Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Visitin Emily & Scott./ Passive aggressive

The wind farm at night...they have red lights at the top of each windmill and they flash in synchronicity. If you didn't know what it was it would freak you out, I think. It kind of freaked me out and I even knew about the fields of windmills.
Emily didn't want her picture taken so I took a picture of the beautiful flowers instead.
Does who/what holds the remote control designate who is in control of the household?
Emily bought cupcakes for my birthday and had them frosted with a ton of my favorite chocolate fudge frosting.
There was so much frosting I couldn't even get my mouth around it!
Notice I had my hair all chopped off - during this trip. It was one of my birthday presents to myself.
This was on the way there - I was afraid it would storm the entire time.
but look! A rainbow. I knew we were in for good times.
If you were staying in somebody's home free of charge and hadn't fulfilled your part of the bargain would you have the balls to place a competing centerpiece on the table in the homeowner's least favorite color and style? This just gradually appeared on my table - it began with chopsticks on the sideboard, a few days later they migrated to the table, a few days later the plate appeared, a few days later the placemats. I don't know if it is better to repress and let my anger and bewilderment sort of simmer, or if I need to casually toss off a, "Hey - those don't match and I would like them moved." I know if I wait until the 23rd, the day of my party then I have an "excuse" to say, "I am having a party and these need moved for the space." I shouldn't have to, though! It's MY fucking house and I am the one who gets to decide on the centerpiece. Yes, I agree they are beautiful, in their way, but shouldn't someone even ASK - "hey, I really love these and I would like to display them. Do you mind? Or is there a certain spot you would like them to go?" It's the same passive agression that he doesn't like where I store my pans because it's inconvenient, so when he puts away dishes he leaves all the pans sitting out on the stove. That's bullshit. I keep telling myself in the long-term scheme of things where one of my friend's daughters is battling a crippling disease, my own son is suffering depression and adjustment difficulties, and children are starving to death in the world that this shit really doesn't matter, but the fact is, it makes me unsettled and angry in my own home. So I don't know how to handle it. Do I have the skills to say the things I need to say instead of letting it simmer? I was such a good manager when I worked atg the bank. It's funny when I could do that, but I can't even handle these little tiny things in my personal life.


J & L said...

I love your new haircut! You look great.

Hope said...


Hannah said...

Another vote for the new haircut!

Quilt or Dye said...

It is not passive-aggressive till he comes home to find his centerpiece either very neatly sitting on the floor under the table (broken mind you) or filled with cat food at the cat feeding station. I think either of those would give him the message without any words being spoken. I am sure that I could come up with some other creative ideas on how to passively aggressively handle this little situation if you need help.
The Queen of Passive-Aggression

Deb said...

A thought from side of the Moon. Let me wonder there is spiritual significance with the newly placed centerpiece, implying two at the table, living in harmony. Perhaps a peace offering devoid words.

You know me: when I ain't cussin' I'm contemplating ways of looking at things differently. Too much "A Course in Miracles" under my belt?

Wishing your house and all its inhabitants well.

Hope said...

J: I think HE is the one being passive-agressive "marking his territory" so to speak. I don't remember if I posted on here that I gave hi a letter with a deadline to either start paying or move out. He has failed to fulfill his part of the deal (building the website) and in my eyes he has become a freeloader, which I will not allow any longer - well, the 23rd is the deadline to either pay or leave.
If you go to FB and search "The Wild Side" and join you can read my letter and stuff.
Deb: I wish I could accept your interpretation, but in the big scheme I just can't, despite my usual optimism.