Wow.

So of course the IT people couldn't get the phones set up for the call rotation properly. I was the only one on call rotation. By 3:30 when they got it fixed Leah said I had 45 incoming calls and had managed to answer 41. I didn't take ads with all of those, we transfer a lot to circulation, editorial etc... because Classifieds phone number is easier to find for many people. I also processed several "Classifieds Plus" ads (our "overflow" service, when I did NOT get the calls), did several Sheriff's sale public notices because Sue is on vacation AND waited on about 10 people at the counter WHILE I AM SICK! So I am SO tired. I have done intentional movement three days in a row, but I want to be done writing by 8:00, in my jammies and then I am going to watch "The Biggest Loser" and work on dishes during commercials.

Erin and Kim and Kathy did a thing on Facebook where you write 16 things about yourself. I am going to try that, but I am going to do it here because I don't know how personal I will get. I am trying to think of things I have never mentioned before. If it's not too close to the heart I will post it on Facebook.

I started it at work today, but didn't have time to do more than two. I emailed them home and I am going to copy and paste them to start out so they will look funny - it always seems to when I copy and paste here!

1) I have a lot of anxiety, but I try not to let it affect my life too negatively. For example, one Thursday night as I ate my Chick-Fil-A in the mall food court I realized I was sitting under a HUMONGOUS 10,000 pound chandelier. The idea of it falling on me made me really nervous. I was able to repress that anxiety and stay in the seat under the chandelier until I was finished eating. I do plan for the future, however, to sit on the edges of the food court so I am not underneath it again.

2) I really like having long fingernails. I think this is because my mother bites her very badly, to where they are around an eighth to a quarter inch long and her nail beds are chewed and often sore and stuff. She has been trying to stop for her entire life and just never been able to do it. My grandma Pechin, on the other hand (har!), had beautiful, long nails that she kept immaculately manicured and painted in bright colors. I always envied her beautiful nails. I bit my nails until ninth grade and then I was able to stop.

3) I have become more materialistic this year. Sometimes in my life I have lived more frugally than others. This last year or two has been really forced frugality. I have no credit to use, even if I wanted to. I have usually been really happy with the simple things in life, but suddenly I feel like I am dying for a digital camera, a new couch, airplane tickets, nicer clothes, new carpet or floors and other home improvements, CDs, DVDs, and all kinds of stuff that we have done without. Stuff for Michael and Emily too. I think I am just tired of it. And stuff like making sure Michael can still have cello lessons means no digital camera $70 = 2 cello lessons or a camera. I go for the lessons. Even then his teacher wants him to go to a longer lesson at $50 a pop. Sigh... less stuff for me. Maybe I am getting selfish!

4) I have eating disorders. Most noted being simply compulsive over eating. I can also binge, however. I also have temptation, but have resisted it to purge by using laxatives and throwing up. I'm lucky I hate to throw up. I probably couldn't resist if it didn't bother me. Intellectually, I know and understand very well EXACTLY what my food choices should be and why. I am very well read in nutrition, have taken THREE series of classes for diabetics or food/ eating disorders, had personal consultations with dietitians all to no avail. There is something psychologically wrong with me that make me somehow want to stay fat and make my food choices according to that instead of with my intelligence. Of course all that makes me feel worse, then I feel like eating more because I have low self-esteem, then I get fatter.... vicious cycle.

5) I really, really like my children. They are great people and I think we have really good relationships. Sometimes that makes it almost harder to parent because we have different boundaries, maybe.

6) Speaking of children... I resent Michael's vegetarianism a little bit. When he made the choice I told him I wouldn't cook especially for him, but would try to make sure there are always alternate protein choices available. But you know what - I end up cooking for him all the time. Even simple things like not mixing the tuna in the macaroni and cheese, or only making salmon for myself when he's gone, because I know it was his favorite, or ALWAYS making veggie lasagna instead of meat. I have always tried to have vegetarian options when I host parties, out of respect for my friends' choices, but you know what... no vegetarian is ever going to say, "Gee Hope is coming for dinner, and she loves steak or chicken, we should buy one and cook it up for her," because they think their choice is the RIGHT one for whatever reason, so meat eaters (I) don't deserve any special treatment because the meat eaters are WRONG, and probably comitting a crime gainst the environment or animal welfare or both.

7) I hate a lot of jazz. I like mellow jazz with good vocals. Our show that I planned with Janiece Jaffe was amazing, but I HATE HATE HATE that kind of instrumental jazz where the musicians take turns improvising and each piece takes over half an hour. I'd rather binge eat and throw up repeatedly than listen to that.

8) I love opals. It is the "real" birthstone for October, and they also represent the characteristic of HOPE. I just love that and also their beauty. Someday I would love to have a really really beautiful firey opal in a sterling silver ring. One of the women at work heard me talking about this one day. She gave me a little set of stud earrings, each with a pretty firely, but small, round opal. They are set in gold so I can't wear them, but someday I would like a jeweler to maybe design a ring for me and use those opals.

9) I like my name too. I can't imagine having a name that tons of other people have. I love that it is meaningful and I feel that hope is a characteristic I try to embrace and display. Can you believe I named my children the most common names for each of their genders when I feel this way? I should have Sunshine Marie and Courage Nicholas or something.

10) I love my bed. There is almost no other place I would rather be. I like to keep my room clean and think of my room and my bed as a total sanctuary. Every day when I have to get out of my bed it is a struggle (It was REALLY hard when I was depressed). Often, the first words I say every day are, "Oh shit." No kidding.

11) I am VERY liberal in most of my thinking. I couldn't explain why if you asked me. I just am. I usually don't talk politics because I have no logic, no explanations, no way to express it verbally. I just want everyone happy and healthy and cared for and that's all I know.

12) I love Christmas. I love most of the music, the decorations, gift wrapping, gift giving, special foods, traditions, all of it. I think I have six Christmas trees in my house - only one large That is part of the reason I refuse to start celebrating until after Thanksgiving. I think if you do it for three months, it's just not special. I want it to be rare and special. This year I am a little sad because of my newly formed materialism. I would like to buy good gifts for people, but even though it's not an official rule this year it is probably a secondhand/ used Christmas again.

13) I don't like dogs. I don't like the barking. I don't like their smell. I don't like how you have to take care of them. Every once in a while when I get to know a dog and it's "personality" I will get to like one, but it takes a long time and I still wouldn't want to take care of one. And funny - I used to hate poodles the most, thinking of them as little yip yip dogs. One day, however, I saw a Standard poodle sproinging around and just loved the way it looked. So I am kind of fascinated by poodles now.

14) I like Hello Kitty (but please don't send Hello Kitty gifts to me). Her face is so simple and plain and innocent that it is just super appealing to me.

15) My favorite color is blue.

16) I like to use things until they wear out. I mean really, really wear out. I will wear a shirt for years, even after it gets stained I will wear it for pajamas until it is shredded. I realized that this is why my garage sales are always failures. So now I put everything on Freecyle or donate it to Opportunity House where if it is too worn out they will throw it away.

Happy today for: The one little break I got where I got off my ass, went to Dollar General and bought three packs of cloth napkins for ninety cents a pack and a tablecloth for $1.80. They were considered "Thanksgiving," but they're just plain green, no turkeys or pilgrims or anything. Maybe that's another thing I should have mentioned above. I am a little obsessed with tablecloths... I have MANY, and I like to have matching ones for my different size tables for when I have parties.