Two days in a row without blogging!

Probably the last harvest of grape tomatoes today. It is getting cold! I love how teeny, tiny these are. It's a little blurry - that's a dime with them.

My son playing his cello on the street corner. He has been wanting to do it for a long time and today was the first time he had a chance. He didn't put out anything to collect money. He said the thing he learned today is to have a good repertoire of songs memorized and planned. He didn't play classical, he said, but his rock and roll stuff and improv.

The purple room is really more of a family room, finally. The dollhouse is only temporary. I am going to try to sell it and send Emily the money.

I DO love this coffee table. Jennifer gave it to me and I made the designs with the colored stones beneath the glass. I will kind of miss having it in the front room. I think I am planning a similar treatment for the back door, however, so I can still go a little nuts with my glass stones. Right now there are just a bunch on the bench/coffee table in a pewtery metal dish, and the mirror has them in the corners.

I will probably hang the Kandinsky now. I have had it tucked a way in a closet for a long time, waiting for a place for it. I am not sure of its placement yet.

Good thing I had FB to do the quick "I'm not dead and neither is Dad" update. The cut cable line is repaired by a giant orange cable snaking across the yard. The last time they did that it took them about three months to come back and bury it. As many times as the companies came and spray painted my grass and put little flags up, I can't believe they still managed to dig through something installing fiber optic lines for phone service I no longer have...

Here's a copy of an email I sent to my SIL today, and then posted on a FB note for those of you who don't FB!

I was in Lafayette yesterday. Dad seems to be better. His swallowing and speech are the most impaired thing and he will definitely be going to a nursing home and not home.

Linda Bennett, Gary's wife, is a coordinator for an agency that helps get this stuff set up. It turns out she is the one who found the right place for Aunt Mary Lou and got all her care and financial stuff arranged. MaryLou, Jennie and Jimmy came to visit yesterday and had nothing but absolute praise for her organization and services. She is getting started on dad's stuff today.

Mom is accepting the fact that Dad will not be coming home and it is difficult for her, but she realizes that she cannot care for him and has acknowledged that she couldn't care for him or keep the house up even before.

I will let you know when services are arranged and a facility is chosen. I am sure Mom would appreciate any calls or notes anyone can send. I have the direct number to the room, but I left it down in my car right now. I can send it if anybody wants it.

And added: Editing to add: I did not call Mom today (I am always the bad daughter, it's accepted). Heather called and talked to Mom and she said Dad refused to eat today. I am going to call in the morning and see if Mom thinks I ought to give it a try. He ate dinner pretty well from me yesterday when he had refused to eat lunch from Mom. Just my luck - I'm the one who can't stand doing that kind of thing! I am willing to do what it takes, though.

Now adding: I hate to miss work, especially because Donna, my coordinator, felt really bad today and will probably take off tomorrow, and Thursday is the deadline forSunday auction ads and always very busy. If I call Mom 1st thing in the morning, though and get on the road by 10:00, I can get there by lunch, see if Dad will take food from me and then drive back in time to get Michael to cello lesson and to his DATE tomorrow night, probably. I will just call Mom in the morning and see how it is going.

Now my own selfish self: One of my auctioneers - the place where I bought my couch and Eames bench - has a huge collection of documents, scores and manuscripts from a very well-known opera singer and scholar of Jewish music - Marko Rothmuller. He said his regular crowd probably won't know a thing about it and he'd probably end up throwing it away. I told him I put in a bid for $10 - he'd better not throw it away. When I Googled the deceased I found that the widow had donated much of his stuff to the Jewish Theological Seminary in New York and their web site makes it seem like a wonderful thing that they have that part of the collection. I guess he left this stuff to his son, who no longer wants it. I emailed the JTS to let them know it is going up for sale and see if they want to buy it. If they don't I will try to buy it and sort it out and see if it is just crap or maybe the real thing that could be valuable. I don't know what my deal is lately with getting the family documents and now wanting these. I guess it is just history, and real and I don't think it should be neglected. If I had chosen a minor in college it would have been history and I took Latin American history and Jewish history classes. I guess it is an indicator that my big projects were about the roles of families in the lives of the conquistadors, and the role of women in families and the economy in Jewish history prior to the diaspora (when the Jews became more scattered across Europe). Or maybe I am just nuts to think of one more thing in which to be interested and spend all that extra time I have!

I planned to bake mo Mo' Buttah cookies tonight, but it is too late now. Then tomorrow who knows what will happen. I have an idea that maybe it is the eggs reacting with the molasses so I will try the next step of an egg substitute and see if that solves the green problem! If not - maybe I will just have to market those cookies as "A sweet way to eat your greens!"

And now for something completely different:

Heather's Wizard of Oz and Wicked Collection and Display.

I like these figures.

Heather and Kassie Kitty

This little country-looking tray I have intended to update for a LONG TIME!

Updated version - decoupaged with new paper.

What I plan to use it for: I have realized that although I don't like clutter I am a piler. Somehow, however, my piles seem more acceptable to me if contained in a tray or basket.

And especially for Deanna - Michael's new wound today. He is worried it will make proper thumb position difficult. He earned $30 for his recording gig the other day. I guess he is a professional cellist now.

Sunday Dad update:

I really felt like he was going to die, but I am glad I was wrong. I went and got Michael and I drove to Lafayette very fast, which is unlike me. When we arrived he was awake, but his speech was extremely unintelligible and seemed like nonsense to me. The neurologist had already been and had said they could do nothing right now because of his high BP, but scheduled more scans and tests for tomorrow.

The list of injuries includes:
Lacerated/abrasion on right forearm - was bandaged but appears preety big, no stitches, however.
Abrasion on left leg
Bruises on back and shoulder
Extreme shoulder pain on the side where he landed, but no broken bones.

Later in the day the nurse gave him some Tylenol and he had a lot of trouble swallowing, so they called in a therapist who specializes in swallowing (?) and she did some tests on what he could swallow. She decided he could swallow thick liquids as it was the speed that regular liquid went down that choked him. So he got some dinner that was tomato soup and whipped potatoes and some soda that they thickened with a special stuff...

I took Mom to the cafeteria and fed her and we went to the house to get her medicine and let her change clothes and get magazines and stuff. When we returned to the hospital and went up to Dad's room he had eaten the dinner and was much more alert and his speech was more clear. He seemed a lot more cognizant of his surroundings and who I was.

So here's the plan: Michael doesn't want to miss school tomorrow so we came home. Heather already had the day off work tomorrow so Mom and I are asking her to return to Lafayette (she's in Blgtn right now, at the Ben Folds concert) and stay with Mom when the social worker comes and all that. We are pretty sure he will need nursing home care. Mom already couldn't keep him cared for and keep up the house when he was even somewhat ambulatory. There is no way she can care for him now. Tuesday, Heather can return to work and I will take that day off and go back up and see if Mom needs more assistance emotionally, logistically, whatever and hope for the best. So we have at least the next two days covered of reminding Mom to eat, take her medicine and helping with nursing home/ care assistance etc... After that, I think it will depend what the scans and tests show and how the injuries are healing and we will just have to wait and see. I do have more vacation days I can take now, even though I would rather not, but it may not be my choice.

This is all happening at a difficult time for me. Michael is getting the overwork stress/ depression/illness he felt last year and I am trying to set some boundaries to keep him healthy. Some things are taking off for Hope's Homemades - possible use of a licensed kitchen rented at a VERY inexpensive rate so I could actually start legally producing goods or at least samples, and a couple of marketing opportunities to distribute said samples and information and also to gather more people for email list and/or mailings when ready for full operation. Time once more for that GOOD "P" word. PRIORITIES.

Dad Update:

He said he didn't hit his head when he fell, but they X-rayed it anyway and said he has bleeding on the brain. They haven't said surgery or no surgery. They have said they can't do anything right now because his blood pressure is really high. At this point I am going to stay here until morning and try to get some sleep. Heather is supposed to call me tonight if it looks like I need to get up there more quickly. I think I will go get Michael on the way up if it looks serious, that this might be it.

Here's my psychosis left from my childhood. I planned to go up this weekend and help in the house some more. I decided I couldn't go until tomorrow so I could work on my own house and do the shopping and stuff today, and even then, only if I felt like I got enough done. Even though I have told him over and over again not to go up and down those stairs I feel like it's my fault because if I had gone up there today to help he wouldn't have done it. :(

Drama.

Dad fell down the stairs and Mom had to call the ambulance. Heather is on her way there to assess the situation and then she is supposed to call me. I had been considering going there tomorrow to do some work before I went to Indy to get Michael... just this evening I thought maybe I should bring Mom and Dad down for a few days and let them have a break from their house. Maybe if Dad doesn't have to stay in hospital we can still do that. I must be optimistic to think that I can do it for a week, but maybe that's telling me something. I could put them to work during the days identifying the pictures that I have piled in the "unknown" section and Dad can watch all the CSI he wants.

I went and did lots of shopping today to buy mostly household stuff. I have a paranoia about running out of laundry detergent, fabric softener, toilet paper, dish soap and stuff like that and it was time for a refill. I also got a nice cardigan at Goodwill and a very nice cotton blanket at Opportunity House. Katie came with me and got some stuff she has needed for a while, but has been loathing the idea of buying. She also found a pair of jeans at OPP House and she really needs some new clothes with winter coming on.

Well, I would like to blog a little more, but I feel like I need to go get some stuff done in case I end up on the road for the rest of the weekend or with extra people here. Most of it is stuff I need to do anyway - you should see my list for today. Even I am overwhelmed by today's list and realize I am going to have to recognize the futility of the bad "p" word and that I can't accomplish everything I want every day. I guess the "p" word for right now is PRIORITIZE!

I will return and report on dad's condition and/or injuries.

Got some blues going on...

Joann Shaw Taylor playing blues guitar on another tab. It keeps pausing, however and is a little nutty!

Worked hard today, accomplished a lot, felt good about it.

Michael went downtown and recorded something with some guy. He didn't have a good answer as to what kind of music they played so it must defy all genres. He's supposed to get a copy when the CD is done so we'll see. I guess kid has worked his way up to uncredited studio musician? That's a good step on the ladder, right? As long as you don't stay there forever, I guess.

Michael's gone to Ed's and I am tired so I have just been doing my mellow mix of housework and computering... a little EASY crafting thrown in, but a project I have wanted to do for a long time. Heather is gone back up to Indy. She had to work at a concert tonight, "The Kings of Leon." I don't know much about them.

Tomorrow's plans will be weather dependent. It is the weekend of the Lotus World music festival, which is an amazing Bloomington event. There are a lot of bands and musicians you can see, or at least HEAR without paying. If the weather is nice it is fun to just go stroll around and see people and hear snippets here and there. One year I met up with some friends on accident and they were in a wild mood and got me dancing and we had fun. I kind of like going alone, though, so I can hear and see what I want to hear and see, without having to be considerate of anyone else's desires.

It's after 1:00 and I meant to have my midnight bedtime goal tonight, but I have felt good....

I am reading a book written by a girl I knew in HS. "Jesus Land" by Julia Scheeres. Interesting because it seems like she had a completely different perception of our school and community than I did. I kind of wish I hadn't found out about her memoirs before I have completed mine, but it is compelling and now I can't stop. I was friends with one of her brothers and acquainted with her other brother and her, who were both two years behind me in school. I went to their house at least once, and maybe more and spent time with her brother Jerome, who is one year younger than I, and also sat with him on the bus a lot. The younger brother, David, died in a car crash a few years ago and Jerome is in prison. I knew he was on his way to trouble because he lived in the Cary Home for Boys for a while when my Aunt Mary Lou was a house mother and she told me when he was convicted and sent to jail later. I really liked him in HS and he treated me with respect. It is difficult to read Julia's account of life with him, because according to her, he raped her and often... and I know his imprisonment is for rape. It was hard to imagine it was true when I knew that and now to read Julia's account is difficult. I would NEVER go so far as to say someone is lying and I don't think she is, I believe her. It just hurts to know. It hurts for Julia and it hurts for Jerome, and it hurts for David.... David was in a play once for which I did the make up (I can't remember which show) and I could NOT convince him that he should wear makeup. He was pretty dark brown and he kept trying to tell me there was no way the lights would wash out his color while I kept trying to tell him he HAD to have at least his eyes lined and mascaraed... I can't remember who won in the end! It's deep reading for me, and very personal, but hard to resist just sitting and reading until it's complete so I can see if her description of what was also MY world ever merges more with my memories. So on that note. I am going to go read until I can't hold the book open any longer, I think!

Not a lot to say.

Today is Heather's real birthday. She made a nice dinner while I worked and even baked her own cake and I am planning to eat a piece of it soon! I took Michael to a cello lesson with beautiful Ben and then we came home to a good dinner. Yum. I promised to do every dish without bitching for my part.

I also plan to make pumpkin bread for work tomorrow. Someone bought ONE SLICE for like $2.00 at Starbucks today and I will make an entire large loaf for less than that I am sure. I also want to figure the nutrition information and see how it comes out.

I got a letter from the county that my property taxes haven't been paid. Ummmm.... I have an escrow account and my mortgage payments are caught up. They did send me a letter that there was an escrow shortage this year, but they offered that I could either pay it or they would add it onto the projected amount for this year and I could pa it throughout the year. I thought that was the default so I did nothing so I have to call them tomorrow and see what the heck is going on!

I will return and report on that!

We're out of the woods...

and back from a trip to see the Wizard. For Heather's birthday treat we went to the 70th anniversary of the Wizard of Oz, remastered and in digital Hi-Def on the big screen. It was pretty neat - except for the failure in the signal in the middle of the movie. It took them about 25 minutes to get it together. It was kind of nice for me because I got a break from sitting down which I really needed.

I am TIRED tonight. I am going to feed the fish and get my buns to bed quickly. Read this carefully: I am not even making a list. See how relaxed I can be when necessary? So I am off.

Good night!

Cookies.

I made cookies last night. They were brown when I baked them. Michael came in this morning to ask if he could have some. Then he came back in to ask why they are GREEN. The cookies are my chocolate chip oatmeal recipe adapted to have the fat source as Mo' Buttah, a product my friend Joy is developing. This Mo' Buttah was sunflower spice and she said it was a little too spicy with cayenne so she gave me a big container to play with. Eventually we would like to develop some vegan baked goods featuring Mo' Buttah as the fat. Last night's first step was subbing for the regular butter I usually use. I still want to go the step further and use an egg sub.

So why in the HELL did my cookies turn green? I suspect it is because one of the ingredients in Mo' Buttah is Blackstrap molasses. Natural molasses is very high in mineral content. I looked on FitDay and one tablespoon of molasses has 5% of the RDA of copper.
I bet the copper oxidized overnight because of the moisture in the cookies. It may be that I cannot use the Mo-Buttah as the fat source, but find an alternate vegan fat source and have to use Mo ' Buttah as a filling or something. The reason for using Mo' Buttah is because it is more nutritive than regular peanut or sunflower butter. One of the reasons Joy is developing it is because she wants her company to have two sides - the profit side will enable her to have a non-profit side by which Mo-Buttah is distributed at low or no cost to nutrition programs and such to benefit populations which have trouble affording nutritious food. She has much more admirable reasons than my desire to make a lot of money doing something fun... Interesting, huh?

Michael cleaned off most of his crap on the table and washed his dishes. I had to tell him to get the water bottles too and then we were good. I am glad I didn't have to do the "something bad" I threatened this morning. I said. "I need all your stuff cleaned off the table before I get home tonight or something bad is going to happen." He asked, "What if I stay after school to do something?" I replied, "I guess you better come home after school." He did.

My next thing I am going to do is in writing because I express myself better that way. I am going to tell him how concerned I am for his physical and mental health and that he has to choose to drop one activity. Today I even considered if I should just tell him to graduate early. He already has enough credits. I realized however, that because he is taking so many AP classes he would lose the opportunity to take those tests and get college credits at lower cost than it is at school. PLUS it makes it so you don't have to take so many credits each semester to graduate in the four years. I think that really helped Emily.

Mysteries of life... green cookies and teenage time management.

I spent quite a bit of time tonight working on the picture and document sorting. There is some kind of musical multi-class reunion at Mom and Dad and Heather's HS this weekend and I knew I had a few pictures of bands and stuff like that so I got those together and put them in plastic protectors and a folder so Heather can take them back with her. I also put lots of documents and letters and stuff in the protectors. Every little bit I get done I feel better, but I am kind of sad that I didn't get to work on the front porch project tonight. It is SO CLOSE to complete. One tiny little thing that needs done takes so much work, though. For example, covering where I scratched the paint when I put in the knob... Get out the paint, get out the drill, put the paint mixer thing in the drill, open the paint, mix the paint, get a little brush, paint the scratch, wait long enough to see if it needs another coat, maybe another coat or two, then put the paint away, wash the paint mixer, wash the paintbrush, put everything away, clean up the counter where paint splashed while washing the stuff... so like an hour to paint over one stinking scratch! Sigh... I guess I will set Saturday as my goal completion date and just keep trying. Tomorrow is Heather's birthday surprise, Thursday is cello lesson, Friday is exhaustion.... more sighs. Oh well, I guess if that is a big trial in my life, I am a lucky person.

Gotta go do some STUFF, trying to hit bed before midnight. I hope I make it closer than last night. I think that was about 12:30.

Passive Aggressive Parenting

So this is "Michael's Spot" at the table. We actually don't have assigned seats as such, but have fallen into that pattern that is comfortable and good. This is also Michael's pile of crap. All the papers are college recruiting material, as far as I know. Sometimes he really gets something good, like the letter that said he had qualified as an AP Honors Scholar. Who knows how long it actually sat in a pile like this.
Also note the dirty dishes and water bottles...I think the water bottles have been there at least four days - maybe the one on the far left longer than that. It even has a mate, but now the mate has been knocked to the floor. The plate on the left? Well Michael usually sits on the right, but it was so crappy that he moved over to the left for dinner tonight and then left ANOTHER set of dishes on the table.

Actually, I haven't even been that passive - having sworn to begin aggressive parenting from now on. Last night I said something like, "Michael I really need you to move the pile of stuff from the table before I start to get really upset and either totally passive aggressive or totally irritable and bitchy." There was no hinting about it. That's about as open as you can get. Tomorrow I am going to tell him if he doesn't get his stuff off the table I am going to dump it in his bed and he will have to remove all of it and wash his own damn dishes before he can go to bed.

The soda can is Heather's. I need to tell her the table is getting on my nerves and she better do her part to keep the peace before I start blogging about her too!

Front Porch

Beautification is nearly complete! I am so excited. Soon it will be complete and I will show you the before and after pics. Installing a deadbolt is easy. Installing a knob - there are a couple of screws that are hard to get to line up. I had to do a little repainting and then scratched the repainting a little bit so I will have to repaint my repainting.

I also went to the motorcycle races today. The orchestra runs a concession stand during the races as a fund raiser. It rained. It rained. Oh, and did I mention that it rained? We had awnings to stand under and it really wasn't that bad. I had a two hour shift, but stayed about three and a half. Ms. G. went to go watch a former student race and I just stayed on because I felt like none of the other parents there had a clue about how things were supposed to work.

Michael is so overwhelmed and Science Olympiad hasn't started yet, and somehow he thinks he is going to be able to fit it in. I just really can't fathom how he believes this, when he already doesn't accomplish what he wants in terms of cello practice and homework, etc. Every time I say, "Look, you haven't completed this or this or this the way you like he still says he can do it. I may have to just put my foot down and say absolutely no. I am so mixed on what to do.

Sigh...

Yes, it is true.

I did not blog last night!

I watched a movie, "Rabbit-Proof Fence" which I highly recommend, and then, and then, and then... I slept. Like normal hours, like a normal person. The bad thing was I fell asleep without taking my medicine and my glucose was 122 when I got up this morning, but even that is not outrageous.

I did a lot of stuff today - More furniture moving, groceries, installed the new deadbolt, laundry, reading, took a nap, went to the dump, TOOK a dump (haha!), and now I am baking cookies to take to an orchestra fund raiser tomorrow.

Then I am going to go out and do something fun! It's on my list so I HAVE to do it, right? I realized today as I made my list that as much as I enjoy a clean house and baking and having food, I needed to do something for ME today. Tomorrow will bed dedicated to fund raiser, then pick up Michael, then probably more house stuff - like installing the doorknob part of the front porch beautification project. Plus I actually need to take the deadbolt back out and paint under the edges. It doesn't quite cover the same area as the old one and I do NOT want to get purple paint on the new one!

So - gotta go check cookies!

Favorite things.

Keep reading below to find out about the chair. You know, I love design, style and decorating. Thinking, reading watching TV shows and DOING are some of my favorite activities.

Okay, I know "the best things in life aren't things." I'm posting this anyway, so there. This is one of my favorite things in the world - liquid fabric softener. My loyalty and love switches from brand to brand and from fragrance to fragrance so it is just a love of fabric softener in general. It is interesting that I rarely buy Downy, which I swear in the old days was the only kind of fabric softener, or maybe I think so because that is what my mom always used. I love the way it makes clothes smell and feel. I have a wonderful memory of last year sometime I was napping or didn't feel well or something... and got cold. Michael took a fresh cotton blanket (another favorite thing) out of the closet and brought it to me and it smelled and felt so good I felt happier and better immediately. I decided to share this because I was writing an email to Ann and had to go catch the rinse cycle. I love liquid fabric softener so much that if I miss the rinse cycle I will usually run it again to add fabric softener. Environment be damned! I WILL have nice smelling, soft and static-free clothes! It is fortunate, however that I seem to have some kind of sixth sense about the rinse cycle, so that rareley happens.

This is my current bottle - "Beach Flowers" Suavitel. I don't think it is my favorite scent ever - I think that is probably "Field Flowers." It is pretty darn good, though!

My new sofa and bench. The sofa is a brand called "Old Hickory, I think. or maybe it's "North HIckory." I haven't looked it up yet, so I don't know anything about it. I can tell it is well made and it is extremely comfortable. I had SO mentally outgrown having a futon in the living room and have wanted a new sofa for SO long! This is just wonderful to me. I would like to have it reupholstered in a contemporary fabric that has some spirals or swirls of color, to emphasize the curves in the furniture. I can't remember how much I wrote about the sofa before, but here are some pluses, in decorating terms.

*My "great room" area has almost all straight lines and squares, with the exception of a few accessories. I had already decided that it needed some curves to be more visually interesting. When he first saw the sofa, Michael was a little incredulous and said he wasn't sure he liked it at all. Then he looked at the large wall sconce and the curves and realized the two curves as opposites will complement each other and really add interest to the room. I have even considered making the entrance into the hallway into an arch to get some curves in there. This was certain a lot easier and cheaper!

* If you've seen my tile floor, the colors are blue, purple, green and the accent colors are white and YELLOW! Even if I have to leave the sofa yellow for a while before I can afford upholstery, I think it will be okay. The problem with me having a light-colored couch, however, is that I have never been a "keep your feet off the sofa" kind of mom, hostess or person! The yellow kind of scares me. I don't want it to get nasty looking, but I don't want to freak out all the time, either. I will have to find a balance.

*My house and "great room" are rather small, compared to most recently-built homes. The fact that this sofa has no flap covering the legs and front side down to the floor and lets you see the floor.... makes the room appear larger and less crowded.

* The wood in the sofa legs and the bench are a nice, warm tone. I have always really liked the trim in my house and its warm tone. The great room furniture before had all been blond wood and mission-style furniture. That is all going in the purple room formerly known as Emily's room now. That makes sense because the computer desk and the TV cabinet are already in there. I still need a book case or corner piece in a nice warm wood tone for the great room. I will have to go to more auctions. I saw one at Target tonight that would be good, but it costs $55. I'd rather go see if I can get one for five or ten dollars at an auction now!

*The bench - the first type of bench I was thinking of when I got this is called a Nelson bench, designed by the architect, George Nelson. This is actually a Danish modern style bench that is probably an Eames. There is no brand name mark or sticker on it, but it is probably authentic based on the era of the furniture from the estate and the quality and features of the bench - like the edge of each slat is angled, not just flat, and it has metal endcaps on each leg. Here is a website that pictures one: http://www.worthpoint.com/worthopedia/eames-era-danish-modern-wooden-slat-table I wonder if there was no company trademark or anything on the furniture because almost all the ones I found (or my friend Laura from HS found for me) just say "Eames Era" or "mid-century." It's no wonder I would love this table because I also love the pressed plywood Eames chairs - so much that I bought a child-size replica and use it for a stand for my fan in my room. I should go take a picture of it, bit it would put it at the top.... well, maybe I will anyway.

This is kind of the whole scene right now. I still need to move the futon frame and the bookcase to the purple room. It's going to be a little messy until I get everything settled. I hope I can do it quickly and on the cheap. I want to complete my front porch beautification project - it's being held up by an unwise door knob purchase that needs corrected. After the porch is complete I will start on the great room, and eventually that will also include back door beautification. Buying things second hand can have its drawbacks. The doors have places in them where the previous owners had put hardware and hung curtains, and also some poorly done repairs so the repairs need repaired. I also need to decide to leave them wood-tone or paint. I am thinking wood tone now with these new purchases... the "wood" (it's wood grained plastic) is a little off, but maybe I can find or create a treatment to make it as warmly toned as the other stuff.

Well I still have three things on my list to accomplish and one of them is to write down checks. Ha! It will probably take me until midnight just to do that! Midnight is the bedtime goal. I was close last night - 12:20, and went to sleep fairly quickly without pharmaceutical intervention. Cutting wood does a girl in!

Copy of email

Dr. Appt.

I went again today. He looked back at my very first page in my chart and said I have lost 37 pounds since I started seeing him. I thought I was more around 30, but I'll take it!

I bought some more new bras and had my khaki skirt that I love taken in at the waist by a woman at work who tailors on the side.

I told myself I wouldn't measure my waist again until I hit 180 pounds but I am dying to do it. Maybe that will be my encouragement to keep on going.

We talked about my sleep problems and my lack of motivation to exercise. He really wants me to add that component in. He says it will help my energy levels and the sleep problem to have more activity. I believe him. I lost weight last time by walking my ass off, literally. I told him I had quit the Y because I can't afford it anymore and he said he will write a letter recommending that they give me a scholarship because it is medically necessary.

He also wants me to see a shrink some more. I know I am certainly having anxiety troubles and fear about being skinny and possibly being sexually attractive again. I don't know if I am smart enough yet to stay away from abusive men and that scares me.

My BP is good, I've been tracking my sugars and they are better than ever and I have now officially cut the dosages of three medicines in half.

It all sounds so positive. I hate that it is so frightening psychologically. The past two nights in a row I have had dreams that I have had paint or makeup all over me. In one I did it on purpose and it felt very erotic and exciting. The one last night I was in the orchestra director's bathroom throwing up and having diarrhea at the same time uncontrollably, all over the floor and walls and just horrible. I tried to grab some toilet paper to wipe my face and when I did, I discovered there was purple paint all over my face. I decided the dreams probably reflect both my excitement and fear at losing weight and wonder if it's going to stick, if it's the real me or if I will just get fat again like I did last time.

Hope

Auctioning

I just went to an auction and got a kick-ass couch for $25. A woman told me it has a down cushion and that she had to have a cushion made for her couch that is like the one I bought and the cushion alone cost $400.

I also bought a cool bench. I know there's a name for the style of bench, but I can't remember it. I think it's named after an architect, rather than a designer, but I could be wrong.

Now I need to fins some groovy fabric and either learn to upholster or hire someone.

I am so excited.

Please ignore messy house in pictures. I actually cooked dinner for my son tonight like a real mom, but then didn't stay home and wash dishes!

One thing that excites me about it is that I have always loved straight, clean lines. I have been thinking lately however, that I need to have a unexpected curve or swirl here or there to add visual interest - even thinking of turning the entrance into the hallway into an arch shape - I think the couch, with its straight legs, but the curved line of the back will add some interest.

I only went to the auction because of my research project about how we can increase our advertising revenue. I decided part of my research is to see how the auction world works and who the readers are. I have only been to two other auctions in my life. One with Judith, where I bought the mirror that hangs in my living room and a cook book and one at a different auction barn where it was so smoky from cigarettes we couldn't stay too long.

This was a really good experience and I have wanted a new couch for SO long. Now I will move the bed either out of the purple room or find a groovy wasy to rearrange it so the bed AND the futon are in here and we don't have to lie in bed or sit on the floor to watch movies.

AND Katie chatted up a guy and he brought it home for me and I think we might have dates for this weekend too! :)

The Reluctant Party-goer Reports

Lisa and John's HUGE Firepit! I can't believe this is actually legal in Carmel, but no cops came and busted us. Carmel regulates EVERYTHING to make sure it is pretty. See the green flames? John threw copper bars in there and it made all these funky blue and green flames.
Lisa, our beautiful hostess. See once again how I am cursed with beautiful friends? And they are all even NICE to go with it.
Birthday Boy, John. His shirt lit up in sync with the sound or something.
John the birthday boy again, playing with fires, as boys ALWAYS do!
MaryAnne - she has been a good friend to Lisa for MANY years, through lots of thick and thin!
Heather - in the Bouncey house!
Action shot of Olivia, Lisa and John's niece, in the Bouncy House!
Lisa's Aunt Diane - I've met her before at other functions and I wish I would have spent more time talking to her this weekend.
Still shot of Olivia and (Addie?).
John's mom and his brother, Bernard. One year Bernard had me convinced that he and John were twins. I was surprised and delighted that Mom Vaughn had so much fun with karaoke, and she was also kind of a picture hog. I can see where the boys get it! It was cute.
Heather.

So in the end I had a good time. I was really shy when I first arrived and Lisa and John were doing party giver things, like mingling and all that. One of Lisa's friends just got a new dog, and it was cute, I'll admit it, but she let the dog, a little Pomeranian, get on the table while they were eating or right afterward and eat off their plates. It was extremely disgusting and upsetting to me. I had to look away, yet I kept looking back, that car wreck rubbernecking thing, I guess. This is a perfectly civilized woman, I know, we've hung out at Lisa's house before... It's just my dog thing, you know....

My favorite parts of the party were:

The bounce house
Karaoke
Taking pictures,
The big fire,
that Heather came and I had a pal
fried chicken
cake
Aunt Diane's lemon bars
Just a good chance to see John and Lisa again, even though we didn't get a lot of time to hang out and chat.
Mary Anne and I talked for just a little bit, and it was nice to get to know her a teeny bit better. She has been a big part of Lisa's life, but we haven't intersected very much. We should try to get the three of us together for a Girl's Night out or something.

So much for bed at a decent hour...

Mom called and said for them to finish filling out applications for services they have to have their birth certificates. She is convinced I took them... I said no, I have your HS Diploma, but I do not have birth certificates. So I had to be the good daughter and search through four or five boxes of stuff just to make sure. Sigh. I had planned on doing it a little at a time - you know - my method for everything. One night my only goal toward it was to label the drawers! I ended up doing a little more that night and that was rewarding but I am very tired from the weekend up in Indy, not sleeping in my own bed, no nap today, plus a SERIOUS blood sugar crash - down to 61 - and blah, blah, blah. So now I must go to bed.

Quinoa as pasta salad was a big hit and it's the only grain that contains all the amino acids.

Give it a shot.

Guilt Party

I am kind of hesitant to post this, but at the same time I know that if Lisa and I were talking I would say it out loud and she would totally understand. I am only going to John's birthday party because I will feel guilty if I don't. I would so much rather stay home and work on the house and yard and nap and read. Parties are so hard for me. It's not like I'll be able to sit and chat with John and Lisa for a long time. They will be busy hosting and doing all that stuff. So I will be with a bunch of people I don't know, trying not to eat too much, feeling anxious and trying not to have a panic attack. I couldn't really invite anyone from Bloomington to go with me because I need to stay all night in Indy and Heather has to work at a concert, so she probably won't be done until long after I am reayd to leave the party. Here are the good things: Lisa mentioned "Bounce House" in the invite and I want to try it if I am not too fat. It has been a long time since I have done one of those and used to love it. I have met some of their friends now at other parties and one night when we had dinner with a small group and then others came over and played games so maybe I will not be SUCH an oddball. I plan to make some good, healthful food to take and share and I enjoy feeding people. It's casual, so I don't have to stress too much about what to wear )even though every day is stressful now because even my freaking underwear don't fit right!). I have a good book and a movie from Netflix I am going to take and if I get too freaked out I will just sneak out and go to Heather's and have some alone time. Lisa will understand if I have to do that - we've known each other so long! Also I got John what I think is a really good birthday present and I am looking forward to finding out if I am correct.

I think the thing that is hardest for me is losing all this time at home because I really do love my time at home - whether it be sleeping or cleaning or mowing or whatever! I have more things I'd like to do to complete the front porch and by staying all night I lose all of tomorrow where I could be doing that! It would just be so wasteful of gas and money and environmental impact to drive back. With the way I am so fatigued lately it would be extra hard.

I may ask Leah if I can take a day off work this week, or maybe half a day to do some of that stuff. I just need home time SO badly.

I need to go get started on the food. I hope it turns out well. I also need to wrap John's gift which could be time-consuming....I have an idea for nice homemade gift wrap I will probably do, damn creativity! Maybe I'll end up tossing it in a bag. We'll see!

More tomorrow, I guess.

Evil Empire

I went to the Evil Empire tonight and did that thing it seems like I have to do about every other month where I spend about a hundred dollars on little essential stuff. Pens, the new fish tank, some smaller sports bras, a couple of binders to put some of the documents in, fondant to make the bacon for my chocolate bacon cake.... It all adds up so quickly. I didn't even get any real groceries tonight!

I planned to go to Women Inspire breakfast meeting tomorrow morning, but it keeps sounding hard, which makes me realize I really don't want to go. I'd rather stay home and work on my house and yard and cook some good food to take to Lisa's. It's John's 40th birthday... Then I plan to stay all night at Heather's because I have to pick Michael up and bring him home Sunday evening. There's no sense in driving back and forth again. I don't know what I plan to do all day Sunday. Heather is singing in church and I would like to go hear her, but I cannot make myself sit for three hours of church! Maybe I will only go to the sacrament meeting part. I could also go walk the grounds at the art museum or along the canal or go to Fort Harrison and do a trail or something.

Fishy water is dechlorinating and I think it is supposed to take about 20 minutes. Then I am going to relocate fishies, skip everything else on the list and go to bed. I slept for a little while this afternoon after work, but this week has exhausted me!

Michael got news from College Board People. I hoped it might be that he is a semi-finalist. So far we know he at least has a letter of commendation, that is the same level Emily got. We haven't heard anything else yet. Instead it was his notification that he achieved the AP Scholar award for last year. (Everybody please note, Emily ALSO received that - see Emily I want them to know you are smart, too!)

Ugh. I need to go get another drink of water to wash down that last pill and then move the fishies. They will be very happy to see the world again, I think!

Sorting things out.

On my list for this evening I had "Label Drawers for pictures" and "Bring one box to purple room". I also had "Bed by 11:00" Once I brought that box to the purple room and labeled the drawers I couldn't stop myself from sorting it! So one box is sorted. I decided to start with Pechin/Fairchild, Holt, Unknown, and Documents.

Everybody LABEL YOUR PICTURES. Write on the back when you get prints!

I found a nice letter Bobby wrote home from his mission. I hope I can get time tomorrow to scan it and send it to Karen. Work has been SO crazy busy that I don't have much faith in that happening. Sigh.

I should be eating something right now. I have found that my sugar is usually lower in the morning when I have had a snack, even if it is a sweet snack. (Yay!)

I think I am taking Wash one window sill off the list... that can be done later. I just want to do it as part of the Front Porch Beautification Project.

I caught the big spider tonight and was disappointed to find she is not a real Black Widow. It sounded so scary and exciting. I can just imagine that she is some other terrifying venomous type of spider, yet to be discovered, I guess... and I captured one! Maybe they will name the species Leeperellus Arachnidus or something....

So off to get a snack and get ready for bed.

Carnage and Death on 9/9/9

Okay, yes, I know I am supposed to be in bed, BUT...I innocently went outside to water some beautiful blooms, part of the front porch beautification project and came across this scene of carnage and death, worthy of CSI, Bloomington.
Bodies strewn about everywhere, sucked dry of their precious bodily fluids. A quarter emphasizes the size of the monster killer, too cocky to leave the scene and create an alibi.
Front porch beautification will need another round of crime scene clean-up and evidence collecting before this "Black Widow" escapes!
Just look at her in all her glory, gloating over her innocent victims. The horror, the fear. CSI Bloomington will have it all under control before the "after" shots of the porch beautification project. We'll flush every siding overlap and every corner trim to find this carnivorous predator's daytime hiding space and I am pretty sure she has committed some capital crimes.

Purpling...

Coat one is complete on the front door. I think it will only take two coats. I haven't closed it all the way yet. It is still a little tacky and I don't want the paint to stick to the rubber door seal and get pulled off when I open the door tomorrow!

I got a late start because I stayed at work until almost 7:00. It was a HECK of a day. I worked and worked and worked.... I did take a lunch because they made me. Of course then I stayed and worked an hour and a half off the clock and I am about to log in and answer some emails! I can hardly accomplish my work in 40 hours each week and even though Monday was pleasant I still have the same amount of work to accomplish in 32 hours - probably more because Joyce who helps me a lot is on vacation, which leaves Pam, who also helps me a lot, doing the work of two people already. There is also a special feature on Sunday for Grandparents' day and of course guess who took the most ads... and they are labor intensive. I just hope I don't screw anything up. Speaking of screwing up - yesterday I took an ad for a free dog and instead of putting the customer's phone number in the ad I put my direct line phone number! Huge portions of my day were wasted giving people who called the correct phone number and answering voice mails from people to give them the correct phone number. I have changed it for tomorrow's paper, but I bet when I get in in the morning there will be at least 20 messages for the damn dog! Sigh... that's one mistake from which I suffered direct consequences. Ugh. (Still kind of funny).

Okay going to go do some email things, some dishes things, some keep the fish alive things and then get to bed! I hope before 11:00 tonight. We'll see.

Cheesecakes:

If I make a vanilla cheesecake using sugar and cut it into 12 pcs. Each piece has:
394 calories
28 grams of fat
31 grams of carbs
7 grams of protein.

If I use the same recipe and use Splenda in the filling, but still use sugar in the crust:
335 calories
28 grams of fat
16 grams of carbs
7 grams of protein

Calories is not that big of a difference because so many of them come from fat, but for a diabetic who is "pumping" insulin and has to count grams of carbs or is on the exchange diet and has to count units (15 g of carbs per unit) it's twice as many per piece to use sugar. Probably quite a difference, especially for people who use fast acting insulin.

Plus - if you top it with fresh fruit, it also has carbs to be accounted for, even though it is natural sugar it's still a carb!

PIctures of breakfast...

No not really! Pictures of dinner! My friend Jill complained about how boring Facebook is and the mudane things people post about - like pictures of breakfast! I post food pictures all the time, now that I have my camera! I hope it is because I am a culinary artist and not boring as hell.

This was dinner tonight, taco salad on our favorite corn and flax seed chips from Trader Joe's, veggie crumbles taco "meat" and homemade salsa from Deanna's garden! Oh and more tomatoes from my garden! And Gillian gave me the Fiesta Ware! and I got placemat from Freecycle! What a group effort for a lovely dinner.

Now I am off to go begin sanding the front door. Fun times. I meant to weed tonight too, but tomorrow is another day.

Copies of emails

I made banana bread and brought it to work today. I swear it is the best batch of banana bread I have EVER made:

From: Hope L Sent: Tuesday, September 08, 2009 11:13 AM
To: Gillian F
Subject: I am twisted and bitter

When Pam makes cookies from a freakin’ MIX, Shawn pigs out all day and tells the world how wonderful they are.

Have you noticed that every time I make something it’s always happens to be a day he decides to suddenly start counting points again?

I noticed this about the time of the “Cash Bash.”

He will not eat food I make. It’s his loss, I guess, but it really pisses me off for some reason because it is so petty.

Hope E. L

Gillian's Reply:

I haven’t noticed the timing of his point counting and your food, but I really understand, especially because I think of food giving as a flow of love and if it feels thwarted then your flow feels blocked. I am really sensitive to this. I’m sorry.

Labor Day.

I labored!

I completed a project that should have taken two hours and somehow it took a year for me to get through. I had a shirt that I received when volunteering at an event. It is a nice, long-sleeved, denim shirt. It had an advertising logo over the pocket - not a bad one WTIU, our PBS station, just not something I want to wear all the time. Also the sleeves were WAY long on me and when I did wear it I had to double roll up the cuffs and it was silly. A woman at work, Sue, wears this style of denim shirts frequently, many of them with cute little things embroidered on the collar or something. Sue is also much taller than I am and the shirt would fit her better. I decided I needed to put something cute on the shirt instead of the WTIU logo and give it to Sue. It has honestly taken me a freaking year to accomplish this task! But it is done. I can't wait to give it to her tomorrow.

I also had on my list to wash and sand the door today to get it ready for painting, but that didn't happen. I did finally get it washed this evening, but sanding is another day. I can't believe how dirty it looks even after being washed. It will be a good thing to paint it a darker/brighter color.

I also weeded one entire bed and my favorite/experimental patch of lawn.

I also read about 40 pages in my new book.

I also took a nap.

I also made only homemade food today, including some protein and veggies.

I still want to call Mom and Dad tonight (better do that soon) and bake banana bread.

The things that were on my list that haven't been accomplished was to spray paint some garden fencing , figure out the fish situation - the tank started leaking and they are living in plastic cups, and start the photo sorting process. I may still work on the photos tonight while the bed bakes. We'll see.

I relaxed!

Dinner tonight - grape tomatoes all from our garden, with rosemary, thyme and basil, all from our garden, dressed with olive oil, balsamic vinegar, salt and pepper and served on a bed of whole wheat penne pasta. I would have added fresh mozzarella, but neither one of us wanted to go to the store. Michael added some grated asiago to his, but I had a VEGAN dinner tonight!

Michael's biggest souvenir from Japan.
After the races they do lots of trading and gifting.
A mechanic on one of the Japanese teams gave Michael his jumpsuit!
Notice his name tag in Japanese.

Sponsor and college name in English, however.

Michael actually wore this to school earlier this week.

You can't tell so much in these pictures, but it is definitely Japanese-sized.
When Michael sits down or lifts his arms you see lots of leg and wrist!

Well, fairly relaxed. I did take a few ten minute breaks to work on stuff on my list, but I watched a movie! The last time I watched a movie was August 5, when I watched "Doubt." Tonight I watched "Disfigured" on the "Play Now" feature of Netflix. It is a really great movie. I recommend it for anybody with body image issues, no matter what your weight or size. Friends of people with body image issues should also watch it.

I woke up today with a headache and it sucked. For some reason I didn't medicate, however. I fell back into my old, "I ought to be able to beat this" thing. Michael was supposed to pay cello at Fourth Street Festival and then immediately after him Sarah's Swing Set was scheduled. I wanted Sarah to hear Michael play, even though it was in ensemble, and I wanted Michael to hear Sarah sing AND her bassist is the one Ben thinks Michael should also play or study with. At the time, though, it was pouring down rain. They had no tent or awning for the performance space this year - so no string instruments. We just came on home.

Well we stopped at the paint store on the way. I bought my purple paint for my door and my shutters. Woo hoo! Washing the front door has been on my list several times, yet never completed. (See - I am NOT the bad "P" word!). Now that I have all the materials to complete it I will be EXTRA motivated. Perhaps I can finish the front porch beautification project tomorrow! I would be so happy. I still had the headache when we got home and by then I was feeling pukey too. I took some drugs finally and drank some really strong natural ginger ale. I slept for a couple of hours. When I woke up I was slightly disoriented and still alittle headachey. Before I knew what was happening I felt better and went out and cut wood for maybe an hour and pruned the mulberry tree more - so now there is even MORE wood to cut up. I hope it's nice weather tomorrow and I feel well. I am trying to drink a lot tonight to make sure I am hydrated to help fend off the headaches. I'd like to finish the front porch, weed and mow tomorrow. I don't know if I will work more on the wood or not. I might need to wait a couple of days in-between times on that. I know my arms are going to be sore tomorrow.

Tomorrow Michael is going up to Purdue to see their solar bike. I hope he is impressed with their program and decides he will apply to Purdue for a "fall-back" school. I am all for Swarthmore, much more than I was for Harvey Mudd, but I am afraid he won't get accepted. Don't tell him I said that. I think a lot of it will depend on how he does on the subject SAT tests in October. He is extremely gifted at math and physics, but he works very slowly and that can really take a toll on those test scores. I am encouraged that he got a 5 on the Calculus AP exam, so I hope he keeps on rolling...

Emily is working with the pictures from the family photo shoot for me. I think I have decided to make a collage from the best ones. I will probably try to send them out either instead of or with holiday letters this year. So if I can get my act together, maybe not too far in the future.

I can't remember if I posted the pictures of Michael's haircut on here. I will go back and look and if I didn't I will do it tomorrow. I got the hair all ready and addressed and it will be sent to Locks of Love on Tuesday.

Vote for Casey!

Going to bed now.

"For reals" as Emily would say.

Katie, Debbie and I went to karaoke tonight, but I just wasn't into it. I needed the food and enjoyed it, but didn't feel like putting in a second song and staying.

I slept a lot today. Maybe I am just just more fatigued. It was a productive, and somewhat emotional/stressful week at work. I know I am a big, fat whiner, but my left hip feels like the bone is about to poke through the freakin' skin, even in this padded chair. If I lose any more fat off my ass I will have pressure sores from sitting at work! I wish there was some magic way to make it come off the belly first. Sigh.

So off to go take my nighttime meds and bed to get the pressure off my hip.

Messed up cookies...

Computer cookies, that is! It is not remembering my passwords on sites where I have told it to remember me. Sometimes I can't remember what they are!

Good day at work. I got a lot accomplished and felt good about it. I felt like I didn't spend my share of the time with my phone turned on to the rotation, but I had a TON of walk-in customers and problems with auction ads and stuff that just plain happens. I didn't even leave a HUGE mess, jut a normal size mess to return to on Monday.

Katie and I went to the FunnyBone comedy club tonight. She got some free tickets somewhere. It was fun. I was relaxed and really enjoyed it. I really did think some of the jokes were funny, but I just kind of sat and relaxed. One of the guys pointed it out and I just replied, "I'm undemonstrative." He made some kind of joke about that. It was an early show and we didn't go anywhere else so I have been here playing computer and doing little tasks. I still feel nicely relaxed and will probably head off to bed soo, even though my list of tasks is not completed.

I only have a couple of things left to do to finish Sue's shirt. I used iron-on patches and an iron-on backing, but I still want to go around the edges with the sewing machine to make sure everything is secure. That part makes me nervous. I will tackle it over the weekend. I am determined. I would also like to complete the front porch beautification project. I need to wash the front door, sand it lightly and paint it. That means I need to spend money on the paint. I would also like to replace the knob and deadbolt. They are the wrong color plus they are just plain wearing out anyway. To unlock the knob you have to wiggle the key at just the right angles at just the right time... maybe I can get to ReStore tomorrow and see if they have a set on the cheap! It would certainly be easier to paint the door after removing knob and deadbolt and before replacing - no need to be careful - just slop it on! My kind of job.

Michael is sleeping outside - second night this week. I found out there is once again a fall break in the school schedule at the end of October and I have thought of asking off for it. I am afraid Michael will want to go camping in the cold. Ugh. Maybe if he promises to get up and make a roaring fire each morning before I even have to think of getting out of my toasty sleeping bag! We will see on that one!

Tomorrow is a big day for Bloomington with Farmer's Market and Fourth Street Festival of the arts and other special stuff. I'd like to go to Market, but I may avoid downtown and just go to ReStore and run some regular errands. Michael is working at the orchestra booth at the festival tomorrow, but I didn't get signed up to work, so I don't plan to go until Sunday, when the orchestra plays. Then I can look around for crafty ideas to steal...

I post too much.

My "Dashboard" says I have 828 posts! So much for the idea that someday I will print these out and make a paper journal copy of them. It would probably be 1000 pages.

I don't have a lot to say tonight. I was a little irritable this afternoon and I needed to shave some hours to keep off overtime - of course not counting the hour and a half I worked off the clock last night filing and cleaning my desk! I went to lunch at Pizza Hut and the first person I see when I walk in is Shawn - the doesn't like me, thinks I'm negative, Un-friended me guy. He was with Karen and Melissa, sadly. I would have loved to had a chat with them. I really needed the time alone anyway. I sat and wrote down checks in my checkbook, which I haven't done in a long time! I also just relaxed and stayed extra long on purpose. Then I made a bank run (really working on lunch, huh....) and then shopped at Dollar General with a huge purchase of dish soap and something else so trivial I can't remember.

Michael had cello lesson tonight and I napped so deeply while he was in there I didn't even know where I was when I awakened! When we got home I made Michael fend for himself for dinner and then later I ate some crackers and cheese and summer sausage. I don't think I had enough protein today at all - 15 Gram protein shake for breakfast, salad and pizza for lunch - no snack except for some Smarties when I was feeling a little low, and I didn't even really test....

I had quite a few items on my list tonight and they were all simple. All are accomplished except iron the skirt I want to wear tomorrow, blogging, and bed by midnight. I messed that one up again, but it will be soon I promise. The iron is already hot and I have neither wisdom nor humor to pass on tonight!

I managed to put one more thing in the mail today! I also am one step closer to having Sue's shirt completed. I feel really good lately about just the little things. I am glad I can take happiness in little accomplishments. It certainly makes life more fun.