Giggle and Swoon!

I am like a twelve year old. Today as I walked down the hall to deliver a report secret crush was walking toward me. He raised his hand so I raised my hand and waved at him as we passed. Now I keep wondering, should I have raised my other hand, the one on the same side he was passing on? Maybe if I had he would have "high fived" me and we would have TOUCHED!? Although he doesn't seem like he would be much of a "high five" kid of guy. See. I am swoony and giggly and insane. All this while I am a perfectly grown up woman. The other day I even thought of myself as middle aged for the first time... over a perfectly grown up man. He is older than I am . I think he is maybe 55? He could look older from smoking and I am just guessing, but I think that seems about right. Lord. You think I could handle this by now.

Last night when I was at the end of a long day with a headache all day that narcotics had NOT helped and I was finally lying in my bed (see, I do know the correct word to use is lie, even though as a Hoosier last night I said "lay down") all I could think was, "I wish secret crush were here to lie (well really I thought lay) down with me when I don't feel good." It would have been so nice just to have someone (well this specific someone) to be here with me. I am getting sappy and wanting things I haven't had in a long time. Well really, things I have never had. I think I want them more because I know that compassion and caregiving are part of his MO. I don't know if HE knows that I know this about him. A LONG time ago when I first quit being a Mormon and went to Sherwood Oaks Christian Church occasionally I saw secret crush there. It turns out that on weekends he was a caregiver to an autistic man who liked to attend so secret crush would take him to church. Isn't that sweet? That is one of the first times I was attracted to him.

Happy today for wishful thinking and optimistic dreams of a crush, even if it never comes to fruition.