Chocolate Bacon Cake

A skirt of Bacon surrounded the cake.

Little Piggy Behind!

Little Piggy Jowls!

The whole effect.

Virused!

While internetting last night I was seriously virused. Katie has my machine right now. It is so bad she is going to but an external hard drive and try to use it to somehow clean my hard drive and then reload my stuff. I don't understand it at all. I am using her computer tonight.

I was finally so tired of not being able to hear out of my left ear I went to the Promptcare clinic to another dr. today. He said if I can't take the decongestants that the next approach is to reduce the swelling of the eustachian tube to allow the fluid to drain. He prescribed a mega anti-inflammatory. This first side effect listed on its label is drowsiness and dizziness. I came home maybe just after 11:00 or noon, mostly slept until 4:00, got up and made some food and ate dinner with Katie and Michael, went back to bed, slept until after 8:00 or 9:00 when Michael came back home and I am about ready to go back to bed. I can hear out of both ears though. I'm not sure how I am going to make it through work tomorrow. If I try to do a few things now, then take another dose and go to bed about midnight that should give me a good seven hours to sleep it off, but what happens when I take another dose at noon tomorrow. Will I be able to stay awake until five or will I have another foggy day falling asleep at my desk? I am tired of being over medicated and not feeling well! I have been fairly consistent at getting at least a little movement in a few times a week so I am rebuilding that habit. I just keep hoping when that gets back into place more things will follow.

My internet is iffy too, so I am going to stop and hit publish while I am sure it is still on. Sigh...

Waiting for my bacon to dry..

Huh? You'll see.... so far, the coloring isn't very bacon-like, and I am a little sad about that, but that's the way life goes. I just want to make sure the edges get wavy! The little piggy in his hay pile is good. Maybe I am a sculpture at heart. Pictures tomorrow.

Taking Michael to a bar tonight...

What a cool mom, huh?

We are going to go listen to a jazz quartet. The bass player is a guy that I am hoping may be Beautiful Ben's successor after Beautiful Ben moves away this spring. I think Michael should hear and meet him before we pursue it any further.

And now for something completely different:!

I have decided tonight that I am not making a long list of tasks to be completed.

I am allowing myself four fifteen minute sessions of working on tasks I feel MUST BE DONE, intentional movement included. The remainder of the evening shall be spent doing only things I choose to do. If some of those should happen to be things that I would normally put pn my task list, such as blogging, it is because I truly desire to participate in said activity, NOT out of obligation.

I plan to watch Biggest Loser and normally while I watch TV the rule is that I must perform tasks during commercials - not so tonight. If I choose to lie on my ass during commercials or play computer games, so be it. I do anticipate that one of my fifteen minute sessions, the one involving the intentional movement will occur during the television viewing period, but that is because I want it that way - so there.

No it is time to turn on the telly.

Well for tonight;s list...

I had make peanut butter truffle filling - turns out I don't have all the ingredients. I also had "bake something," which after a phone call from Jennifer (Yay!) I decided I was finally going to go for it and work on my rolls/ cinnamon rolls. I killed them. The dough didn't rise one micron. I will have to take a picture of it for my spectacular disasters section of Hope's Homemades. If I baked it, it would be Ellie Mae Clampitt bread for sure. I should have baked it anyway just for fun, taken it to work and had someone try to slice and serve it for a joke. Maybe I still will in the morning and even take it in "hot from the oven." Wouldn't that be funny?

NOw I kind of want to make this coconut candy I have been wanting to try, but it is getting getting so late I don't want to dirty any additional dishes and I really want to try to get to bed pretty soon. I was late to work this morning. Argh.

We did get an announcement that we will all be getting 2% raises this year, which is a miracle. I got a BIG raise is my job switch, which was a fluke and I even went to Susan, who was my manager at the time and said my pay needs reduced. She didn't do it and when Cory and Leah reworked the pay and bonus structure I really benefited. I will get my pay raise ini the beginning of the second quarter. Maybe it is enough to offset the higher insurance rates - who knows. I can't figure that stuff out! I got my W-2 today. All I need to do is figure the business part of my taxes and get my house interest statement and I can go on that. I am scared about the business stuff. All I can do is the best I can do and if I mess it up I will just have to fix it later. If I could get my taxes done this weekend and get my refund electronically I could certainly solve a couple of problems quickly!

I am going to take a picture of the dead bread, take my medicine, get 10 things off my very messy table and try to get to bed in eight minutes. Think I can do it?

Totally planned on ultra-blogging

but I received an important email that required an equally-weighted answer.

In short we went to Lafayette today and enjoyed some time with Mom and Dad. Heather Michael and I all drove together. I took the blueberry muffins and some milk chocolate/mint truffles. Mom had already made some chili so beat me to the punch. It was rather stress free. We did so a teeny bit of tossing out some more expired/ rotten food and gad Michael take out garbage but no big house cleaning binges.

I spent too much money eating out because our timing was off and because I had to feed Micahel twice.

We stopped at Trader Joe's on the way home and bought some stuff there that we can't get here, including two bags of my favorite veggie and flax seed chips. I bought a bag of almond meal to try in some recipes. I will be a good way to add protein maybe. I will have to see it it is maybe cheaper to grind my own.

I wanted to try to make the peanut butter truffle filling tonight. I think I've decided on the first recipe to try, but the long email precluded it.

No I am just going to go have a snack and take medicine and head off to bed, I think.

Muffining

It turns out we are probably heading to Lafayette tomorrow AFTER all. Michael did not articulate clearly to me everything his father had said in their conversation until he he was walking out the door to go and asked what time I would pick him up. When I replied well, I'll try for the normal, about 6:00 - he said, "But I thought we were going to Lafayette.." So now I am making a long ago promised batch of blueberry muffins for my mother.

The week we cleaned out her cabinets and threw away all the WAY outdated foods she was really upset about the muffin mixes so I took the can of blueberries out of them and promised to use them to make her muffins because the canned blueberries would still be good. So now it is really happening. Of course I "Hopified" the muffin recipe. It is half whole-wheat flour and has added flax meal, wheat germ also. To make up for the added grains I added a little applesauce so they wouldn't be dry, but wouldn't have any added fat. In one concession to my mother's tastes I did add a little extra sugar. She loves sweets SO much that she adds extra sugar when she makes muffins from the mixes and those things are FULL of sugar! Also, the applesauce ought to add a little extra sweet taste to it - even though it is sugar-free applesauce - I mean it is from my house! But there are THREE cans of those blueberries in there. I got 17 muffins out of a recipe that is supposed to make 12.

Heather still has no car. They haven't even towed hers away yet to rekey it and stuff, but it sounds like her boss is going to loan her a car to get back and forth to work. So she will come with Michael and me to Lafayette tomorrow and we can finally be holiday-ish together. I think I may also boil some eggs tonight and make deviled eggs in the morning. Then if we end up buying chicken or something for lunch/dinner Michael will have at least some protein. That is a problem for him a lot when we get up there. Maybe I'll take my Morning Star Farms Crumbles and offer to make a big pot of chili and no one will know... Hmmmm.....

Well gotta go cook or clean up some more or SOMETHING!

Goodnight!

So tired - drama

Here's Heather's FB status: was robbed at gunpoint and tazered a little last night. They took everything, my phone, my purse, and my car keys. I guess I'm ok though. I'm alive. I'm currently at my sisters and on her phone if you need me.

I left here about 1:30 and we returned about 6:00 this morning. I got to work about 11:30.

I am very, very tired. I had a lot of tasks I wanted to accomplish about the house tonight after taking it easy last night, but I don' t think it will happen. I am going to loan Heather my car part of the weekend which scares me a little because she has a lot more wrecks than I do. I shouldn't be driving anyway.

I going to go about and go tasking now.

"Brief Blog"

is what I wrote on my list tonight.

So here it is.

I had whole grain bread a crackers and 10 oz of grape tomatoes today and a Wendy's Mandarin Chicken salad. Michael made dinner with whole grain pasta and my homemade (no sugar) sauce and I also had some foccacia bread with olive oil. I had NO soda today - but I did have some fruit punch after the concert.

The concert was good. They played a Gershwin (George) medley that I especially enjoyed. I declared myself too ill to serve or cook food for others do went to Kroger and BOUGHT cookies to take. While I was there I lied, told them I had no fever and no symptoms of illness in the past week and got my H1N1 shot so unless that is what I have now I am vaccinated. I guess if that IS what I have now I am immune anyway!

I made a brief list of tasks to do tonight, but I am not sure if I will even do them. I need to at least clean out the fish tank or they're going to die overnight. Also, Michael made dinner, but ingredients are still out. Of course, our house is cold enough it probably really doesn't matter, but it makes me feel better to have them in the refrigerator anyway.

I got to do some real ad writing and design for a customer today. I hope he likes something I did. He has been difficult to please, but for some reason this time he gave me free reign. I like that.

Okay - not very brief. The end.

Very strange day.

I took Mucinex D last night - well the D part is Pseudafed, which does freaky things to me and I should have know better - worse - it was an EIGHTEEN HOUR extended release. I still could hardly breathe all night and had bad dreams. Then when I went to work I was in a major fog, could hardly communicate, couldn't type, could hardly read my screen... I finally emailed Leah and said, "I am sick. I am going home." I finished up like two things and left immediately. I probably shouldn't have been driving. I got home. Joyce called me to ask one question then I fell onto the futon and slept for over six hours (still with bad dreams). When I woke up, after 4:00, I immediately went to the kitchen and ate some of last night's bread and some olive oil. After a few minutes I felt well enough to check my work email and voice mail and call Leah and tell her I was alive.

I have felt better this evening and been able to accomplish a few tasks. I didn't do the baking I planned - cinnamon rolls - sob! But remembered I am supposed to take cookies to the orchestra concert reception tomorrow night anyway. I think I am going to take store-bought cookies. I will have to sneak them in because I will be ashamed.

I'm still not all the way healthy and shouldn't be baking for people anyway.

I'm going to set out water so I can clean the fishtank tomorrow night and go lie in my bed under the influence of REGULAR Mucinex and try to fall asleep quickly. I think it might happen, especially with a couple Valium thrown into the mix!

Closer to fine

One of the Bloomington Kitchen Incubator Interns helped me find affordable insurance and I have all the paperwork and will make the payment to get it started tomorrow. That means I am protected if someone claims to be harmed by my products AND I can make the switch from Home Based Vendor to Commercially Licensed Kitchen when I am ready. I can either find a restaurateur who will let me use his/her facilities after hours and such or wait until the actual kitchen intended for kitchen incubator is complete. I am not sure what the projected date on that is right now. That will let me increase my range of products and also place less restrictions on my places of sales. I am not quite sure if I am ready to make the jump yet. There are some bonuses to being able to bake at home. If I get enough tax refund to pay off debts and get legal issues back in order AND purchase a new oven I may stay home based longer. If I can't get the oven I need to get out of here. My oven heats unevenly, doesn't even have a handle and even the stovetop doesn't work correctly - the burners heat unevenly and such. It's not worth repairing, considering what new ones cost and what repair bills cost.

Oh! I am eating hot foccacia bread right out of the oven! I felt like baking some tonigt just for us, just for fun and it is so good. I put the spices AND the rosemary in so it is very flavorful - burning my lips a little bit. I think tomorow night I am going to make dinner rolls or cinnamon rolls with my locally grown, whole wheat flour and see how much whole wheat the dough can take. I can bake four rolls right in my foil pans and sell them that way. Now our county recycles all the plastics so my foil pans with plastic dome lids are 100% recycleable! As a matter of fact - all my packaging is! Woo hoo for me!

What a heavenly bedtime snack. Surely this combined with the Mucinex D will result in clear sinuses and a good night's sleep which will start soon!. I'm leaving the dishes tonight!

PS. I told Michael I was upset about the house stuff and he did some tasks tonight. I felt better inside. I told him I was angry, but I realized after I said it I was really hurt, and not angry, but was directing it outward to save the pain. Now we need to keep communicating about it and keep it rolling...

Sleepy, sleepy.

I had a too much sleep day again today.

I had no nap Friday or yesterday. Today I awakened first time at 9:17 - close to predicted time - but went back to bed and slept until 11:00 or so. I lay in bed listening to Michael play cello, finally got up and ate some nachos for breakfast, came in a read for a while talked to Michael, put some meat and some potatoes in the oven for a slow bake - slept the three hours, got up and made the rest of dinner and ate dinner with Michael.

We talked about my sleeping and how I am trying to get it back to normal and how I do too much and I am too tired and Michael told me he really hates it when I take the after work naps and we don't eat dinner together. BUT - even today when he was home all day he didn't do the two tasks I asked him to do. I am going to start saying No more Bike Project, Climbing, Backpacking, etc... unless his regular task (recycling) is done without reminders, and his one added task he is supposed to do each day is accomplished. I know he really cares about me, and I know he's really concerned about my health and sleep, but I am a "love in action" kind of person and I need to see it from him, or he is going to see that I can also be a more assertive kind of mom. I am going to take lessons from Amber! She is teaching her girls some lessons that I must have neglected too often when my children were little. I told Michael this week and it is true, that he was better at putting his stuff away when he was three years old than he is now and I am sick of it. It's the kind of thing that makes me think I can't wait for him to move out of the house and I really don't like feeling that was because in every other way we have a great relationship! Sigh... Maybe testosterone interferes with task completion.

Speaking of... I still have about three more things on my list and a bed by midnight goal which is already at risk, plus I started laundry that isn't even really on the list and I HATE leaving laundry in the dryer so add that on!

TTFN! Babes.

A day without Michael

but with a long list. I accomplished much of it.

Christmas decorations and tree are down. I still need to put some stuff away. Most of the dishes are done. Treats were made and donated to orchestra fund raiser on time. Intentional movement of 25 minutes! Did paperwork for the business. Now I am blogging. I even watched something fun... I have been putting that on my list more frequently lately. I watched a documentary called "The Ladies Sing the Blues." A lot of people like Bessie Smith the best, but I think I like Billie Holiday. Bessie really had the blues - well, so did Billie - but Billie's voice was so rich and full. I think I just like the style better. I also like Ethel Waters. She also had a deeper voice. It seemed she almost had a charmed life compared to the other two, however...

I need to start researching a little more and some more of the modern women of blues.

Michael was in Ohio at a Science Olympiad Invitational; 32 of the best schools in the midwest. I think his team came in sixth? fourth? He placed in all his events: second in remote sensing, sixth in fossils and maybe third in Physics Lab... I'm not good at remembering all those numbers.....

Since I have shifted to making a list daily instead of only on weekends and doing it on paper instead of here I have used up two notebooks. I am excited because I only have two more pages in this notebook and then I can start my Mickey Mouse one from my Christmas Stocking. I love Mary Engelbreit, but I'm ready to change. Also, I like fresh and new things and I have spilled things on this and stuff as I have used it. I'm not the world's neatest person...

It's almost 1:00 and I am going to do maybe one more 20 minute work session. That ought to finish up the dishes and most of the kitchen. Then I will go to bed and sleep peacefully, with no nightmares and awaken refreshed at approximately 9:30 am, correct?

Small Goal for next week.

When I lost 52 pounds about 5 years ago I was relentless about logging my food on Fitday every single day. I can't seem to manage that this time, even though I spend more computer time than I did back then. So next week's goal is to log my foods, every single bite, every drink of water, so matter how good or bad or guilt-inducing for public view. The days shall be Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday.

This is the link to my public journal:
http://www.fitday.com/fitness/PublicJournals.html?_a_Date=1259625600.&_a_User=Hopie

Pound for Pound

I watch the Biggest Loser and decided to see if there is a Pound for Pound for our Food bank and there was not so I started one! Our food bank has seen more need a fewer donations lately so it needs help.

I only need to lose about 30 pounds ans that is like $42.00 when I achieve it, but maybe it will be added motivation. I hope others in the community join in and spread the news. I invited all my friends who could stand to lose a few, carefully avoided the known anorexic... and asked them to spread the news to their networks. Go me. If I can't afford to donate money or time this year a big TV network can donate some for me!

Copy of an email...

Concerning an idea proposed for an internet health and fitness group. I think this sums up a lot of the way I feel.

I love that it is positively based. We recently had a "300 point Challenge" at work and many achieved and I failed miserably - not losing any weight, not earning any exercise points, just sucked in general. Of course there were no points for the things that I need to be my goals - take my medicine every day, drinking enough water, eating three servings of vegetables. If I added all those goals together it could have resulted in points, but I am so far back I need rewarded for each little part! Praised for every eight ounces of water, praised for a day with no soda, praised for 10 minutes or heck - even 5 of movement, and of course total adulation for each pound lost!

So yes. I would like a group where I am not embarrassed to set little teeny goals and try to achieve them and I need hugs - even cyber hugs - when I don't.

I'm all for it. You might have to teach me how to use some of the internet tools, but I am ready to learn. My final goals include less medicine to keep my glucose and fluids and blood pressure normal, a level of activity where I can climb a mountain again, and heart health so that I don't end up with triple bypass like my mom. I also hope that achieving some of those will help my emotional health and help me develop better relationships that can be based on healthy values.

All I want to do... is have some fun.

No, really I just feel like complaining again. I always feel like my complaints are invalid somehow because there are so many people in the world who are so much worse off than I am. Like my doctor is too expensive - but at least I have medical care. I screwed up my driver's license (it was 60 days), but I have a job and a car to get there. My house is messy, but I am warm and have clean water (Well, kind of warm).

So there are some of my complaints. I can't write anymore because it would just be more and I still have to take medicine, fill my pill case for the week, move for 15 minutes, Finish the dishes and try to get to bed in less than an hour.

So just imagine that I am one major bitch with a stress headache and my shoulders pulled up to my ears with muscle tension and you've got an accurate picture of where I am!

Resting. resting

Back to work tomorrow after a three day weekend.

I slept SO MUCH it's incredible. I don't know how I will make it through a day at work without a nap! I go to the dr. tomorrow and I plan to talk to him some more about the sleep problem. Last time he gave me some mega-drug, but I hated it so much I threw the rest of the samples away! I need to get back into regular hours. My hours probably add up to eight or more, but they are at the wrong times and are often filled with nightmares so it is not really restful sleep at all. I probably need to start seeing a shrink again, but I don't want to. I am feeling stubborn about it. Me, stubborn - can you believe that?

I also want to get back to losing weight. I know I feel better still than before I lost what I have, but I need to do more so I can feel even better. I have been bouncing around the same five pounds or so for 3-4 months now and I need to get out of this stall. I am going to start setting a monthly goal for minutes of movement like I used to do and actually DO IT. I think I am going to try in January to average fifteen minutes, five days a week for the remainder of the month. I will get my calendar tomorrow and figure that number and record it here - oh heck, I'll do it right now! Let's see, if we count today, there are 29 days left in the month s0 4 weeks so 20 times fifteen = 300 minutes of movement in January. There, now I am committed. I am also writing it in my calendar like I used to do - give me just a second. There: it is recorded.

I still want to bake Katie's bread tonight and I still have 20 minutes of intentional movement on my list so I will go put her bread in the oven and while it is baking I will MOVE my body! So there!

Big List today, as usual for Saturday

and I didn't get it all accomplished. Such is life.

We did get some stuff to the dump and while we were there in the "Trading Post" was a pedestal sink!!! Sink for freeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!! Now all I need is Somebody to do the floor tile. I am so excited. I want to start ripping out the old vanity and sink right away, but I know I need to get the floor materials purchased and installation arranged first. I love that Trading Post at the dump. The last time I went I got two beautiful authentic Harris tweed blazers for Michael, exactly his size. He loves them and wears them all the time. I found another one of those last year... I wonder if the same person donates them as they become "worn out" (ha!) or he just tires of them. It's a great trade off to take your recycling and trash to the dump and come home with stuff you really can use and need. We also take stuff there when we can. If it's not a Saturday for Opportunity House I will take my stuff and put it in there and I always hope somebody gets it who will really benefit from it.

We also went to Target tonight to pick up my med. Oops! The pharmacy closes at 6:00 on Saturday, not 8:00 like I thought, so now I have to go back tomorrow. While we were out and about Michael asked if we could go to Goodwill and he picked out four shirts. I am so glad. I don't think any of them have holes or anything. Yay. I really don't like some of Goodwill's policies and prices but if Michael is willing to get "new" clothes. I am going. I also found an empty knife block for $3.99 and a new one at Target is $20. I think I am going to pour bleach down the slots and let it set overnight before I put my knives in it, just because I am that way, you know?

It was freaking, freezing cold out today and I hated going out. I hate that I have to go out again tomorrow and get my medicine. It is the diuretic though and it has been about five days since I had it and I have pouches of fluid under my eyes and my feet are swollen and I am about five extra pounds of water right now. I need to go get it early tomorrow and take a double dose and drink a lot of water and maybe some Gatorade and make sure my electrolytes are right. I do NOT want leg cramps. I couldn't handle any extra pain right now.

I had told Heather and Mom and Dad that maybe we would come up tomorrow, but I don't know if four or five hours in a car and a double dose of diuretic will work and I really need to get the fluid out of me. I hate to have to admit that I didn't realize I was out and HAD been for a couple of days until the holiday hit. I had been thinking every morning, "This doesn't seem like enough pills..." and then on New Year's Eve at 5:00 I realized what was missing and it was too late because the pharmacy closed early that day. I think it has been at least five days, maybe six since I had it and it is really starting to show. Tonight during dinner I noticed that I can see the pouches under my eyes when I look down. Yuck.

Well I want to accomplish a couple more things on the list and then get to bed.

Goodnight!

Oh my!

I went out New Year's Eve and was convinced to go to Jake's again - peer pressure can get me. I declared that I'd not pay $10 to go someplace I hate, so my cover was paid for me and I became designated driver. When we got there I decided to just relax and enjoy... I got into dancing mode and just stayed out on the dance floor the entire time, no matter who was with or around me. Most of the time I just closed my eyes and moved however I felt. I probably looked as ridiculous as Elaine on "Seinfeld." Debbie, Eric and some others came and went as far as dancing with me and I just drifted in my little dancing bubble. One man came and asked if he could dance with me and I said sure, but he touched me twice and on the second warning he left - good thing because I was going to get Marty the cop and have him explain to this guy what "No" means! We came home and I went to bed about 3:00, got up about 1:00. Michael laughed at me and said he'd already had breakfast AND lunch by the time I woke up and ate a bowl of cereal.

Through the rest of the day I dipped truffles, cleaned house, worked on some leftover Christmas things to be mailed to Scott and Emily and other little domestic things. I made a nice dinner with meatloaf for me, and mashed potatoes and sauteed spinach with onions and pecans. Michael worked on the last of his essays for a couple more schools and asked me to do some proofreading or editing occasionally. In between all of those activities I napped. This futon in here was definitely a napping couch today! I just woke up a few minutes ago and reheated some meatloaf to take my "night time" medicine and then I am going to go back to bed! Surely I will have to be caught up on my sleep after all this right?

Tomorrow we need a dump run, I need to be more domestic, and if I am lucky, I can get stuff ready to mail and get to the PO by noon. I didn't get the letters in the mail Thursday as intended because I got lazy or something! It WILL happen. I have put too much work into them to not follow through.

So now off to bed - again - hoping for some quality sleep, that I will awaken at a "normal" time and have more chance of getting back into a regular sleep pattern.

Good night!