrange furniture.
De-flea and clean carpet (NO MORE CATS, EVER!!!)

Things I want to do today:
Finish laundry
Plant impatiens
Put down mulch
put a good ten minutes in in my room
Finish cleaning off table
Get out sewing machine
Wind bobbin for the dress
East a healthy, homemade dinner
Spray the carpet in the purple room (NO MORE CATS, EVER!!!)

I went out with Stephanie last night. We met Pat at Cheeseburger in Paradise and had dinner. We were supposed to go down to Nick's downtown, which is a longtime Bloomington, independent restaurant, more my kind of place. Pat called while we were on the way, though and said it was "dead," could we go to Cheeseburger instead? Steph wanted to and because it was her night - okay. I would rather be in a "dead" Nicks with good old bar food and be able to have a conversation. Cheeseburger is LOUD and everything has some kind of tropical twist to the food....I have been wanting ribs again, though, ever since the day we made them at home, because I didn't get as many as I wanted, so I got ribs and that was good and satisfying. It was loud, as usual, but at least part of the loud last night was some live music, a guy playing guitar and singing and he was actually pretty good. It was still hard for me to hear conversation, however. Too many years in loud headphones are getting me now.

After that we went down to the Bluebird to The Ragin' Texans Reunion. I used to go hear them play MANY moons, ago. Pre-Emily! One of my favorite memories is being at the Bluebird with the Texans playing and I was with a group of friends who included the current Miss Indiana who was a singer and songwriter and she got up and sang with the band and then Kenny Aronoff came in and played drums on a couple of songs and then sat with us. He was playing for John Mellencamp at the time so it was a big deal. Since then I have become friends with one of the band members so last night it was extra fun to see him play. It is always fun to see a band when you know some of the people and in between sets you can talk about how the show is going and stuff. It's always interesting to hear the perspective of the band members as opposed to being a member of the audience. During their break we walked down to Jake's to "Retro Night" which I usually hate, but Steph wanted to go, and again, it was her night and celebration, so we went. I tried to be pleasant, but I was probably bad attitude and finally I asked could we go back to the Bluebird and see the Texans some more and then go back to Jake's when they were done. So we did that. At Bluebird, one of the guys from work was there and he was either so drunk or so tired he was literally falling asleep on his feet while watching the band. We offered him a ride home, even though I don't really know him that well. He swore he was okay and that he was walking anyway. I sure hope it was true. So since Mike didn't need a ride home we went BACK to Jake's again until Retro night closed down at THREE O'CLOCK IN THE MORNING. Sigh. I am MUCH too old for this kind of shit. I slept later than I care to report today and I have a headache. Not a hangover, because I don't drink enough to ever earn a hangover, but I know it is just from doing things that are generally bad for my body, eating too late of a dinner, eating sugary rib sauce, not enough water, staying up late, not taking bedtime medicine..... things old fat diabetics should not do. So, for the rest of the day I am going to do my fits and spurts for rest and work and try to accomplish the tasks on my list above. If the headache is gone and I feel rehydrated, I will try to add a mild walk or bike ride in the evening. As short as my day is from all the sleeping, evening will be here before you know it.

Happy today for: a good sunny day with no rain in the area as far as I know. We need it. Our creek came up over the bridge and the park was flooded Friday night. When we drove through Martinsville the damage from the flood is unbelievable - still businesses closed, piles of debris everywhere, dumpsters full of personal belongings outside houses and apartments, still random stuff kind of wherever it stopped floating....horrible, horrible. This rain needs to go to Georgia and give Erin some water!

Saturday, June 14, 2008

Happy for:

Such a beautiful day to travel on the road. Even though I was sad to have to take Michael back up to his dad's to have to stay for a week it was a great day to travel . There were LOTS of motorcycles on the road. I am afraid ride them, but I sure LOVE to see them. I think my favorite we saw today was a really nice Electraglide. It's more rare to see them as they are a more expensive model than just the plain Sportsters. This one was good and chromed up and pretty.

Friday, June 13, 2008


These are from when Sarah and family were visiting and we all went to Lafayette and I stole them from Sarah's blog. Emily took some pics too, but still hasn't sent them to me. I will have to nag her about that. Top is my brother Chris's son Paul, his wife, Ti, their baby Rachael, and me. Next is the train at Columbian Park. Front car is Emily and Miko, my brother Chris's daughter, next car is a twin (I think McKayla) and Heather, then me, then Paul Rachael, and Ti. Next is Rachael. Next is Jaxon. Next is Mom and Dad and Sarah and Jaxon. I wish I had a good picture of the twins. If Emily sends me some I think I will. Michael was not with us on the Lafayette trip because he was at a bike race. I think we are a pretty good looking family. My dad's neck looks funny in the picture, but I don't think it looks like that in real life. We are also smart and HILARIOUS with our puns. You have to know us and sit in on a couple of family dinners to really appreciate the humor.

Happy today for: Michael home from canoeing trip. He didn't drown and he told me about the "really cool" rope swing thirty or forty feet up. Boy am I glad he got to experience that. (note sarcastic tone.)

Thursday, June 12, 2008

Home visit...

Just had my home visit from the Exchange Program Coordinator. I know they are also checking my references because Deanna sent me an email and said they called her last night. It sounds pretty good. My worries are about weekends when Michael is gone to his dad's but she says we will just work them out - even having Roman go to other people's houses if I need to at first.

I did three things today I haven't done in a LONG time:

1) Paid for a haircut. Got it chopped pretty short. It was getting pretty long, but raggedy looking, so now it's kind of a short bob, just below ear level. I decided very impulsively on my lunch hour when I saw a picture of a woman in a magazine.

2) Went through Wendy's drive-through and bought a hamburger and french fries. Funny thing is, I guess that led to another thing I haven't done in a while - I threw it away before I was finished. It just didn't taste that good and I didn't want to finish it. I guess that is good.

3) Got in line for gas before the price went up twenty cents. I was probably one of the last ones to get it, too. I got my gas for $3.99 and went through the drive through at Wendys and by the time I came out about six minutes later it was $4.19. All the other stations in town had gone up earlier in the day and this was the last one.

Report on the cheesecake. I was talking on the phone and Steve left me a message that said, "There is a (expletive deleted) cheesecake orgy going on back here. If you want any of your own creation, you'd better get back here fast!" They said it was wonderful. I had to admit to them that I rarely eat cheesecake. Debbie didn't email the pictures. She must not have had a chance to download them yet. There are LOTS of weekend deadlines right now so it's understandable. Maybe tomorrow.

My kitchen is already clean because I didn't cook dinner and I did the cheesecake dishes and the lunch dishes before the Exchange Program person came over so tonight I am going to work on my laundry and cut out Miko's dress, I hope. It's already 9:30, but at least I can get the fabric ironed and the pattern pinned, right?

Happy today for: Said cheesecake orgy and happiness of IT guys. Not just because I have the crush on Steve, but because I really am happy to have a way to express my gratitude for the help they give me.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

So sad.

I'd rather do this than clean my house or sleep, so why am I not just writing a damn book?

But I have good news! My niece, Sarah has posted in her blog and it includes plenty o ' pictures from her trip to Indiana! Everybody go look at it! If you keep going down there is also a picture if her at a party for Mitt Romney. She worked for his campaign last summer when she was just about ready to POP with Jaxon. I am going to see if I can save some of her pictures and post them here too, but probably not tonight, unless I keep being compulsive. I am just staying up late right now waiting for the cheesecake to get cook enough to put in the fridge, but I realized I took my night-time meds with no snack so I need to go take care of that so I don't go into a coma in the night or something unpleasant like that....

Okay a little more.

I love Jon and Kate plus Eight and I love this episode when they go to Disney World. I need a Dose of Disney SO BAD. I am embarrassed to put it in writing, but I bought tickets to the Lion King show tonight. It is in November and because I am a member if the Disney Friends and Family I got presale tickets for $20 each for upper balcony. I had to get FIVE because of the exchange student so it was still a significant amount of money, but, but , but... it's the LION KING! You should have seen me the first time I saw the Lion King.... that first scene when all the animals are coming, I sobbed like a baby. When we were at Disney World and saw a Lion King show that was just part of it, yep. For some reason that show just gets me. (Plus, Heather said she'd help me pay for them)

As a matter of fact, that is actually what prompted our trip to Disney World in 2004. I heard on the radio that the traveling Lion King show was coming to Indiana about when Spring break was and I thought I would get tickets and that would be our spring break treat. Well when I called, tickets were SO expensive that I thought it would probably be cheaper to go to Disney World than to see the Lion King for two hours. I looked online and it WAS! I got three day park hopper tickets for less than it was to see the show! So I booked a hotel on Priceline - found a brand new, nice hotel for around $40 a night, drove straight down, I think we may have stayed one night in a hotel, we had dinner with Julia in Georgia on the way, got to Disney World, had mucho fantastico time. Drove straight back, sleeping in rest stops and a Cracker Barrel parking lot on the way! and it was wonderful - one of the best things I have EVER done in my life. It is something I will NEVER regret doing.

I also took a trip down by myself a couple of years ago. I was supposed to go to New Orleans with an unnamed friend who chickened out and I was mad so I just bought a plane ticket and hotel stay for myself and got both for the fantastical rate of about $250 for five days I think. I had such a blast. I couldn't really afford Disney so I did the thing where you go hear a spiel on a time share and get a cheap Disney ticket. I chose the MGM part because I love the Aerosmith roller coaster, I got to see the space shuttle take off (from afar), meet Deborah Anna (I still swear they fed me GOAT at that place!) and I just generally relaxed, which at the time I was having a really hard time doing at home. I didn't have cable TV at the time and I did a lot of lying about watching cable TV and working on craft projects. I finished pillow cases I had been working on for several years! I lay by the pool. I ate out - after pay day! It was funny.. I was really poor until after my paycheck was deposited so after my initial lunch out I couldn't afford to eat out until pay day. I took boxes of crackers and cup of soup packets and I ran water through the coffee machine and heated it and ate cup of soup and crackers until payday! I planned my trip so that my Disney day was after pay day so I could afford to eat at the park and stuff. I had to plan that trip VERY carefully. I needed that trip so badly though and it was wonderful, even with the cup of soup!

I have a goal to take a trip by myself for at least two days again this year. I don't know where yet. It may be soon because Michael will be at his dad's for several weeks coming up. I need to think of nearby ideas. If I go to a state park with a lodge during the week it may be affordable, or maybe I'll camp by myself. As long as there are flushing toilets, I'm good. If there are only pit toilets I can only pee once a day and I'm getting too old for that.

I checked the cheesecake - it's up to the tippy top. I have to remember to use a 10 inch pan next time and not the nine inch!

Baking tonight.

Making a raspberry cheesecake for all the guys in IT who keep me from crying when everything is going wrong. Friday when EVERYTHING was not working and I couldn't even figure out how to CALL them on the new phones I went and stood in the door of their room and said, "I cannot do any more work until I have a working printer and it needs to be fixed NOW." They could tell I needed serious help and they really worked to figure out a backup printer for me because the one I usually use was unrepairable.

Oh my! I JUST now put that thing in the oven and it has been like TWO HOURS since I started this post! NEVER make a recipe that says press the raspberries through a strainer to get the seeds out. I swear it took half an hour just to do that step. I thought of just buying a jar of seedless raspberry preserves and subbing that, but I wanted the more tart taste of real (but frozen) raspberries. This is my first cheesecake that has two layers. The bottom is totally pink and the top is swirled. I am afraid it will go over the top of the pan because it looked more full than usual. If it is a failure, it will be an expensive one. Four dollars for frozen raspberries, four dollars for fresh raspberries for garnish, cream cheese, heavy cream, white chocolate... sigh, and disappointed IT guys. They probably won't care if it is not pretty, but I won't want to take it to them if it is not. SO if it overflows I will either stay up all night and bake another one or make them wait another day. I will be sad if I have to make them wait another day because Steve came and saved the day again when my magic scanner decided it had a disconnect between its brain and its hardware and needed its software downloaded again. I LOVE my magic scanner that converts documents so I don't have to type them or bug the typists to type them and they can do other parts of their jobs instead. There are only a few things that have to be manually typed - documents that contain tables and stuff.

Now my house is a total wreck and the woman from the exchange program is coming over tomorrow night to see if I am worthy to host an exchange student. I hope I can at least get the dishes done before she comes over!

I probably should go try and get at least some done now while the thing is baking. I don't smell anything burning so it is not overflowing yet! I'll report tomorrow how it turns out. Unless of course, it turns out horribly and I can't resist staying up all night and baking a new one, then I'll probably report tonight!

Happy today for: Going to the grocery and seeing impatiens for $1.00 for 6. We did finally get the veggies and some herbs in, but not any flowers yet, and I hope to get these in tomorrow. I worked really hard on the yard last night and mowed and replaced the rocks on the edges that one of the twins decided needed moved.... now I need to do the edges and get these flowers in. Oh, I guess my morning glories did re-seed a little so I will have a couple of those - I keep pulling babies so I won't have the morning glory MONSTER I had last year but it hasn't started blooming yet.

Tuesday, June 10, 2008


Mowed the grass and it took a good hour tonight. The last time I mowed I didn't do the back yard so it was REALLY high, and it was high that time.

Today is Mom's birthday and I called and talked to her a little while. She sounded pretty good tonight. She has put in her notice at work and only has about ten days left. I am SO GLAD she has done that. I told her she gave herself the best birthday present ever by doing that.

I want to write more tonight, but I am so tired that I can feel I need to drink more water, take medicine and be in bed, even if I am not sleeping.

So happy today for: Cable TV that I am going to go in and watch until I feel settled down and calm and can rest tonight.

Monday, June 9, 2008

Sigh... It's raining again.

Very hard. I don't have to worry about the tomatoes dying while Michael is gone this week, unless it's from drowning this time. Of course my son is on a canoe trip... the Scout leaders swore that they are far enough south that it is not flooded down there and I haven't heard anything about the Blue River so I am trying to believe them.

Headache and nausea ALL day. I had to cancel having Tamyra over for dinner. I came home for lunch and took a nap and I think that's the only reason I made it through the workday.

Pam was able to go back to work in Martinsville and they did have power in the office. I told her my selfish thoughts about wanting her to be okay for my selfish reasons...I probably should have kept them to myself, but you know how I always tell too much of everything here - yeah, I'm like that in real life too.

I hope this rain stops soon, not just for my selfish self, but for everybody who just can't take any more.

Happy today for prescription painkillers, please kick in soon, and then I am going to BED.

Sunday, June 8, 2008

I did it.

I applied for the job. It said to send your salary requirements and I decided to go for it and said my experience and education warrant fifty thousand dollars per year plus benefits. Around here that is a lot. English degrees are a dime a dozen. A couple thousand more dollars a month would solve a couple of problems. Yep.

We'll see.

Wasting time

It is SO hot.

I have a copy editor job at Cook Medical For which I should be applying right now. I am intimidated, however, because I know I made a grammar error in my cover letter in my last application. I won't let myself go to bed tonight until it is done so I 'd better get moving soon!

I am selfishly worried about work tomorrow. If the Martinsville office is still flooded or without power I will end up doing double work again this week, even though Pam is back from vacation. What a selfish bitch I am to think about myself and not the people whose homes are flooded! I am worried about my mental health, though, seriously. I was really on the brink Friday.

Drive-in was good last night. I REALLY liked King Fu Panda. It was well done, Jack Black kicked some panther ass. I said to Heather, "I always think it's kind of funny how much you like children's movies, but I think I like this one enough that it will be one of my favorites." She sat quietly for a second and then said something like, "You think it's weird I like kid's movies?" I think I hurt her feelings. She then said something about having enough drama in her life already - which I can see.... I guess maybe my theory is I can distract by focusing on other drama and not real life. She just distracts with another method. I must admit to just last week, though, when Sarah said the girls had never seen "Beauty and the Beast," I impulsively wanted to say they could have my DVD, but a part of ME wanted to have that DVD SO badly I didn't do it because I love to sing along with Belle on that first song... so I guess I have a little of that children's movie thing too...

Speaking of drama... I talked to my Sister in Law a long time today about Mom and Dad and the house and their health and the STUFF and the SITUATION and I am so confused and frustrated and I wish there would be some magic way to make it all better. I think the magic way would be lots of money, but unfortunately, none of us have that. I can barely keep afloat for me and Michael. I did realize I have friends who work in the health care and specifically elder care industry in their area and I should use them as a resource and that is one of my first steps. Big DUH on my part.

Happy today for: Debbie - who even though she always cancels on me when we make plans, printed out the forms for Michael's canoe trip and brought them down for me so I could be prepared when I take him to drop him off tomorrow. Reliable and helpful for something that really counted!

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Planning to go to the drive in

It's not raining yet.

Everything is flooded.

This is the gas station we stopped at on the way to Indy last night. This is the way it is today. I am glad we made it home last night. It was raining REALLY hard a part of the way and I had to go pretty slowly. Many people are have lost power in their homes and are flooded out today. The Wabash and White Rivers are both very flooded as are a lot of the Creeks. Our creek is not too bad today - still within the banks, but much more rain and it will come up again because the ground is already fully saturated.

Happy today for being out of the hundred year flood plain! It would have to get much worse for my home to be threatened.

Friday, June 6, 2008

Backdated post again

to last night.

I was driving in the car and had no computer access, not being one of those luck laptop, high-tch mobile owners, so I expressed my bloggishess verbally to my sister and we called it good for posting today.

Happy today for: that my family is as goofy as I am about the weather! I was driving between dropping Michael off at his dad's and picking up Heather to bring to Bloomington and I called Heather to say, "Look at the sky!" and she said, "I'm already outside taking a picture." The sky was bright, golden orange in one direction, bright blue in the other direction, and the was a LINE where it changed from one to the other. Right after we hung up, the was a streak of lightning that was SO awesome and amazingly beautiful it made me scream! I was driving along at seventy miles per hour with semis all around me on highway seventy and I had to keep telling myself to calm down and drive... and then they started the fireworks at the Indians game early to beat the storm so I had the dual colored, sky, lightning, and man-made fireworks all at once. We're lucky I made it to the exit alive as I can tend to be a distracted (but good) driver on a normal day! If Heather's pictures turn out well and we can figure out how to do it, we'll have to see if I can post some. She actually shot it as video on her phone so she could turn in a circle and show the difference and I couldn't figure out how to embed video the last time I tried. When I finally got to Heather's we laughed about how goofy we are and we knew that Chris would be home (my house) out on the porch watching the sky and lightning too.

Thursday, June 5, 2008

Our flood

This is our creek, but this particular bridge is a little south of us, but not far.

I stink:

Subtitled: He's trying to kill me.

We went for the first bike ride of the year - several miles. we rode down to the bridge so I could take pictures of the water damage. I also took a picture of the debris caught under the bridge and a nice picture of Michael on his bike. Of course it takes me about two years to get film developed...

Then after some mechanical intervention to my bike we rode down to the Clear Creek trail and rode the first couple of miles. the perfectionist in me wanted to complete it, but I could feel how tired I was and I wanted to be sure to be able to make it home and I did all except I had to walk one hill, which I think I always had to walk last year even at the end of the year anyway. So for after three days of not feeling well I did pretty well today. I could wear my goodformyfeet shoes today, I took a little walk at work, I rested during M's cello lesson, I ate pretty healthy, and had a lot of exercise and water.

Michael is going to give my bike a tune up tomorrow, the wheel is a little off and the dérailleur needs adjusting and he knows how to do all this stuff from working at the Community Bike Project so YAY.

Happy today for: a good kid. a nice bike, a chocolate malt (the one unhealthy thing!), a nice guy at work who told me to get away from my desk and take a walk when I needed it!

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

A little better again....

More storms, more rains, flooding like crazy!

Jackson Creek didn't go over the bridge but it batted up against the edge of the bridge so much that that the asphalt is starting to lift up. I am going to ask Michael to take a picture of it tomorrow. Of course I still have to get film developed before I can show anybody, so who knows how long THAT will be! sigh.... Maybe I can get a photographer down here in the morning to take a pic and put on our website so I can copy it and post on my blog..

I worked so hard today and I am STILL stinking behind. Oh well.

My feet hurt like crazy today. This is day three of really swollen feet. Too swollen to wear shoes, too swollen to walk a lot. No more Y membership so I can't go there and swim anymore. Too stormy to swim at the lake, plus it's so full the beach is closed. I really should be lying down with my feet elevated and not sitting here, but at least I am drinking water!

PS on that - I did call to make appt with new dr. today, but it is a really small office with just him and his nurse/ office manager, so she will probably call back tomorrow.

I shared my last essay, the one about the toilet paper at work, with someone who wants to encourage each other with our writing and she liked it. It makes me want to do another one soon, so that is good. She tries to write a full day one day a week on Mondays, so I invited her to dinner next Monday. If I write this weekend, maybe I can have a new essay or a chapter of "Half-Wit" to share by then.

Happy today for the smiley face stickers I bought at Dollar General on my lunch hour. I put a couple on my production reports I took back to Gina and it made me happy. I also verbally expressed my anger that I am not on vacation to Gina today and she said, "Hang in there, Kid." and that helped.

Tuesday, June 3, 2008


Not quite so angry today.

I hope I am not getting into a long term or severe funk/ depression. I sure seem to be having more negative days lately. I have dealt with it before and come out okay, but it is NO FUN. I plan to see a new dr. soon and maybe I will talk to him about it. Last month one day I mentioned that I had become irrationally angry that day, but didn't want to write about it. One of the things I had become angry about was that I had seen the new dr, whom I had loved up to that point and when I had called to check my lab results she had not had an A1C done, which is THE benchmark test for diabetics. Her nurse said all kinds of things like she didn't have one done because she could just "figure out" what it was from what I told her about my blood sugars and stuff, which is bullshit. So now I am looking into a new dr. The one I want to see is one whom Dr. Weiler, my Gyno, whom I LOVE, recommended years ago. At the time I didn't feel comfortable switching to him because he shared an office with the dr. I was already seeing, but now that I have already fired HIM and would-be new dr. has moved into his own office I would like to switch. Of course would-be new dr. does not accept insurance, but runs a cash practice, where you have to pay at least $15o upfront for every appointment. Sigh... and I need to go soon, really. I actually had it on my list to call and make the appt. today, but was so busy with actual WORK, that I didn't get it done.

I want to go update my "Goodreads" and still make it to bed by 10:00. I know sleep will help.

Happy today for: that can of Chicken noodle soup I had in my cubby at work. It wasn't reallythat great of a lunch, but it sure beat going out in the storm.

Monday, June 2, 2008

Another brick in the wall...

Still feeling negative.

As I was sitting with Michael while he ate canned pinto beans mixed with canned tomatoes and green chilis with flaxseed/corn chips he said he wants me to start buying dried beans instead because canned beans are too processed. He looked at his bowl and said, "this is really processed food." and also that I should only buy the organic dried beans from Bloomingfoods. Well early on I had said dried beans were much cheaper than canned beans, but he said it was too much work. So now I asked if he is going to soak and cook them and oh, by the way they have to cook for hours and it will heat up the house and he says he will cook them outside in the dutch oven... then he launches into I don't buy enough fruit... I buy fruit all the time and it rots and I end up throwing it out. His reply to that is that I don't but enough variety. He doesn't like eating oranges and bananas all the time.

Listen, Bud. We are FUCKING POOR! I have to buy what we can AFFORD. This is not Europe. I don't have a greengrocer around the corner to stop at and buy you two pieces of fruit every night on the way home from work. I have to buy the five pound bag because that's the way I can afford ANY fucking fruit at all! GET IT!?!?! I make $30,000 a year. I have a THOUSAND DOLLAR MORTGAGE PAYMENT. I have chronic illnesses with SEVEN FUCKING PRESCRIPTIONS that I don't even get filled all the time so I can feed YOU!

Eat your meat. You can't have any pudding if you don't eat your meat!

Obviously my negative feelings have not diminished this evening.

Waiting for Michael

he should be back anytime from the bike race.

Sarah and children left to go back to Lafayette after lunch. I am really sad that everyone will be having more fun without me. I am trying to let it go, but I find that I am still really angry with Leah for this vacation I feel she "stole" from me. I need to get past the emotion of it and just do my work and go on, but I think I am turning my sadness and missing the time with my family (an inward, painful emotion) to anger toward Leah - an outward, thus less painful emotion. Thousands of dollars in therapy have given my the ability to say that. As a person who generally enjoys being happy however, and does not like to experience either type of negative emotion, which I would like to repress by eating, anyway... I would like to be able to get over it and just get on with life. I don't feel like it would be productive or solve anything, however to express my anger verbally toward Leah, nor to a supervisor at work. She has 2o or 25 years seniority on me and is a manager and has the right to take the vacation. She has done nothing against policy, it's only personal. Some therapists would suggest that "punch a pillow" catharsis thing, but I always think that's a bunch of hooey. I just need time, I guess. I need to make sure that I don't catharsis on Michael, nor others near me. I will let him know that I am still sad/ angry about it so he knows I am a little sensitive or weepy. He understands me enough to "get" that. Right now it is also combined with over a week of staying up VERY late every night, which even though it was fun every night, is very bad and very draining on me. Also tonight my feet are extremely visibly swollen which they haven't been for several weeks. I lay down for a while after I ate and I should go lay down some more until Michael calls. Too many delicious, salty meals over the weekend.

I want to write some more this week about weight loss or lack thereof, but i really should go get another glass of water and work on draining my feet, they're tingly!

Thanks for the therapy session.

Happy today for: my daughter. I really like her a lot.

Sunday, June 1, 2008

Not dead yet!

Thanks for caring! I feel so loved for your call, Nanna!

I have been familying and traveling and pseudo-blogging in my notebook to be transcribed and backdated later. Sarah and children and I just returned from a trip to Lafayette where we spent time with my daughter, sister, mom and dad, brother, nephew, wife and baby. We took children to park twice, cooked out once, karaoked until three o'clock in the morning! ate out twice, sat around and talked a lot, did some general loafing, one late night Wal-mart run - the twins decided roommate Lorraine's toothpaste would make great shampoo and that a toothbrush was a fine tool for fixing the top of a shampoo bottle... It was fun and generally relaxing and nice.

I feel full and tired and satisfied. I am sad that I have to go back to work tomorrow and everyone else still gets to play a few more days. Sarah will be heading back up tomorrow to see everybody some more.

Happy today that my parents live near the same park that when I was little we went to Lafayette to visit MY grandparents and played in Columbian Park. They have a brand new playground, courtesy of Subaru, but the "curly slide" that was the big attraction when I was small has been saved and turned into a sculpture that is nearby. It is nostalgic for me and fun and safe for the new little ones at the same time. I wonder if the ducks and geese we fed bread a re descendants of the same ducks and geese I fed when I was little! Emily took pictures and I asked her to email some to me so I hope she does!