Annual Fried Food Day...

Phew!

Yesterday my friend from HS declared it "Pancake Day" so we had pancakes. We tried buckwheat pancakes for the first time here. We had buckwheat pancakes, cinnamon apples, sausage (for me), and homemade "maple" syrup. I took pictures as Colleen requested, but I can't upload any pics until new computer arrives because I am not installing any new software on Katie's computer.

Today Michael had a snow day and I had already requested a vacation day from work to spend time with a friend. Friend and my plans changed, however, due to the weather, so it was a Michael and Mom day. He spent a lot of time cleaning his room. I spent a lot of time working in the Family room. We have a "snow day" tradition of making fried doughnuts from refrigerator biscuits. We didn't have any canned biscuits because we are eating whole grain stuff now. Michael hiked to the store in 8-10 inches of snow and bought biscuits so we could make doughnuts! So for dinner we had doughnuts and fried sweet potatoes, mushrooms, green peppers, and onion rings with assorted fat-based sauces. I even went online and got the recipe for the zesty onion ring sauce from Burger King and made it. I was the sous chef and made all the sauces, chocolate frosting and the batter. Michael was the fry cook and did all the frying. He fried until he was sick of it and we ran out of batter. We ended up with a plate full of leftover fried foods. Ugh. I stuck it all in a plastic bag and stuck it in the fridge, but I should have just tossed it probably. At least we fried in canola oil, right? The kitchen still smells like grease.

I bought my web domain name today. Now I just have to build a website. I am probably going to wait until the new computer gets here, which will probably be about Friday. It shipped today and was assigned a tracking number. Anonymous sent me the tracking number so I can watch when it is supposed to arrive. Somebody has to sign for it so I am not sure how I am going to work it. Michael may have to skip school. Maybe Debbie's daughter, Leandra, would come hang out that day.

Speaking of gifted computer... Katie is very angry and jealous that somebody gave me a computer. Yes, I have been given a lot in the past year - or rather, Michael and I have been gifted in ways that have benefited us, enabling him to travel to France and Japan and to Nationals for Science Olympiad, etc... We work very hard for those organizations, however, attend MANY fundraisers, serve as spokespeople, (tomorrow I am speaking at the School Board meeting! Yikes) and a lot of things... Michael represents the school well and WINS and LEADS his teams and his orchestra. It makes sense that if benefactors should gift a specific student or teachers and coaches should choose a specific student it be Michael.

Katie was already angry with me because I had asked Steve (former secret crush, IT geek) to try one more time to try to fix my computer in a way that wouldn't mean stealing software. It came to a point with Katie's fix where she said the choice was to either buy a new computer or download the operating system from someone else's disc. I cannot afford a new computer. I used tax refund to pay past due medical bills and buy a new range (I even felt guilty about the oven, but my sister said,"YOUR HOUSE WAS GOING TO BURN DOWN"). I feel like downloading the operating system from someone else's disc was out and out stealing intellectual property and felt really icky about it. Steve said he had one more thing he could try as a last resort...well when Katie found out I had asked him to try that her feelings were hurt and she was very angry. She posted on her Yahoo status, "So, if I whine enough, maybe people will start to buy me things." I was hurt by that, but I thought to myself I should give her a chance to make a joke out of it, so I Instant messaged her, "I guess it can't hurt to try." I got no response. I gave her a day to take it off or to respond with some LOL or humorous reply, but it remained there. I was very hurt by it. I blocked her as able to send messages to me. I sent her an email that said, "You should come pick up your computer today." and I removed her as a friend on FB. It feels so junior high. I didn't ASK Anonymous to go buy me a new computer. I did ask if anybody had a used computer they weren't using and volunteered to pay at least shipping and maybe something for the computer. Katie knows NOTHING about my LONG relationship with Anonymous, about Anonymous's life situation, about maybe some nice things I have done for Anonymous or ANYTHING. And get this, this the very same Katie who lived here RENT FREE last year for three or four months and I nursed through a nervous breakdown through the holidays. This year through the holidays I called to check on her almost every day to make sure there was no recurrence and she often said, "You're the only one who cares enough to check." Now I am hurt, so hurt that I feel like I have to draw a boundary and say, no more Katie right now.

I have had about the hardest four or five months that I have had for about ten years. My physical health had been improving and has regressed a little, I had conflict with my sister over the holidays. I had financial trouble. I had my driver's license suspended and don't even want to say how much it cost to get it reinstated. My business lost so much money the first year because of startup and organizational costs. I have been in despair over such matters so deeply as to wonder whether I am in medical/clinical depression rather than just situational and need serious, heavy medication, a leave from work or something and this "friend" can't be happy for me because another friend helps me out? WTF?

Immediately after I sent the come pick up your computer email I turned off the computer and sort of said to myself I am not using it again. I will just go without until the new computer arrives. The next day I went back on it and decided why punish myself because she hadn't come. If she doesn't come get it by the time the new computer gets here I will just load it in the car and take it to her house and hand it over. I told Michael every time he works on his Latin project that is saved on here to email it to himself because we could come home any day and find the computer gone. I am fine if we do. I would rather not talk to or see Katie right now.

Like I said I feel like I am acting like I am twelve years old. I just feel like I have been so fragile lately. I need to be surrounded by people who are going to help me circle the wagons around and protect my core, not tear me down by calling my a Whiner. It's sad, but I think the break or some time off is needed.

Now it's about midnight and I need to get to bed. It's been a nice three day weekend, except for the rip-roaring terrible headache that struck me yesterday and then I spent an hour at a VERY NOISY orchestra fund-raiser so that I was almost in tears by the time it ended. It was better today, more a face-ache than a headache.

One more thing - speaking of headaches- My friend Jon mentioned on FB how many Olympics he has watched while living and working in Japan now. It made me realize that it was 1984 when I was hospitalized for tests to see why I was having such severe headaches (now it's all done outpatient), so it has been a grand 25 years of debilitating headaches. Actually, I remember having headaches as a child, but was told that "kids don't have headaches," so I guess I had to be 18 or 19 before somebody took me seriously. I remember standing in this little storage room off the kitchen in the house we lived in in third and fourth grade and hitting myself over and over again in the forehead with a Pepsi bottle because it made my head feel better inside to hurt it outside. When I think of that I realize the Burger King Frozen Coke cure doesn't sound quite so malicious at all, does it?