Tuesday, February 26, 2013

I am stable.

With the advent of my new roommate, who is really here now, I've realized that in so many cases I. am. the. stable. one. Basically, I find it terrifying. From the very beginning of owning this house (or co-owning it with the mortgage company) I have wanted to be able to use it to help people. I came across that fact because several times in MY life I have been the one needing stability, caring and physical shelter. I stayed with friends when I moved out of Mom and Dad's. I stayed with friends a couple of times when I was a college student at Purdue. I stayed with friends in Bloomington when I was fired from the nanny job. I stayed with friends when I needed to move away from the abusive roommate. I stayed in an actual women's shelter when I left Ed. Maybe more times than I recall. Since I've had the house I've had, Macia, Heather, Deanna and children, Whryne, Ben, Katie, Debby, and maybe some more I don't recall. Some of them worked out great, some, well.... This is the first time I ever wrote up an agreement with a monetary amount mentioned. That was actually at Eric's request so he can try to get his license changed to an Indiana license and to prove to the court that he is a responsible renter. He had his first hearing yesterday and gets Eli tomorrow for the first week. That will probably be the agreement (weekly shared custody) until June 26, when there is another hearing and Eric will try to get to be able to take Eli out of state.

Why does this mundane stuff matter? Why will this post be take from the "mundane" status to "Strange Stuff?" Because WHAT THE HELL? When did I become the stable one? I still feel like a wreck, like a little child trapped in an adult body. I don't know how I am able to pull my act together and maintain a home, a job, and a little home business. Seriously, I feel some days like I need to go to the hospital for a good rest. The financial burden is the hardest part. I swear I could swing it all effortlessly if somebody else would manage my money. Well, that's never going to happen so I need to pull my internal guts together to match the external appearance of stability.

In other news. Heather and I are going to West Lafayette tomorrow to tour the Indiana Veteran's Home and see if we think it is a good place for Dad. I have to leave here about 6:00 in the morning. Yeah. If anybody feels like calling me at 6 am, please do it! It will help make sure I am awake.

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