Thursday, February 4, 2010

Winter depression

I am in some kind of overload right now. I am not sure if it is physical, emotional or everything all combined. I know it involves a lot of sleep at all the wrong times, but that has been happening for a long time. However, it has also seemed to evolve into some kind of need for emotional co-dependency and I usually am fine without that sort of thing.

I feel lately like all of my friends just need me, like we hang out and they want to tell me how unhappy they are with their lives, their living situations, their jobs, their families, and all that... Sometimes I feel like there is a little reciprocation - like Katie is really trying to help me get my computer fixed, but she talks so much that I can't say, "hey, I am in turmoil right now." without it becoming how much in turmoil SHE is... so if I want to cry the only thing to do is lay (lie) in my bed alone and cry.

I missed work today and I am thinking of missing tomorrow, too. If there is no school (supposed to be an ice storm tonight) Michael will be home and I don't know if that will be good or bad. It might be nice to have his company, but it's not his role to support me emotionally. All I usually do is sleep and clean anyway. If he's home, however, I might get frustrated with what he does or doesn't do and it takes away my freedom to do whatever the hell I want. The medicines take away the physical head pain, the congestion, the ear and sinus pressure, but they don't heal the aching heart.


Hannah said...

Hope, I'm not one for good advice, but when I feel like crap and don't want to do anything, I don't I take a day to feel that way. The next day I indulge myself in something that helps. Here in cold dark inversion Logan I go snow shoeing up in the mountains. Maybe you could think of something you love to do and go do that tomorrow. Maybe get a group together and go do karaoke or something else fun. I hope you feel better:)

Hope said...

Hannah, You ARE one for good advice, lest why wouldst thou be my (?) niece?

Quilt or Dye said...

You know, you were so intense before Christmas with getting your goodies all baked and business rolling that you were burning your candle at both ends, so to speak. Do you think this is just your mind, body, spirit saying enough is enough?

Whatever it is, do gift yourself with some time to pamper yourself in healthy ways. Remember that you are wise and loved by many.

Hope said...

So kind to get encouragement even from my Asian friends!

Yes, J, you know how I am it is hard for me to slow down. It seems it's either all or nothing. No relaxing allowed - either all-out work or unconsciousness.