A little better day.

Heather came Friday night and we went out to karaoke VERY late. We had a good time and I felt more relaxed than I had all week.

Yesterday I planned to go in and work for a couple of hours, but didn't. We went to Farmer's Market and I ended up angry with Roma - he had to criticize everything again and you know I LOVE my Farmer's Market Saturdays. then we went to Opp House and Michael actually found a shirt he will wear, which is a big deal. I found some magazines all about miniatures and bought four of them. I still have Emily's unfinished dollhouse which I plan to finish one day - because you know I need more projects.

We went to Indy and Scott and Emily came down from Lafayette and joined us for dinner. It was nice. We ended up missing the fireworks, which I was sad about.. :( We did have a good time, though. Except I was really pissofied after a while. We walked down Massachusetts Ave which is full of unique stores and boutiques and cool things to look at... Roma had to criticize EVERYTHING, how much it cost, how stupid it was.... By the time we got to dinner I was miming stabbing him with a knife when he wasn't looking. I took medications to become more relaxed and Emily said I was much better afterward. It ptobably helped because I didn't actually follow through with any of the stabbing ideas... I guess it is not worth an international incident.

Today Roma took off before I got out of bed and said he was going to the mall (a very long walk). Michael gave him my cell phone so we could call him if we needed. So we went and did our
stuff at fourth street festival - worked our asses off today - Heather too. I was SO tired. Heather and I walked to a cafe and had a drink and a snack while we waited for Michael to finish his last work shift. We loaded the bike in the car so we could all get home at the same time. We HAD seen Roma down at the festival at one time, but Ms. G (the orchestra conductor) had to tell him to go away because he kept bugging Michael when we really needed Michael to work hard. We came home and Roma still wasn't home - oh Michael had called him earlier and he had said he was walking home now. All I decided was I didn't care anymore and if we wasn't home by the time I went to bed I planned to lock the doors as usual - tough shit after that!

We were napping and Roma arrived home sometimes during that time. .. I was still SO exhausted. I didn't want to cook dinner at all. Roma had deserted again by then so I told Michael if he came home tell him not to eat a bunch of crap - we would bring something home from the store and also have the watermelon later. So Heather and I made a store run and just picked up stuff we're out of and macaroni salad and of course we're swimming in tomatoes and cucumbers right now from the garden... so we have macaroni salad and cottage cheese and tomatoes and watermelon for dinner.

Now I have worked some on the house. All the dishes are done, the table is cleaned off, tablecloth in the washer and I am feeling still physically tired, but maybe not so agitated. Maybe I won't have to drug so heavily to sleep tonight. I feel more content for sure, less like stabbing anybody and maybe able to deal a little better with life.

I don't know what the plans are for tomorrow. We have talked about climbing or hiking at the "Unlikely" road cut, swimming at the lake and Michael does have lots of homework and reading to do. Roma, of course, didn't even bring home his schoolbooks for the weekend, despite not turning in any homework last week. If they don't decide to let him go home, he is going to end up in the mandatory after school program they have started this year for students who are behind on the assignments - boy, will that piss him off. At this point I don't care anymore if he goes home. I haven't failed. I did my best. Heather is EXCELLENT at making conversation and drawing answers out of people. He responded a little better to her, but still hostile and defensive quite a bit.

So right now my goal is to survive the weekend without any stabbing or mutilation. I think I've cried myself out for now. I hope to hear from the higher ups in the exchange program or to get something back from Roma's dad soon. Tomorrow I just want to have fun. Even if part of that fun is getting caught up at work, that's better that being upset all the time.

And now I am going to have a little ice cream, take my medicine and go to bed, with maybe only one valium, instead of two.

Happy today for nice people who know when they buy drinks from us at the orchestra booth that it is a donation to the orchestra and give extra money. Isn't that nice?

Frustrated....

Hard day. Crying. Tired. Need to rest and lie in bed. Michael is upset .

Good news Mom called and said they bought a new washer and dryer for me. I really need them, but honestly I need money for bills more.

But still happy today for washer and dryer pending and planned trip to Indy for fireworks tonight. I hope we can all tolerate each other long enough.

Letter to Ukraine (and more)

Please begin the letter with a culturally appropriate greeting for me!

This is Hope, Roma's host mother in the United States. I am very concerned about Roma right now. He is unhappy and wants to return home as soon as possible. He has concerns that he is going to lose a year of education and not be prepared for the national exams for entrance to university because of the differences in our educational systems. He does not seem "homesick" as I have spoken with his teachers and they report that he has made friends and is sociable in school. The teachers also report that he does not turn in his assigned homework, however, which is often an important part of grades received here.

Roma and my son Michael and I spoke at length about these issues on Wednesday evening. He has also spoken with our local Coordinator for the exchange program. I have to admit I have not spoken to her fully about the outcome of their conversation because of our time constraints due to working. She did tell me to expect a phone call soon from someone higher up in the Exchange Program administration so I suspect that Roma expressed to her that he still wants to return home quickly.

When we spoke on Wednesday I asked Roma if I could get him to commit to stay until the end of September. I feel that in that amount of time we can look for some solutions to the educational differences. Bloomington is a diverse international and educated community. I feel that if we had that month we may be able to find resources through the school system or the university to address his needs. I am sure we can even find someone who has taken the Ukrainian exams or at least another Eastern European country's exams who can help him know what he needs to do to be prepared and help us find resources. For example, the people translating this and sending it on to you in my behalf! I also have a friend from Belarus who has a master's degree in linguistics and literature and has worked as a teacher and a university lecturer in her home country. I am sure I could count on her help either as a teacher or in finding other resources. I haven't been able to speak to her about it yet, because she is in Belarus right now.

I am writing to explain the situation but also to ask you if you will support me in asking Roma to try it a little longer. I don't know how much he has communicated with you. If he has already explained the situation and you support him returning home quickly please let me know. Please respond to Professor Trotter and he will translate and let me know your feelings.

Roma is a good boy with varied interests and a great sense of humor when he is happy. I hope that we can have him a little longer and get to know him better and that he can be happier here with us. Thank you for your will to share him for such a long period of time and I hope we can work it out.

Respectfully,

Hope

So we will see what happens. The man who is translating for me is a Director and Outreach coordinator of Eastern European studies at IU. His wife is native Russian. They live in Gillian's neighborhood so she hooked me up with them when I found out Yelena is in Belarus for over two more weeks. I just want the whole mess settled and over with. You know I like my life boring and this is all way too dramatic and complicated for me!

I went for my post-op visit with Dr. Weiler today. I can't remember if she said THE most difficult or one of the most difficult tubals she has ever done. Apparently I have TON of scar tissue and adhesions from my prior sugery. She said if I ever have to have any other surgery I have to inform the surgeon that I have multiple adhesions and that I can probably not do any more surgeries at the surgery center, but should always be at the hospital. She asked how my recovery was so I said, well.... I didn't go for a hike until Sunday and I didn't mow the lawn until this week. Before I even finished saying them she said, "You overdid it." She's been my dr. for ten years and knows my hyper, must-feel-productive-all-the-time problem. So she checked the incision that had bruised so badly after the hike and the one that is still scabby and said they are okay because they are not infected.

Dr. Weiler also favors me having the lap-band surgery, just like Dr. Andry does so we talked about that a little too. I would rather just lose the weight with fantastic self discipline and control. Even then I will STILL have to have another surgery. Because all my fat is in my belly I will be one of those people who will have to get the extra skin removed and stuff when the weight is gone. The idea of that scares me so badly. I need to not think about it because the fear might make me sabotage the process. I am good at self-sabotage! I want to be healthier, though, and not have to take so much medicine and weight loss is the key to all that!

Happy today for staying late at work... yes I know it sounds crazy, but I am crazier not being ready for the end of the month. I will probably go in for a little while tomorrow too!

P.S.

I am also a little frustrated because I would like some support from Will right now. He went to Cleveland and I can't remember when he is coming back. I know it has to be by Tuesday because classes start, and I am pretty sure he will have his regular teaching schedule. I know I could call his cell phone and just find out, but I don't want to be "clingy" because he is a "not boyfriend," or so we have decided... I am surprised he hasn't called me, actually, even though he is out of town, but I guess that is the way he works. It hasn't been long enough for me to know.

I have had a lot of support from coworkers and friends who are willing to listen to me and it is really helpful. I think I just need maybe lots of physical hugs and reassurance right now and Will would provide that if he were here. Nice Jim has been good email support and good coping skills ideas and very honest about his experiences with Roma and with the exchange students he has hosted. It's just not the same even as a "not boyfriend" who is willing to cuddle and hold hands when necessary.

Oh and it turns out Yelena is in Belarus for two more weeks... I talked to her husband today. So I sent my email and phone with Gillian to ask her neighbor who speaks or is Russian or something if he can translate a note to Roma's parents for me. I haven't heard back from him yet.

Oh and here is real news. I wrote an episode of "Half-Wit" today. It is not a full one thousand words so I still need to write more for this week, but it is a really important one, that was probably pivotal to my psyche, so I am glad for it. I have another one in mind for the next episode so I am feeling good about my writing goal for this week.

Still issues

so I am pretty tired, emotionally and physically. I took it out a little on Michael and yelled at him today. I apologized later. I realized the issue between us was just a "failure to communicate." There is so much going on, it is a wonder we're still functioning. Michael is also quite upset about Roma wanting to leave. Michael has experienced a lot of loss in his lifetime and I am worried about this for him.

The supervisors for the exchange program were supposed to call me tonight and haven't yet so I don't know what is going on there. Cathy tried to call me once, but it was a bad phone connection and I still haven't heard back from her.

I have talked to my mom and my sister both tonight, which is kind of rare. I feel like they both need help with stuff right now because of Mom and Dad moving, and it is displacing Heather's cat, which is upsetting to her. I just DON'T have anything I can offer right now. I can't offer to take the cat. I just cannot do it. My heart wants to, but I know I would hate it.

Happy today for: Shelley, cello teacher and person extraordinaire - another person I am so lucky/ blessed/ whatever to have in my life.

Superwoman

went to school Open House and found that Roma has turned in 0% of U.S. History homework. He missed not only first period today (I knew about that), but also two and three. Several of his teachers told me he is wonderful, social, intelligent and participates well in classroom discussions. He just doesn't do the damn homework! He told me tonight he is not going to school tomorrow.... I told him he is going if I have to drive him and walk him in and I will call every period and make sure he has not left! He said he wants to get kicked out of the program and go home. I asked him to try to give it one more month, until the end of September. That maybe in that time we can find some resources so he will feel like he can stay and have the cultural experience, yet still be prepared for his exams. We live in a town with a LARGE international community, a physics department and about a gazillion people with PhDs in sciences and math and probably also Ukranian language and history he needs for his exams.

Cathy, the exchange coordinator, is meeting with him tomorrow right after school to talk about his issues.

I told Roma that we really want him here with us and that we will be really sad if he leaves, that even though I have been angry and upset with him sometimes I want to work it out. He says it's not us, it is that he is losing a year of education because school is too easy here and he won't be ready for his exams to go to university.

My goals tomorrow are: get his ass in school. Call Yelena and see if I write a letter to his parents if she will translate it. I want to find out how his parents feel about him quitting the program, or if they will support me in asking him to try one more month.

Happy today for: getting some piles off my desk and some work complete, and a trip to Chocolate Moose for ice cream that gave us good ice cream AND a public place to have a very serious discussion surrounded by people so nobody became overly excited, loud or emotional.

Superwoman was here.

She pulled off a fantastic dinner for six which included three adults, two teens and a six year old. Jan couldn't come...

Cathy talked to Roma and made sure he understands the way the money and they grant money works. Roma was upset, but I feel better that it is clear. Jim and Cathy and I had some good talk which helped me get some parenting tips on working with attitude kids and communication problems. Cathy has done the exchange program a lot and Jim has traveled a lot, served a mission and to work on Cameron's adoption - He also traveled to Ukraine to try to adopt before he got Cameron (from China) so he has some understanding of the country.

Now Katie is here to stay all night and I am going to try to get to bed at a decent time. Katie helped me clean up and there are still some dirty dishes, but it's not overwhelming.

I realized I need to get more sleep - that recovering from this surgery I need to give myself more time instead of feeling guilty because I'm not doing enough. Yes, remember that little bit crazy in my blog description.

Happy today for: Good, supportive people in my life.

Better.

M & R did get the lawn ready and I mowed. I also went to the store to get the rest of the stuff for Roma's party.

We are having a little exchange student conflict. I am going to have to learn more about being assertive and dealing with rebellious teenagers. Michael looks like he ought to be a pot smoking defiant asshole, but he's the sweetest kid, ever. Not so, Roma. Sigh...

Happy today for: making it through and that's about it. Okay, lawn mowing. I really, really like it. I thought to myself - I had surgery (THREE procedures! THREE incisions!) ten days ago and maybe I shouldn't be out mowing, but it felt so great. I felt like Superwoman. Now I am off to make super potato salad!

Contrary to my Blog title

I am quite sad today and feel barely on the verge of functioning. I don't know why. Music isn't helping, Looking at Hello Kitty isn't helping. I may resort to chcoclate soon.

Magic.

We were at Office Lounge and Pat magically appeared. So I was able to have a Patpaidforeverythingnight after that. I didn't stay out too long, however BECAUSE... while I was at Office Lounge, Jim, temporary guardian of Roma, called to talk. He said he had also had a really hard time with him, that he wanted me to come pick him up in the morning before they went to church because he didn't want to leave him alone in the house. . Sigh.... Jim said, "You've really got your hands full with this one."

I still just keep hoping it is because we got off to a bad start with me having surgery and not able to make expectations clear right away and things like that. So I am trying to be extra careful now... Like tonight before Michael got ready for bed I sat down and said, "Okay, tomorrow is Monday. What do we need to plan?" We talked about school homework, Bike Project, having dinner together, and also what household tasks I expect them to do. I also wrote it all down on the dry erase board as a reminder. We'll see how it goes.

I was not such a bitch about Tammy's platinum blond hair last night. We had a good conversation and and I enjoyed spending time with her.

I don't think I got everything done on the list for the weekend, but I did get trash to the dump, major grocery shopping complete,. the jeans purchase, and reworked the neckline on Miko's dress. All I have left to do is finish up the neckline details, put in the sleeves, hem it and add some sparkly frilly things because that is what Miko likes!

Happy today for: pincushions.

Wow.

I hate shopping. It is kind of funny for me to say that because I think for my family of origin shopping is like a family bonding activity.... I did enjoy my THRIFT shopping... At Salvation Army I found a couple of books, the little brown purse I have been seeking, and it is nice leather! I also found a super cool pair of biking shorts that are like tie-die... they are size large and both Roma Michael are size skinnies, but for $2.50 I had to get them and somebody on the bike team should fit them! Opportunity House had all paperbacks for twenty cents so I went a little crazy... Gee I think I spent three dollars! I found a John Steinbeck book I hadn't even heard of and got some of the "Tales of Alvin Maker" and "Ender's Game" series, as well as a few modern novels.

Then... I went to Goodwill. I really HATE Goodwill. Some of the things they do piss me off totally. I clearance shop Target frequently and when Target can't sell stuff they donate it to Goodwill. Then Goodwill sells it for MORE than it was on clearance for at Target and they got it for FREE! So I feel like Goodwill rips off poor people who think they probably can't afford to shop at Target. But I decided to go there to look for the weight loss reward pair of jeans. I found TWO pair that fit - for $5.99 each, so now I am the proud owner of two pairs of jeans and I am going to get rid of the pair that fall off my waist and have raggedy bottoms.

I felt so tired after all this I thought my blood sugar must be really low, but I checked and it was 115 - lower than what it used to run, but I have been in the 80s or 90s before I feel bad lately. I went and ate lunch anyway and then went to Aldi to do the big grocery shop. I felt terrible the entire time. I decided that it was not blood sugar related; that shopping just makes me really, really tired. By the time I got home I felt like crying because I had to put all the groceries away before I could lie down. As soon as they were away I hit the sack and slept for about an hour. I am glad I awakened in time to get the trash to the dump. It was yucky.

So the house is still pretty dirty, but fiddle dee dee tomorrow is another day. still might mow tonight if I can get the gumption up. I had the list of chores for the boys yesterday to get the yard ready and it didn't get done. That is the part I hate the most... picking up the sticks, winding the hose etc... pushing the mower is fine - good exercise with immediate gratification.

Okay never mind the mowing. Debbie called and I am going out with the goils. We are meeting at Office Lounge at 8:30. I am sorry to say that one of the goils is the one with the trashy blond hair that really bothered me last time. I know. I know I am a bitch. I will just swallow hard and think maybe she is embarrassed to be with a fat woman. Who knows what anybody else's hangups are, right?

So I have dumped my teenage boys so I can dress slutty and go out to bars and look for a sugar daddy.. haha! My poor teenage boys, Ed to his Mormon dad's, Roma to Mormon Jim's and Hopie out at the bars. It's definitely a Diet Coke night, however, unless Pat magically appears.

Must go shower.

Happy today for twenty cent paperback day at Opportunity House. I think it was my favorite part of the day.

Guess what!

I finally get to add buy a new pair of jeans to my list for the weekend! It has taken FOREVER, after that one period of inexplicably rapid weight loss. I am happy. I also need new jeans really, really badly!

I went to sleep amazingly quickly when I went back to bed last night and slept late and well this morning.

I feel like Farmer's Market is off my radar for this weekend. I am not sure why. I just don't want to. I think because I usually run into people there and right now I still don't feel like talking to anybody. So off, first of all to Opportunity House and Salvation Army to look for books and then we'll see what transpires.

Later, friends!

Saturday blog already!

This is Flop, the "old" cat.

I went to bed and lay quietly and listened to restful music and here I am, back again. I thought maybe if I go ahead a make my list for tomorrow/weekend I can quit THINKING about it and get some sleep!

Dishes/ regular housework
Clean out nasty spots in refrigerator
Gather all trash and take to dump.
Farmer's Market
Opportunity House or Salvation Army - Goals: books, a small bookcase for Roma's room.
Plan menu for Tuesday birthday dinner
Aldi for big grocery shop.
Cut out the parts I need to redo Miko's dress.
Update my "Goodreads" and decide next book to start
Vacuum my room
Clean hair off my bathroom floor
Get yard ready to mow/ mow.
Work in garage fifteen minutes.
Check at Wal-mart for fabric for Deanna's apron.

The floor is nasty, but I told the boys I was going to save it for them to clean. I hope I can stand it long enough to stick to my word. Neither of them did as many chores as they were supposed to today. They had no school because a teacher died and her funeral was today. I decided they should do tasks! I left a list AND talked about it and was disappointed in the results. They both need to learn that the housekeeping fairies don't come and take care of this shit while they sleep or they are gone. I work my ass off during the week, don't get enough sleep and may have to get a second job soon and they are going to have to do MORE.

Yep - I am becoming a hard-ass mom after all.

I am so happy / irrational fear

I am so happy because: I really need some time alone and I am looking forward to it this weekend. I will miss Michael, as usual and I am sorry that he has to go away when he doesn't want to. I am not sure if I will miss Roma. :)

I am so happy because: When I was in my meeting about my job being eliminated the other day I joked, "It just means I am going to have to write my book faster." On the way home tonight I realized that it is true. I do need to write my book more quickly! I made a goal to write at least 1000 words per week. That is hardly anything.... I wrote many papers several times that length in one night in college. It gives me something concrete to work with. Week goes from Sunday to Saturday and begins this Sunday. If I write 1000 words tomorrow it is a bonus week. As I drove I thought I should start with "Naked Lips." I realized, however, that I want to do the novel with an outline and some character sketches first. So I am going to work on more episodes for "Half-Wit."

Irrational fear: Once I realized the truth of the book writing and defined what my goal would be I was totally afraid I would die in a car accident before I got home. Nobody would ever know that I finally decided to get my ass in gear and really write the freaking book. I should have called Emily on the cell and told her to assuage my fears. Of course, with my luck, I would have crashed while dialing and there you go! Haha! Come on, even I am laughing at that one. Anxiety disorder, my foot!

Roma's birthday is Tuesday and I am planning to have just a little tiny celebration and cook out. I asked Jim to spy for me and try to find something that Roma would like for his birthday. I did remember that he broke his headphones, so if he hasn't bought new ones yet I can get those.

On the way home the oldies station played "Bridge Over Troubled Water." A man dedicated it to his wife of 42 years. I hardly EVER, EVER, feel sappy over stuff like that, but I tell you that first verse really had me. I think I have had so much sadness in my life because everybody moves away from me.. Growing up in one university town and then living in Bloomington later... well, it just happens. I am still in Bloomington, but almost everybody I was an undergrad with is gone, Deanna is gone, Jennifer is gone, Katie is gone (although coming back to visit this week!) . Now Stephanie is gone.... Even friend Will is gone this week to Cleveland. So mixed in with my usual joy of being alone there is a tinge there of wishing for something, someone permanent, I guess. I hate it when I get like this. I want to be so strong and independent and more like, "I am a rock. I am an island, and a rock feels no pain..." But I do. Maybe I should listen to Simon and Garfunkel tonight, but then I would probably cry.

This has been about the roughest two weeks ever, physically and emotionally, all at once. I really need this break this weekend. I hope to get up and do my Saturday Farmer's Market rounds and all that tomorrow. I am definitely going to turn off the alarm, however, and if my body says SLEEP, I will obey!

Happy today for: you're not going to believe it. I am happy that Flop, our old cat, feels comfortable coming to visit now that Miss Kitty Fantastico has left. I like him better. Suzanne next door had basically adopted him, but after she got too damn many dogs he started visiting more often. Kitty always hissed at him, though, so he'd never stay long.

Bad/ Good

Bad: I didn't get in the movement today. I was a little really busy and a little lazy and didn't take "smoke breaks" at work. Friday is always a BIG day for me and I am worried about going into it with as many piles on my desk as I have. I had INSANE township trustees and City Officials plaguing me today with problems and changes with their annual Budget Estimates. Oh well, I gues soon I will get to go back to working with regular morons instead of people who don't realize they are morons simply because they went to law school or work for the government.

Good: I presented some information about fund raising to all the orchestra parents tonight and it went well. I haven't spoken in public for a while so I was nervous. In the past I have always received remarks like, "You really can command an audience. You ought to be a teacher. Do you do seminars professionally?" Tonight I had several people say I should be a stand up comedian! Maybe my more relaxed attitude in the past few years has changed the way I present material. It was very satisfying. For feeling as shy as I do, when I get up in front of an audience like that something happens... I felt like I really had them captured and understanding the points, so yay for me. I didn't even really plan that much what I was going to say either... I worked on it for maybe half an hour, and most of that was probably printing and coloring my pictures for what I called my multi-media presentation. I'm sure the pictures didn't show well in the back of the auditorium like a PowerPoint presentation would, but hey, ya gotta do what ya gotta do! I have crayons at home and no printer!

Happy today for: something silly. Steve wears either a navy blue or black pocket t-shirt to work every day. No kidding. In TEN years, that is all I have seen. Today he wore a light blue polo-style shirt. Maybe he has a woman... I saw another car in his driveway last weekend. Even though I will be sad to lose out on my secret crush, I would be happy for him. especially if it makes him feel like making a positive change like a light blue shirt!

Talk about backfiring...

So instead of giving me a raise, they are going to make me sell things again. Ten positions were "eliminated" and seven people completely gone, the others reorganized. Cory said they are paying me a salesperson's salary to do a clerk's job and he could no longer justify it. They have been telling me for TWO months that what was going to happen in the restructuring was that I would take over the Bedford Public Notices. I also figured to myself within the next year or so I would actually be doing all four papers. Suddenly today I was called to a meeting in Cory's office and told that there is a new "business plan." I screwed myself with my research that every other newspaper and press organization feels like Public notice business is not business you can actually "grow." So they took my year of work of totally reorganizing the system, making it more efficient, raised the rates according to my recommendations and then told me today I could either go back to being a salesperson or continue doing the legals at a "clerk's salary." Fuck them. I didn't make enough money as a salesperson either. I am stepping up the job hunt, that's for damn sure.

I managed to hold it together until I got home. As soon as I got home I was in bed and I was just resting until Stephanie called and then I bawled for half an hour. She said it was my turn to cry because I have listened to her cry plenty over the past few weeks! I hadn't planned to tell Michael, but he came in while I was still crying so I told him. The changes will probably happen in October. They'll probably give me enough time to make sure they can suck every last bit of knowledge and organizational skills out of me. Fuck them again.

Things are going better with Roma. I haven't written about it (I think), but we have been having conflict with homework and school issues. It is really hard for me to be a firm parent.. I am used to hippie boy. Even though I get frustrated with Michael, he doesn't really do anything BAD. I have been emailing and talking with the Exchange Coordinator and Physics teacher about what to do. Roma and I haven't actually shouted at each other, but had some rather heated discussions about homework and grades and whether or not it is worth him even staying in the country. No fun. I kind of want to talk to Jim about it before Roma goes over there this weekend and see if he can also reinforce a little about how learning American culture is part of the program and it will benefit him, even if he feels his classes are too easy right now. I was a little bit the hard-ass mom tonight... I didn't exactly say he could not go to bike project if he didn't do his homework first. I asked if he had homework and then said he'd better get working on it if he wanted to go to Bike Project and it seemed like he spent a good hour in his room working on schoolwork and did not go to Bike Project. Check one for being an assertive mother. I think I will probably learn more in this ten months than anybody else!

Emily's Netflix were mailed here even though she turned in her change of address, so I have been watching "Definitely Maybe" off and on while working in little bits on the house. The lawn is still not mowed and that is another issue, but it will happen eventually. I think I needed an emotional night off as well as a physical night off. I am worried because tomorrow Michael has cello lesson AND there is a huge orchestra meeting for the France trip, at which I have to speak. I don't want to walk during the lesson as I sometimes do and then go all nasty to speak to the parents of 130 orchestra students. Argh. I would like to get back into "intentional movement" at least four times a week, though and if I skip tomorrow, then have to drive Michael to Indy on Friday, then it's Saturday before I get to walk or anything again. Maybe I can be sure to do a couple of fifteen minute smoke breaks tomorrow at work. Something tells me I am not going to be as compulsive about working my ass off from now until October...

Happy today for: well, for Stephanie listening to me cry. Also Katie called and she actually lost her job completely. She is coming to Bloomington to work next week and asked could she stay with me. I am glad that I have friends in whom I can confide and cry and who trust me and are willing to ask my help when needed.

Michael got high on Sunday.

So he had a lot of pictures taken of his adventures at the picnic. Top picture is the photographer (Jim) and his son Cameron, so you can see the appeal to him of taking pictures of my child doing the most dangerous things of any of the group of teenagers at the picnic - he's a danger freak too! Jim and Cameron aren't too high up swinging, but Cameron is holding on with one arm and Jim is swinging with one leg... yeah - did I say I have problems with anxiety? Now maybe you can all understand some of my worries. Second and third picture are Roma in high places. Fourth and fifth are Michael high. I guess if hippie boy is happy getting high in trees I won't have to worry about the other stuff.

Roma is going to spend at least part of this weekend with Jim, Cameron and their exchange student, Jan. ( Say it like Yon - a boy!) I think I will need to impress my desire for physically safe activities. I think Jim really likes Michael. It turns out Jim went on the 50 mile hike Michael completed a couple of years back and remembered him from that time, even though he hadn't seen him since then, Michael is two feet taller and his hair is two feet longer. And yep, Jim only had one leg on that hike. I guess that means blisters on only one foot... Michael had blisters on two feet!

While Michael worked at Bike Project tonight I did a walk downtown (YES, I took it easy!) I actually took it so easy that I stopped in Dharma Emporium to look around and check out the vinyl. I looked and looked for Rush and Led Zeppelin for Michael (I am working on Christmas already) and couldn't find any Rush at all. Finally I asked Rick if he had any and he said he thought it was all gone right now. Just as I was walking out the door I glanced down and saw a Rush album sitting in a box. I picked it up and it is the one that has "Xanadu" on it! Michael just told me a couple of days ago that if he had to listen to only one song for the rest of his life he would pick "Xanadu." Of course I didn't have any money with me AT ALL. So tomorrow I am supposed to call Rick at 12:30 and wake him up (rough life, being a hippie store owner), so I can go pick it up on my lunch hour. I am so psyched! I have started on Christmas already because of financial concerns and wanting to do a little at a time. I don't know if we'll have the homemade/secondhand RULE this year, but a lot of it is sure to be that way!

After I found that record I was so happy I couldn't stop smiling. I walked back to Bike Project and I was dying to tell Homefire, whom Michael has described as the "coolest person on earth" because I was so excited, but Michael never went away so I had to keep the secret until I got home and Emily called me.

Here's news. I am still freaking sore and in some pain, but I walked today anyway, because I kick ass. I want you all to know I was MAJORLY tempted to mow the lawn, but I resisted, because I am a strong person and the idea of bursting my incisions starting the mower grossed me out. So instead I drove Michael downtown instead of him riding, we got rid of three stray bikes from our garage (you know how with some kids it's puppies - here it is bikes), and I walked a couple of miles AND found a great Christmas gift. What more could a woman need? Okay - you all KNOW what more a woman could need, but I am not getting any right now. The idea of bursting incisions with any method doesn't sound too appetizing! :)

Happy today for: lots of stuff, new friends, hippies, hippie store with vinyl records and also Minute Maid juice pops. Also I told Roma he is allowed to cuss around me because he was afraid to call Bjorn an asshole... but I said, "that's exactly the word I was thinking of using too!"

More pics

Well now it won't let me add any more photos so I will try again tomorrow and go on tho the next item on my list, which is to balance the checkbook. Ugh. I have not been very good at it lately because I have been in DESPAIR over the finances and avoidance is a nice defense mechanism!

Ouch today.

Okay. I learned my lesson about resting when one is supposed to be recovering from surgery. Emily and I checked my incisions last night and the low middle one has a deep, deep bruise four or five inches wide and about three inches high. I don't think it was that way before I went on a hike. I really did enjoy the hike, and the picnic, and the party I went to later, but ouch, ouch, ouch. So then I had to drive to West Lafayette and deliver Emily back to college today and it was rather uncomfortable. I was pretty good and didn't carry any heavy stuff. The heaviest thing I carried was the shelves for the china cabinet that Mom and Dad had given me, but Chris hadn't brought the shelves. it is VERY hard for me to NOT work and NOT help and I felt like a weenie, but the pain kept reminding me. Tomorrow is back to work and I am a little nervous. I need to try to get to bed by 11:00 tonight, but I have like five more things on my list to do first. I know, I know... why do I have a list when I am supposed to be resting? Because I am ME, so there!

Top picture is Michael and me at Wolf Cave. Bottom is exchange students and their host siblings. Roma is in the second row in the blue shirt, looking goofy.

Wow.

Fabulous, active day. I got up and cooked macaroni salad for one picnic and bread for the party. Went to the picnic with Roma and Michael, ended up staying the entire time, including a hike. Met some very nice people and really, really enjoyed myself. Brought the boys home, then off to Syndee's hippiest party, EVER. Maybe more later on that. Just got home. Now need to help Emily get some stuff ready for tomorrow, shower, go to bed, sleep, get up and have counseling appt. at 8:15, then come back and get Emily and Kitty and drive to Lafayette. I am so tired and sore and yet amazingly, wonderfully satisfied and happy.

Happy today for: All of the above. Especially that I was able to make the hike along with everybody else and that it gave me another opportunity to build more community with other host families.

The end.

Long day

No nap today. I took the Lortab last night and had nightmares all night long - the wake up trying to scream kind. So today I went without. I drove today to take Roma to Bike Project and then Emily and I ran away tonight and went to see "Hancock" and out for ice cream. I can't believe all the movies I have seen this summer. It's very unusual for me.

Happy today for: hot fudge.

Yep, still alive.

Very sore today. Getting up and getting down are the hard parts. Rolling over in bed is also no fun. It's not really rolling over, it's more of a lift and shift operation. I took one set of pain pills today and then took a lovely four hour nap. I just took another set and will probably go to bed soon.

I did do a little bit of house stuff today, like made ribs for Emily and myself for lunch, yum. I also made a couple of dishes for dinner and warmed up some leftovers. Nobody has done the dinner dishes yet and I keep being tempted. I started knitting a baby hat so I wouldn't go over and do it. I did start some laundry, but I know I can't lift the wet laundry into the dryer. Michael switched the first load for me and Emily is still up so she can do the second load. I keep telling myself that the less I do, the sooner I will get better, but it is so hard for me to sit around and do nothing and I don't really feel like reading, for some reason, even though I am in a really good book.

I am using Roma's keyboard. It is nice and springy and I could probably also write for you in Russian, Ukrainian or Belarusian if I knew how!

We have a big weekend with a myriad of activities for the boys. I am not sure I am up to driving yet. Getting up and down is so hard I am not sure if I could get in the car and drive. Michael can ride his bike, but Roma is still making his. He found a frame he liked and brought it home, but he needs to get it back to bike project to have the right tools and find wheels and stuff. He said he is fine with walking and carrying it, that he is used to that. I guess we are spoiled Americans!

Emily is studying for her subject test she needs to take in September to get her teaching certification. She bought one of the books she used for a couple of classes and is going through the entire thing! I admire her for working so hard at it. Right now I am loving her even more because she is starting on the dishes for a study break. She has been pretty good to me the past couple of days.

Stephanie left today for South Carolina. She and Kevin came to an agreement that she could take the boys and move out of state and he gets them five weeks in summer, and one week for Christmas and every other spring break. I am sad to see her go, but it will be really good for her to be near her parents for support and for the boys to be in a more stable environment. She's coming back middle of September to move the rest of their stuff so I will probably get to see her only one more time this year unless she delivers the boys at Christmas time.

Now when I get enough money to do my east coast tour I can start up at Niagara falls, see Byron in Brooklyn, Spencer and Jeff in Virginia and Maryland, Jessica in Boston and then head south to end up at South Carolina and the beach. Sounds like a good trip, doesn't it? I need to see Cape Cod, too. I could keep heading south after SC, go through Florida and see Diane, then head back through Georgia and see Julia and Erin. Heck, I might as well hit New Orleans and see Nanna P. if I am doing all that right? It should only take a month! I guess this could be after the novel is published and it could be a book signing tour and my publisher could pay for every thing.

Happy today for my knitting looms. I haven't worked with them for a while and it felt good to sit and knit a baby hat tonight, which is almost complete.

I am still alive.

I am very sore and have been sleeping all day. All the young people made their own dinners. I did come out and cook my own dinner, but Michael has to do my dishes. Until about 6:00 I was in bed, mostly sleeping and made Emily bring me ginger ale and pretzels so my sugar wouldn't get too low. They did tell me I should get up and move around to keep circulation going, so I figured cooking my own dinner would facilitate and motivate some movement.

They had to poke more holes in me than originally planned because of scar tissue from my previous surgery. My uterus hurts inside from the D & C part. They strapped my arms down and there are bruises down the inside of my left arm from the straps. The right arm doesn't have any bruises. It must have been strapped differently because it was the IV side.

So happy today for health care, the prospective outcome and Lortab.

And I need to give up the computer soon. Roma's dad is dying to hear from him and Roma has to plug in his keyboard and make the computer recognize the right letters because his dad doesn't read or speak English.

One big thing accomplished

Roma is registered for classes and at school. It took two trips to get it done because we didn't take his passport along first time and they needed it for proof of his birth date. Also the exchange program hadn't sent all the immunization records so they had to fax them over before the school would finalize his enrollment.

I felt nervous leaving him there, like a mom with a kindergartner. Funny thing is, I am very hands-off with my own children. I make them do all their own school stuff; forms, registration, scheduling and the like, and just sign whatever I need to sign to finalize it (and seem to write a lot of checks). I felt more protective of him, I guess because he just arrived and even though his English is really good, I worry.

I still feel so stressed about the rest of the day and leading up to surgery tomorrow. Will had to go out of town for a funeral today. He is supposed to call me when he gets back tonight. I hope it is not too late because I made him promise to just tell me all kinds of positive things about how easy surgery will be and how strong I am and other nice things to calm me down. I am so frightened of anesthesia and needles and being incapable of caring for myself. I know this is outpatient surgery and supposed to be a quick recovery, but there are so many extra things happening at the same time I believe my fears are exacerbated. I think today I will probably have to take the tranquilizers that I have been counseled to use as needed, even though I hate them. I have an ache in my gut just thinking about what will be happening in the next twenty-four hours, and also feel like my breathing is so shallow I am not getting enough air.

So I guess today I should be happy for Ativan, even though I hate taking it.

So tired.

Roma has arrived. So airport trip today, then some lunch, then baked some "Hello Dollies" for the orchestra "welcome dessert" tonight, then some quiet time. Then I started to cook dinner and suddenly discovered Michael had to be there about half hour earlier than I thought so crap! I turned off the broccoli and we ran and had dessert first. So now we just ate some broccoli and cheese sauce and Emily and I had a baked potato. I was VERY good and only had one tiny brownie at the orchestra event so I needed some carbs.

So now I am exhausted. Boys are already in bed and Emily is watching the Olympics. I am overwhelmed with tomorrow's activities; need to get Roma registered for classes, Emily wants to go out to lunch, Michael has fossils practice at IU, then cello lesson. Roma wants to explore downtown while Michael is at fossils, then boys to Bike project and as far as I know Roma still won't have a bike to ride so I will have to go pick them up... Sigh...

It will almost seem blissful to have surgery Thursday and then have an excuse to be horizontal for a couple of days! Movies and knitting here I come! If only I weren't so afraid of the surgery!

Happy today for a good phlebotomist. NO BRUISE AT ALL from my blood draw today! Oh yeah - there was also a trip to the hospital included in this day.

Now, into comfortable clothes and to wash some dishes.

I can be very selfish...

I have always told my children, "I might jump out in front of a tow truck to save your life, but I am not the kind of mom to give you that last piece of chocolate cake. " Well I have found I might offer you free room and board for a year (except for the last piece of chocolate cake!), but I will not take all of my stuff out of the newly acquired and somewhat organized closet I just claimed for my craft supplies. So we have a room set up with a bed with a nice new comforter in Roma's favorite color, a dresser, a chair, a throw rug by the bed, a bunch of hangers and a laundry basket... I just can't bring myself to move my craft stuff back out. So occasionally Roma is going to have to put up with me invading his space and digging around in the closet if I need some of my stuff. The sewing machine and stuff is currently out, as I STILL haven't finished Miko's dress. The goal is by next Monday so I can take it to Lafayette when I take Emily back. I also took out the supplies for the next projects I plan to start and the knitting stuff that I use most often is already in my room. So it really shouldn't be too often that I need to get in there.

I wish I could have found a night stand or small table, but wasn't able to. I got the dresser at Goodwill for $30, the comforter for $14.50 and the throw rug was $2.50. The dresser is blue, kind of cool, but kind of weird, but if he wants to paint it brown to match the bed I will buy the paint and he can do it. I will probably just use it inside the closet for fabric or craft supply storage after he is gone and then dump it when I move out west.

I wish I would have had the time and energy to clean the rug. It is really nasty. They had some 5x7 area rugs at the evil empire for $20, but I already felt like I was spending too much money and we have to drive to Indy tomorrow and then drive Emily all the way back to W. Lafayette Monday... She said she'd pay for gas for that trip, at least.

I am already worried about what I will make for dinner tomorrow. Sigh. I can always fall back on pasta for the first night, I guess! Maybe I will go with my impressive fettucini alfredo, and Emily and I can add grilled chicken to ours.

House still seems somewhat cluttered. I know it feels worse to me when I am ANXIOUS. Emily has been quite compassionate toward my psychoses and been quite helpful. She just did some items off my list without me asking so that was really nice.

I had the first meeting of the BIG COMMITTEE I am going to be on for the orchestra fund raising. It went well and I felt really positive.

So happy tonight for lots of things. Although I feel quite anxious, I have coped well, Emily has been helpful, Michael to some extent (although he has to be TOLD). AND!

Really happy for: I saw a new kind of Dawn dish soap tonight that says it helps your hands be softer. I bought it right away! There are very few things I am passionate about brand -name on, but I think dish soap is one of them. I will buy the Aldi brand if I am feeling guilty about spending too much money recently, but I really like Dawn the best.

Well, I had fun last night...

despite my dread of it I actually enjoyed "retro night" at Jake's. We started out at the hick bar, but it was just boring and scary. Then we went to a bar out at one of the big condo/ resorts out by the lake, then we came into town and went to Jake's. It turned out to be Stephanie, Emily, Pat and me. First time I have gone on a pub crawl/ bar hopping with my daughter. And of course with Pat and his infinite buying of drinks... I didn't stick to my usual diet Coke. I normally don't drink at all because I am relaxed and have fun without it, but last night I succumbed to peer pressure. I will admit, however, that is probably why I was able to enjoy Jake's.

I slept somewhat late today, but still got up and went to church, which was nice again. Then I just really needed some time alone. I love my children, but I am used to having days when I don't talk to anybody and I LIKE those days. So after church I went shopping for new sandals. I am not supposed to wear them anyway, and the ones I was wearing were not just cheap with no support, but also wearing out. So I went to Kohl's and ended up buying a higher quality pair of sandals with nice support and a gel sole of some sort. They were $35.00 which is absolutely outrageous to me considering my financial situation, but I can't afford any more foot problems, stress fractures, X-ray fees, etc... and I just can't take wearing the athletic goodformyfeet shoes all the time like I am supposed to. I also looked for a cheap purse, but couldn't find anything.

I went to the pet store and bought my betta fish! I haven't decided what to name it yet. It is a male and has a really fringey tail. I am kind of tempted to name is Peg as a tribute to Peggy and her work and love for the Folk of The Fringe board and people. Part of me says that is disrespectful, and part of me says she would think it is hilarious. I guess I'm hoping for hilarious, because in my head, I think I am already calling it Peg, sort of a male shortening of Peggy.

Happy today for all my time alone and wandering the retail world.

Better blog now

I am supposed to go out later. It has been a boring day. I slept pretty late after staying up so late baking cookies and watching "Enchanted" (highly recommended!). I have been working on the house off and on and spent my time at the Science Olympiad hot dog stand. It was VERY slow, business-wise, but the teachers and I had some good brainstorming time thinking of other possible fund raising projects.

I've read a few more stories in my book of short stories, made my trash run and the kitchen part of the "great room" is all clean. Oh, I guess I've also got two loads of laundry in the works. Just boring, but sometimes boring is nice. Better boring than drama, in my book.

I just talked to Stephanie and the hick bar we were planning might be changed. I'd almost rather not go out than go to Jake's down by campus... so now I don't know what will happen to me tonight. I guess I'll just wait and see. I am flexible.

Happy today for: just mellow time working on my house and getting more things arranged so I won't be stressed about this week.

Phew!

Big day at work. I got lots of stuff caught up and totally organized for me to be gone for SIX working days! I left folders labeled with big red marker about what is where. I sent Leah three or four separate emails about things that need completed. I sent a general email about where the folders are etc. Surely it will all be totally organized and caught up when I return, right? Ha!

Emily and Michael and I drove up north to take Michael to his dad's. Emily and I had some nice conversation.

Now I am going to bake cookies for the Science Olympiad hot dog stand fund raiser tomorrow and we are going to watch "Enchanted."

Tomorrow is the hot dog stand and then tomorrow night a hick bar to celebrate Stephanie's last Saturday in Indiana before she moves to South Carolina. Emily is 21 now, so she is planning on coming out with the old folks. It should be interesting. I am always designated driver, but I am not sure I am mentally prepared to go to a bar with my daughter and have her drink. Oh well.

Happy today for: My big red marker to label my files. It was kind of fun and entertained the Obsessive side of me.

Headache

I went two days with NO caffeine and thought I was caffeine free from now on. This morning at 5 am - OUCH! I was in just terrible pain. I went to Burger King and got the frozen Coke cure for breakfast. I ate the meat and cheese out of a croissanwich for breakfast along with it and managed to not throw up. I took the narcotic pain pills and also had a Coke Zero. Guess what - I still have a headache. I even took a second dose of the pain pills this afternoon. I don't think they help the pain, and they don't dope me up enough to make me not care. I swear the Excedrin type pills are the best - better than the prescription stuff. But no aspirin for me because of the surgery and no caffeine because of the anxiety/ agitation problems. Sigh...

Speaking of anxiety, I sent in the receipt from when I went to new dr. in June and noticed he had circled anxiety in the square that read "anxiety/panic" so I guess I have been officially diagnosed by TWO professionals now. Sheesh. Come on, I mean I sleep at least four hours a night...

Too bad I am not more productive with all the extra time not sleeping gives me. It almost makes me long for those months after being so sick when all I could do was sleep. If I could write with my extra four hours each day I would have my novel complete before you know it. Instead I am being anxious and then being anxious about being anxious!

I am maybe kind of supposed to go out with Will tonight as his summer sessions of teaching are over now. I never thought I would be the kind of woman who sat around waiting for a man to call so I would know what I was going to do at night. Oops. I guess with my headache I wouldn't really go do anything else anyway, except maybe a slow walk. I am not about to say, "not tonight dear, I have a headache," though. I am ready to do something fun that is not with Emily and Michael right now. I am also a little burnt out on Stephanie. I love her and I am worried about her, but it's a lot of drama.

Happy today for: Michael boiled eggs and I made deviled eggs and other appetizers for dinner and it was nice and pleasant and easy and didn't heat up the house.

I think I am either going to go read, or just lie and rest if reading hurts my head.

Walked...

Emily and I walked the Clear Creek trail tonight. It is really hot and humid and I am disgusting! It was a nice walk, though. Emily and I had VERY interesting conversation, which shall not be repeated here. So there.

I had fun at work today. I had to work super-duper hard because Leah didn't do anything for me yesterday except my part of production. So all the Public Notices needed caught up. It's really okay, anyway. I like total control over them. Just a little OCD thing. In between I had email fun with a couple of friends and that was the good part.

When I got home Michael was already gone to War protest/ Peace demonstration and bike project so Emily and I just had scroungy dinner and watched the movie "21." I love Kevin Spacey as an actor and I love him even more after finding out he is a liberal Democrat after seeing him on a talk show last week.

I am hungry. I night have something as substantial as a baked potato or something for snack tonight. Or we have blueberries, maybe a bunch of those. Definitely more water...

Happy today for: email fun, hearing our little tree froggies outside right now! Sometimes it's really great living next to a forest and a creek.

Took a nap.

We did all the errands and stuff in the am, then came home and had lunch and then I talked to William R. on the phone for a while and then I slept, slept, slept. then Emily and I picked up Stephanie and we made a grocery store run, then picked up Miss Kitty Fantastico from the vet's and came home. Gradually I cleaned up the messy kitchen and we all made dinner and cooked out. Grilled chicken, broccoli salad, chips, tossed salad, grilled squash. Boca burger for hippie boy.

Kitty is in pain. She is upset and I would be too! She pulled off one of her bandages and that foot seems to be okay. The one that still has the bandage is bleeding though... really gross. We wrapped it a little more tightly to apply more pressure. I held her tightly and Emily held a saucer with some yogurt and she ate some of that. I hate the damn cat, but I do have compassion for her and I am sorry that she can only go live away from me after this cruel act, but at the same time I am so glad she is going!

Happy today for: Cooperative, helpful children most of the time. I said I wanted the computer and desk moved tonight and it ws done within about half an hour.

Soap Opera

My driveway/ front yard was the neutral territory for kid exchange between Stephanie and Kevin. When they got here Jack told Steph he looked in the console compartment in Kevin's car and saw the same Altoid box where Jack found the pot last time... So of course she is upset, Jack is upset, afraid Kevin will be mad at him for telling and so on. I convinced Steph to not have a showdown with Kevin tonight, wait and call the lawyer in the morning and see if is is probable cause to either get a search warrant or retest for drugs, because supposedly Kevin passed his drug test. You know, I have a shitload of financial and medical worries right now, but at least not this crap.

I am off work tomorrow. Emily and I have dentist appointments, Kitty gets her claws cruelly removed, I have a counseling appointment. But in the afternoon - peace. Maybe we will start the furniture moving tomorrow.

Happy today for: Mozart. I listened to the entire opera of "The Magic Flute" today during work. Thanks, Wolfie!

Just mowed.

Now I am disgusting and need to get in the shower soon. I will also get sick if I don't get the crap off me soon enough. Ugh for allergies.

I went to UU again today. I hadn't thought about the fact that they would talk about the shooting at the UU in Knoxville last week. It made me cry, as that stuff always does. Rev. Breeden is the one who talked about that part - he prayed for the victims, their families and for the perpetrator also. He talked about how the shooter indicated that it was because of the liberal beliefs of the church and then then he talked about how the liberal beliefs include loving and wishing peace for even that man. It was quite amazing.

Rev. Macklin gave the sermon today and it was called Mistakening/ Awakening. She taught about how we can learn from our mistakes. I really, really loved it. Not ONCE were the terms sin/ repentance used. She talked about how guilt is unproductive, but learning from our mistakes is positive. If I ever join another church, it will be UU.

Happy today for fireflies/lightning bugs. I may have said that once already this year, but it makes me happy when I am mowing toward evening and they join me. I want to live in a place that doesn't have fleas, but does have fireflies. Does that exist?

Three fold report:

Class Reunion: The part I attended was not the actual reunion, but a gathering at a hotel bar the evening preceding. I went alone because my friend, Lisa, had too many clients on Friday and decided she couldn't reschedule. I felt really, really stupid at first, but finally saw some people I recognized and kind of hung out with them. After a while Karmin C. came over. We had gone to both Jr. High AND HS together and even though we kind of traveled in different crowds in HS we know a lot about each other. We had a great conversation and I really enjoyed talking to her the most. We planned a joke on Lisa/Inga Hammond to do by email today which has already been executed. If anybody is a golf channel watcher Lisa/Inga is an anchor there, so she is one of the kind of "celebrities" of our class. I left there about midnight, but still felt restless so I went to the bar where Chris does karaoke and yep, he was there. So I stayed and watched people and listened and I sang one song - "Dancing in the Streets". It was relaxing, but VERY smoky so a little physically uncomfortable.

Helping Mom and Dad: I imagined we would stay there and just work our asses off all day long, but it didn't quite work that way. I did go through one pile of boxes in the basement that I think had never been opened since they bought that house. I threw away a lot of stuff, started a box of stuff that Heather might really want to keep - found her HS Diploma - and also found the box of missing blue willow china and another box of Jewel Tea china. Michael and I took the blue willow down to my cousin Jimmy's store and he bought it for $175.00. Mom had said she wanted at least $50, but I let Jimmy make the offer first... He'll make his money back. There were over 50 pieces and I looked at one blue willow saucer he had out and it was priced individually at $8.00. So we got one pile of boxes done and I brought the candlewick glassware that I wanted home. Chris brought the china cabinet and the bed Miko had been using down to Bloomington so I can use them so Mom and Dad's house is a little bit more empty, but not clean or exactly ready to sell yet. I wish I had the time, energy, health and money to do one room at a time and just really go for it. It really is a wonderful house. I wish we had done more, but I know every little bit helps. Maybe when I take Emily back I can do a little more. It will depend on how I am feeling because it will be after my surgery.

Bring Emily home: Yep. She's here! She's sleeping right now. She couldn't sleep last night. I ought to turn off the ringer on the phone in here because Will is supposed to call me later and I don't want her to wake up.

Happy today for: A nice trip in the car with my children. We had fun and interesting conversations until I got so tired I was about to die.

Getting ready to go

to Lafayette - 3 fold purpose trip:

Class Reunion activity
Pick up Emily
Help Mom and Dad in the house.

Happy today for: leaving work early. Boy, did it feel good!

Tomorrow I will probably have to journal on paper and then enter later - so don't worry I'm not dead, unless of course I die, then I'll be dead!