Backdated post #4

Happy today for: a good walk to Columbian Park and a snoozy drive to Lafayette.

Backdated Post #3

Storms all across Indiana, but north of here.

Sarah made a nice dinner - pecan crusted salmon - yum! I taught her the easy way to get the skin off the salmon.

Happy today for McKayla came in before bed and asked if she could give me a kiss and a hug. I am learning how to tell the twins apart by personality. I still can't do it physically, but I think it's better to get to know them anyway. :) happy.

Backdated Post #2

Swore I was going to bed earlier tonight!
Happy today for: the park in our neighborhood. a good place for Lya and McKayla to burn energy before bedtime, but it sure needs a mom bench!

Backdated Post #1

Squeaking in just before midnight! Just to say that Sarah and children are here and life is good.

Happy today for: lunch with Gillian and Nikki. A reunion of what Michael dubbed the "Pleasant Valley trio." It was really called Peaceful Valley where we worked, but it was cute when he said it and I really, really miss sitting by my friends at work.

Future Lance Armstrong

Notice who was FIRST: (seven mile road race times)

Sarah T - 27'08"

Aaron S - 21'47"

Nathan L - 21'07"

Michael (Hippie Boy) L - 21'06"

Jessica S - 24'48"

Nicole P - 25'06"

Zach M - 22'06"

Jacob B (deCycles) - 22'42"

Kevin T (deCycles) - 21'12"

Seven other deCycles riders - not timed

Coach Bob & Steven VanK (who was having problems with his rear
wheel)

Okay it was by one second, but hey, in racing every HUNDREDTH of a second counts!

Ate too much:

We got too hungry and tired and ordered pizza for dinner and I ate HALF a pizza. I haven't done that in forever. I felt terrible afterward. If I didn't hate to throw up so much I would have been tempted to purge. Yuck. I couldn't afford it financially, either BAD CHOICE ALL AROUND. I will have to redeem myself.

We ate our pizza and watched about three quarters of "Signs." Now Michael has gone to bed. I think I am going to do maybe TWO house things and take my medicine and go to bed too. House can stay messy for Sarah's arrival. She told me she wanted to be really helpful around the house while she is here and I said I would let her. If I weren't so tired from work, I would be a better hostess.

It looks like Japan trip is off. It is kind of heart-breaking in a way, BUT I was really, really sad about Michael being gone so much for the summer. It is only being postponed until next year, and we had a goal to get passports for both of us so we would be prepared and now that is half accomplished. It also looks like Ms. G. is planning a European orchestra trip for next year so he is already passport ready for that now. We will have to do TONS of fund raising for him to get to go to Europe and Japan same year. Sigh. I work my ass off for this crap. He is going to have to work his ass off too. I said today as I took the money out of the bank for bike race # one "he might as well be addicted to crack, it's just as expensive." I guess it is a lot healthier, though. I would much rather have a teenager addicted to cello playing and bike racing than crack - there's no rehab for classical music...

Happy today for: Pizza delivery, definitely pizza delivery - if only I had been more prudent in my consumption.

Back to regular ol' bloggin'

I thought I should introduce a cast of characters of the last couple of days.

Saturday: Met up in Indy with niece Sarah, currently from Texas, she comes along with four year old twins McKayla and Lyla and eight month old Jaxon. Husband Jake is currently in Iraq, but will be back later this summer and then they are heading to Arizona - should be no more trips to Iraq for Jake. When we met Saturday she was accompanied by her cousin Maria and her four year old daughter, Gabriela, who are also currently Hoosiers. They headed off to Ohio after our park excursion to visit Maria's parents and then Sarah and crew will head back our way later this week.

Saturday evening when we came back to Bloomington we met up at our house with my brother Chris, who currently lives in Lafayette, his daughter Miko, who is seven, his son Paul, who just returned from Iraq, Paul's wife, Sokuntheary (who goes by Ti), and their daughter Rachel, who is fourteen months old. We had a nice cookout and party which also included my friend/neighbor Stephanie. The general "we" here includes Michael, Heather and me.

I'm editing to add Chris and crew also stayed last night and after the Italian dinner we just relaxed and some watched a movie and I farted around the house and messed with my new candle holder I got from Freecycle a couple of months ago and still hadn't finished cleaning up. So I got that done and then sat and enjoyed my candlelight and was just calm and stuff. I got a little bit bugged by the clutter that always appears when you have extra people so when I felt like it I would get up and put a few things away until I felt happy again... it was pleasant.

Today after they left Michael went to school to work on Solar bike stuff and Heather and I hiked the loop at Lake Griffy and had a Subway for lunch, then we were lazy and watched "Dreamgirls." Heather had a headache and slept all afternoon. I worked on the house and read and went to the store. I fed Heather fried chicken for dinner and I think now she is puking. The headache must be a true migraine and not just sinus and she has to drive back to Indy and go to work in the morning. Yuck.

Michael is practicing his cello and I am feeling mellow, even though I should be worrying about getting him ready to go on this bike race trip. Or maybe not. Maybe this is the way to go.

Happy today for: the deer we saw on our hike, the blue and black butterfly we saw on our hike and that I am actually really feeling pretty COMPLETELY RELAXED AND FLEXIBLE!!! Can you believe it? and I swear I have taken NO tranquilizers and had no alcoholic beverages today.

Did you think I missed another day?

Another great day, just hanging and relaxing. My brother, Chris, even mentioned how relaxed I am this weekend and said, "Mom's not here." We talked a little bit about how I let her make me nervous when I know I shouldn't and that I shouldn't let her remarks get to me, but I do. Is it just a mother/daughter thing or am I especially psycho?

Here are some highlights from today:
BBQ ribs for lunch
Put my Hello Kitty kite together, but the wind never picked up enough to really get it up.
A shopping trip to Michael's craft store with Heather, Paul and Ti. I bought the floss to get motivated to start an embroidery project I have been stalled on.
We had a nice, yummy Italian food dinner. I made YUMMY meat sauce (Hippie boy had TVP) got out my red and white checked tablecloth and taper candles in bottles and it was good food and fun.

I've been cooking good food and everyone has been helpful with dishes and cleaning up.

I am amazed at the different way we entertain baby than we used to twenty years ago - still the same old stuff - but then also by calling her on one cell phone to the other and talking to her!

It's funny to me that my niece Miko (Tomiko) has the Asian-sounding name, and Rachel is half Cambodian.

Happy today for the new grill - one of the best $20 I have ever spent. Even it it were to disintegrate tomorrow it would have been worth every penny, just for the ribs today.

Did you think I missed a day?

Lying in bed "blogging" the old-fashioned way while Miko watches "Mulan" to fall asleep. Soon I hope to join her!

A big, long exhausting day! A trip to Indy, a frustrating time trying to meet up to see the parade, watching little bits of the parade. Finally meeting up for an excursion to a park! I got to meet the first great nephew and reacquaint with a couple of the great nieces. Came back home to dinner with brother, nephew and meeting nephew's wife and daughter for the first time. A really pleasant evening and all together a nice day despite some moments of drama. there were some frustrating moments, but I always kept my calm and felt peaceful - good for me.

Happy today for family and friends all around.

Getting better....

Heard from Sarah and she is on the way! She is heading to her cousin Maria's in Terre Haute first, which is good. It is probably a better kid place, even though it is smaller, because that is also the phase of life for Maria and her hubby. It will give me a little more time to be Jaxon ready. We are planning to meet in the a.m. in Indy and watch the Indy 500 parade to see Maria's dad ( my sister in law's brother in law!) ride his horse in the parade. I am a little worried because I am not fond of crowds and standing and walking long distances with toddlers and children and carrying water and lunches and .... it all sounds very difficult and something for young, healthy people, which I am not. I hope everybody will be patient with me and I hope we can find ways to make things work well. Michael is used to having to go slowly and be patient with me, but others may not be. Of course I am not used to what it takes to do things with young children anymore, so maybe I will have to demonstrate some patience also. I may have some difficulty with that, considering how bitchy I have been this week!

Just got back from Scarlett's cookout and it was nice and mellow. A small crowd - gather around the kitchen table kind of group, met a couple new people. I love Scarlett. She is so kind and nice. I am always so glad to add wonderful people to my life and she has been a wonderful gift from Women Inspire!

Work was better today. It was my busy Friday and I worked pretty much nine solid hours with no break, but I felt good about what I did and I felt better emotionally. I took little mind breaks by playing and checking my email every now and then etc... I probably should have blessed my body by getting up from my desk more frequently, but I just felt really focused on getting my area clean and things filed and completed. I still feel angry about the vacation thing, but I was able to focus less emotionally and more intellectually on my tasks today and it was better.

I still haven't heard from brother Chris or nephew Paul about if they are going to meet us for the parade or visit for the weekend. It might be the only chance they will get to see Michael because he leaves for bike race number one on Wednesday morning so I hope they do.

Happy today for: My little food processor. I still use the "Oscar" small food processor Ed's mother gave me when I was married to him, so I know it is at least fifteen years old! It is perfect for making the filling for deviled eggs and you know how much I love deviled eggs! I really need a large food processor for a lot more of the tasks I do, but I hope this one never wears out. I use it for lots of things, but ALWAYS make my deviled egg filling in it and it is so creamy and yummy.

Please just let it be hormones

because EVERYTHING is making me so angry today.

Michael found a tick he missed in a VERY BAD place - one that I haven't seen since he was maybe eight. So he wanted to go to the dr. because it was so engorged he couldn't get the tweezers to the head (of the tick, you dirty-minded people), so I had to take him to the dr.... His dr. is a woman so I don't know why there is a difference between his mother doing it and the dr. doing it. Anyway by the time we got to the dr and waited for a freaking hour and blah blah blah the tick who had been happily sucking away for several days now anyway, had its fill and dropped off. Luckily the dr. saw fit to not charge for an hour of waiting and a scrotum peek. BUT by then Michael had missed lunch at school so we ended up paying money to eat out....

then Michael went on a training ride after school - supposed to end at 5:30 at Jackson Creek school, meet me there and go to cello lesson never shows up - pisser pisser pisser..... calls after 6:00 - he's all the way downtown.

And it is the BAD period day and I hate it. And at least I made it through work with no major catastrophes. I had one potentially embarrassing moment but I'm too pissofied to type about it.

Let me remember: I have a nice house. I have friends. I have lovely children. I was invited to a nice cookout tomorrow. We have food in our house and refrigerator and are NOT eating mud pies. I have a car that runs well and is reliable. I have a full time job with health insurance (even though it's kind of sucky insurance).

Happy today for: all of the above AND a modern automatic washer for my bloodied clothes.

Transcribed from my notebook

while I was sitting in Cafe' Pizzaria waiting from my sandwich:

I am sad today. I made a calendar yesterday for summer and counted weeks of summer vacation - 11.
Weeks Michael will be in United States = 9
Weeks Michael will be in Indiana (minus bike race #1) =8
weeks Michael will be in Indiana if he goes to Scout camp = 7
Weeks Ed legally gets to ask for = 51/2 (half of summer)
Weeks that leaves for me 1 1/2
Days Michael is going to Chicago with Alexander's family to music festival to see Rusted Root =3
Weeks that leaves = ONE
Guess what the one week I had said I might ask for vacation - the first week of June, the week after the first bike race, Leah STOLE from me. Not only that, she did it and left at the same time as Pam who does the Public Notices in Martinsville and Mooresville so I will be doing the Public Notices for THREE newspapers with no backup during that week. That is one reason I was emotional about work on Monday . I realized that Leah had done that to me on Thursday and I am suspicious that she "forgot"Pam had already requested that time off so that I would be the one stuck here alone. I usually really respect Leah and absolutely hate that I am not giving her the benefit of the doubt on this one. She hates confrontation, however. That is one reason her position was changed. When I said I might want the first week in June it was easier for her to wait a week, say "Oh, I'm sorry, that's the only week my plans can work out," then wait another week and say, "Oops, I forgot Pam already asked for that week, now we'll both be gone." Even then she didn't say it in person. She sent me an email. It was too hard/confrontational for her to say, "No, I am sorry. Pam is already taking that week and I don't want to be left alone here doing Public Notices for three papers with no backup." I am really angry about it, and I am really angry with Leah. Soon I will add notices for the Bedford paper to my regular position. It took me until Friday before I knew I could talk about it without crying before I could talk to Susan, the new Dept Manager about it at all. I asked her please don't add Bedford until after Leah gets back and frankly told her that my mental health would not be able to take it.

Okay that's all I had ranted in my notebook while I waited for my sandwich. It arrived and it was a two-handed sandwich!

Here are some other frustrations:

I don't think Secret Crush is falling in love with me.

Everything in the world is too expensive. Michael did get a good price on bike shorts today, but STILL, when was the last time I bought a pair of $25.00 shorts, even yet TWO $25.00 pair of shorts! I felt pretty damned excited to get some $6.00 shirts even though every shirt I owned had a stain or a hole in it!

I don't understand my family at all. I am trying to really live by my "completely relaxed and flexible" thing, really, but don't they think it would be nice to have clean sheets and swept floors and such? I asked Sarah to call me and tell me when she knew when she was planning to leave for Indiana and next thing I know Heather calls and says Sarah is on her way and we're supposed to meet and go to the 500 parade with her on Saturday. huh? I guess Sarah thought I didn't need to know her plans because she is visiting her "other side of the family" people first and maybe now it sounds like she doesn't even want to come here at all, but I don't even know.... I keep hearing everything only through Heather.

And then nephew Paul who said he was coming to Indiana the first week of June suddenly decides to come and is in Lafayette now, but still my brother hasn't called me and when I call all I get is my mom who doesn't seem to have her hearing aids in and keep telling me over and over Sarah is going to Ohio...

So dammit, is anybody coming to my freaking house? So today I am talking on the phone to Ed about the summer plans. I am already upset, and then he comes out with because he let Michael stay here and go on the backpacking trip last weekend now Michael should go up there this weekend and I am just crying at my desk with my frustration of it all because I can't even get my family to talk to me except my mom who can't even FUCKING HEAR ME! So I have never been to the 500 parade before. I hate big crowds. I am on my period and if it happens to be one of those BAD DAYS there is no way I can be standing on a street for hours and if nobody is going to even talk to me about it and make arrangements so I know that Michael and I will get to see them I might as well let him go see his dad because his dad already thinks I "owe" him something.

So while I am crying at my desk - Leah walks up and tells me I have to log on to the classified call rotation and help because the new phone system is screwed up and instead of calls being sent to the overflow service they are being on hold for twenty minutes or cut off, so in the midst of a breakdown I have to do a job I despise and haven't done for a year and has changed so much I no longer really know how to do.

So SHITTY SHITTY SHITTY day at work. I left somewhat after that, came home and ate some leftover chicken with barbecue sauce and milk with Ovaltine. I figured protein, spicy , calming and B vitamins. everything I could need, right? I got Heather's bike and took it back in so Michael could work on it at Bike Project and I walked all around downtown while he did. So I have in over 10,000 steps today. I bought a sandwich for dinner but I resisted Peter the Organizer's book at Howard's Bookstore. That's what libraries are for!

Happy today for 10,000 steps and that's about it. Oh, that Gillian talked to me and listened to me cry when I needed it. That I bought a new notebook at Dollar General yesterday and it felt good to write on it.

Back to work

and caught up on the behindness from taking last Thursday off and a sick day yesterday. I really do like to keep things caught up and organized.

Our new phones are installed and fairly cool. Somebody told me they are just like the phones on the TV show "The Office." I have my ringer set to sound like an old-fashioned telephone ringer. One time today I was pushing buttons, trying to delete missed calls and it started ringing and I said, "I wonder what that means?" and then I was, "Oh! Somebody is actually calling me!" duh.

I was asked if we want to host a Ukrainian exchange student. His profile is amazing. I told Heather about him and she said he sounds like Michael's Ukrainian twin. Michael and I talked about it and decided we are very interested. My brother's family hosted several exchange students and had positive experiences and we hosted a three week exchange once. This would be the whole school year commitment. My big reservation is because of Michael visiting his dad every other weekend. I wrote the woman a long email explaining that and that I don't think it would be appropriate for the exchange student to visit up there because I believe it is an abusive household. So we are waiting to see if that makes us not eligible as a host family. Best to be upfront about this stuff - it is a big issue, I think.

Happy today for: my adding machine. Makes balancing the checkbook MUCH MUCH easier.

Happy today for:

Rotten bananas. I made some kick-ass banana bread today. I didn't have quite enough bananas and had to fill in with some applesauce, but that's okay. I used 100% whole wheat flour, so it makes me feel like it's healthy when I eat it, even though I know it's full of sugar.

Skipped work.

When I went to the store yesterday I forgot the bag that had the painkiller in it! So when I awakened this morning and headache was back...I didn't have appropriate medication so take care of it. I was also having a couple a couple of emotional issues complicating things so I decided a day was due. I spent most of the morning in bed with my heater on. I finally got up and got dressed and went to Wal-mart to reclaim my forgotten stuff. I also bought a new pedometer to replace the broken one so I can start counting my steps again. The new one looks like it will not fall off as easily so maybe I won't break it as quickly! I am feeling a little better now, both physically and emotionally. I am getting ready to bake some banana bread. Yum. I haven't thought about dinner yet. It seems like I ought to make something delicious with extra time, but who knows?

Happy today for:

a child who is old enough to remove his own ticks and patch his own scrapes and road rash from crashing the recumbent bike! I spoil him too much by doing his laundry when I need pieces to "fill in a load" but I would MUCH rather do that than EVER, EVER have to deal with bodily fluids again in my life. I am not the kind of mom who kindly held your hair back while you puked and wiped your mouth after you puked. I stood outside the bathroom door and shouted, "make it in the toilet!" The times I did have to clean up vomit and do puke laundry I at the least gagged the entire time and sometimes actually sympathetic vomited. Nope, never a nurse shall I be.

My son

is a better gardener than I am.

Remember all that work I did yesterday? When he came home from the backpacking trip today and I showed him everything I had done he asked, "What happened to the thyme?" Oops! I thought that was a nice smelling batch of weeds! I wondered why he left that random patch of weeds between the trellises! Usually he's so thorough about those things! Well. I am not so thorough and I left a couple of sprigs so maybe it will spread again.... Also this year my mint is coming back. Did I ever tell you that I am such a bad gardener that I can kill mint? He has worked some more on the new patch he decided we need in the side yard. He has put in the topsoil we bought last weekend and gotten it all ready to plant. He just took a shower and discovered FOUR ticks... ugh. I am going to force him to let me examine his Rapunzel-like tresses after he gets dressed to make sure he has no more unwanted guests.

I am not as sore today as I feared. I am somewhat headachey and lower back and that is probably a combination of working in the sun and the gynecological troubles ailing me. I am going to take hippie boy to go get the recumbent bike and then go make a store run for a few supplies and get some of the medicine with the caffeine and that should help all the aches and pains, I hope.

Work is hard.

Kind of like "Rocks are heavy."

I feel like I won't be able to move tomorrow. It is only six o'clock. I didn't work steadily, but in fits and spurts as I usually do, but still. I am going to take a long, warm bath and read my book and probably go to bed. Maybe I will watch a movie or some TV, but I think that is all I will be able to manage for the rest of the night. I hope I can get out of bed in the morning. My fat body is hard to bend over and get up and down for weeding and digging and planting and all that stuff...

Happy today for Opcon-A eye drops for my itchy eyes. They really do work. I remember the days before they existed and all I could do was lie with a cool cloth on my eyes and wait for the oral anti-histimines to kick in. No fun.

And now, for something completely different!

Instead of my usual Saturday: Farmer's Market, Opportunity House, Aldi, dump... I went to THE MALL! I went to Lane Bryant - Emily calls it the BG (for Big Girl's) store and bought six or seven shirts on clearance for $5.99 each. I never do this. I get most of my clothes at Opp House or Wal-mart or clothing swaps or MAYBE at Target in moments of desperation. These are all long sleeve which seems kind of silly, but our office is really cold in the summer and my new desk is right in front of a six foot long vent which blows all day long. They are pretty lightweight fabric, sleeves can be rolled up and I have that whole, "avoid exposure to the sun while taking this medication," thing anyway. I am pretty happy about it. They are all V-necks and several of them have some gathers that I think are kind of flattering. So yay me.

I decided to NOT go to the Women Inspire picnic. I realized if it kept sounding hard to go, that meant I didn't really want to go. I came home after the mall and have been working on the garden and reading. Michael worked a lot Thursday night and got a lot of the weeds out. I have put in a lot of the plants and and am now working on more of the weeds and getting more area ready for more planting. It feels good to get it done. It is kind of sad that we haven't really worked on it together this year like we usually do, but we'll survive. I guess it happens as children get older and have their own interests. Tomorrow we will probably have some time together. I am thinking if I get the rest of the veggies in today tomorrow we can get some flowers and get them in.

Lazy afternoon

Michael was supposed to go to Ed's tonight, but asked him to let him stay here and go on a school backpacking trip and he AGREED. Miracles happen.

So after work Michael went to a friend's house for dinner and a birthday party and I was on my own. I came home and read and slept. Peace. I woke up and ate leftover meatloaf I made a couple of days, no wait, was it just last night? Whenever, I had leftover yummy meatloaf and a baked potato. I haven't had enough veggies today so if I snack tonight it needs to be good veggies.

Tomorrow Michael leaves for backpacking pretty early in the a.m. and I am on my own until he returns Sunday. There is a Women Inspire Picnic Saturday if the weather is nice and I think I am planning on going. Right now it sounds hard, though...If I drive him in, then go to Farmer's Market, then go to Opp House then come home and make something to take to picnic, then I have to drive ALL THE WAY BACK INTO TOWN... and I have been trying to drive into town only once a day. Then Sunday I have to go pick Michael up at 1:00 and bring him home, then there's an art event I'd like to go to at 2:00 and I'd have to turn around and go right back in.... I suppose I could drive in and take his bike and have him throw his stuff in the car and make him ride the bike home and take his stuff home to him after the art event. Sigh... trying to conserve is hard.

Secret Crush didn't tell me he pined away and missed me all day yesterday, but he did make a funny face at me once in the hallway. I hope that is good. I am trying to just lay off and not do anything and that is hard for me. I am too out there, honest and face it, once I get my mind set on something.... I can go from extremely shy to too forward and I know that's not the way to play it. Now it's his turn and I have to wait and see, wait and see.

Happy today for: a late afternoon visit to Dairy Queen with Christie. We both needed to get out of the building, having not taken a lunch and it was 3:00! We did a drive-by stalking and the DQ visit and it was giggly and fun.

Wonderful Luncheon

It was an extremely marvelous event with women from all over the state and ultimately from all over the world. There were many countries in Central and South American represented, China, Japan, India, Zimbabwe, ummm.. I can't think of what others. Some of the Japanese women wore kimonos and one of the Indian women wore not a sari, but a traditional top and those pants that I know the name of, but can't recall. I met women who are social workers, stay at home moms, CEOs, eight-t0-fivers like me, authors, government officials, not-for-profit employees, and just TONS of women who are really interesting and really cool. They seated us so we couldn't sit with people we already knew and then switched us at one point so we would meet another set of people. An amazing afternoon. Cheri Daniels, the Governor's wife, was the worst speaker. She gave what seemed like an often repeated speech about how women should watch their heart health and get 30 minutes of exercise daily. Okay, fine points, but huh? The other two speakers told some of their life stories, One was from an impoverished village in Mexico where most females are married at 13 or 14 and she just finished her PhD and graduated last week. The other is from Azores islands and finished an Ivy League education and is now a professor. They told how they ended up in Indiana and the choices they made when circumstances were forced upon them. Ultimately this organization wants to publish a book featuring women's stories and how women can end up in amazing situations despite roadbloocks. Might I be one of those women? We'll see.

Happy today for: optimism and hope, despite the gloomy rain. Good traveling companions. That I took it upon myself to have personal cards printed a few months ago, though it seemed like a foolish expense. They came in handy today and I made several wonderful contacts.

Coming back to add: I am sure I will go back to work tomorrow and Secret Crush will tell me how badly he missed me and he just HAS to see me this weekend - right?

Honors Night

was pleasant, but BORING as hell at the same time. I texted Emily during the thing until she told me she was watching the finale of America's Next Top Model so I could tell she needed quality time with Tyra rather than Mom and let her go.

Michael got awards for:
Outstanding Achievement in Science Olympiad
Solar Racing Team
Classroom Leadership in Latin II
Outstanding Performance in Art
ISSMA State Soloist

Put them all together and they spell Geek! Or Good kid, or both. :) I love my Geek.

Tomorrow I am off work. I am going to attend the Indiana Diversity Women's Luncheon (I can't remember if that's the exact title). The Governor's wife is the keynote speaker and then also women from the Diversity Forum and the theme is "Every Woman Has a Story." I am really interested because I am trying to learn how to tell my own story! I will return and report on that aspect. On the sillier aspects - I have no idea what to wear. I have no nice clothes anymore. I think I am just going to wear my khaki pants and a white t-shirt with a colored button-down blouse open like a jacket and sandals. I need to do my toes. I need to clean my car. I volunteered to drive because the other women who are going have vans and my car will get better mileage. I feel a panic attack imminent just thinking about it. I am probably going to work on the toes tonight, get up and clean the car in the morning, then get ready and iron a blouse...I think I can choose between light blue and light green. Toes should be spring pink. These are important decisions to make me feel calm. Breathe in, breathe out... breathe in, breathe out. I have trouble in social situations. I hope food has no sauce that I will drip on white shirt directly between the boobs, there to remain until I meet potential employers and Governor or Governor's wife. Oh well, at least the latter are Republicans and don't really matter... :)

Crush news. Gave SC his pan back in the parking lot after work today and said, "Have a good night." He said, "You too." I said, "I get to go to a school event." He said, " that's what you get for having kids." I said, "Well, I know that will never happen again." haha! We laughed and went home. The end.

Happy tonight for leftover chocolate cake (I made that instead of brownies for the Whatever party), but I am going to dump the rest in the trash tomorrow! I like it too much.

Off to do a few dishes, work on toesies, read a little - only about a hundred pages left in my 1100 page book and it's not Les Mis - it's Stephen King!

Giggle and Swoon!

I am like a twelve year old. Today as I walked down the hall to deliver a report secret crush was walking toward me. He raised his hand so I raised my hand and waved at him as we passed. Now I keep wondering, should I have raised my other hand, the one on the same side he was passing on? Maybe if I had he would have "high fived" me and we would have TOUCHED!? Although he doesn't seem like he would be much of a "high five" kid of guy. See. I am swoony and giggly and insane. All this while I am a perfectly grown up woman. The other day I even thought of myself as middle aged for the first time... over a perfectly grown up man. He is older than I am . I think he is maybe 55? He could look older from smoking and I am just guessing, but I think that seems about right. Lord. You think I could handle this by now.

Last night when I was at the end of a long day with a headache all day that narcotics had NOT helped and I was finally lying in my bed (see, I do know the correct word to use is lie, even though as a Hoosier last night I said "lay down") all I could think was, "I wish secret crush were here to lie (well really I thought lay) down with me when I don't feel good." It would have been so nice just to have someone (well this specific someone) to be here with me. I am getting sappy and wanting things I haven't had in a long time. Well really, things I have never had. I think I want them more because I know that compassion and caregiving are part of his MO. I don't know if HE knows that I know this about him. A LONG time ago when I first quit being a Mormon and went to Sherwood Oaks Christian Church occasionally I saw secret crush there. It turns out that on weekends he was a caregiver to an autistic man who liked to attend so secret crush would take him to church. Isn't that sweet? That is one of the first times I was attracted to him.

Happy today for wishful thinking and optimistic dreams of a crush, even if it never comes to fruition.

I know

that you are all tired of hearing how tired I am, but guess what... I am SO TIRED.

I came home and just peeled the some of the corn on the cob that we never got around to cooking yesterday and had it and leftovers for dinner. I am going to do a little more clean up that I never finished last night and then lay down. If I sleep, so be it. If I stay awake I'll get up and clean a little more later. I know I should walk or mow or garden, but I just can't. Work was long and hard and busy today. Secret crush had to do some work in my department, but we didn't get to talk.

Happy today for leftovers.

A caution for the future!

NEVER make baked beans and broccoli salad for your party when you have invited your SECRET CRUSH because he might come and you might have to suppress so many farts that you think you will DIE!

HE CAME!!!!!

He brought the vegetable pizza that I love with tiny pieces of vegetables lovingly (I am sure) arranged on each piece. He had nice conversations with my parents and I think he thought they were cute.

Happy today for all of the above - except the farts.

Bloggin' now

in case I am too tired post party.

I am going to get ready with the 15 minute method so I can be more relaxed - at least until Mom and Dad and Heather get here. Mom and Dad make me nervous. I am not above using prescription medication to maintain my calm demeanor, however, if necessary. I don't know why I let them do it to me. I am sure about twenty years of additional therapy could solve it, but I have neither the time nor the money.

The next thing I want to do is make my bed and vacuum, then get ready and straighten my bathroom so I can feel like people can use my bathroom and I won't feel embarrassed. After that I am just going to start cooking one thing at a time and whatever is done by the time the party starts is done and whatever isn't isn't. If there isn't enough food, we'll either keep cooking as we go, make peanut butter sandwiches or order a couple of pizzas! I have invited a gazillion people so probably some people will bring stuff. If it is raining too much too use the grill (which is purchased, but not assembled yet, anyway!) who knows what will happen.

The order I think I am going to start making stuff in is:

Deviled eggs
Baked beans
brownies
broccoli salad
vegetable tray
cheese & cracker tray
Then maybe potato salad OR you won't believe it - I thought heck, maybe I'll BUY potato or macaroni salad when I go get buns and ice! Gasp of disbelief!

It's probably a good thing we didn't put the plants in yesterday. It rained so hard this morning, it would have beaten down tender seedlings.

My spinach Quiche

turned out really good. Michael liked it and ate HALF:

9 inch pie crust.
three eggs
1 cup yogurt (I used non-fat)
1 Tbsp flour
salt
pepper
1/2 onion chopped
1/2 pepper chopped (I used yellow. I think red would be prettier, but I wanted to save it for the veggie tray for the party tomorrow!)
about 1 and a half tsp chopped garlic
about 3/4 bag fresh spinach
about 1 cup grated swiss cheese

DON'T pre-bake the pie crust! :) Preheat oven to 425.

Sautee onion, pepper, garlic in a little olive oil until they start to soften and onions are beginning to become translucent, but don't let them caramelize. Add the spinach and toss it until it wilts. Take the veggies off the heat.

Mix the eggs, yogurt, flour, salt and pepper with whisk, stir in the cheese and then the veggies. Pour into pie crust. Bake at 425 for fifteen minutes, then turn oven down and bake about 30 minutes longer or until set in center.

I thought of adding some Rosemary because we really like it, but decided to start pretty basic this time. Next time I'll experiment some more. A lot of the recipes I looked at had mushrooms, but Hippie Boy doesn't really like them. I think they would be a good combo with the spinach, however, especially if your household doesn't like the peppers and onions as much as we do.

If you think about 8 servings from three eggs, one cup of non-fat yogurt and about 4 oz of cheese, it's probably not too calorific. I could go to fit day and figure it out, but I'm too lazy. The crust is probably the worst part, health-wise. If you made a homemade crust and used whole wheat or made a hungry girl type crust based on crushed up Fiber one (but it has kind of a sweet taste) so the fiber would slow down the carbs, it would be better for you.

haha! on me cooking.

I usually make my own pie crusts. The only time I don't is when I use the frozen ones for my pies for Community Kitchen at Thanksgiving and that is because it is just easier to take in the foil pans and all that. For some reason I don't recall, MONTHS ago, I bought a package of those roll-out pie crusts. So I decided to make a spinach quiche tonight (my first quiche) and use up one of them. I looked on allrecipes.com at a couple of quiche recipes and made up my own of course, based on a couple that sounded good. None of them had peppers, onions and garlic and we know 75% of the food in our house must contain peppers, onions and garlic... the other 25% must contain chocolate! It DID seem like a good idea, however to pre-bake the crust a little bit. I figured it would keep it from getting soggy from the egg mixture. I have never pre-baked a crust before... I always make fruit pies, pumpkin or pecan and just use a raw crust, nothing like cream pie or lemon merengue or key lime where you need a baked crust. I do know, however, that people say the trick is to weight it down with beans so it doesn't bubble up. So I poured in a pound of beans... Well, when I pulled it out the beans were so heavy that they made little bean dents in the crust and baked right into it! I tried kind of gently scraping them off and it just began to tear it up. I pulled crust number two out of the package and just poured my filling into a raw crust. I no longer care if it is soggy. We'll see how my first quiche turns out!

Our day went differently than planned. At Farmer's Market a group called Earth First attracted Hippie Boy's attention. Part of their agenda is to protest the planned construction of the I-69 highway (which I believe is a fine thing to protest). This afternoon they had a caravan going to Greene county to see some of the land that will be destroyed by it. I could tell Michael really wanted to go so I told him I wouldn't be mad if he went instead of helping me put in the garden today. He went to Farmer's Market, Opportunity House (where we found two shirts he likes YAY!), Lowe's for dirt and Aldi with me. We can work on garden tomorrow, unless it is pouring rain. I have "plant flowers" on the list of possible party activities for tomorrow, maybe it will be plant tomatoes, cucumbers and peppers instead!

So I worked on the house and garage and went to the dump without Michael this afternoon. I want the garage a little more cleaned out and swept so that if it is pouring tomorrow party can be more comfortably expanded that direction and I don't mind if people smoke out there. I don't store anything out there that smoke will harm and Chris already smokes out there when he comes in the winter. Secret crush from work is a terrible smoker and I still like him. Can you believe it? I believe it is an addiction and I have my addictions too so who am I to judge?

I keep doing my fifteen minutes today and I have really accomplished a lot. They haven't taken me into the garden yet, but it is getting close. I will get started even if Michael is not home yet. I hope the rebellious environmentalist hippies he is driving with are careful drivers. I did tell them I have advised him not to become the type of environmentalist who blows things up. He kind of admires Edward Abbey, whom I believe is of that ilk... They smelled like the kind of environmentalists who don't believe in taking too many showers. I told him he might want to choose carefully whose car he rides in! As long as he lives in my house, he is commanded to take daily showers, but he has now started turning off the water between getting wet and rinsing off. I guess it will save money for me as well as saving the earth so I really don't mind.

Well I must go do my next fifteen minute increment of necessary or work-type activity.

I am happy today for allrecipes.com. I still love reading cookbooks but on a busy day like today it really is so fast to come in and do a search and instantly have five or ten recipes to view. If I were a person who found a recipe and followed it maybe looking at one or two cookbooks would be sufficient, but because I like to look at several recipes and combine what I think will be the best elements allrecipes is great.

Answers to some questions:

Michael had the EKG because they (meaning the Indiana HS Sports People) want the kids to have them before they (meaning the students) participate in sports. Over the past few years several kids have dropped dead on the sports floor of sudden heart failure. Even though Michael is not on an official Indiana HS sports team with Solar bike he has to have all the same screenings before allowed to participate in the races. Our school corporation, on order to make sports more accessible to more students provides physicals for $10 and EKGs for free. Michael DOES have a slight heart murmur, which only a couple of nurses have mentioned in his life, of course, the dr. at the sports physical is the first dr. to notice it. I guess it's good to make sure he's not going to drop dead riding a bike I don't know how many miles in Japan in the middle of July....and there's no shade, it's a SOLAR bike race.

I like Rush, too, for the most part. I do like Geddy Lee's voice. I have just not been a dedicated Rush fan over all the years and would never have purchased a Rush album or spent $100 on concert tickets in my life, HOWEVER, in the past year I have done both of those, and am even on their email list! I feel like I practically know them now.

Asphalt chunks: Michael decided we need more garden in the side yard - we have usually only planted in the front of the house - where "normal" people have bushes we have tomatoes and peppers and cucumbers... When he started to dig he found that when the house was built the yard was filled with crap, including chunks of asphalt like that were probably dug up from an old parking lot and used for fill, then covered with the thinnest layer possible of dirt and sod. I put an "offer" on Freecycle and said we'd deliver if it wasn't too far away and actually had two takers! So we delivered to the first asker last night and it was only about a five minute drive away. Freecycle rocks. I don't know how we would have gotten rid of that stuff otherwise. If we would have had to pay the dump fine by the pound or something....

I DID make the gyno appt. I just can't go until the middle of June.

Tonight I came home from work exhausted from the busy Friday. Michael and I cooked together, ate, and then I slept for two hours while he went to the climbing gym! So now I am going to clean house for a while, he's heading off to bed. Tomorrow he's going to make my Saturday rounds with me, pick out plants and we're going to put in some garden. We have to buy some topsoil to make up for the asphalt chunks! He likes to get up early so I told him not to be too noisy and remember to go out and start getting the garden ready! He doesn't like me to use chemicals to kill weeds so he's usually pretty willing to dig up weeds and take them out the old fashioned way. There also still a lot of rocks in the new spot that need taken out before it is really ready. We have a hard day's work ahead of us. It is a good thing I warned everybody that I won't clean the house for the party!

Happy today for the quick oil change place. I am going to try to pay more attention to the frequency of the oil changes. I know it will help the car get better mileage. I didn't get lunch until 2:30 today after all the weekend paper deadline production stuff was done but when I did I went and got an oil change and I felt really good about it!

Took off an hour early

Took Michael for EKG, drove through Taco Hell, went to cello lesson, I went to store during lesson, came home, loaded asphalt chunks in car, drove them to someone's house, unloaded, came home, walked for an hour, now home again! I am drinking water and hippie boy who needs calories is going to eat ice cream with melted chocolate while I am drinking water, although I will have a real snack later when I take my medicine.

Now we are listening to Rush play "Xanadu" on Youtube. The boys are so young in this video. I am used to the old men they are now! I guess if Michael can be patient and walk slowly with me for an hour I can listen to a little Rush. Do you know that Geddy Lee's name is Gary and he got the name Geddy because that is the way his Yiddish-speaking grandmother pronounced Gary? Yeah, I know more about Rush now than I ever did in the seventies. Led Zeppelin, too.

Well, I really must try to do some dishes tonight. Even with not cooking dinner again, things are getting out of hand. I am pretty tired, but I think getting some exercise helped. My feet hurt a lot, though.

I finally made an appt. with the Gyn. I realized that I think my weight loss has probably stalled due to hormones. It sounds like excuses, I think, BUT I am craving constantly...and NOT the tomatoes that are harmless (except for the salt I like with them). I am craving greasy fish, spicy foods and chocolate and spicy foods for me come with carbs; pizza, pasta... Tuesday I realized as I was walking at work to get my reports and walking back and forth to move to my new desk (grumble grumble - a VERY unhappy move for me!), that I could feel the weight in my uterus, that my fibroids must have grown tremendously quickly recently and that is probably why I am having problems like I haven't had in a while so badly again. I am probably carrying around a few pounds of tumors. SO I called to make an appt. To get the initial appt paid for I have to schedule it as my yearly so I can't get in until the second week of June, but that's not really too far away so I shouldn't bleed to death before then and I promise if such an event does seem imminent to go to the emergency room. I don't know why they should begin to grow so quickly. I haven't changed anything except for the better as far as diet and activity and all that stuff, but who knows what makes anything happen, I guess. Or I could just be wrong. I guess we'll see in a few weeks!

Happy for: My hippie boy. Really. Just an all around good kid whom I love so much and so much more every day. I love Emily too. She calls me maybe four or five days a week. I think we are happier and closer when she doesn't live at home. Funny, huh?

Tired again.

I kept falling asleep during Michael's concert and waking up to applaud at the appropriate times. I did stay awake to hear Michael play his second cello duet part with Jake and awake to hear the Schumann piece that Jake and Nathaniel arranged for Nathaniel to play on the piano accomp. by the orch and that Jake conducted, then promptly back to sleep. Musical geniuses all, I'm just freaking tired.

Happy today for lots of things. Getting caught up on my "signed stamped sealed" part of my paper work and now my going to bed early that is possible this evening because I didn't cook dinner but felt justified in getting a take and bake pizza because of the concert, so even though there are still dirty dishes that I am leaving there aren't AS MANY dirty dishes as if I had cooked dinner!

I'll probably regret it tomorrow when it's breakfast and the kitchen is dirty and then it's cello lesson and then it's Michael is supposed to get and EKG and then we're supposed to take some stuff to someone for Freecycle and then.... sigh...

Tired.

I waited and waited for hippie boy to come home last night. He is usually very insistent on his 9:00 bedtime.... By the time it was almost 10:00 I was planning, "if he's not home by the end of this episode of Jon and Kate plus eight I'll drive up Rogers Street, then back down Walnut and if I don't find him or he's not home when I get there I 'm calling the Sheriff...." He finally arrived as it was almost over. He had stayed extra late at Bike Project because the thing he had gone to at school (sports physicals) had taken a really long time.

So I sat around covered in pollen for an hour and a half and I was sick all night and had to take allergy medicine today. So I was SLEEPY at work. I slept about an hour after work and then got up and went to Women Inspire.

Gretchen got about 14% of the vote so far. Baron Hill, the incumbent, has gotten about 56% and the rest is split between the challengers pretty evenly, it looks like. Obama is losing slightly to Clinton, but at least he is taking NC and it has more delegates.

Happy today for: going to vote and the same people work the polls every time and they know I go vote every time, not just when it is presidential! Baby wipes.

Mowed again

I called Debbie to see if she wanted to walk and while we were talking she mentioned that it is supposed to rain tomorrow. I decided because she didn't want to walk with me tonight and it is supposed to rain I'd better mow for my exercise tonight. I want to have a relaxed party Sunday, but I don't want the grass to be a foot high! Now I need to take my post-mowing shower, but I kind of want to wait for Michael to get home from Bike Project. I know I am a worrying mom, but I do worry when he is riding home on his bike. I can't help it. His new bike he rides has such skinny little tires and he doesn't have a spare and stuff for it. We need to get one ASAP so I won't worry so much. It also has to have special tubes and a special pump with a different kind of valve... of course I might as well just type $$$$$$$$$. I probably should try a "wanted" on Freecycle. We've definitely had some luck before!

I love the way the yard looks when it is freshly mown. It is just so tidy and neat. That's one sad thing about mowing in the evening. No time to sit in the warm sunshine and just admire my work before the dandelions pop back up.

Happy today for.... drumroll, please............ MY LILY OF THE VALLEYS ARE STARTING TO BLOOM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Sadness

Independent of each other Michael and Emily each expressed to me their concern for their younger sister in their dad's family. The whole family went up to Purdue for an academic superbowl competition for the older sister, Amy. They met Emily and went out to lunch. Emily called me afterward and told me about it and a lot of what she talked about was how concerned she is for the littlest one, Liahona (OMG!) age 8, and how long she will have to live in that dysfunctional household and how worried Emily is about the effects on Liahona, etc. Then today Michael started talking about the same thing and told how when Ed was throwing his little fits (Michael just described it as "shouting") because he couldn't get the computer to do what he wanted, Liahona came in the bedroom and told Michael, "Now is one of those times we need to be careful what we say." I told Michael she is learning to be a good little abuse victim and that is what is known as "walking on eggshells" when you live with an abuser. I feel so sad for Liahona. It is sad that Michael has to go spend time up there, but at least he recognizes that it is not normal or right and it is not really that much time - even though it sure SEEMS like it sometimes. That poor little girl knows nothing else. Thank God I got out and didn't let my children grow up in that. Their lives have been rough, but I know it has been better than that. YAY ME. I need to remember this when I am feeling pitiful. I need to remember that I am a champion for getting out of that abusive situation.

Phew!

I just flipped and turned my mattress. What a workout.

Stephanie's party was nice last night. It was pretty relaxing. The wind had died down some by evening so they were able to have the big fire and I spent a lot of time just sitting by the fire listening to people talk and later I joined in some conversations. I got to know the woman who lives next to Steph better and invited her and her husband to my party next week so maybe I will get friendlier with another family in the neighborhood. They have younger children which will be nice for when Sarah is here with the girls.

I am having a relaxing day. I have just been working on the house and reading and sitting in the sun, which I am not supposed to do! Probably three of my medicines caution against sun exposure, but it feels so good! I do have on jeans and long sleeves so only my face and hands are getting exposed. I am mostly just feeling the warmth. I have even swept the floor. I am soon the get out the sewing machine and work on a couple of projects. I may mow the front lawn again a little later, I'm not sure.

Happy today for: Warm sunshine, polished toenails, my big fat book to read. Ahhh....

Made my rounds

Now I am totally unmotivated and want to go back to bed. Hmm. I am definitely going to have to use the timer method to get anything further accomplished today. I wonder why I feel so lazy. Even though I was up late I slept in plenty and I have eaten protein and walked quite a bit as I went to Farmer's Market and parked a couple of blocks away on purpose and walked up and down every row.

I thought I might go buy some top soil and work outside but the idea of loading and unloading it into and out of the car without Michael was too daunting. I can lift the 40 pounds but my previously broken elbow always hurts a lot the next day. I guess that's the 1% permanent disability Worker's Comp gave me the check for! Also it is so windy the pollen is really blowing around and making my eyes itch. I need some Op-Con A drops right now, I think!

Maybe I will do the eye drops and lie down for just a FEW minutes...

209.8

I was supposed to hit it by April 30 and it didn't happen. 212.8 never happened! BUT I have to say for a woman who had two very nasty, hormonal periods within a month with MORE of the associated cravings, bitchiness, bloatedness and horribleness than ever I am just happy I didn't GAIN five pounds. So I am just going to say I am just moving forward from here. Resetting the goal. I will reach 209.8 by the end of MAY. Reward will be a new pair of jeans NON-elastic waist.

Happy today for Lightning behind the clouds at night and its beauty. I know these storms have brought some horror to the midwest and they certainly have been hell on my sinuses today, the the lightning is lovely.

Bought a grill for $20.00 today so we can cook out at the party next week! One guy from IT dept told me he and his wife will probably come so maybe I am one step closer to secret crush coming! hee hee! giggle and swoon!

Happy today for:

Ziplock (but necessarily brand name, in my case) bags. I use them for my parts of onions and peppers that I am keeping. I know it would be much better for the earth to keep them in reusable containers, and I have tried, but for some reason I have a mind block to remembering that they are in there and I always let them rot. In the zipper bags I see them and always use them up. Even in fairly translucent containers I STILL don't remember the stuff, Even in specially designated onion or pepper containers I STILL don't remember the stuff, but a zipper bag does it every time. I also use them for taking baby carrots, grape tomatoes, or pretzels to work for my snacks and lunch. I could probably do better for the earth with reusable containers for those, though. I will have to get some in the right size.

Obama View

from Nikki's cell: