Thursday, October 30, 2008

Happy today for:

Getting ready for Halloween. I filled my treat bags and I love doing that and being ready. I have 30 bags each with: a chocolate candy, two chocolate eyeballs, a gummie ghoul, a Halloween pencil, a glow bracelet and joiner, and three rolls of smarties.
I made treat bags for the people at work with children all the same, except no glow bracelets, I only had 33 of them and I accidentally broke three in putting the joiners on. As I get older I am enjoying holidays more and more and even dumb ones like Halloween. I usually decorate at work or bring in treats or something, even on silly days.

Big announcement.

They are moving the call center to Bedford, except I will stay here to handle walk-in customers. Stacey will stay here and handle Display recruitment and become part of inside sales. Gillian will be moving into this area vacated by the other call center reps. Good for Christie and Kerri who drive up from Bedford to work here (20 miles). Good for me that I don't have to drive to Bedford. They will not hire and fill Barrett's position... I will still be on call rotation so I don't lose that revenue. Company saves money because Bedford office is already the configuration they want for the call center and they have been saying they are going to remodel ours for three years, but haven't done it. the only sad part is that I don't really enjoy working with Stacey very much. I will be glad to have Gillian near me again. They are not telling her until Monday and we are going out to lunch today and it will be hard not to tell! So mixed feelings, but at least it saves driving for all of us and things will get worked out well goal-wise and revenue - I am trying to have trust in the managers' business abilities and knowledge to work that out correctly.

Bad thing is I am in a super-big desk and area right now and I will have to move to the desk that is small and has no cubby to be able to see the door and counter better. :(

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

Speaking of Mellow...

I came home and cooked some cream of vegetable soup. I ate. I started laundry. I watched the Obama infomercial and knitted. I washed dishes. I cleaned house. I am actually still doing some of these activities periodically. Michael was at Alexander's part of the time so I have had some solitude. Yay solitude. We've talked a little bit about our possible plans for Halloween night. I was supposed to go out with a new man, but then he realized it was Halloween and he had promised his great nephew he could come over and stay all night after trick or treat. Boo for family loyalty. No, really I find it quite endearing.

I should have gone to Rachael's Cafe to work out some of the details for the Nov. 15th orchestra fund raiser, but once I got home it was too hard to leave. I will call on the phone tomorrow. Speaking of orchestra.... Michael was notified that he was selected as an alternate for the all state orchestra so if someone drops out he may get to go. Emily didn't go until her senior year and there are a lot more violins than cellos so I think being selected as an alternate cellist when a junior is pretty good.

Speaking of tomorrow, at work the managers are supposed to make some kind of announcement to us tomorrow that we will really like. I hope it's more money, that's all I can say!

Speaking of Halloween, I like packing my treat bags and I STILL haven't done it! I think I want to go out Friday night too after trick or treat. Michael is contemplating going to a party, but he is indecisive. Torn between his desire to be social, now that he has friends, and his desire to go to bed early. He is playing at a wedding AND some other event on Saturday, so I am kind of thinking he will choose the go to bed option, knowing Michael, but I would like him to go out with people too. We were just talking about drinking and drugs and I gave him the "call me and I will pick you up, no matter what," speech and he said, "Mom, Kelsey is the President of SADD... and Ned is too smart to drink and drive." Well, smart kids do dumbass things sometimes!

Speaking of calling your mom if you need a ride, Today I am happy that I got a Tracfone for Michael this week. I really shouldn't have spent the money, but there have been a couple of times recently when we really needed to communicate better and couldn't. I told him that he is not allowed to give the number to his friends without permission, however, and I think that made him kind of mad. He asked why and I said, "because this phone is for you and me to communicate when needed, not for you to chat with your friends." He replied that he doesn't chat on the phone with his friends, which is really true, and if he asked permission to give it to a friend for the purpose of communicating about rides or something I would say yes. I just want to make sure he understands it's a NEEDS phone, and not a WANTS phone. Does that make sense? Anyway, it is my happy for today, really.

Tuesday, October 28, 2008

I can't think of a title


I had a "follow up" class at the Diabetes Center tonight. It was kind of boring and I was kind of bitchy and sarcastic, but that was the way I felt. It was worth it, though, because they gave me a new pedometer and I wanted one really badly. I had bought that new one toward the beginning of summer, but it kept resetting itself all the time and never kept and accurate count and then broke altogether. So I will be glad to get this one. I did 20 minutes of movement and arms tonight so I feel good about that. I need to remember to wear the pedometer tomorrow and see how I do. It is harder to get movement in taking ads instead of doing public notices. I don't have to run back and forth through the building printing reports and delivering reports. Also, I don't like to leave the phones because I am back on commission and I hate to miss calls. I will see how tomorrow goes to get a baseline number of steps and try to work back up to the 10,000 minimum.

I've had kind of a sinus headache all day, thus the bitchy and sarcastic. I think I am going to take some Lortab and try to sleep as soon as it kicks in. Yay narcotics. The Excedrin didn't touch this at all.

I bought stuff for my trick or treat bags. I want to put them together soon. I couldn't find any good plastic flies or spiders or skeletons that I like this year. I ended up with "Gummie Ghouls" instead. I put Halloween ribbon on my front door wreath. Last week I took off my front door spider's Christmas bow and made her back into a Halloween spider. I'll redecorate her after Thanksgiving.

Happy today for: my new pedometer - "free" if you don't think of the hundreds of dollars the insurance has paid for these classes. And Kerri at work. I really like her a lot. She is VERY good at customer service, probably better than I am, really. It's nice to have somebody else who is also good at customer service.

Monday, October 27, 2008

I lied.

I answered this question, but I had misread it like it was 5 years ago, but it really says TEN years ago. So I said:

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. Same job
2. Same house
3. had Emily at home along with Hippie Boy
4. I think that was the year I exercised all the time
5. I think I wrote "The Stone Cold Heart" that year.

My answers should be:
1. working at the bank, but looking for a new job
2. Only lived in our house a few months, probably digging up the shrubbery!
3. I DID have Emily at home and she was 11!
4. I was getting ready to have major surgery and have my GIANT 7 pound fibroid removed.
5. I was a very "active" and extremely obedient Mormon.

Happy today for: Cheap Optimum Power cereal at the evil empire. Michael was really happy when he saw it. I told him, "I bought it because I love you. Sam Walton loves you too, he made it cheap enough for me to buy."

The end. I am tired. I am cold. I am whiny! Waahhh!!! I haven't done one dinner dish yet and I don't want to!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Weekend Accomplished?

Well here is the list I made yesterday for yesterday - let's stretch it to say that it included the entire weekend okay?

Clean house: Well sort of - I have kept up with the dishes, am working on laundry right now, and maintained. I also cleaned to stove top really well and replaced the yucky burner pans. I still need to sweep the floor and mop or Swiffer a little - it's always my last undone thing!
read at least 100 pages of the Milagro Beanfield War: I have probably read about 30. It's not difficult reading, but it DOES have a lot of words per page, and such detailed character descriptions that it is NOT a fast read.
Do laundry: Getting there - it will be done tonight and I am even doing Michael's even though he is supposed to do his own. He is really struggling with his load right now and I want to ease it a little for him.
Bring in all the lawn chairs and stuff: Michael helped me with this today so it is done.
Cut down the morning glory vines. Nope
Work in garage a little bit. Nope
Find a way to Indy to get car so there is at least a plan - even if it doesn't happen until tomorrow. Katie took me last night - Mission accomplished.
Bake something: Not yet, I am still considering cookies tonight because I am going to stay up late enough to watch TV.
Exercise - Michael and I went for a good hike today.

Happy today for: My big ball to sit on. I have played online too much this weekend and I would be in pain if it weren't for my big ball. I love big balls.

Katie took a new picture of me last night and I like it. I am going to try to change my profile picture to it, but the computer is VERY slow tonight so we'll see what happens.

Quizzy thing from Sarah Mae

5 things I was doing 10 years ago
1. Same job
2. Same house
3. had Emily at home along with Hippie Boy
4. I think that was the year I exercised all the time
5. I think I wrote "The Stone Cold Heart" that year.

5 things on my to do list today
1. Get dressed
2. Go to Target for medicine
3. Go pay the cello teacher
4. Hike or something with Michael
5. Change my sheets

5 snacks I enjoy
1. Pretzels
2. tomato juice
3. Claussen pickles
4. ice cream
5. Crunchy Cheetos

5 things I'd do if I were a millionaire
1. Pay off all my debts
2. Pay off Mom and Dad's debts
3. Pay off Heather's debts
4. Buy a Toyota Matrix for me
5. Pay for Michael to amplify his cello and to go to France

5 places I've lived (Mine are all in Indiana)
1. Crawfordsville
2. Richmond
3. Lafayette
4. West Lafayette
5. Bloomington

5 jobs I've had
1. Corn detassler
2. Kmart - various positions
3. Bank Proof Operator
4. Bank teller and Supervisor
5. Ad sales

5 people I tag
1. Amber
2. Katie
3. Randi
4. Erin
5. Heather

Rules: Each player answers the question themselves. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blog and leaves them a comment letting them know that they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Let the person that tagged you know when you’ve answered the questions on your blog. (blah blah if you read it and do it fine, if not, I'll just know you don't love me, you're a Republican and you don't love God!)

Saturday, October 25, 2008

Plan/ Interesting idea.

I decided to call Katie, who lives in Indy, but often comes to Blgtn. It turns out she was considering coming to Bloomington to attend a birthday party for one of her former charges as a nanny. So with double motivation she decided to come and attend the party then come get me. I will take her out to dinner and we will go up to Indy to get car and it is on her side of town even. So for the small price of dinner (+ $300) I get a fixed car, right? And good company on the way too. Pat would have talked my ear off, and probably about politics this close to election day, and Will, well Will would have been some different kind of story, probably, that I won't tell here.

I feel a little guilty - (I know, Erin, you said I need to get over the guilt!) because I haven't done as much around the house today as I would have liked. I have been wasting too much time online. Debbie told me about a new singles site I should try called "Plenty of Fish" so I went on there and made a profile and messed around a lot. I usually work in 15 minute increments instead of ten when I feel like the house is messy, but I have only been doing 10 minutes at a time today and taking many breaks. I made a hamburger for lunch and my tummy has been in a little bit of rebellion since then. I hope it feels better by dinnertime.

I am thinking of adding another daily facet to my blog - like daily interesting things about Michael. It can kind of illustrate my life more to see how we live together and the things he does. For example, I think it is really interesting that he had EXACTLY the same idea today, that he should go to Farmer's Market for the garlic and then go look for clothes. I had already thought it, but he proposed it first. Sometimes Hippie Boy and I are on exactly the same wavelength. I wish I had had more cash to give him, because if he finds clothes he will wear I want him to buy them! I only had about $15.00 in cash, however, and I didn't want to give him the card to go get more money because of the uncertainty of my plans for going to get the car, and him with no cell phone if he goes somewhere unexpected I might not have been able to find him.

Happy today for Good Hippie Boy, Good friends and all kinds of good things, anticipating my winter garlic supply and I will love having that rope of garlic hanging in my kitchen.

Saturday with no car yet.

Pat said he might be able to take me, but I haven't called him yet. Will said he might be able to take me tomorrow, but there are about three mights in there because he really needs to go to Terre Haute for a family thing. I know Dad would come get me if I called him, but I don't really want him on the roads more than necessary.

So today I want to:
Clean house
read at least 100 pages of the Milago Beanfield War
Do laundry
Bring in all the lawn chairs and stuff
Cut down the morning glory vines.
Work in garage a little bit.
Find a way to Indy to get car so there is at least a plan - even if it doesn't happen until tomorrow.
Bake something

Michael went into town to go to Farmer's Market for garlic, Opportunity House and Salvation Army for clothes and then Bike Project. So he's doing my rounds for me - all except the dump - trash and recycling are a little hard to carry on the bike!

Buck/Lee is going to car place to pick up the key and then they will leave the car outside so I can come pick it up even when they are not open. I just have to get in touch with Buck to meet up for key, but he is a cell-phone-everywhere-person, so it ought to work okay.

Problem with it all is I feel unmotivated. If someone would call me up and say, "Hey! I hear you need a ride to Indy and Id love to go!" I'd be all over it. It just feels really difficult psychologically and almost physically to ask people to help me.

Friday, October 24, 2008


Tonight was the Basket Bingo for the orchestra. 129 people at $12.00 each. Plus food concessions. Subtract basket prices - they are purchased, not donated. Subtract some of the concessions - some are donated, drinks mostly are what is purchased. I am tired. I was surprised that still tonight three, maybe four people approached me and commented on the "hot dog speech" that I gave at the beginning of the year. Maybe I have a future as a stand up comedian or on the college lecture circuit. At least they didn't comment on my last speech where I said what I thought was the funniest thing ever, and bombed. People looked at me and their eyes were calling me names!

So I am tired.

Happy today for: Dinner with Michael. It was just nice to sit down and have even a little bit of time together.

Tonight I am leaving all the dishes etc and just plain going to bed in a couple of minutes. I don't think I'll even make it to the end of "What Not to Wear." I need to take medicine and drink some water and get to bed.

I need to find a ride to Indy to pick up the car. Pat said he might be able to take me tomorrow. Will said he might be able to take me on Sunday if I haven't made it yet. It just all sounds hard. Maybe I should have just settled with Dad, but I hate to make him drive farther than he already has to tomorrow to take Mom from Lafayette to her sorority event in Indy. I really don't think he should be on the road.

Thursday, October 23, 2008

Happy today for:

Bazooka Gum. It's the best ever. I don't care if it is bad for my teeth. I love how I can feel the grainy sugar when I first start a piece and I love the flavor and it blows the best bubbles ever. It's the total bubble gum package - why even the package is perfect! A Bazooka Joe comic in EVERY piece. YAY!

More pictures

1st is a tray of gingerbread cookies and toffee I made a couple of years ago around holiday time.

2nd is a cross stitch Lu made for me in 1986. I haven't had it hung for a few years because my decor has beome more contemporary. It's time to get it out of the garage so I am giving it away, but I want to memorialize it. She made it for me in 1986 and I had it hung in a few bathrooms for about 15 years. When I painted the bathroom in my house golden yellow (halo - was the color name), it came down, however.

Okay switch that - it shows the pictures in the reverse order I entered them!

Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Working, working, working....

I spend my whole life working.

BUT we did get one of those take and bake pizzas for dinner tonight so I didn't have to cook. I didn't get all the dishes done last night, though, so I was starting at a deficit.

Mom and Dad and I went out to look at a trailer that is for rent. It is about 13 miles South of here. One of my customers at work owns it and I think he's a really nice guy and a hard worker and I have always liked him as a customer. That makes me want to do business with people when they are nice customers. It's down a windy road and it doesn't get plowed in the winter, so they would be easily iced or snowed in, BUT they are pretty good at keeping stuff stocked up anyway. Also Chad the Landlord only lives two houses down and has a 4WD so if something happened he would be right there. It seems kind of old and trashy, but he is working right now on getting it fixed up better. It has a ramp up to the front already and does have a step up to the kitchen inside, but that's all. I think things would be better with Mom and Dad close by. I could go help them with minor house stuff so much more easily. I would have to be good at establishing boundaries, but I feel like it would actually be easier when they are closer... like we can set a regular night to have dinner together etc... and then they GO HOME - no staying for days at a time. It is in a really beautiful area on a nature preserve and Dad really liked that.

I will return and report.

Happy today for: my fold up Barack Obama character. I had fun with Barack today .

Tuesday, October 21, 2008


I tend to not want to write a lot when Mom and Dad are here. They say tomorrow they are going to go out and look at apartments, and then we have an appt. after I get off work to go out and see one from one of my customers.

Happy today for: Well this dancing show my mom is watching is pretty cool. I really admire people with good self discipline in learning such a physical art and training their bodies so well. Very admirable - I believe.

Monday, October 20, 2008

Short note:

Car is going to be $300. I don't know what I will do. I told the guy I won't have money until Friday, at least and he said just call when I am ready and he will do it. If I call Friday and have him do it and pay with my debit card over the phone, then maybe Buck can go pick up the key and even if I can't get up there until Saturday afternoon or Sunday then I can go even if they are closed and go pick it up. I think the place is pretty close to his house.

Mom and Dad are here, so they came and got me from work (Leah took me) and let me borrow the car for the orchestra meeting and a store run. It was nice to have a car to borrow, but I still kind of want them to go home tomorrow, even though that sounds mean. you know how I am with my need for solitude.

They got behind the giant motorcade coming from Indy that brought back the body of our young Sheriff's deputy who was hit by a car and killed over the weekend. You know I had a problem Friday night, but I am still alive. Gratitude.

Happy today for: Subway for lunch.. Yummmm... AND I walked there and back. It was kind of a goal I set this morning and I did it!

Sunday, October 19, 2008


"In fact, I think that's why people write, to uncover the lessons of the hard times."

Arley in The Most Wanted, by Jacquelyn Mitchard.

It was easy to stay home and eat homemade food today! No car - I would have had to ride my bike or walk. I enjoyed my time home today. It was kind of my Saturday, but with no dump run or thrift shopping. I read a lot today and I felt so relaxed. I kept thinking I should go out and mow and it was a beautiful day. I did go out and work a little bit on the yard and cleaned off the porch, but I never got to the mowing stage.. Maybe Tuesday, tomorrow I have an orchestra meeting.

Mom called to see if they could come tomorrow, which turns out to be good timing. Maybe it will work out that the car is easily fixed and we can go pick it up Tuesday or something. I still don't know how I will pay for it, but I am going to think optimistically.

I gotta go and take my medicine, put away a load of laundry and clean up beside my bed. I made a couple of messes by cleaning out and switching purses and finishing a couple of hats and leaving a mess. I hate it when I get sloppy like that! I want my room to be a little haven of peace and I don't feel that peace when it is messy.

Steph is really sad and lonely in dealing with her cancer. Even with her parents nearby she feels so alone. They took the big spot off her leg Friday and it took a skin graft, which left 10 stitches and the another 20 to sew it on. Yuck and gross and sad. It is hard for me to have long distance friendships and not be able to help physically when I wish I could. If I were rich, I'd be finding some business that would deliver homemade chicken noodle soup and a bouquet of flowers and be on the phone or internet with a charge card in a second. Unfortunately, I am NOT rich, as you all know, so that cannot happen.

So happy today for warm blankets and warm clothes. It's starting to get chilly!

Saturday, October 18, 2008


Mixed weekend, so far.

Great meeting with Lisa and her husband John and Buck/Lee last night, EXCEPT car broke on the way there... I could tell it broke, but I was very close to the restaurant so I drove very carefully until I got there. It didn't break all the way until we were already in Buck/Lee's neighborhood afterward, where we were taking it to park until I could get it towed or looked at this morning. Right when we got there it broke completely and became undriveable. Probably a tie-rod or some part of suspension. SO car is now towed to a place in Indy, Heather brought me home tonight and I attended a Mormon Young Single Adult activity on the way here. It felt strange to be among all the college-agers, as I am not really their peer, but I stayed fairly relaxed and enjoyed time around a roaring campfire.

SO Happy tonight for: the roaring campfire and pleasant conversation. AND that the tie rod did not break while I was driving 75 mph down the highway between a couple of semis. This entry might not exist if that had happened!

Friday, October 17, 2008

Crock pot vegetarian?

I know I love meat cooked in the crock pot, but I am trying it today with veggies. I put in onions, potatoes, and three colors of peppers. We have this combo as "roasted" veggies where I drizzle with a little olive oil and spices and bake at high heat and we love it. I am worried that they will be too mushy in the crock pot, or the potatoes will still be raw and everything else mush. We need something really fast for dinner so we can get to Indy on time tonight, though... I can always nuke a piece of meat or fish to defrost it and low oil grill it on the stove for my protein and Michael can do his own protein thing. We'll see what happens.

I am having a busy day at work, home for lunch right now and wanting to blog for Blog 365 because I will be driving to Indy tonight and then meeting Buck/Lee after I drop off Michael, and who knows when I will get home. I am really looking forward to it! Lisa may also come meet up with us if she is done at work. She makes a lot of money, but she works her ass off for like a zillion hours to do it!

Happy today for all kinds of things! Happy I thought of veggies in the crock pot, AND for the crock pot itself, which Emily gave me for Christmas a couple of years ago.

Now to eat a little lunch and back to work!

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Sad for Michael...

he works very hard at all he does, and he does a lot. He is really upset every weekend when he goes to his dad's, but especially this weekend. Two of his friends are going to New Harmony, Indiana, and he has wanted to go there for several years and we have never made it. This trip would have been with Alexander and (friend I can't remember) and Alexander's mom is taking them and she always likes to stay in nice hotels and eat out and last trip even gave Michael spending money! He actually came home with more money than I sent with him when they went to Chicago. Plus he is just feeling like he never gets to do anything he wants. Last weekend when it was his weekend here he had lots of homework, cello practice, help me with party, worked at the football game as fund raiser, and spent about 4 hours jamming with a friend. I feel rotten for him. I asked him if he could talk to his dad about it and he said he's AFRAID. Total sadness. I can't imagine either of my children being afraid to talk to me.

I'm too sad to write anymore about it. I've been trying to think of possible solutions, even what it might mean if Michael petitioned the court to become an emancipated minor so he wouldn't have to go visit. I don't know what all the ramifications of that action would be.

Happy today for: the squirrel who committed suicide in our transformer today. The time without power I was able to get a lot of little piles cleaned up and things caught up and it felt great!

Wednesday, October 15, 2008


I thought of a couple of things I really don't like today:

1) When people say, "highth" ending with the theta sound, instead of height. The word just ends in a T!

2) When my co-worker calls her customers "Sweetie."

3) People who talked with regular voices during the orchestra concert. I had to speak tonight about my upcoming event and felt like giving a little concert etiquette lesson, but I refrained.

The end of complaining.

Gov. Daniels came in today and I got ballsy. I gave his assistant a copy of the article from the paper about the orchestra trip to France and one each of the pamphlets about just sponsoring the orchestra through straight donations or sponsoring the orchestra by hiring them or ensembles of the students to play at events such as weddings, parties, etc. So maybe something good will happen OR I will get fired from my job and Ms. G the orchestra director will have to let me and Michael come live in her garage.

Happy today for: a nice conversation with one of the other orchestra parents. Her daughter and Michael have been in school together literally since kindergarten. It makes me feel so happy that my children have been able to stay in the same school and everything for so long. It is a kind of stability I never had and I am glad to provide it.

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


Michael is studying and practicing for the PSAT which is tomorrow. He said, "Mom, this may be the most important test I ever take in my life." He really hopes for a National Merit Scholarship. I guess it's possible. I am glad he is so optimistic. Emily did well on hers and she received a "Letter of Commendation" but no actual money. I told Michael that even if he does only that well, it may help the universities want him enough to offer their own Academic Excellence scholarships like Emily got. I don't want to discourage his optimism, but he gets his expectations so high and then gets so disappointed if they don't work out. I'd hate to see him really suffer a blow.

I swear when I was in HS I didn't know anything about the PSAT. One day they just said all the juniors go to the auditorium and it happened. I remember seeing Doug Kildsig using a calculator and being pissed off that he was cheating. I was in the advanced classes and stuff, somebody must have told us sometime... maybe I just don't remember. There was definitely not preparation ahead of time and packets of practice tests handed out like Michael has received!

I am tired tonight. I worked hard at work today, but was bored in the afternoon. On the way home I got gas and groceries and a Papa Murphy's pizza for dinner and I was exhausted by the time I got home. I didn't do any dinner dishes or anything last night because I went to Buffalo Sisters and then was so tired I pretty much just blogged and went to bed. Now there is a lot to catch up on! I hate my bad habits like that. Sigh... Going to go do 10 more minutes right now!

Happy today for: carrots and broccoli. I took a bunch to work today and enjoyed healthy snacks other than tomato juice. All the fiber ought to do me good! But I am definitely planning tomato juice for a snack tonight!

Monday, October 13, 2008

Buffalo Gals...

well it's actually "Buffalo Sisters," but one woman really likes to sing Buffalo Gals at the end of the evening. It was a good night to sing it too, and we should have gone out and danced by the light of the moon. The moon is so bright tonight there are some of the deepest and most defined moon shadows I ever recall seeing!

Give twice receive twice. Tonight I gave how to knit hats on the hat looms. I was able to purchase a set very inexpensively at Michael's and of course I have yarn out the Wazoo. But I learned two lessons: The sets they sell cheaply at Michael's are not as high quality as the ones I ordered online so many years ago AND twenty minutes is not really enough time to demonstrate the beginning, the middle and the end.
I received an interesting session of what this woman termed "synchronicity." She had me think on something in my life and imagine it going into a little box. I chose to think on my health challenges and thought of different words that I consider related and really did visualize the words going into the box. Then she had me randomly pick readings from a couple of books. She read them out loud to me and then I was supposed to make some kind of connection... Well the first reading was about a dead and jilted lover who comes back to a spot and kills men. The other was also about lovers. So either somehow in the synchronicity of the universe my health is connected to having or not having a lover or it was total BS. The funniest thing to me was - on the way there on the radio they played the song "Synchronicity" by the Police. Even though it was the name of the album it did not get a lot of radio play and was really a deeper cut on the album. Things that make you go hmmm...

Second receiving was a upper body massage from a woman who is really good at it. I will probably be still feeling it tomorrow. I need to remember to drink a lot of water - as I always should anyway - to flush out the released toxins.

I'm sure I was emotionally toxic today. I was so pissed off at Stacey at work this morning I had trouble staying at my desk. Gillian saved me, however. She sent me an email that said let it go and don't let it poison me. Also, she had called me last night and suggested that we take our bikes to work and ride on our lunch hour. So we had a WONDERFUL, AMAZING and FUN thirty-five minute bike ride on our lunch. It was perfect weather and just the perfect thing to cleanse me of my anger. I functioned much better in the afternoon.

So now I have done really good exercise two days in a row. Time for me to start kicking ass again!

Happy today for a lot of the above, but also for the fact that I have two pairs of glasses. I accidentally left mine on the table at Christine's tonight and once I left I just didn't feel like going back. Thanks to having another pair, I was able to make that choice and now I can just work on time to get there when it's convenient for both of us and retrieve the other pair. I am even thinking it might be a nice bike ride that I can make without really having to go on the highway except to get across. Maybe if there is a time this weekend that works for both of us I can be brave and try it!


Sunday, October 12, 2008

Party report... and today.

Not as many attendees as I would have liked. Honestly when I used to have parties I'd have 25 - 30 people packed in my tiny house - standing room only. The past couple have been VERY small. I don't know why. I am kind of sad about that. There were nine guests in and out throughout the night. Positive side is the people who came are all people I love and we had wonderful conversation, good food and it was very relaxing. Just really different than the old parties where house and garage were full, karaoke machine out, multiple conversations, all kinds of stuff. I made: brownies, deviled eggs, meatballs in sauce, veggie tray, cheese and crackers, pasta salad. Michelle brought artichoke dip and crusty bread. Gillian brought some fruit. Sonja brought cupcakes, and a layered Mexican dip and chips AND a creme cake. So we had PLENTY of food.

Heather and I went and hiked the loop at Griffy today. It was a very nice hike. We saw MANY squirrels and chipmunks, Blue Jay, Woodpecker, BIG beetle, tiny toad. You know how happy I feel when we see lots of good animals. Oh, and also hot cross-country runners.

We also made a trip to the craft store. I used my 50% off coupon at Michael's and bought a set of the knitting looms. I am going to go to Buffalo sisters sharing circle tomorrow and what I will share will be how to use the looms to make hats. I have two hats that are almost complete so I can show my sisters how to start a hat on their own looms and then I will be able to finish off the ones I almost have complete so they can see how to finish them. I love my hat looms. It is one of the most relaxing thing Anxiety Girl does! I feel like I can watch TV and do things that normal people do to relax and if I am working on a hat or something, then I don't feel guilty for watching television.

Heather took a picture of tiny toad on her camera, but so far it hasn't worked for her to email it to me. If we can get it to work I will post it. She may have to try to send it to work email tomorrow and we'll see what happens.

Happy today for: The hike it was the BEST thing today. We had originally planned to go to a movie and when we went outside and realized how beautiful it was we did the hike instead. BEST HIKE THIS SUMMER - well except the one I took two days after my surgery with hopeless crush (who did NOT come to the party - pout), when I totally started crushing on him!

Anxiety Girl!

Do you know I am a Super Hero?

Saturday, October 11, 2008


I am taking turns cleaning and cooking and getting ready for the party and reading my current novel. I am so glad I don't get as anxious about having parties as I used to, because I always enjoy them in the end. So far I have only made deviled eggs and brownies. I was thinking of making a cake, but decided to go the easy route. I KNOW the other things I will make for sure are the meatballs in sauce and the veggie tray. After that we will just see what happens! I just don't feel like caring. Aren't you proud of me? What really matters is who comes and some great conversation and just sharing my home and my time with people I enjoy.

Heather makes fun of me and says that she thinks I say it when I am really more anxious than I let on (or something like that). "I am completely relaxed and flexible." It has been something I have been striving for for the last five years. I swear I am getting closer all the time. I remember starting to say it the year we went out west and went up to Bear Lake and the twins were babies then, so yep, five years of working toward less stress, less anxiety and fewer worries. I still have my moments - oh you know that - but as a whole I really feel that I have improved and feel so much better all the time. I am happy for that.

Oops - see I was just so relaxed I forgot to put bleach in my whites! Bleach is very important to people with germ issues! haha! I guess that's one thing I am not completely relaxed about! :)

Well, off to eat my frozen dinner I have nuked so that I don't forget to eat while I am doing stuff.

Happy today for: the wonderful anticipation of the party tonight. My Pampered Chef thingy that makes filling deviled eggs so easy and makes them look so pretty.

Friday, October 10, 2008

Being mellow...

i am supposed to go out with Renee tonight, but the thing she wanted to go to started at 7:00. Michael went to some kind of bike race and I don't really want to leave until I know he's home safely. The catch is, however, that the longer I stay here and wait for Michael, the less I want to go out... I know Renee went ahead and went without me with somebody else so I don't feel like I am making her miss anything. I feel a little guilty, though because I am having the party tomorrow and I didn't invite her and I really haven't seen her for a long time. It's just that the party has work people coming and stuff like that and I don't want it to be uncomfortable for anybody and she did get fired from her job there, see? Maybe I am mostly afraid that I would be uncomfortable, even though it sounds mean, that's the truth.

I decided menu for the party would just be whatever I feel like making tomorrow. I usually try to have some kind of "theme" Italian food, or cook-out food or potato bar, or... but I decided just to have lots ingredients here for party favorites and throughout the day I'll just cook as I go and see what we end up with! So maybe it will be all hors'devours. (I can't spell it!) or maybe I'll get industrious and make a lasagna or big pot of soup or maybe I'll go get those Papa Murphy's pizzas and be lazy! We'll just be surprised.

Today was a good day at work. It was not busy enough for me. I spent too much time talking and even though I did help Leah with some of her tasks I felt bored and like I wasted too much time. It was enjoyable, however. We had kind of one of those celebration days. We celebrated Leah and my birthdays and Barrett's last day and so we had treats around and just a good fun attitude. I still miss Peaceful Valley, but I am getting more comfortable back in the Classifieds Corner.

I feel kind of wishy washy tonight - maybe because the going out thing is kind of dragging me down. I'm thinking I wonder if "What Not to Wear" is still on Friday nights? I used to watch it regularly and I kind of miss Clinton and Stacy!

I also started a new book, well two. First is a Bob Greene book that is kind of a workbook. I can't remember the name. Second is a novel by Anna Quindlen called "Blessings." I am really enjoying it so far. I wasn't too keen on her "Black and Blue" a few years ago, but I used to enjoy reading her column in Newsweek when I subscribed to it.

Happy today for Good books, whole-grain pasta and fresh grape tomatoes from my garden for my pasta! Yum.

Thursday, October 9, 2008

Happy today for:

Getting the uberlist update done. ALSO - broken tooth does not need a crown! I was SO AFRAID of that. Instead he was able to patch it up today and had to drill and smooth a little, but did NOT give me injections. I would rather have it done without needles if possible because I am so afraid of them. Also I used a little of the extra time I took off work to get some of the grocery shopping done that I need for the week and for the party. Yay!

Life is good. And I think ER is on tonight. I have to finish baking a cake for work for tomorrow during, but that's life.

Uberlist 3rd Quarter Update

1) Participate in intentional physical activity at least three times each week. - Log this more carefully in calendar the way I used to. I sucked at this this summer. When I recently took the Diabetes refresher class I set a goal for 5 times a week, but only 15 minutes at a time. I keep coming up with excuses, however. I need to get on it. I know I will lose weight and control my sugars better with more activity!
2) Drink at least three glasses of water daily. Very, very good at this. I think the illness IMPROVED this. Well this third quarter, I kind of got bad again. I will keep trying. I am much better during the week than on weekends.
3) Eat at least three servings of vegetables daily
Good at this. My tomato cravings help. I need to be sure to include a variety and I am even thinking of upping my goal informally to five per day. It should also be facilitated by Michael’s switch to vegetarianism as I strive to keep a variety on hand for his consumption.
4) Lose 20 pounds - Time limit this year - by August 1. Working on it, with my mini goals. I won’t make it by August 1. I have lost about ten total, I think. I think I am down about 15 now for the year. I should make it by the end of the year.
5) No soda at home. Pretty good at this. I survived on ginger ale while ill, but that doesn’t count. There hasn’t been a case of Diet Pepsi in the house all year!
6) Use lotion more regularly. Pretty good. I have been keeping a bottle of lotion on my desk, on my sink, and also using actual facial products on my face. Nikki is encouraging me in this. Wendy Davis gave me some of her expensive eye cream so I am using up all the samples of stuff so I can use the fancy stuff and feel pampered! I still haven’t made this a habit at night. I am pretty consistent in the morning.
7) Stretch at my desk at least twice daily. I have been forgetting this lately. I need to start again, because I really think it short circuits the headaches a bit.
8) Use my dumbbells or stretch when I watch television or movies - at least twenty reps. Been terrible. But then I haven’t really been watching that much TV or movies, well maybe I have, but Michael and I have been watching the movies in installments while we eat.
9) Test my fasting sugar at least three times per week and LOG IT! I am getting good at this again. I am amazed that my fasting sugars are usually under 100! Whoopee. Yes, I have actually dropped one pill per day and am experimenting with the timing of the rest of the meds. I was waking up with sugar TOO low and having troubles in the morning. I feel confident in working with new dr. that this is all positive.
10) Read one motivational health-related book. Not yet. I picked up a copy of a second Bob Greene book last week. I really liked “Make the Connection” and have read it twice. I will probably read this one next after I finish my current fiction book.
11) Wear the foot gel footies at least twice a week. I tried, but found that they made my feet cold during the winter. I will try again as it warms up. Hmm… I forgot about this. I need to find them! I found them and washed then and still haven’t done it. Maybe what I am discovering is that I don’t care enough or don’t like wearing socks to bed enough for this to be a feasible goal. Instead I should switch to putting cream on my feet at night like I used to.
12) Log my foods at least twice a month on Fit Day or in journal. I have done some. Will continue again.
13) See Dr. Weiler and get a Pap smear and stuff. DONE! Plus I have an ultrasound next week to see if I need to have a procedure done for my fibroids and I am going to get some kind of permanent birth control. Well, I totally had my guts stirred and chopped in August and gynecologically I am about as healthy as I have probably ever been in my life. The incisions are healed and I am feeling well.
14) Get a massage. I have a Reiki session tomorrow. Does that count? I don’t know exactly what it is, so we will see. Well, Reiki is NOT massage, it is a more ethereal, “spiritual” kind of thing. It was relaxing however.
15) Get a pedicure. YES!
16) Get a manicure. YES!
17) Participate in the wellness programs through work insurance. Yes!

18) Reorganize the shelf above the washer so it is easier to get to the medicine box.
19) Prune the mulberry tree
20) Get rid of one stump in yard
21) Get rid of twenty books I will never read again. Oh yeah, and more going soon.
22) Get a window covering for kitchen window or design something artistic for the space. Paper idea down the drain, next idea in the works.
23) Clean out the coat closet. Not yet.
24) Mount spoon “handles” on cabinets. Not yet.
25) Clean out the car extremely well at least once. Not yet.
26) Clean the carpet in purple room. Not yet.
27) Clean the carpet in my room. Not yet.
28) Clean my bedroom closet. Not yet.
29) Add more topsoil to the garden. DONE.
30) Label garage shelves and organize. Getting there!
31) Get the garage door opener repaired or replaced. Not yet.
32) Research how to grow a grape arbor.
33) Start grapevines if financially able.
34) Replace my bathroom flooring. Have measured!
35) Get a new sink in my bathroom.
36) Get the gutters cleaned out. DONE. Michael did it!
37) Dig out the concrete in the side yard. Had Michael start and he gave up. It will be a slow process.
38) Make a stepping stone path to the backyard
39) Paint the front door
40) Touch up wall paint in living room or repaint. I found the leftover paint while I was cleaning out the garage!
41) Get the oil changed in the car by January 31, then every 6000 miles. Time to do it again! I did it again. I rock.
42) Clean out jewelry box, get rid of unused items. Have worked on it. Next goal is to get Lukens family jewelry to Chelsea if she wants it. Emily does not and Chelsea is next in line.
43) Organize craft supplies - get rid of excess. Still have been working on this. I recently moved all the yarn to the new dresser we had purchased for Roma and it is all sorted out nicely and organized, rather than heaped in a basket. I still need to purge some items I have had for years and never used.
44) Get an earring hanger. I want something really cool. I found the kind I want – pottery by Barb Lund, but they cost $28. Maybe at Fourth Street Festival I will feel rich.
45) Get an estimate on the foundation repair. DONE! Guy says no repair is needed!
46) Sort out the unopened mail until the baskets are completely EMPTY. Have an idea to do 10 items per week and bring to work and shred. By end of year, the baskets should be empty. A lot of it is moot mail, now that the old medical bills have been paid. I have done a TON of this. They are not completely empty, but well on the way. I need to work on this again. I have begun a new accumulation. When I get behind on the bills it is too depressing to open mail and this is one of my denial techniques.
47) File all the stuff in the tubs under the bed
48) Get pocket protectors for Michael's awards and certificates

49) Read at least thirty-five books About 25… complete, I think. I’m not at home so I can’t check, but I was updating the other night and I think this sounds about right.
50) Three of those should be books from Emily’s list of “Must reads” I think I want to read “Great Expectations” next.(Use Stephen King's list in "On Writing" if I can't find Emily's.)
51) Three of those should be non-fiction or “educational” I finally finished “ A Reasonable Life” yesterday, plus Anne Kreilkamp’s Book, “This Vast Being.”
52) Finish the series of Management in the Life Sciences Industry through IU continuing studies. DONE!
53) Finish the first draft of “The Stone Cold Heart” It is lost forever. I need to do it all over again. I have set a new goal to write 1000 words weekly toward “Half-Wit” and accomplished it three out of the five weeks since I decided it. The problem with writing “Half-Wit” is that it is emotionally difficult material and I probably ought to be in therapy as I write, but I can’t afford it.
54) Write a letter to Todd to see if he wants Holt Family notebooks.
55) Knit at least ten hats (or other items) to give away. Umm I think a few so far. I know I have three available to give away right now. I am just picking up again.
56) Get a new pennywhistle
57) Watch two movies off the “must see” list.
58) Go to a concert, even if I have to pay for tickets
59) Buy a new CD. I think I bought that Jewel CD this year. I bought the Aerosmith CD last week. And a Mary Chapin Carpenter CD at Goodwill!
60) Sew something nice for someone. I bought some patterns! I had Miko pick out fabric and am working on her dress. I messed up the neckline and think I need to pick it out and try again. I finally have the neckline complete and now I can’t get the sleeves on. It’s a summer dress, now I will have to buy her a cute cardigan and tights so she can wear it in winter!
61) Make a bag or purse. I bought a pattern!
62) Visit at least one Frank Lloyd Wright building and tour it (Taliesin or in Chicago)
63) Attend at least one play at BPP or IU Theatre
64) Make another valiant attempt to learn to crochet.
Try a personalized lesson, maybe.
65) Attend one IU Auditorium Show – We have tickets for “The Lion King.” It’s at Murat in Indy, but it counts. It’s the night before Thanksgiving.
66) Attend at least one of the "One Book" Discussion groups or try another book club
67) Figure out how to use the old sewing machine or get a new sewing machine. I bought a new sewing machine!
68) Start saving for a digital camera to start cataloging craft and sewing projects for website.

69) Write five letters. I wrote cards, does that count?
70) Go on a trip all by myself for at least two days. I really need to do this soon. You know what – I am going to plan this before Thanksgiving. That’s my goal!
71) Pay Women Inspire dues when due. Way not done, and WI is having troubles. I don’t know what will happen with this.
72) Serve on committees for Music Fest and Fund raiser. I didn’t serve on committee for Music Fest, it coming after being too burned out from being sick, I had to change my priorities, BUT I volunteered the evening of the event as was able.
73) See two online friends in real life. Hoping to see Erin this year. I don’t know who else. Well I have had dates with men I met online, but I don’t think that counts. I would rather meet up with long-time friends from the Fringe or someone like that. Still haven’t. Sob.
74) Meet parents of at least one of Michael's friends. Have met Nathaniel’s mom. She seems reasonably nice. I’d like to tell her that I don’t think hygiene is optional for teenage boys, but it’s not really my business, I guess.
75) Take a girl trip with somebody somewhere. I don’t know. Maybe Heather and I will go somewhere again to celebrate her kidney day. Maybe we’ll do the Jungle Jim’s trip, but Michael also wants to go there.
76) Take a trip to Jungle Jim's
77) Volunteer at two more orchestra events. Have I done this? I have to think. Well, I got dates set up for car washes so we can start raising money for FRANCE! And I will also bake stuff if we bake sale at the same time, so I will definitely be doing TONS of orchestra fundraising this year. Oh I have done this about twenty times over.
78) Write Joyce Scott a letter
79) Take a special trip for spring break. Nope. We were too poor. Emily came and we did lots of home stuff and hung out. I took a few days off work and we did drive her back to Lafayette and went to lunch at Arni’s, but that’s all we could swing.
80) Go swimming at least three times. I don’t know if I did or not. The lake was always flooded this year and I had to give up the Y membership for financial reasons so I don’t know if it will happen. Maybe if we go on a trip with a hotel with an indoor pool…
81) Go camping – I am taking a week vacation in August. I hope we can afford to camp. Nope, that didn’t happen. Poor Michael has been so anxious to camp that he has slept in the yard a couple of times.
82) Go canoeing
83) Fly a kite. I bought new kites, but haven’t had too much success in actual flight time this year.
84) Go to the zoo
85) Make sure to talk to Mom and Dad at least once a month. Not so good at this. I am a BAD DAUGHTER. Sometimes I wish I had the kind of relationship with them that Heather has, but then it seems so hard to make the effort. I made sure to call them each on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day and also for Mom’s birthday. We have also talked more as they get ready to move out of the house. They have visited a couple of times lately…
86) Send Christmas cards or a letter for 2007. I eventually sent cards/ postcards to almost everybody, by about the end of March.
87) Send Christmas cards or letter for 2008 actually before the end of the year!
88) See as many fireworks as possible. I watched fireworks on the fourth and just learned that the Speedway is having fireworks this weekend. I sucked at this this year. We even went up to Indy the night of SkyConcert, but somehow things got so out of whack that we missed the fireworks. It just happens, I guess.
89) Try two new venues for karaoke. We went to one last weekend with Hannah and it was the same old Darrell and Tammy, but at a new place and we had a good time!
90) Re-dedicate to Community Kitchen for Thanksgiving this year. It’s about time to get started on this if I am going to do a good job!
91) Volunteer at one "one-time" event such as a run, etc... I volunteered at Taste of Bloomington for the Solar Bike team and also will volunteer at a water station for a bike ride this Saturday. Also volunteered at Peace Festival during Peace Week a couple of weeks ago, even though it was a difficult day to do it.
92) Go to Mom and Dad's and work on house at least four times. I think I have done only once – YIKES! That means I will have to go all the time if I really want to do this by the end of the year, AND take my trips… hmmm… maybe if I take my alone trip to Lafayette, stay in a hotel with a pool, go swimming AND go work on Mom and Dad’s house I can accomplish some goals all at the same time!

93) Cook with Michael more often. This may happen naturally as we try to accommodate vegetarianism with new main dishes.
94) Write Emily a real letter while she is at school.
95) Enforce Michael and the "recycling box" process. It’s going fairly well.
96) Support Michael in his efforts to train for solar bike by supplying equipment as able. Have supported by supplying equipment and also volunteering as able.

97) Complete my taxes by February 15th. Done.
98) Pay all medical bills that are in collection. Yep. Done.Of course, a new round has started.
99) Pay back Debbie Shipley completely. DONE.
100) Pay Dewey at least a little each month. Paid $100. last month.
101) Keep checkbook balanced. Good. It’s balanced right now and I know exactly what I (don’t) have!
102) Present three new revenue producing or creative ideas at work. Big report was full of ideas. I am happy with it. If I stay here I will continue to search for ideas, not only for my area, but advertising altogether. One idea that I first proposed 3-4 years ago has finally come to fruition this year, but I think it took so long that nobody remember when I first proposed it, even though I still have my original proposal as a Word doc. Well they raised the Public Notice rates according to my recommendations. Also I have been communicating with Susan on some ideas for the ad reps to use better “selling language” when taking ads.

103) Make fondue again
104) Go to the Farmer’s Market at least three times – Already done for this year. I will continue to go a lot through the summer I am sure. I have become an addict.
105) Make ice cream
106) Try two new vegetarian main dish recipes. Well, this is sure going to happen.

107) Get two rolls of film developed. I just finished a roll that I want to get done soon. I always feel so poor.
108) Attend UU at least two more times - one should be a Sunday! Attended lots lately and also took the classes called “Exploring UU” I probably will not join, but may become active in some of their small groups and social activities.

Wednesday, October 8, 2008


I bought a pizza for myself for birthday dinner. I knew Michael couldn't cook because of his vast amount of homework - he is taking 4 AP classes + orchestra. I BROKE A TOOTH on freakin' pizza! I get VERY freaked out about my teeth. The last time I broke one I was hysterical for hours. I am not hysterical now, but VERY upset and also worried about the financial implications. I already owe dentist a bill from refilling THIS SAME TOOTH in August. Sigh... He is always nice, though, and never sends me to collections even when I take months to pay. I am waiting for him to call me back to see if he wants to see it tonight or wait until morning. Physically, I think I can wait until morning, but I already feel a massive stress/ panic attack and headache building up.

I am really, really upset. I am extremely upset. I am over the edge upset.

Gee, what am I happy for today? At least I ate two pieces of pizza before my tooth broke! I don't think I'll be eating anything else for a while. Won't that make blood glucose management fun?

Tuesday, October 7, 2008

So happy!

I just talked to BUCK - (real name Lee) from high school. He lived right across the street from me and was a wonderful friend. He had an orange Chevy Nova and he gave me and Lisa rides to school a lot so we didn't always have to ride the bus. Lisa recently looked him up and found him on Facebook and hooked me up with him. I have always said I kept in touch with everyone I really needed to from High school, but I realize now that is totally untrue. I am just squeezy with happiness to have talked to Bucklee and gotten caught up, I invited him to my party as soon as I found him, but he can't come - so sadness for that, but it's for a good reason. He is up in Indy so we are going to try to get together maybe next week when I take Michael up to Ed's. YAY!!! I spent lots of time bugging Buck while he fished. Now he has a litle house on a BIG lake and still fishes a lot. Maybe I will go sit and talk to him and bug him while he fishes - only not until summer - I used to sit with him while he went ice fishing! That's true friendship. You know how I hate being cold!

So everything is a happy today, but the thing I thought of earlier when I was planning on writing tonight was candles. I'm really happy for candles and how beautiful they are, how wonderful they can make my house smell and especially that I had time to tonight to relax and enjoy my candlelight and finish my book and just be happy.

Books- by the way, you all MUST read "Fortune's Rocks" by Anita Shreve, I think it is the third or fourth book of hers that I have read and it is another wonderful and well-written novel.

Monday, October 6, 2008

No humiliation tonight.

I went to the Diabetes Support Group that meets once a month. I really dreaded going and HATED leaving the house once I had been home. I had set it as a goal, however, in my last class of the Diabetes Education, and you know how goal-oriented I am. I think the one thing it reinforced is that I should be logging my foods again. I know I am more mindful of my health and what I eat when I have to either write it down or record it on the computer. I used Fitday last time and I really like the way it analyzes the nutrition values automatically. I have a hard time keeping my fat/ carbs ratios correct.

I think I was the only person there under age seventy - no kidding. MAYBE 65 if I stretch my imagination. It wasn't too bad, but not worth going into detail. I don't know if I will go again or not. It's only once a month and it's on Monday so usually Michael will be a Bike Project and if he's NOT at Bike project it's because he has too much homework so he doesn't need me around anyway.

I felt very weepy this afternoon - don't know why - so it could have been a dangerous thing to be out in public, but I managed to do it okay and without any drugs.

I do feel quite ANXIOUS this evening and I am worried about getting to sleep, even though I can tell my body is really tired. All that furniture moving Saturday and Sunday has taken its toll. I may take a REAL pain pill tonight, but I hate to do it. I think it's kind of funny that I get freaked out about taking them maybe once a week and my doctors are all like - USE THE MEDICINE... hell, when even your chiropractor tells you to take more medicine...

Steph called and said she meets with the oncologist on the 17th to plan her treatment. It is definitely the squamous cell type of cancer in two of the three spots they removed and the other spot is just a "let's keep an eye on it" spot.

I never did do my third quarter Uberlist update over the weekend - spent too much time cleaning house, I guess. It sure does feel nice to have a CLEAN and REARRANGED house! It gives me closure on the Roma episode to have this room as my family room once again and not the bedroom for the sociopathic exchange student.

Happy today for: The Pharmacy Tech at Target who is always so kind to me - Jesse. I am a frequent customer with all my chronic ailments and disorders and she is always polite, informative and does her job exceptionally well. I should write the store manager and tell him or her how wonderful Jesse really is!

Sunday, October 5, 2008

Remember earlier

when I said I was lucky or happy or whatever that I do not have to make any life decisions right now?

My fortune has been re-enforced by Stephanie calling me today and telling me she has skin cancer. I guess Squamous cell (I should look it up) which is about the middle threat kind. So they have taken three spots off her and are doing more tests to determine what the treatment will be. She confessed that the one spot she had on her chest she has had for over a year and ignored, which is not a good thing. It gives it a lot of time to get deep in the tissue and metastasize. She said they even cut pretty deep taking it out. Ouchy. I am sad. I am glad she is away from unsupportive and cheating husband and near her parents. It will be hard for me to have to hear about it long distance and not be around to help. All I can hope for is that they were able to get it all and maybe a little radiation and there you go, good as new. No more tanning beds, Steph! We always joked about her being "tanorexic," and now it is coming to one of the worst possible outcomes.


Decisions Decision!

I went ahead and moved the computer back into the purple room and then just went for it and moved the china cabinet into the living room. Michael will be mad at me because I scooted it and he hates it when I scratch the floors. I just want it DONE, though, and he's not here.

Now I need to decide how the rest of it is going to go. Emily took the small bookcase that was in the purple room with her. I bought a dresser for Roma and could use it for craft supply storage, I have a bookcase that matches the computer desk, but it fits the little niche in the hallway nicely and I have the nice hardback books on it so it looks good. I have a new, beautiful chair, Michael's cello teacher gave me, but it has painted black wood and I want it creamy colored before I put it in the LR. I need a place to put a telephone in the LR, but the wickery shelves look too casual with the china cabinet. We decided we want to keep the record player in the living room, but there's not really a good place for it except to leave it on the trunk, but them I need to move my big arched black metal candle holder thingy and I really like it there. Huh. Isn't it nice that these are my dilemmas for the day? No life and death decisions, no worry as to how I will feed my children, just nice, boring stuff. There is that small matter of finding enough money for a house payment to STAY in the house I am rearranging, but fiddle-dee-dee, tomorrow is another day!

I already know what I'm happy for today! All of the above, PLUS I randomly turned on the TV (usually listen to radio on Sunday morning) and caught TWO episodes of "Clean Sweep" which inspired me to get moving on this stuff so much that I skipped church second week in a row to keep moving on it! Maybe I will get it all complete today and then I will be exhausted (already severe back pain!), but happy.

Saturday, October 4, 2008

Stood Up!

But I knew he would. I told Heather I even had a dream about it this morning. I was correct. My alternative plan was to either go to the opera, Lotus Festival or a movie. I ended up downtown at Lotus Festival, saw lots of people I knew and heard some interesting world music. Had a nice sandwich and people watched. I made a plan to go to an event with Renee and Jeremy, but then couldn't find them and I was cell-phone-less so impossible to hookup properly in the hoards of people. I decided that meant I was destined to come home and write in my blog as I should have done earlier anyway so here I am!

The thing that pisses me off about the stood up part is that I could have made plans with some of the tens of people I saw at Lotus Festival to GO WITH THEM, plan on paying and not have to be all impromptu and, "oh I didn't get a bracelet for admission into the special stuff so we'll have to hook up later." I CHOSE to make plans with him tonight, CHOSE to not call my other friends even though I knew I wanted to go out, etc... I do understand that he had a busy day today, taught a special seminar that was LONG, but my goodness, I was busy too! Got my house clean, moved furniture some more, went to the dump, worked at the orchestra garage sale for three hours, did plenty of physical labor there, believe me!

I guess this is one of those learning experiences. Just as I learned to never really count on Debbie when she makes plans, I think I will have to start to think of Will that way. And I know there will never be anything serious or long-term with Will, but it would be nice to just have a simple plan that was followed through. And if he reads this, he'll probably be mad at me. He knows I'm all about honesty, though, so whatever.

I DUSTED THE CEILING FAN. After writing about it, I couldn't not do it. I also swept the ceiling all around it where wads of dust were hanging off the ceiling in a circular pattern. It could probably be cleaner. If I get the ladder back in tomorrow I may work on it some more.

Today I washed my sheets and quilt, washed the pillows off the couch, vacuumed my room and dusted, went to the dump, moved some more stuff back into the purple room, did all the aforementioned dusting activities. Tomorrow I would like to get the computer back to the purple room and the china cabinet out here. I will have to wait for Michael to get home to do the china cabinet. It is too heavy to even scoot. Then I can start getting the purple room all nice again. Living room and my room had to be first priority for my mental health. I'm still not sure on the placement of some things, with the addition of the china cabinet, but I really like it and we really need the storage. I have some china - my grandmother's beverage set she used for her bridge parties and some candlewick. I also put all my table cloths and place mats and extra napkins and things in there. It is nice and colorful. I love table cloths. I found (super cheap) matching table clothes for all three tables for the party Saturday. They are the vinyl ones. I decided that because I am promoting it as a family-friendly party, vinyl is okay. I am tempted to stay up late and work on more house stuff, but I know I will be better off to read some more of my book, rest, sleep and then get up and go to church tomorrow if it feels right and then do the house stuff.

Happy today for: that I did meet up with friends downtown, even though we couldn't QUITE make it back together. I bought a hose reel at the garage sale and we have needed one for years.

Friday, October 3, 2008

Happy today for:

I cleaned out some files at work and found a picture of the first time I met online friends IRL. I sent a copy to Ann because Peggy is in it. I haven't emailed it home to post, but maybe I will post it Monday. I worry a little bit that someone may not want their picture online, but if I do it without names, maybe it will be okay. It was the time we met at Trolley Square and ate at the place with the giant buffet and all the meat. I THINK that was the same year I hiked to the top of Mt. Timp. Whatever, it was a great time with great memories and I am so happy I found a picture of it. I think I will put it on a disc and get a print made so I can frame it, which is really saying something, because I am NOT one for having pictures about the house.

If you think you're having a bad day....

Thursday, October 2, 2008

Not a lot

I'll mostly let my pictures be my post today.

Happy for: We got some of the furniture moved tonight!
Sarah Palin said the spiel about the American worker within five minutes of the start of the debate! Haha!

OMG I just noticed she said, "nuke-la-lure" instead of nuclear.

Stroller 7 and a half mo.


Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Picture Post

This is a beautiful salad I made a few months ago. Picture worthy - it was supposed to be a "seven layer salad" but I found so many things I liked n all the recipes I looked at that mine ended up with more layers - I think ten.

I am currently reading a novel by Anita Shreve called "Fortune's Rocks." It is about an affair between a man who is about forty and a teenage girl. Here is a quote from it:

... as she watches, she discovers that a dream creates a nonexistent intimacy, that one feels all the next day after the dream, as though certain words have been said or actions taken which have not. So that the object of the dream feels familiar, when in fact, no familiarity exists at all.

When I read that it really struck me that maybe that is what happens and I get a crush on someone so easily. That my imagination is so adept at making an event seem almost real that it seems my dreams might become a reality. I am not saying that I am living in some alternate universe or that so and so isn't really my friend, or that hopeless crush wasn't really my most reliable support during the Roma crisis, but it's that dream that makes it seem to me as if it will continue... the friendship may grow into in love, the support will grow into trust, the affection will blossom into desire... I don't think it's a bad thing or a psycho thing. I do think it can lead to false hopes and disappointment, however. I guess it is to my advantage that I feel like once I realize the disappointment I use these experiences for personal growth. For example I am learning more about setting boundaries. I am learning more about trust (good and bad). I am learning more about communication. All the learning is good, it is too bad that sometimes it comes from a painful shot of reality.

This reminds me that I should update my Goodreads and my reading log. I am not sure how many books I have completed this year and I am pretty sure I am due for some non-fiction. I also have a goal to read one self-improvement book this year. and I am pretty sure I haven't done that yet. It is also time for an uberlist update - end of the third quarter. Maybe I will get to that this weekend.

Happy today for Emily called me to see how my day went with the job changes at work. I was kind of grumpy about it, but I know she really cares how I feel about it and loves me. I have such amazing and wonderful children. Happy happy.

Also I went to Dollar Tree to look for cassette tapes and they had "Goo Gone." I know someone who needs a bottle and I can't wait to give an anonymous gift!