Saturday, November 3, 2012

I haven't got time for the pain.

People say that humans can't remember pain. It's probably mostly true, or no woman would ever have more than one child! Lately however, I feel like I do remember some pain and it is frightening me. A few weeks ago I sliced a finger on the edge of a tin can lid, doing something stupidly, but that's life. last week I nicked my thumb while slicing onions. I remember exactly how both of those felt, and I can see the events in my mind's eye and they keep playing over and over and.. you get the idea. I am getting scared of opening cans and slicing things. So far I haven't let it stop me from cooking or doing anything that I would usually do, but it is getting close. Neither of the cuts was even serious, not a lot of blood, no stitches, not even a visit to the ER. I don't know how to make myself stop thinking about them.

Similarly, I've had issues walking because I am afraid of falling or twisting my ankle. I think this comes from me thinking that my past two years of feeling crappier than usual are related to the physical and emotional energy I leaked after I sprained my ankles and broke my knee. I'm really frustrated that I am feeling good, but I am having this mental block to doing the movement I want and need to be doing to increase my health even more.

In better news I am having a cooking day with soup for a friend fighting cancer and some "Vampire cupcakes" that will ooze fake blood - I hope.

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