Saturday, September 18, 2010

Evolution of the website:

Ben's blog.

I was reprimanded at work today for crying at my desk yesterday, even though when I realized not crying anymore was not an option, I checked with my co-workers and manager and traded lunches, left and came home and lay down and got under control and then returned to work, taking a perfectly timed one hour lunch, although earlier than usual. I was reprimanded for unprofessional behavior because it upsets my co-workers. I was not neither bawling nor sobbing, just silently crying and wiping tears and blowing my nose. No customers saw me, and I hardly thought my coworkers noticed because I did my inquiring about trading lunches by email so I didn't have to talk to anybody. I am not feeling the love with this place anymore.

I know that I am different than I used to be, and that perhaps the new me is more difficult to work with . I really felt like I handled my emotional upset well yesterday, however and I am very frustrated by all of it. I need to look for a new job where I can go in with a fresh slate. It's just that around here new jobs with this pay and health insurance don't come easy. I don't make that much, but when you are in a town where it seems like EVERYBODY has a degree in something OR works at Wal-mart or elsewhere in the service industry finding a job that pays above poverty level is hard. I can't afford to go down. I am hardly making it now.

I may end up selling the house to move to a cheap apartment, although I have made certain commitments to Michael should this happen, and also to Ben, because our arrangement is working out so well right now.

I went to a concert tonight that was covers of Pink Floyd. Andy Hollinden is a music professor at IU and leads the band. It was 100% first class musicians and they kicked ass. I have seen Pink Floyd live, but it was in a HUGE arena (Market Square in Indianapolis) and I was a million miles away from the band. This was up close and personal and amazingly well done. There was only ONE song where I didn't like the way it was handled. They even did the "Great Gig in the Sky" and Jenn Christy did the vocals and she nailed it. I've seen her sing before, but mostly her own compositions and she was BETTER tonight than singing her own stuff... or maybe I just like Pink Floyd music better than Jenn Christy music! I also know the saxophonist and I had to tell him I like his playing a thousand times more now that I know his repertoire includes Pink Floyd. I have always seen him play improvisational jazz before - blech. Michael will probably end up taking classes from Andy Hollinden for his Individualized major. Andy is amazingly hot (Also married I think, with twin daughters or something) I will need daily updates when Michael is taking his classes!


Kim said...

Oh, Hope, I am so sorry. That is unfair that you were reprimended for crying. Your boss should have been more supportive and asked what you needed, rather than ripping on you for it. I am sorry they did that.

If it weren't for Hippie Boy and Ben, I would say move to Utah. We would love to have you here, and we have lots of jobs.

I know how hard it is to find a job, and it must be harder in a smaller town.

I will pray for a path to be made for you. Love you.

Amber said...

I like Kim. She has good ideas. ;)

Hope said...

Moving is still a possibility. Because Michael stayed here for school, however, it will be delayed until at least after his first year.

I don't want Utah though - it's too cold! I still want Arizona or New Mexico, but they are at least closer to y'all!

I have asked my Realtor to friend to come and assess the house when he has time to see what I need to get fixed to make it salable. I'm not necessarily going to put it on the market right away, but at least start working little by little on the things that need to be done so it will be ready when the time is right.

If I can sell it for what it is really worth I will have enough equity to pay all my debts and move west.

Hope said...

And Amber and Kim you two WOULD really like each other, I think. You ought to get together!

Kim said...

If you move to Arizona I will be so jealous. No fair Kathy gets you...

And...Utah? Cold? Sweetie you DO know we live in the desert, right? And summer is scortching hot? I guess the winters do get a little chilly.

And I like Amber. She sounds like good people.

Deb said...

Adding my thoughts to those above, Hopie. Ya know me and candles...lighted for ya.

If it would not freak you out, I'll add your name to our local temple prayer rolls. I know, people think that's bizarre of me--what with my opinion on the topic and all. Me, I'll take prayers from wherever they may begin.

Either way, sending extra positivity I have to share today, your way.

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