Worked hard again today.

I am going to bake a cake for Leah when she comes back!

Michael has been so overwhelmed. I suggested he skip school today and get caught up and offered to call in for him.

He called me and said he felt so bad about it, though, like it was the easy way out of his mess and he was a coward to stay home. I really feel like he is sort of in the academic mess for three reasons: he is depressed, he has been ill, I failed to set a certain boundary this weekend when I should have. I should have said no fossil hunting on Sunday, but I didn't. He did finally admit however, that he realizes he feels bad enough to want to go see the counselor. I had sent him to school counselor back in middle school, but he always refused to talk to her and just sat in silence. This one, however, he had talked to and seemed to respond well - this was a few years ago. So I made an appointment for him on Thursday.

I think all of the depression, illness, problems with his father are all feeding off one another in a dangerous combination. I absolutely hate to see him like this. The women at work have encouraged me to just stop taking him to Ed's and to let Ed try to take me to court for contempt. They figure because Michael is almost 17, by the time it made it to court he'll be 18 anyway!

I think my next step is going to be to compose a letter to Ed to suggest alternative visitation like because Michael is so involved in school activities that it is too difficult and stressful for him to go every other weekend. That instead of "trading" as Ed currently insists if Michael has a weekend activity, that Ed come down during the week and attend an activity with Michael, they could go to dinner, do Bike Project together, hang out at the library and talk or ANYTHING. Ed used to work second shift, but he now works first shift and there is no reason he could not come down and visit Michael instead. If he says he can't attend any of those activities with Michael I might even go so far as to volunteer to leave the house for several hours so they can hang out and talk or cook dinner together or something. On the state guidelines webpage this is one of the alternatives they suggest for teenagers who are heavily involved in sports or activities. I would of course quote heavily from those guidelines, stress the desire that I have to help Ed "maintain" his relationship with Michael etc... (as if maintaining a relationship of hatred, resentment and fear is good), but include things to demonstrate that I am not trying to take away his opportunities to see Michael. Of course a copy would be kept and it would be sent certified mail with a receipt for future reference, should it be needed... It pisses me off that Ed still uses Michael as a tool of manipulation and doesn't consider his desires valid because he is a child. It saddens me that Michael has said he is afraid to talk to Ed about it because he is afraid of Ed. It's just wrong, wrong, wrong for a child to be afraid of a parent.

Happy today for: good financial news. I made enough commission in my first month that I can pay a house payment AND my debt management plan this week. If I get child support we'll even have money for food and gas too! Can you believe it? YAY!