Flashbacks

I had a flashback to my marriage today while I was mowing the lawn. I was thinking of the tasks I want to have Michael do tomorrow and I imagined him tell me that he didn't want to. (He didn't - he agreed to do them because he is so nice - now if he'll remember....) When I was married we had a big area rug in the living room. It was an oriental style rug, but the main color was navy blue. The blue part showed every bit of fuzz and lint and dust horribly. We didn't have a vacuum cleaner, just this little bitty hand vac and I would crawl around on my hands and knees every day or two to try to keep it not so nasty. One time I was trying to get ready for company or something and asked Ed to do that task so I could do the food. He refused to do it. When I asked why he replied, "It's degrading." So he was willing to watch me do this "degrading" task constantly, but he was too good to do it. And he claimed he loved me all the time... Asshole.

I think my experience with marriage is one reason one of my favorite songs is "More than words"

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know

What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you

More than words

Ed told me constantly how much he loved me, but treated me like crap. I strive for so much more in my own choices. I try to treat people I love, ( and even some whom I don't) with respect and care. Even when my children were little I respected them as people. I still love and admire the people they are! They don't always make choices that I agree with, but that's life. Even when Emily has made a couple of big choices that I don't understand I have tried to honor her and support her because I love her!

I hope that I can be that way in my life. That love is not just a word you say, it is the things you do, the attitude you have, and respect and honor.

Happy today for: Money orders at the evil Empire. The fee is one tenth what it is at the bank. I have one bill that won't accept checks and $3.50 at the bank for a money order is a lot to pay a bill!