Tuesday, July 27, 2010

Back on Track Report 7-24 - 7-26

Back on Track Report 7-24 - 7-26

First I think it is time for a reminder of the components of get Back on track:

1) Learn to balance my goals of movement with learning to listen to my body and STOP when the pain says to stop.
2) Get compulsive eating habits under control and eat more whole foods
3) Develop relationships with balance between helping my friends and family, yet meeting my own needs and requesting and accepting help to do so when necessary.
4) Read more books again
5) Begin to write daily again - even a short minimum
6) Get finances under control and set priorities with specific goals to manage them.
7) Maintain the house, car and gardens at an acceptable level without harming my physical health - require Michael's help to do so.
8) Make a decision about the business and then either do it or DON'T do it.
9) Cleanse my life of unnecessary physical objects - keep only what is treasured, valued, honored, loved and used.
10) Get my social life back to a comfortable point, including hosting parties and other gatherings.

And here's some good and some bad:
I let Kathy treat me to a massage where she really worked on my head, neck and shoulders where they have been sore. I also graciously and gratefully accepted her gift of some arnica ointment and an herbal pack for my neck. Thank you Kathy - those were all good moves toward #3.

When I arrived in Lafayette I explained my physical and emotional problems I have been experiencing to my friends and asked for their support and a little spoiling. Again- gratefully received. I'm liking #3.

Sunday when most people took off for the park and zoo I could tell it would make me physically miserable because of the heat and the swelling I have had in my left foot. I LISTENED to my body and stayed at Kim's house and napped with elevated feet. I went for a walk during the night when it was cooler, I was able to go my own pace and so I was able to still get some movement in, without causing more pain. A step toward #1.

Eating - well I ate compulsively and excessively all weekend. Way too many carbs and calories in general. I am sure it was motivated by the fact that I am still quite upset about the situation with my parents and their house, some conflict with my sister, some worries about Michael...I could tell it was all completely emotional eating, but I just sunk into it and enjoyed every bite! I am going to have to go back to counting carbs and increasing my fiber and protein. A food log (again) may be part of this.

I didn't read or write this weekend. I give myself a break on that. This was unusual.

#10 THE BEST!!! Spent time with Kim, Lu , Susan, Karmin AND got to meet up with Erin and her family for breakfast. Met Lu's husband for the first time and they have been married seven years. It also felt so reassuring to see Lu looking so good after last year's heart surgery. She was vibrant and energetic and HAPPY.

I still cried a lot. Every time someone would ask about Mom and Dad I would lose it. Today I was hardly functioning. Lu and Susan came and nursed me through it - it's great to have friends who are mental health professionals. Karmin joined us for lunch and she has been through a lot of family changes that were/are quite traumatic and she was also so supportive. Lu also came ON HER VACATION TIME and helped me do a couple of tasks about which I felt extreme pressure at the house and the apartment.

I made a decision that I cannot go back to Lafayette again, no matter what is or is not done in the house or apartment until I am better, at least emotionally, and maybe physically too. I am sure the conditions are aggravating each other, that's how it all works. Even the food and comfort/compulsive eating - insulin is a hormone - it's all connected. Even if I have to skip the family reunion next weekend and have Michael hitch a ride up with someone as they head up north that will have to be. I have a lot of pictures and documents I would like to share at the reunion. Michael could take them and make sure they get home safely. I would feel sad to miss it, but it wouldn't do me any good to go up there and sit and cry all day in front of my cousins, would it? Unless there are some kind of massive changes in my mental and physical health through the week, that is all it would be. I won't allow that to happen.

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