A Family Recipe

 Many years ago my paternal grandmother's family (Fairchild) printed a family cookbook. Everybody was asked to submit recipes, it was printed up and made available for purchase at the next reunion. For the record, I did NOT submit the recipe for "Chicken Stew" that is under my name. My father submitted it under my name and to this day I perceive it as a way to criticize my chicken and noodles, in which he thought I used too much salt. In any case, I take my cooking and recipes much too seriously to start an ingredient list with "one dead chicken." He could be a real asshole sometimes. 

I've decide to occasionally  (oh, the discipline it takes to not type "weekly" or "monthly" and then perfectionize myself out of doing it the first time I fail to meet a deadline - so I am sticking to occasionally) occasionally try one of the recipes and post it here or on the family Facebook page or both. 

Yesterday we had a dressed down Christmas, with just the two of us, and I decided not to cook. We had frozen lasagna and salad from a bag (although I did jazz that up with some marinated onions). I didn't regret it, except later in the evening I said I wished I would have made a dessert. So today on day two of my self-imposed weekend of complete relaxation I decided to do a recipe from the Desserts section. I flipped past a lot of fruit desserts, though tempted by Crazy Cobbler, flipped past Sugar Cream pie, even though I am sure Craig has never had the Official State Pie of Indiana, and landed on Brownie Pudding, a recipe by Patsy Dillon, whose relationship to me I do not know. She must be back a generation or two. 

As I read through and assembled my ingredients (mise en place y'all) I thought "ooh, if this is good I will be able to recommend it for people who don't eat eggs!" BUT, the dough (not a batter, a DOUGH) was so stiff I could hardly stir it, let alone POUR it into a pan, so I added an egg. With the addition of the egg it was a normal, thick brownie batter. While this was in the oven I did some internet research. Recipes of this type are often called "Hot Fudge Cake" or something of that ilk. One that I found was very similar to this except the batter had two additional tablespoons of butter and 3/4 cup of milk. Those changes would probably correct the batter consistency without the addition of egg. 

This is what it looked like after I poured the boiling water on it. 

I think the photo even captured the steam. 

Just out of the oven, looks like a regular brownie -                    amazing aroma, very chocolatey!

Underneath the brownie is a warm hot fudge sauce!

I served it with ice cream

and whipped cream and a cherry. After all, it IS a holiday!

This recipe with some adaptations will probably be on repeat. I will make some changes to the fats and liquid to loosen up the batter and I will probably add some espresso powder because this would be a great mocha brownie and sauce. 

An evening walk

 Craig and I went for an evening walk after dinner.... 

On the way down the street we heard two owls hooting back and forth to each other, one very low pitch, one higher. On the way back we could hear where they were... I led the way across the neighbor's grass toward the trees lining the golf course view.... as we grew closer the large bird flew down from one branch to the other...a few more steps and it took off from its perch toward a companion... what a sight!

Another few houses toward home in the pinkish purple-ish sunset sky a bright meteor made me jump and turn immediately to Craig, who was also startled and starting to talk..."I saw it too!" I blurted. "What a walk!" Craig said, "we heard and tracked an owl and saw it, then saw a meteor so bright we could see it in basically a daytime sky."

Our view as we walked toward the end of the street, hearing the owls. 

This is the direction and how bright the sky was when we saw the meteor.

The evening view toward our house.

Finish 3rd...

which is the questions at the end of Chapter 4!

1. On a scale of 1 - to 10, how fun is the goal you might be working on?
If I think of the goal of losing weight, it is about a six. I like feeling better and looking better in clothes,  but those enjoyments are heavily offset by the stress I feel when limiting portion sizes and food choices.
2. Decide whether you are motivated by fear or reward.
Hmm..... i think a little bit of both, really. as far as the weight loss, fear of serious health complications like loss of vision or limbs from high glucose levels is really terrifying. The reward of being more able physically and looking good are also motivating.
3. Fun is often weird. Finish this sentence, "This is weird, but I find ________________ fun." I cannt even think of what right now. Maybe this is something to put in front of the support group, who know me well....
4. Pick three small points of fun you can add to your goal. I don't know... if I am doing low carb, bacon is fun. If I am using Fitbit to log activity I enjoy making my daily goal and getting a "wrist party" when it is met. If I am using clothing purchase as a reward getting something more fitted is kind of fun.

Finish 2nd

Hmmm... "Finish 2nd" does not sound nearly as determined or positive as "Finish 1st" the title of my last post, but the goal is merely FINISH. As a matter of fact these questions come from the end of Chapter 3, which is "Choose What to Bomb"

As I read it, I realized that I need to re-think what I am cutting in half, as well.

1. I could totally bomb logging my food, as long as I am eating what I am supposed to WHO CARES IF IT IS WRITTEN DOWN OR RECORDED ONLINE? NOBODY, NOBODY EXCEPT ME. It is perfectionism driving the whole logging my food. It is really unimportant except for some kind of smug self-satisfaction I get. I AM BOMBING IT FROM NOW ON. I also realize I am using it as a guilt tool.

2. I am going to simplify my email, I have a goal to keep it down this year and that means a lot of deletion of advertising emails. I check them on my phone throughout the day and will see any appointment reminders or actual useful communications that I can check fully and respond to if needed. Trying to delete them nightly just distracts me from other more useful things. Most of them are advertising and I am bored and have more money than I ever have had in my life so deleting can turn into shopping....but I really don't have THAT MUCH money, just more than *I* have ever had.

3. I probably won't do this one. Moving away from all my friends and activities has already done that for me. I have maintained the relationships that are important to me. People who bring me down on social media are already muted so I don't see their posts. I am actually in a relationship-seeking phase of my life. I guess I can adapt this to make sure the relationships I choose to build are those that help me achieve my goals and give me outlets for productive time.

Finish 1st

Finish, a book by Jon Acuff.

Activities at the end of Chapter 2.

1. Think back to other goals you've attempted. Were they too big? Write down what happened. 

Thinking of my goal to write a book. I've only finished one first draft of a children's book. I felt so embarrassed by how rough it was that I put the draft aside when complete. It was on an old-type floppy disc. By the time I pulled it back out to work on revising the disc had deteriorated and my draft was lost.

2. Write down a number associated with your goal.

SEVEN

3. Decide whether you can cut your goal in half or double the timeline.

Yes.

4. Share your goal with someone and ask if it is too extreme.

My goal is to log my food intake three days a week. It can be any convenient three days in a seven day period beginning on Monday and ending the following Sunday.

5. If you are uncomfortable cutting your goal in half, spend a few minutes asking yourself what is the worst that could happen? 

I am feeling okay about cutting this in half. Part of the reason I hate logging my food is because it makes me feel and behave obsessively about what I eat. If I don't do it every day maybe it will help me have some balance in my behavior.  The worst thing that could happen is that I spend every "off" day bingeing on junk food and sugar, which is super bad for my health, as my blood glucose levels are reading higher than they used too.

Fight, flight, or freeze

We have been self-isolating pretty seriously. We stay at home, work at home, eat at home, shop and socialize at home through electronic media.... We left the house today to run a couple of errands. The goals were to take the glass recycling to the bin, drop a bag off for the food pantry, go to storage for a put in/take out exchange, and get gas for the boat. We took hand sanitizer, disinfectant wipes, and masks with us. It was all pretty good until we got to the gas part. The gas station in Galena only had gas with ethanol in it, which Craig says is not good for the boat. He started to drive over to Iowa to Kwik Trip. After we started driving over there I was in high anxiety mode. I felt like my heart was racing and I was hyper alert. I just sat in my seat, still, and watched the scenery. I sent Emily a message that I was having a panic attack and I sipped at my Coke Zero for which I had braved entering the gas station.

I've been a little stir crazy at home and really grieved last week to miss Easter weekend that had been planned with both the offspring visiting. I had a bad caller at the end of the workday Friday and crying over that turned into a long crying session over the loss of the weekend. I love Craig, and I love our home, but it isn't easy. I wish it had been easier and more fun to get out, even to run errands. Once it is warmer out and we can walk more often and spend time on the boat maybe it will be better. I can't imagine what it must be like for folks with children at home, in bad personal situations, or who are out of work or otherwise don't have the resources to make it easy.

Quarantine relief

I LEFT THE HOUSE. Well, the neighborhood. I have gone outside for walks fairly regularly. We went to the marina and visited the boat. There was a large eagle overseeing the social distancing protocol. We went to the storage space and got my sewing machine so I can see if it works. :/ We went through a drive-through and got the first fast food we have had in well over a month. We brought it home and sanitized EVERYTHING and washed our hands well before eating. The best part was the soda. I miss soda. I had gone without for several weeks before we went on the cruise, enjoyed it on the vacation and then went off cold turkey again after we got home. I may insist we order some with our next grocery order, but that will be another two weeks.

COVID 19

I am too lazy to write tonight, but I copied this from someone else's Facebook post. Soon I may try to write about the constant and sever worry and anxiety I am experiencing right now. 

Terri Elizabeth

52 mins

Just so I NEVER forget..... April 2, 2020
Altoona, PA and around the USA.

Gas price (Sheetz) was $2.09
(Sam’s Club is $1.96)

School cancelled - yes until the end of April (for now). Students are learning online.

Self-distancing measures on the rise.

Tape on the floors at grocery stores and others to help distance shoppers (6ft) from each other.

Many states issue a stay at home order, including Pennsylvania.

Non-essential stores and businesses mandated to close.

State Parks - closed

Entire sports seasons - cancelled

Concerts, tours, festivals, entertainment events - cancelled

Weddings, family celebrations, holiday gatherings - cancelled

No masses - churches are closed.

No gatherings of 50 or more, then 20 or more, now 10 or more.

Don't socialize with anyone outside of your home.

Children's outdoor play parks are closed.

We are to distance from each other.

Shortage of masks, gowns and gloves for our front-line workers.

Shortage of ventilators for the critically ill.

Panic buying sets in and we have no toilet paper, no disinfecting supplies, no paper towel, no laundry soap, and no hand sanitizer.

Grocery shelves were bare at times.

Manufacturers, distilleries and other businesses switch their lines to help make visors, masks, hand sanitizer and PPE.

Government closes the border to all non-essential travel.

Stadiums and recreation facilities open up for the overflow of COVID-19 patients.

US Navy Military hospital ships docked at NY and CA to act as hospitals for Non COVID-19 patients.

Daily Press conferences from the President and state Governors on new cases, recoveries, and deaths.

Barely anyone on the roads.

People wearing masks and gloves outside.

Essential service workers are terrified to go to work.

Medical field workers are afraid to go home to their families.

This is the Novel Coronavirus (Covid-19) Pandemic, declared March 11th, 2020.

Why, you ask, do I share this status?

One day it will show up in my memory feed, and it will be a yearly reminder that life is precious and not to take the things we dearly love for granted.

We have so much!

Be thankful. Be grateful.

Be kind to each other - love one another - support everyone.

We are all one! ❤️

2020 goals

I believe in goals and I definitely believe in writing goals down and sharing with others. I haven't made any New Year's "resolutions" as such and I probably won't make an uberlist this year, but here a couple of things I have in mind right now.

1) try to get my Toastmasters activities logged in the program before we move (end of January)

2) Find a Toastmasters group to attend by the end of February.

3) No ice cream except homemade until vacation, the first week of March.

Adding 4) To keep my emails down to no new emails saved in the inboxes in 2020. If I think they are important enough to keep I need to make a file for them.

I feel like I thought of a couple more things earlier today and that is what got me itching to record them, but I can't remember them now! I will add them to this post or add another post if I remember them.