Player's Pub

Mostly pleasant. Sat with Rita and another band wife, which is always kind of fun. When the band takes a break and comes back to talk to their wives it makes me feel like, " Ooh, I'm with the popular girls."

I have a little bit of a history with the owner of this bar, in that he basically sexually assaulted me once, several years ago. I never pressed charges against him, although I have often wondered if I should have in case he is a sexual predator and I could have protected other potential victims. Then, dammit, he opened this great bar which often has great music and the older (read non-student) crowd goes and hangs out. Because except for the whole sexual predator thing he is a cool guy... For a couple of years I wouldn't go because I knew it was his place and I didn't want to see him. Then one day I just said to myself that if he is keeping me from social activities I would enjoy I am still his victim! So the next time people were going to the Pub after Contra dance I went too! That was an especially easy time to do it because I was with a large crowd and felt very protected and safe with those people.

Tonight he came back and crouched down between my chair and Cheryl's chair, rested his elbows on the backs of our chairs and made small talk and told a joke. I am not sure if he realized it was me until he was already there. I know he knew Cheryl and Rita were the band wives and thought maybe I was just some random woman. I felt pretty vulnerable. I had dressed so I felt nice, and worn a boobalicious shirt and just felt good. But now I feel a little yucky. I HATE that I let him make me feel that way. I need to tell myself that I can go on, that I can go when I feel like it and that even if he should approach me again I can be strong. I don't have to dress like a nun, I don't have to be with a big crowd, I don't have to be afraid to look at him. HE is the asshole. I am strong. I have a right to be anywhere I want and if I am intimidated he wins. And we all know I AM NOT A LOSER. So there.