30 Days of Gratitude #28

#28 Sight. This could mean so many things. I am grateful for sight in general.... But I am especially grateful for the sight of my daughter being such a good mother to her children. I feel so happy to see them. It has been difficult to see Emily and her family since the move to Wisconsin and I can't wait until we are in Illinois full-time and it should get easier again. We visited just for a couple of hours tonight and it felt great. Anna walked to get a book or pajamas or something and said, "I want Grandma Hope to come with me." of course I jumped right up! I love Emily and I love her husband and family and I am so proud of the life they have made together.

30 Days of Gratitude #27

#27 Touch.... I don't have much to say about it - probably freshly laundered sheets, especially after a night shower.

30 Days of Gratitude Days 25 and 26

#25 Scent - Fresh laundry

#26 Taste - grateful that I *can* taste. I've had times with colds or other respiratory issues when I could not taste and it is a sad thing for a cook!

30 Fays of Gratitude Day 24

#24 Dessert.... I THINK EVERYBODY KNOWS IT IS ICE CREAM.

It was always a special treat when I was growing up. After years of various self-imposed food restrictions it became a SUPER TREAT. I still try to restrict it thinking oh... vacations and weekends and parties.... and then we drive by Culver's every day and if it is a mint flavor I WANT IT. I'd like to be able to have ice cream sans eating disorder, but I seriously don't know if I will ever achieve it.

Several years ago I took a two or three month series of classes from the nutritionists at the hospital. They had all the regular features "A serving of meat is the size of a deck of cards" sort of things, and the cool plastic food associated with that teaching, BUT one of the teachers was also a counselor and there were components of getting over disordered eating. One of the things was to "normalize" foods, so there wouldn't be disordered or magical thinking about it. We were supposed to pick one trigger food and work on normalizing it. I stopped at the store on the way home and bought nine or ten kinds of ice cream. The offspring thought I had gone nuts. I normalized it so well that by the end of the classes I had gained nineteen pounds! OOPS.

30 Days of Gratitude Day 23

#23 Art... probably Garfunkel. He did put up with Paul Simon for so many years.

Art... art... I am grateful for so many forms of art and the artists who make them. I admire people who can do it well. I admire people who continue to make art even when it doesn't make them rich and famous. I will enjoy art in my life and be grateful for it forever without having a favorite.

30 Days of Gratitude #22

#22 Teacher...I have loved a lot of teachers over the years and I am grateful for every single one of them. My friend Stefinee is a teacher and a teacher of teachers and I love her a lot. I am thinking though, of a high school teacher of chemistry, in which I was a superbly mediocre student, Mark Whitman. For the most part I was pretty miserable in the "problems" of chemistry solving, things that good test scores and good grades. What I learned in his class was of immeasurable value. I learned about observation, thinking about problems in a critical way, and other thinking skills that have been used over and over in my life with great reward. I even wrote him a letter about it a few years ago. Even though I never became a great scientist I learned ways of thinking that helped me raise children who are good thinkers. I learned to ask the right kind of questions to help them learn to use their brains. They both became scientists, to some degree, although they applied it in different ways. Oh, and just tonight I was thinking about osmosis, movement of molecules from an area of higher concentration to an area of lower concentration through a semi-permeable membrane.... but maybe that is biology!

30 Days of gratitude #21

21 Hobby... well I already wrote about my knitting looms and I certainly love to make and give away hats... I think my second favorite hobby is gift wrapping. I LOVE picking out gifts for people. I try very hard to choose gifts that are beautiful and useful or otherwise much desired. I love to wrap them nicely too! Maybe some hand printed gift wrap, maybe a theme that matches the gift, maybe reusing some materials in a cool way to avoid making more waste. I am going to take a few minutes before we do our French lesson to find a couple of photos.

30 Days of Gratitude #20

#20 TV Show.... this is actually a difficult one for me. Could be a current TV show, could be something from childhood, could be something I saw once, or something I watch over and over again. I am going to go with childhood. I loved Mr. Rogers, and I am tempted to say that, but I am going to go with "The Wonderful World of Disney," that aired most Sunday nights. My family was kind of chaotic, with a messy house, irregular meals, and little routine or feeling of security. Sunday nights... that was for Disney. We'd have TV dinners, or a big pot of chili or stew, or Mom would make a homemade pizza that started with the Yellow box of Chef Boyardee....

It was best when she would fry hamburger and crumble it on the top.

and then Disney... Walt Disney would often (always?) introduce the shows himself and I loved them all! I also loved when they would show footage of Disneyland and the monorail and the Swiss Family Robinson Treehouse.... I am happy that I was able to experience Disneyland AND Disney World in my life. One of my favorite vacation memories EVER is when I was able to take Emily and Britt to Disney World. Also when my niece Barbara helped me "reclaim" Disneyland a couple of years ago. So yeah, The Wonderful World of Disney was a bright spot in the not-always-so-wonderful-world of my childhood.

30 Days of Gratitude #19

#19 Sounds - I like the sound of rain. Our house has a screen room and it is a lovely place to sit when it is raining and warm outside. There are trees and bushes all around, so it isn't just the sound of rain on the roof; it is also dripping from leaf to leaf and it is really beautiful.

30 Days of Gratitude # 17 and 18

#17 Skill... My favorite skill is baking. There is a lot to it that is just following recipes and knowing the chemistry of cooking, but I think it takes real skill, and maybe another gift, to know what flavors go together, when to stay basic and when to go fancy, and also having patience.

#18 Knowledge ... I really love having the knowledge of good spelling. I think it has helped me succeed in many things that I have done.

30 days of gratitude # 15 and 16.

#15 Gift.... This is a hard one. I am grateful for so many GIFTS that I have been given in my life. So maybe I'll make it into... I am grateful that I have been gifted with the ability to love people. Because of this gift I have attracted the most beautiful people into my life, so many lovely friends who have stayed with me for decades and truly made my life happy.

#16 Nature Nature! I mean nature, all of it. So grateful to have grown up with parents who took us fishing and camping. There was a lot of dysfunction in my family, but maybe it was all better in the woods?

30 Days of Gratitude # 14

14 Favorite Song. I love music so much. I love singing and dancing and listening. Lyrics are very powerful for me. One song, one song only have I loved because the video made me love it. There are other videos that I like and enjoy watching and listening to the music more than once, but this is the only one that I love over and over again. It is the source of my love of the "Bee Girl" and my bee costume. Jen Bottiger Bennett once told me "we all have a little of the bee girl in us," and it just stuck in my head. I also feel like we are looking to find somebody to come dance in the meadow with us.

(Tip: The text "Bee Girl" is a link.)

30 Days of Gratitude Day 13

Day 13 is an emotion.... well, I'm sappy, but love is the basic. I don't mean being "in love" although I am completely enjoying it.

There was a time I went through a lot of counseling... I really tried to delve into my past, present, and future. I discovered that a lot of my actions were motivated by guilt, fear, and anger. No wonder I felt stressed and afraid of screwing up! By the end of however many months of counseling, I realized that my life would be better if I were motivated by love, peace, and joy. I tried it and IT WORKS. It WORKS AMAZINGLY.

I am not perfect. I still have issues. I have anxiety about social situations, food, and work. I guess I need to learn to apply love, peace, and joy in those choices and parts of life as well.

Tips for parenting

I may have published some earlier form of this previously, but I have reworked it and gave it as a speech at Toastmasters tonight. It went pretty well. I need to work on it some more and then I will present it again to see how it improves or evolves.

Lessons on Single Parenting

#1 Part 1 Give yourself credit for the good things you choose.

Part 2 Forgive yourself when your choices aren’t so great.

#2 Respect your children as people

#3 Take time away from your children

#4 Relax

#5 Have a support network and use it

#6 Be wise financially

#7 Do things the easy way

#8 Say no

#9 Say yes

#10 Take care of yourself

Through my two decades of single parenting people would often tell me “It’s amazing what you do. You work. You take care of the house and yard. You are a good mother. You do volunteer work.” On and on… I would smile sweetly and say, “It’s not that big of a deal. You just do what you have to do.” After a few years of that I had an epiphany – No, I didn’t HAVE to do that. I CHOSE to do those things. I chose to keep a nice house. I chose to cook and serve (usually) nutritious meals. I chose to do community service. I chose to work and to work hard. I chose to treat my children with respect. I could have chosen to abuse my children, neglect their desires and needs, not feed them properly. I could have chosen to let them watch TV more than read books or to let them play Mortal Kombat instead of cooking with them, but I didn’t.  In my epiphany I learned Lesson number one. GIVE YOURSELF CREDIT for the good things you choose. Number one, part two is FORGIVE YOURSELF when your choices aren’t so great. All you can do is try to correct the problems that may be the consequences of your choices, then move on and try to learn from your mistakes.

Lesson number two: RESPECT THE CHILDREN AS PEOPLE. They will be the main people in your life when you have no spouse or partner around but remember: A) They are children. There is no way they can be your emotional support system and it would not be fair to expect them to be. B) Your family is NOT a democracy. You don’t vote and majority wins.  If there are TWO of them and ONE of you, you’d always eat at McDonald’s and race go-carts on Saturdays, right?  You are the adult and you make the decisions, keeping their needs, opinions, and desires in mind in the process. Sometimes it is important to let them “Win” so they can see that their input really does matter to you.

Lesson Three: HAVE TIME AWAY FROM THE CHILDREN. They should get time with their other parent (unless abuse) or other important adults in the lives on a regular basis. Let the other parent have their time so you can have yours. It may be hard, and surprisingly, it may be most difficult that they may be a better parent than when you were together. Unless the other parent dumps them on family or a babysitter they will be forced to feed them and talk to them and all sorts of things that you automatically did alone when you were together. It may feel heartbreaking. “If they could have just done this when we were together…,” but remember, they could have chosen that all along and didn’t. Instead they chose to be an absent parent and partner until forced to do this. BUT in the end it may be better for the children if they develop a better relationship with them,

Lesson four RELAX. There is only one adult in your household now. Things may be messier. Here are three rules of housekeeping. 1)Try to have all the dishes done at least once a day 2) Try to keep enough clean laundry so everybody has clean underwear. 3) Bedrooms have to be clean enough so that if a firefighter has to come in and save someone they don’t break an ankle. There is no way one adult can maintain a home they same way two participating adults can, so your standards can’t be the same. Here is a little thought that may be applicable in some situations – Sometimes housekeeping is easier when you are single. If your partner wasn’t around much anyway or did not contribute to the maintenance of the household there will be LESS laundry and one fewer person to cook for, and probably one fewer person who complains and tells you everything you do is wrong. Divorce is the ultimate way of saying, “If you don’t like the way I fold your damn T-shirts, do it yourself.”

Lesson Five – HAVE A SUPPORT NETWORK. Church, friends, family. Make sure you have; someone you can call at any time, someone who will listen to you cry, somebody who will cry with you, somebody who will tell you when it is time to stop crying. Somebody who can talk you out of hitting the children when you are on the edge. Somebody who can pick up the children in a couple of minutes if you are not going to make it. Somebody who can loan you a hundred dollars until payday. Somebody who will wash your dishes while you lean on the counter and talk. Somebody who will take you to dinner on your birthday.

Lesson six BE WISE FINANCIALLY. This is imperative. The financial burden of a single income household can be incredible. Little things count. Save when you can, conserve your resources, and avoid debt as much as possible. If tithing or offerings are part of your faith structure, remember your money is more important than the widow’s mite. DO NOT pay tithing on child support. It is NOT income. It is money the other parent is using to support their children and you only administrate in in behalf of the children.

Lesson seven – DO THINGS THE EASY WAY.  Frozen pizza, salad from Wendy’s, soup from cans instead of homemade. These things exist to make our lives easier. Sometimes your time is more valuable than your money. If you have resources it may be worth it to pay somebody to do things for you. If you get super behind on laundry it is easier to get a couple of rolls of quarters and send a couple of hours in a laundromat and have it OVER rather than spend two or three days doing one load at a time, always missing the rinse cycle and then as soon as it is all finished somebody has to change clothes or get ready for bed anyway!

Lesson Eight - SAY NO. No, you can’t be the chairperson of the PTA Fundraiser, NO you can’t make and decorate 48 cupcakes for the Cub Scout meeting. NO you can’t be a Sunday School Teacher.

Lesson Nine – SAY YES. Yes, teenage neighbor, there are a couple of things I could use help with. YES, local Scout Troop, I would love some help with yard work. YES, neighbor, I really could use some tomatoes from your garden.

Lesson Ten – TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. Mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually, whatever that means to you, or you will not be able to take care of the children. Use the first nine lessons as a start; add on SLEEP enough, EAT WELL, get counseling if you need it, drink water, move your body in a way that works for you, and all that stuff we all KNOW we are supposed to do.

It can sound so simple, but there nothing easy about it. Things get all jumbled and confused when you are living it. There are always time crunches, money crunches, emotional issues involved with every decision you make.

Sometimes it is nice to be single. You don’t have to check with anybody to spend money. If you want to go out to dinner instead of cooking, just go – things like that. There will always be consequences to the foolish things you do and you always have to take the heat for it alone.

I want to tell about my friend Deanna. She got divorced and had four children at home, the oldest was eight. Deanna had never gone to college at all, but she started at Indiana University as a continuing studies student. Deanna received some financial aid, also worked part-time jobs at fast food joints and housekeeping. She earned an Associate’s degree in general studies, then was accepted into a program to earn a Bachelor’s in Math education. Now she has a Master’s degree, was certified as a ‘highly qualified” math teacher and traveled around and trained other teachers all over the United States to use assessments and other tools to improve the education in their school systems and classrooms. She accomplished all of that as a single parent.

Parenting is tough. Single parenting is tougher. It can be done well. There is never any guarantee in any family, but any family could use these tips and work toward stability and happiness.

30 days of gratitude Day 12

Day 12 is clothing. Do shoes count as clothing? I've had so many foot problems and foot pain over the years. I am grateful for SANDALS. I found a really comfortable type of sandals. The brand has several styles and colors. They are kind of fake Birkenstock style shoes. An eight and a half fits me perfectly. Also they are not expensive. I spent about fifteen dollars on each pair that I have! They aren't very dressy, but I don't have much occasion to really dress nicely. Even on cruises that we have gone on, they have been nice enough for me to feel pretty AND pretty comfortable!

  I found a photo of one pair. I also have black, brown, and tan in similar styles. I also have some pretty floral ones in a not-quite-so-practical style. I am one my second pair of black ones and I think I will need a new pair of white next summer.

30 Days of Gratitude Days 10 & 11

Day 10 - Store. I am going to have to say Aldi, as the most practical choice. When I was a single mom on a very limited budget we ate much better than we would have without it. I introduced Craig to it and we still do the majority of our shopping there. We always take a turn down "the aisle of pretty things," and now there is a little more in the budget to occasionally get something. I love it!

Day 11 Quote -

 

30 Days of Gratitude # 8 & 9

# 8 Something new. Well.... I have many new things in my life: people, places, job, clothes, car, items... and it might be hard to choose!

I guess my favorite new actual *thing* not person, place , or situation, is my car. I bought it before I moved away from Bloomington. I knew I was going to quit my job and soon be unemployed, and coming from a shaky credit history in the past, adding unemployed to it, would not work. In preparation for moving up north to the land of ice and snow I bought a little Ford Eco-Sport. It is four wheel drive and rides higher than my past few cars. Also, it is NOT WHITE, as my last three have been. It still isn't blue, like a dream car would be for me, but "moonlight silver" and I'll take it!

#9 Recipe - this is a hard one! You know I love cooking and baking and I have some favorite recipes I use over and over again. I guess my favorite "recipe" is the basic thing that I have altered over and over again to make different flavors of cheesecakes. For every eight ounces of cream cheese, 1 egg and 1/3 cup of sugar. There, that's it. Use whatever crust you want and then add flavoring, varying between melted chocolate or white chocolate, lemon, vanilla, pumpkin, fruit, or extracts and that is the secret to making different flavors of cheesecake. I guess one has to be careful to not add too much "stuff" so it will still bake up and set right, and that is maybe where my experience comes in handy - knowing how the texture should be and how much you can add and still come up with a yummy cheesecake.

30 Days of Gratitude #7

Day seven is "something old." I read that out loud earlier and Craig and I both laughed and gestured toward him, LOL. Really, he is a little younger than I am so I better not use that.

I have a lot of old somethings in my life. I really enjoy keeping things for a long time and using them until they wear out. Some of the things are EXTRA old though, and in part, that is what makes them special. This is a mixed bag... Several years ago in some moment of frustration I made some sort of post about how difficult it is for me to purge items when I feel some kind of attachment/responsibility to keep them to honor "family history." I implicated the views and practices of Mormonism at least partially for instilling that in me. It raised a kerfuffle! I still do believe that.

That being said, I especially enjoy a couple of items I have inherited that came from my Grandma Holt. I never knew her well. Grandma and Grandpa Holt had retired and moved to Phoenix early in my childhood. I only saw them once a year when they visited Indiana. I found many pictures of them in the boxes of   assorted ephemera and photos I ended up receiving from Mom and Dad. It made me wish I would have known her better. I have a set of glassware that were her bridge club set, I think. There was a pitcher and eight glasses. The pitcher was a victim of my moves in 2017 and I was really sad about that. I still have the glasses and they are displayed in a case. They have bright red flowers on them and I usually don't like red things or decor, but I love these.

I hope to find a new pitcher some day.

30 Days of Gratitude

I've been doing this on Facebook and decided that I would be better off to do it in the blog and START WRITING DAILY for at least the rest of the month!

Today's thing is a GADGET. My favorite gadget is probably my "In The Attic" knitting looms. I have probably made hundreds of hats over the years, some for me, some for gifts, and most have been donated to various places. I am trying to finish a few before the hat and mitten drive at work. They don't make or sell these type of looms anymore. There are many types sold in the craft and department stores, but they all have rigid rings and pegs. The ""In the Attic" looms that I bought years ago have soft, flexible pegs. They are easier to work with and they don't hurt my hands.

Knitting on the knitting looms is a million times easier than knitting with needles. I don't have to pay a lot of attention and can do it while watching movies or TV or talking to people. Being able to be "productive" while relaxing probably saved my sanity back when the children were home and in the years since. That is how long I have been doing this! Emily learned how to do it in Young Women's and brought a loom home. I borrowed it for a little while and made several hats. After a while I decided to purchase my own. The set of four was fifty-two dollars, if I recall correctly. That was a big investment at the time, but I have definitely gotten my "money's worth," probably even if you count the hundreds of dollars I have spent on yarn!