The end of 2011

I won't do a recap or summary or anything of the sort. It was good, it was bad, but it is over.

I look forward to another year. Part of me sincerely feels that I won't live until the end of 2012. I think I am just feeling so badly because of my headaches coming back so wickedly in the past few weeks. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. I am going to try to put that out of my mind, and focus on the positive. I have good friends, I am meeting new people all the time. I still have a job and it paid more than ever before this year. I just registered Hope's Homemades as a business entity for two more years. the website is almost all paid for so I can use it to its full capacity guilt free. I've crossed some kind of bridge as far as being able to rid myself of unnecessary material goods. All good stuff.

I will just keep on rollin'!

I am intimidating.

A couple of weeks ago I went and rode the stationary bike in the morning. Somebody asked my why I don't swim in the morning. I said I felt intimidated by the people who go swim in the morning. Later I realized that if I just make it into the pool that I will be one of the people who go swim in the morning. Yesterday I had a TERRIBLE foot pain day. I hurt no matter what I did. Through the course of the day I decided I would take an epsom salts bath that night and go to the pool this morning, even if all I did was get in a tread water. I felt like the cool water in the morning would help me have less foot pain day. I packed my bag last night, I got up this morning (a little late) I made it to the Y and into the water. I swam 500 meters, mostly because of the time constraint.

Tomorrow I am not going into work until 9:00. I am deciding to let whimsy be my decision maker tomorrow. It sounds insane, but I cannot make a goal to go work out every day, because it is too tempting to get into the perfectionist state of mind and then if I miss one day it will take me a few... MONTHS to go again! Sigh...

Just another day...

Dealt with pretty high foot pain, came home on lunch to elevate my feet and switch to different shoes in an attempt to alleviate the pain. I finally gave up and took meds. Meds enabled me to do an important arranged shopping trip, however, so it was worth it. I also took a slow half hour around Target so I got in a little activity. On my list is to pack my bag, need to get to the Y in the morning. Even if all I can do is tread water, it must be done. I will return and report. I am glad I have been able to maintain my membership at the Y. I haven't used it as much as I would like, but the option is there.

It's been a few days...

crazy days, trips to Lafayette, Wheaton, and back, a night in a motel with a near-deadly migraine, lazy Christmas and a successful return. I am glad it all worked out in the end.

I am still feeling fragile. I had a few moments where I had the migraine aura today. I haven't had the real headache yet. After I realized what it was I started drinking water and sort of babying myself. I had an appointment with Christine and she basically reikied me the entire time. I relaxed and drowsed and felt very spoiled. I am going to get in bed soon and I hope I sleep and when I awaken the threat of a headache will be gone.

Christmas just keeps on coming!

Nothing is clean and things are a little confusing, but it keeps on coming anyway!

I shopped a little more tonight and bought a funny (fake) furry hat for Michael. Today is his birthday and I plan it for a birthday present. I also bought some warm socks for him. I am one crazy woman!

I bought a book for Mom at Goodwill. The nice thing in their apartments is that after they read them there is a library where they can share books and they don't end up with more stuff in their apartment.

I still need a blow torch and I need to make Dad the fuzzy bag with rice too keep his feet warm.

I just put my fake Christmas tree on Freecycle. After this year's tree fiasco I decided I am never going to have a large Christmas tree or a real one again. After Christmas I am going to go buy a three or four foot tree to have from now on. I am going to give away or throw out all the ornaments that won't fit on a small tree and that. is. it.

I didn't plan to, but I made a little Christmas letter...it just happened.

Whee!

I love wrapping gifts. My favorite thing is to make the paper and all. This will do with the quantity involved and the speed necessary.


The end.

Tuesday...

I had a better day physically than I had yesterday.

I also accomplished a lot at work.

I had Scrabble Club tonight. I lost miserably, but that is not what it is about.

I don't know what to make for the "pitch-in" at work tomorrow - maybe nothing.

I feel extremely narcissistic writing all these "I" statements.

I feel mildly happy. :)

Better

Michael come home again this evening. We both felt pretty crappy. Neither one of us was very productive at home tonight. It had a WAY different feeling about it, though. still wish I had some energy to do some stuff, but that's just the way it is. I am going to accept it and love and accept myself anyway - and Michael too.

Lost a night...

It slip-slided away.

Tonight I am ever so grateful for Eric! I am angry with Michael. I bought a real Christmas tree to please him, then he felt it more important to go to a meeting, rather than stay here and help me. I was really frustrated, upset, and angry. The damn tree needed to be put up so it could have water tonight. It was too awkward and too crooked and I called Eric, crying and he came over and basically did it by himself ( I had chocolates to complete making for a gift basket.) It is super meaningful, because Christmas is an extremely difficult time for him. His mother died a tragic death one year right after Christmas and his beloved Ma-Maw died the next year. I love that he was willing to come over and help me. I should say that I know Michael loves me, but he is still young and often thoughtless in his ways.

Forgot to post!

Until right now when I am MAKING myself go to bed instead of watching more TV on Netflix!

This seven dollars a month for Netflix is one of the best bills I pay. It makes me happy.

The end.

A little uptight...

I had a massage tonight. I swear I became more tense during my massage! I'm not sure what my deal was tonight. I am guessing it is because it wasn't until 7:30. I was tired because work was especially stressful today. I lay on the futon and slept for about an hour. Usually once I come home I just don't want to leave the house. When it was massage time I hadn't eaten, the temperature outside had dropped about 20 degrees and I was drowsy.

I had these great thoughts during the massage and even though I had trouble relaxing I thought of all the things going on to which I had been invited. There was a home feng shui workshop, and a "dancing in the shadow" workshop and probably three other events I can't recall.. In the past couple of years I have met so many wonderful, interesting and diverse people! I feel so honored to have these people in my life who provide so many opportunities. I am still a complete and total cynic, with trouble "believing" in all these methods and practices, BUT, and this is real... I am grateful to be exposed to them and to have the chance to try them and reject them fairly if I choose. When I am with Christine, my revered and adored Counselor, Life Coach and friend, she builds into my EFT "This stuff is crazy. It's hocus pocus," and other skeptical phrases to acknowledge my feelings. It still amazes me when I think it "works" and I am given some clarity of thought and relief from pain or fear. Probably during my massage, which in a sense was a "failure" tonight, that was my most freeing thought.

Answers,,,

Waaaaaaah!

Incredibly informative, yet witty post lost here by computer docu-cide!

It's too late, and I'm too tired to rewrite it!

Information points:

I went to Y before work and walked one seventh of a mile and pedaled 22 minutes.

I have a piece of a staple embedded in my foot.

I bought "drawing salve" and hope it will help the staple work out.

I did hardly anything on my list tonight, but I'm cool with it.

I watched Harry's Law for the first time and I liked it.

I am working on a toy drive and I worked a little on organizational issues for it tonight.

That's all I recall.

Oh, and I am tired.

It'll be just like... Starting over...

There's the Billy Boy! He has grown and changed so much over the past year. He speaks very well now, he's not shy, he's SO stinking beautiful! I loved seeing Jen as a mom again. Mom's are everywhere. Lisa had the babies Sunday night. Chloe and Zoe. Everybody is healthy, but tired.

I went to Christine tonight and it was good. I'm still scared, but I'm trying to overcome it. I keep reminding myself to be motivated by love and joy, not guilt, fear or shame.

So to that effect, tomorrow morning I am going to exercise before work once again. Preferably at the Y, but if that is too difficult at home is fine. At home is approximately a million times better than not at all! Working out will bring me the joy of health!

So I am going to end abruptly to make sure my clothes are ready for work tomorrow and all that.

General happiness.

I plan to post a picture of Billy soon. I've been too lazy to take my pictures off the camera!

We had a good time visiting Emily. We didn't do any spectacular activities, but I enjoyed ht general laziness and spending time together.
Here is a summary:

Friday night pick up Michael from Occupation, pick up cello from Music School, drive to Jen's, tour new house, talk, go to bed.

Saturday, wake up, have breakfast with Billy, see some of his toys, talking all the while. Leave for Emily's, get to Emily's, meet June, reunion with my beloved Miss Kitty... :), out to lunch at Cozy Mel's Mexican Restaurant, back to apartment, watch TV, Walking Dead and Glee, Michael practiced, out for small dinner at Chik-Fil-A (I wanted lemonade), more TV, fireplace, nap, sleep...

Sunday, wake up, donuts, lazy, dressed, pack car, IKEA, Swedish meatballs and lingon berries, shop, shop, shop, ouch, get in car, drive to University of Chicago, visit Alexander, strange conversations, get in car, drive to Hyde Park area, dinner at Nathan's, shop at Hyde Park Records, Erykah Badu!, drive, drive, drive, home!

I feel back in the swing of things. I got up and exercised this morning, at home, not at the YMCA, but everything is good.

SO happy that even though the drive, drive, drive isn't my favorite thing I got to spend time with my favorite people. Happy it was safe driving and relaxing times.

Friday is a special day...

It's the day the cardiologist declared me wonderful and my heart function "perfect."

I'm very glad for modern medicine so I won't worry anymore! Maybe it's a little kick in the butt to keep me going on my exercise and working on the remainder of my diet! The high fiber is paying off. The cardiologist didn't give me my full lab results, but the only thing that was high before was my triglycerides and they have dropped over 100 points. Ha! Butter for the win! More reinforcement that natural foods win over supposedly "healthy" fake fats.

Michael and I will leave for Emily's house soon. We're stopping in Lowell to see Jen tonight and Jen and Billy the Kid tomorrow. Yay! It's been a year since we've seen them. They have a permanent legal family now, another year of fun and a new house, and a new job soon. Lots of exciting stuff. Now I can show pictures of Billy as long as Jen agrees! When you see those beautiful eyes you will fall in love - oh and Billy is pretty cute, too!

I plan to work on booties for Lisa's baby girls this weekend. They should be here by the 16th. I voted for Michael's original due date on the twelfth. and the first baby at 3:44 so it will be 12, 3:45.

Tata for now!

Thursday

I went to the lab this morning.. I didn't like the tech, but overall it was okay.

My big stress test is scheduled for tomorrow. I'm scared and nervous. Gillian volunteered to go with me for moral support. I LOVE GILLIAN! I always have to do this kind of stuff alone, no matter how scared I am. I have friends, but I always hate to ask them. I'm glad that sometimes they step in a volunteer or force me to let them come. For example when I had my last gut surgery Steph came and spent several hours in a hospital facility = NO SMOKING. That was a big deal for her. (No booze either, unless she sneaked it in!) That was one time when I was not the designated driver - probably the ONLY one!

It will be really ironic (but still sad) if I do have something wrong with my heart because on Thanksgiving I bragged to Vivek how my cholesterol was only 140 (really! it was!), and I eat saturated fats as long as they are natural ie: butter. BUT even though I eat butter now I grew up on Chiffon margarine and 40 years of hydrogenated oils probably can't be overcome in a few years.

Anyway... I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Gillian is doing this for me.

And... being optimistic that I won't die on the treadmill or be slapped in hospital for open heart surgery tomorrow Michael and I are going to hop in the car and drive first to Jennifer's and then Saturday to Emily's Squeee! It's been too long!