Twenty minutes.

I am giving myself twenty minutes to write and then I am going to go outside and work on the yard. Ready. Set. Go!

Today I went out to Chinese Buffet for lunch. yes I know it's easy to overeat, yes I know the sauces have a lot of cornstarch and sugar. I went anyway.

At the end when I got my fortune cookie I said to myself, "I am going to do this the way Heather says. Whatever my fortune is will be my ultimate fortune with unnamed hopeless (and I really mean hopeless) crush." Heather says you have to eat the fortune cookie before you read the fortune or it doesn't count. So I ate my fortune cookie and then read the fortune. It said: To love deeply in one direction makes us more loving in all others.

I felt so happy. I have been feeling like it is a "waste" to love/crush on unnamed hopeless crush because our differences are too strong to overcome. We haven't talked for a week now and I have been sad about it, but not wanted to take the initiative because I don't want to be aggressive or scary. Also I have been worried about dating other men, even when I have a crush on ___ because I like him SO much. This silly little random piece of paper gave me release. I feel a little like loving _____ and depending on him when I did has taught me something about depending on other people. I feel like continuing to be grateful to him for that support and wanting to remain friends is okay. I feel like it's okay to be the one to initiate contact if I want to. I feel like it's okay to be with other men and date and just learn more about relationships and how to communicate and be with men again. I feel like even if nothing ever comes of hopeless crush that I will learn more about loving and that it will be beneficial to all my relationships.

I was instantly reminded of the Beatles from Abbey Road, "The love you take is equal to the love you make." It's okay for me to send out all this love and energy toward unnamed hopeless crush. It will come back to me in some wonderful way.

I know I sound a little crazy and superstitious, but I am really just hopeful and romantic and silly. So there.

Happy today for --- well you see it! Love, even unrequited can be a growth experience.