walked and walked and walked and walked. We were on the trail for almost two hours. We didn't walk the entire time. We spent some time watching over the bridge rail and I had to sit on a log here and there, but I managed some good uphills and a couple of tricky stream crossings that made me feel very accomplished. At one point I thanked Michael for being patient with me and asked if it frustrates him that he has to go slowly - here is his response, although it won't be word for word because I don't remember things that way. "Sometimes I do feel impatient, but I think of you as Outdoors Woman who can really do anything if you try. I have just always thought of you that way and I always will." My nieces are laughing their heads off right now if they are reading this, because I think I seem like a scared wimp to them! Really though - my inner self DOES feel like the Outdoors Woman. I grew up fishing with my dad, I remember canoe trips with extended family. My immediate family frequently camped at State Parks and we spent time with my cousins in Tennessee at their lake cottage. I could swim when I was about three and started diving off the high dive when I was probably about six. I taught myself to ride a two-wheeler and could roller skate and ice skate well also. I have hiked with a full pack and can cook over a campfire like you wouldn't believe. When my children were small we often went hiking and camping, even though I was single... who needs a man to pitch a tent? Not me! I felt so pleased that Michael said all that to me. We talked about how I really still feel that I have those abilities, but they are limited by my health - both illness and fat. Right now while I work to increase my movement and manage my chronic illnesses and pain I feel like I can move back toward that again. So it was a very good day. I am sure I will be sore tomorrow, but I am so glad that it was nice today and I was able to share that time with Michael before he left for the week.
We passed one family on the trail where the mom had the baby in a carrier on her front and I said, "Do you know what happens when you carry your baby around on you and take it hiking and walking and love it all the time?" He said, "You end up with a really nice son!" I said "or daughter" because that baby's gender identification markers said girl baby.
I am so happy to have such a nice son. He reminds me so much of my brother Bobby in so many ways. On about Thursday at work Gillian and Stacey were complaining about all the trouble they are having with their teenage boys. Going on and on about it. Gillian is a good mom, in my opinion, Stacey, not so sure. During the entire conversation I just sat quietly and worked because all I wanted to say was, "You know last night, Michael laid his head on my shoulder and said, 'I love you so much. I'm so glad you're my mom.' but I didn't want to gloat.
P.S. I love Emily too, honestly. She's not as demonstrative as Michael. Never has been, never will. She is SO MUCH like me sometimes it is absolutely scary and half the time we communicate with telepathy. We have a good relationship, but it is completely different than my relationship with Michael.
Losing a Parent
6 years ago
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