Sunday, August 8, 2010

Some more Back on tracks...

It's been an interesting few days.

The good things about back on track were that for the most part I have been able to be active and done some good things.

The bad thing is that it is still taking a lot of medication to keep the neck mobile and pain free - not even pain free, really, just less pain

SO - I had a "talking to" at work because I nodded off at my desk! Seriously. But the pills that truly make it so I don't have to do the "whole body turn" make me sleepy! You think the Exedrin full of caffeine would counteract it, but it doesn't. So I am probably going to have to start chugging coffee to go along with the Excedrin if the stiff neck doesn't stop soon. I could start sitting at my desk with an ice pack around my neck all day. I swear my coworkers think I am making it up, but it is REAL PAIN, even if it is caused by psychological issues of stress and worry it is manifesting in physical symptoms. If I gave into it psychologically I would be home in bed in the fetal position, or committing suicide or physically abusing myself or Michael (he could kick my ass, but he wouldn't). Instead I am trying to remain FUNCTIONING mentally so it is coming out physically. Maybe some people just don't get how inter-connected everything is.

Here are some good things I have done for self-care in the past few days:
Gone to an orchestra concert at IU with Michael
Gone to "Disco Night" with girlfriends.
Gone to IU summer session opera workshop with Garet.
Met up with a friend from old times and got caught up while she was here visiting - WAIT - did that with TWO friends this weekend!
Made some good food with produce from my own garden.
Had some good physical activity by mowing (even though now I am hurting a lot).
Started some more of the purging and cleaning process. My bathroom closet is started and I no longer have two "junk drawers," just two drawers with useful and organized items!
Michael made a fire tonight and we toasted a couple of marshmallows and had s'mores. It was nice.

A couple of bad things - made a couple of purchases I shouldn't have. I will regret the repercussions probably, but it was an instant gratification thing I gave into. Also ate out too much and too expensively during the social nights. I need to practice eating before I go and learn to be comfortable enough just ordering a water!
Garet and I walked at the mall for just over half an hour tonight. It was MUCH too hot to do anything outside, if you ask me. SO that is three days in a row with some physical activity. To demonstrate how much I desire this --- I showed Garet some of my old calendars tonight. For several years I have recorded a monthly goal of minutes of physical activity. A few years ago my monthly goals were often 800-1000 minutes per month - I noticed one month I achieved over 1200. This month my goal is 400. Quite a depletion. I feel pleased with myself, however, that I have decided to make it a priority again. ALSO my therapist (Back on track #?) said that exercise is a wonderful tool for controlling anxiety disorders of which I suffer multiple and severe at this time.

Garet gets boyfriend kudos for being patient after we had stopped the exercise part of the mall and I spent some time looking at stuff and talking to a friend. I HATE waiting on other people to look at stuff. I just about go bonkers if I shop with Heather and Emily and they want to try on clothes and stuff.

The feet did not enjoy the walking part of the evening and half an hour is probably the max they could have taken. I am going to stop soon and take a cool epsom salts bath. I just have a FEW more things on the list, but some may be able to get transferred to tomorrow.


Deb said...

What would happen if for the next week you came home after work, did only things like painting toenails, or ignoring them at your own will. Or watching a movie, or not; sitting in the tub soaking with or without water while reading a book. Maybe cooking for yourself only, allowing the world outside the workaday to care for itself. Would the dishes pile up to the point the health department would knock at your door? I think not. You could always rinse them before piling them into the sink.

Heck, with our own schedule here the lawn grew wooly for more than a few weeks and the police department never came knocking. Not once.

Some things just need take precedence, in my unsolicited opinion. xo

Gobsacandles Deb

Hope said...

I love you!

Last night I did so well. I made a dinner that I REALLY wanted and shared it with Ben and we had a great conversation. Then I really felt like watching "Little Shop of Horrors" and singing along. I found that it was on Netflix and used it for my instant minutes for the month and sang along as required. It's kind of embarrassing to sing with Ben around, but he's going to have to deal with it. I also (honestly, truly, not making this up) wanted to get my front room tidy and spent time alphabetizing my CDs that Michael had spilled and worked on some other stuff and STILL was in my room settling down before midnight. I really feel like soon I will be able to get to my desired 11:00 bedtime and learn to let some things go. (I do want to get the physical activity back in there, however).

Tonight is supposed to be swimming laps again and I am really looking forward to it. I have a shrink appt. tomorrow and just asked for the entire day off. I can stay up late tonight on purpose and watch the meteor showers. I used to do it faithfully every year and have fallen off and it is supposed to be a really good year for it this year. I even sent Michael an email proposing we go camp somewhere tonight, but he hasn't answered me yet.

Saturday my friend Susan is coming from Lafayette and we are planning to go garage sailing, which I haven't done in a long time. I don't really need to buy anything as I am in a purge state, BUT I am really looking forward to just driving around and spending time with Susan. We can talk like crazy. We both have angsty teens with possible real problems and it will be nice to have someone to talk to about it.

P.S. I was already planning to go home tonight and paint those toenails bright red again. They've been resting and getting some air for a couple of days and it is time to really summer them up!