A little better day.

Heather came Friday night and we went out to karaoke VERY late. We had a good time and I felt more relaxed than I had all week.

Yesterday I planned to go in and work for a couple of hours, but didn't. We went to Farmer's Market and I ended up angry with Roma - he had to criticize everything again and you know I LOVE my Farmer's Market Saturdays. then we went to Opp House and Michael actually found a shirt he will wear, which is a big deal. I found some magazines all about miniatures and bought four of them. I still have Emily's unfinished dollhouse which I plan to finish one day - because you know I need more projects.

We went to Indy and Scott and Emily came down from Lafayette and joined us for dinner. It was nice. We ended up missing the fireworks, which I was sad about.. :( We did have a good time, though. Except I was really pissofied after a while. We walked down Massachusetts Ave which is full of unique stores and boutiques and cool things to look at... Roma had to criticize EVERYTHING, how much it cost, how stupid it was.... By the time we got to dinner I was miming stabbing him with a knife when he wasn't looking. I took medications to become more relaxed and Emily said I was much better afterward. It ptobably helped because I didn't actually follow through with any of the stabbing ideas... I guess it is not worth an international incident.

Today Roma took off before I got out of bed and said he was going to the mall (a very long walk). Michael gave him my cell phone so we could call him if we needed. So we went and did our
stuff at fourth street festival - worked our asses off today - Heather too. I was SO tired. Heather and I walked to a cafe and had a drink and a snack while we waited for Michael to finish his last work shift. We loaded the bike in the car so we could all get home at the same time. We HAD seen Roma down at the festival at one time, but Ms. G (the orchestra conductor) had to tell him to go away because he kept bugging Michael when we really needed Michael to work hard. We came home and Roma still wasn't home - oh Michael had called him earlier and he had said he was walking home now. All I decided was I didn't care anymore and if we wasn't home by the time I went to bed I planned to lock the doors as usual - tough shit after that!

We were napping and Roma arrived home sometimes during that time. .. I was still SO exhausted. I didn't want to cook dinner at all. Roma had deserted again by then so I told Michael if he came home tell him not to eat a bunch of crap - we would bring something home from the store and also have the watermelon later. So Heather and I made a store run and just picked up stuff we're out of and macaroni salad and of course we're swimming in tomatoes and cucumbers right now from the garden... so we have macaroni salad and cottage cheese and tomatoes and watermelon for dinner.

Now I have worked some on the house. All the dishes are done, the table is cleaned off, tablecloth in the washer and I am feeling still physically tired, but maybe not so agitated. Maybe I won't have to drug so heavily to sleep tonight. I feel more content for sure, less like stabbing anybody and maybe able to deal a little better with life.

I don't know what the plans are for tomorrow. We have talked about climbing or hiking at the "Unlikely" road cut, swimming at the lake and Michael does have lots of homework and reading to do. Roma, of course, didn't even bring home his schoolbooks for the weekend, despite not turning in any homework last week. If they don't decide to let him go home, he is going to end up in the mandatory after school program they have started this year for students who are behind on the assignments - boy, will that piss him off. At this point I don't care anymore if he goes home. I haven't failed. I did my best. Heather is EXCELLENT at making conversation and drawing answers out of people. He responded a little better to her, but still hostile and defensive quite a bit.

So right now my goal is to survive the weekend without any stabbing or mutilation. I think I've cried myself out for now. I hope to hear from the higher ups in the exchange program or to get something back from Roma's dad soon. Tomorrow I just want to have fun. Even if part of that fun is getting caught up at work, that's better that being upset all the time.

And now I am going to have a little ice cream, take my medicine and go to bed, with maybe only one valium, instead of two.

Happy today for nice people who know when they buy drinks from us at the orchestra booth that it is a donation to the orchestra and give extra money. Isn't that nice?