Transcribed from my notebook

while I was sitting in Cafe' Pizzaria waiting from my sandwich:

I am sad today. I made a calendar yesterday for summer and counted weeks of summer vacation - 11.
Weeks Michael will be in United States = 9
Weeks Michael will be in Indiana (minus bike race #1) =8
weeks Michael will be in Indiana if he goes to Scout camp = 7
Weeks Ed legally gets to ask for = 51/2 (half of summer)
Weeks that leaves for me 1 1/2
Days Michael is going to Chicago with Alexander's family to music festival to see Rusted Root =3
Weeks that leaves = ONE
Guess what the one week I had said I might ask for vacation - the first week of June, the week after the first bike race, Leah STOLE from me. Not only that, she did it and left at the same time as Pam who does the Public Notices in Martinsville and Mooresville so I will be doing the Public Notices for THREE newspapers with no backup during that week. That is one reason I was emotional about work on Monday . I realized that Leah had done that to me on Thursday and I am suspicious that she "forgot"Pam had already requested that time off so that I would be the one stuck here alone. I usually really respect Leah and absolutely hate that I am not giving her the benefit of the doubt on this one. She hates confrontation, however. That is one reason her position was changed. When I said I might want the first week in June it was easier for her to wait a week, say "Oh, I'm sorry, that's the only week my plans can work out," then wait another week and say, "Oops, I forgot Pam already asked for that week, now we'll both be gone." Even then she didn't say it in person. She sent me an email. It was too hard/confrontational for her to say, "No, I am sorry. Pam is already taking that week and I don't want to be left alone here doing Public Notices for three papers with no backup." I am really angry about it, and I am really angry with Leah. Soon I will add notices for the Bedford paper to my regular position. It took me until Friday before I knew I could talk about it without crying before I could talk to Susan, the new Dept Manager about it at all. I asked her please don't add Bedford until after Leah gets back and frankly told her that my mental health would not be able to take it.

Okay that's all I had ranted in my notebook while I waited for my sandwich. It arrived and it was a two-handed sandwich!

Here are some other frustrations:

I don't think Secret Crush is falling in love with me.

Everything in the world is too expensive. Michael did get a good price on bike shorts today, but STILL, when was the last time I bought a pair of $25.00 shorts, even yet TWO $25.00 pair of shorts! I felt pretty damned excited to get some $6.00 shirts even though every shirt I owned had a stain or a hole in it!

I don't understand my family at all. I am trying to really live by my "completely relaxed and flexible" thing, really, but don't they think it would be nice to have clean sheets and swept floors and such? I asked Sarah to call me and tell me when she knew when she was planning to leave for Indiana and next thing I know Heather calls and says Sarah is on her way and we're supposed to meet and go to the 500 parade with her on Saturday. huh? I guess Sarah thought I didn't need to know her plans because she is visiting her "other side of the family" people first and maybe now it sounds like she doesn't even want to come here at all, but I don't even know.... I keep hearing everything only through Heather.

And then nephew Paul who said he was coming to Indiana the first week of June suddenly decides to come and is in Lafayette now, but still my brother hasn't called me and when I call all I get is my mom who doesn't seem to have her hearing aids in and keep telling me over and over Sarah is going to Ohio...

So dammit, is anybody coming to my freaking house? So today I am talking on the phone to Ed about the summer plans. I am already upset, and then he comes out with because he let Michael stay here and go on the backpacking trip last weekend now Michael should go up there this weekend and I am just crying at my desk with my frustration of it all because I can't even get my family to talk to me except my mom who can't even FUCKING HEAR ME! So I have never been to the 500 parade before. I hate big crowds. I am on my period and if it happens to be one of those BAD DAYS there is no way I can be standing on a street for hours and if nobody is going to even talk to me about it and make arrangements so I know that Michael and I will get to see them I might as well let him go see his dad because his dad already thinks I "owe" him something.

So while I am crying at my desk - Leah walks up and tells me I have to log on to the classified call rotation and help because the new phone system is screwed up and instead of calls being sent to the overflow service they are being on hold for twenty minutes or cut off, so in the midst of a breakdown I have to do a job I despise and haven't done for a year and has changed so much I no longer really know how to do.

So SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY day at work. I left somewhat after that, came home and ate some leftover chicken with barbecue sauce and milk with Ovaltine. I figured protein, spicy , calming and B vitamins. everything I could need, right? I got Heather's bike and took it back in so Michael could work on it at Bike Project and I walked all around downtown while he did. So I have in over 10,000 steps today. I bought a sandwich for dinner but I resisted Peter the Organizer's book at Howard's Bookstore. That's what libraries are for!

Happy today for 10,000 steps and that's about it. Oh, that Gillian talked to me and listened to me cry when I needed it. That I bought a new notebook at Dollar General yesterday and it felt good to write on it.