Sad, angry, frustrated and disappointed...

Is that enough words to show how my life is feeling contrary to my usual joy?

After having to scream at Roma to get up and get dressed, that yes he DID have to go to school, I dropped him at school and went to my counseling appt. which I wasted talking about HIS SHIT instead of more important stuff I wanted to work on. So I went to work and within ten minutes a call from an assistant principal. Roma apparently "withdrew"from all his classes. Ummm... he can't do that, I am his guardian and don't approve and he is also an exchange student and has to be enrolled in school. So now he has been freed upon the world to God is the only one who knows.... So I drove home and deadbolted the house and every window so he couldn't come back and get his stuff and just plain run away. The I went to the Ukranian deli and she hadn't seen him, but took my number and promised to call if he came in. So then I headed downtown to the music stores.... After checking one music store, one bakery, Bloomingfoods deli, then the next music store, found him. Screamed at him to get his ass in the car and drove back to school. TWO AND A HALF FUCKING HOURS in the Assistant Principal's office and in conference call with Exchange program supervisors. So he is still a student at school, on probation with exchange program and still living in my house.

I brought home paperwork, it being the end of the month and me missing four hours of work today. I certainlydid not want to cook and clean. Jim took us all out to Chinese Buffet, but Roma refused to eat. I think he doesn't want to accept anything more from me or even from Jim since he paid. The rest of us all had pleasant conversation and just tried to ignore Roma's sighs and eye rolling and his comment that eating out in his country is only for holidays.

So Seth had said he might be able to come and stay all night with me, but it IS his daddy duty night it depends what time baby falls asleep and baby mama gets off work and blah, blah, blah and since Seth works in circulation he has to get up uber early. I haven't heard from him and I want to call again, but I hate to bother him if he is asleep. I went to the teacher/coach who lives next door and asked if I could call him in the middle of the night if I need and he agreed.

Roma was in his room banging and throwing things and then went outside. When I asked him where he was going he wouldn't answer and I suggested a walk around the block or down to the park to do pullups and he said something about working out his aggression - then what he did was start a fire in the front yard... I went out and told him absolutely not, it was too late for a fire and we only do them in the designated fire area. Then I said, "Roma, it is just after 10:00, you can stay out until 11:00 and I have no problem with that, but then you need to come in the house and be quiet in yur room because it will be curfew." So then he came in right then and hasn't left his room since then. I haven't heard any thumpings or banging since then.

He did tell Michael he planned to kill someone at school tomorrow and Michael said Roma was practicing his jujitsu moves... Sigh. I am more afraid of him stabbing me. I wish Seth were here. He is about 6'5" and big and black and I hope he would scare the shit out of Roma. He could break his neck with his bare hands, probably. I will make sure Michael's door is locked before I go to bed, but my lock doesn't even work. I may take Heather's suggestion of last night and put a chair in front of it. SETH!!! Get over here. Call me. Come be my bodyguard! If he does come I am going to take him to Roma's room and say, "this is my friend Seth. He is staying all night with me and I thought you should know." I don't care if Roma thinks I am screwing Seth - I'm not - but I want his presence to be known if he is here. SETH PLEASE CALL ME! Do you think he is getting my mind messages.

Oh, Roma also told me he is not planning to sleep tonight. I said I didn't care as long as he is quiet in his room but that certainly sounds like a fine ingredient for a sociopathic episode, doesn't it? I don't think I will drug tonight, unless Seth comes. I don't think I will feel safe sleeping. I am hearing more banging and thumping now.

I think I am going to take my muisc mix off random and do some Norah Jones, Jewel, and Tracey. This keeps being a lot of White Stripes, which seems to me like it might aggravate a sociopath. Can music soothe the savage Ukranian?

Happy today for crab legs at Chinese Buffet - free for me - thanks, Jim!