Getting better.

I slept terribly last night, which is no surprise. It's been the same at night as it has been during the day with this illness. Fitful, painful sleep wracked with strange and sometimes terrifying dreams. This morning, however, once I woke up I stayed awake. I felt pretty good so I got dressed to go to church. Once I was dressed I was completely exhausted! I fought the urge to go back to bed and went ahead to church. I hoped to park in the actual parking lot because I felt so yucky, but of course that didn't happen so by the time I walked half a block and across the street I was pooped again. I enjoyed the service - Gospel music Sunday! - and there was a breakfast afterward. I saw several people I know and I was actually sociable this week.

I managed to go to Aldi and do just a little shopping to tide us through the week. I was so glad when I got home because I was really taxed and Michael was here and brought in and put away the groceries.

Since then it has been a hodgepodge of resting, eating, cooking, movie viewing, music listening, Facebook and Scrabble AND, AND, AND... I went out and did weeding for the first time this year. At one point I could tell I was physically exhausted, yet restless so I polished my nails to force myself to be still a while longer!

I want to try to stay up until 11 so I won't wake up so much in the night (I hope) then I will be more rested for what promises to be a super busy week at work.

2 months

So Ken and I officially "broke up" today. I don't need comforted because it was the right thing to do. He needs somebody who really needs him and I just don't. The kind of things he did that in his mind were spoiling me or helping me just pissed me off. He's so kind it's unbelievable... it amplified what a bitch I really can be. If I were to be in a successful relationship now I would really need a man who is willing and able to be a sort of disengaged companion, yet realizes when I really need or want him. Also I need to learn to be kinder and that at times I will need to be ready to fill a man's desire to be needed and cherished.... Sometimes being so independent doesn't pay off.

It's sadly ironic that I felt like Garet didn't love me as deeply as I deserved to be loved, yet I would describe Ken as loving me too much. Maybe I can just never be pleased and I need to be prepared to be single forever.

In other news, this terrible, nagging illness has paid off. I completed reading the third book of The Hunger Games trilogy. I intended to go to the movie today, but I guess I was too sick because I kept going back to bed and sleeping instead of getting dressed and going. I feel in some strange way that I should be commended for listening to my body for once.

Yuckety Yuck!

I am SO sick. I left work early on Tuesday, stayed home yesterday. I went back to work today, but I took two lunches and slept in the car. When I got home tonight I went to bed and slept until 8:06. When I awakened I thought it was 8:06 a.m. and that my alarm hadn't gone off and I was late to work! I'd hardly eaten anything today so I went in the car and bought some food, but it tasted bad and I felt so yucky that I couldn't eat it all. I'm just going to stay up long enough to take some medicine and make sure I don't throw up and then lie in bed and watch a movie, I think.

I'm supposed to cook for Food Not Bombs tomorrow night, but if I still feel this yucky I will have to stay home.