Waiting for Michael

he should be back anytime from the bike race.

Sarah and children left to go back to Lafayette after lunch. I am really sad that everyone will be having more fun without me. I am trying to let it go, but I find that I am still really angry with Leah for this vacation I feel she "stole" from me. I need to get past the emotion of it and just do my work and go on, but I think I am turning my sadness and missing the time with my family (an inward, painful emotion) to anger toward Leah - an outward, thus less painful emotion. Thousands of dollars in therapy have given my the ability to say that. As a person who generally enjoys being happy however, and does not like to experience either type of negative emotion, which I would like to repress by eating, anyway... I would like to be able to get over it and just get on with life. I don't feel like it would be productive or solve anything, however to express my anger verbally toward Leah, nor to a supervisor at work. She has 2o or 25 years seniority on me and is a manager and has the right to take the vacation. She has done nothing against policy, it's only personal. Some therapists would suggest that "punch a pillow" catharsis thing, but I always think that's a bunch of hooey. I just need time, I guess. I need to make sure that I don't catharsis on Michael, nor others near me. I will let him know that I am still sad/ angry about it so he knows I am a little sensitive or weepy. He understands me enough to "get" that. Right now it is also combined with over a week of staying up VERY late every night, which even though it was fun every night, is very bad and very draining on me. Also tonight my feet are extremely visibly swollen which they haven't been for several weeks. I lay down for a while after I ate and I should go lay down some more until Michael calls. Too many delicious, salty meals over the weekend.

I want to write some more this week about weight loss or lack thereof, but i really should go get another glass of water and work on draining my feet, they're tingly!

Thanks for the therapy session.

Happy today for: my daughter. I really like her a lot.