Timeline

 January 2017, sold the house, moved in with Kathy (end of the month, February)

April 2017 First Cruise Western Bahamas

July 2017 visited Britt in Richmond

September 2017, moved into small apartment on South Walnut Street

October 2017 trip to Los Angeles

January 2018 Cruise with Rachel

July 2018 Alex is born

September 2018 Cruise to Alaska, met Craig

Christmas day 2018 got engaged

January 2019 bought Moonlight Graham

February 2019 Cruise to Hawaii (with Craig)

February 28 2019, last day at Herald-Times, 

March 2019 moved in with Craig, Wisconsin/Illinois

April 15 2019 first day at UMR

September 1, 2019 got married

January 2020 moved to Galena full-time (end of the month)

March 1 2020, Cruise to Panama Canal 

COVID - when we came back went right into quarantine

Equinox writing seminar

 ·       Write about loneliness and sulking in the springtime.

Winter is so hard for me and springtime so, so welcome. The past winter has been lonely, though for the first time I have a partner - and he is a good partner. What I have been lonely for is a variety. Variety of people, variety of activities, variety of physical location. Working at home, eating at home, playing at home, watching at home.... all winter all the time. 

I anticipate this spring will bring more variety. Spring 2020 was full of fear and anxiety. We were afraid/                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    to visit our grandchildren, afraid to go out to eat, afraid to enter a store. There were so many unknowns that despite the KNOWN - that flowers will bloom, trees will leaf, and garden seeds will burst to life - the fears shadowed the arrival of spring, and left a certain coldness. This year with more knowledge, more resources, and more hope, perhaps spring will fully bloom and my fear, anxiety, and loneliness will remain distant and in the shadows, and maybe wilt away. 

·       What song from your childhood to you visit over and over again? What did the lyrics mean then? What do they mean now? What images or events do you associate with that song?

It juIt just struck me yesterday how many I times that I burst into song that it is a song from Sesame Street. I was the first Sesame Street generation, born in 1965, but I honestly preferred Mr. Rogers. I grew up in a kind of chaotic home and his calm appealed to me. 

The  first time I really paid attention to Sesame Street was when I often cared for my sister, who is 13 years younger then I am. As a mom I had two daughters who were five years apart, so there were several years where Sesame Street and its characters and books were part of our lives. Thursday as the weather warmed I caught myself singing "hace calor" about a hot day, and yesterday after a French lesson problem where my husband and I figured out an answer together it was "Cooperation, makes it happen! Cooperation, working together!" We often pass a herd of cattle that is all dark cows, except one white and - "One of these things is not like the other..." comes rolling out. Music and singing is an important part of my life and always has been. It's interesting me that there isn't ONE song from my own childhood that really comes to mind, but instead several songs or phrases and lines from songs from periods where I was the caregiver ... and they are helpful, didactic songs, but that's okay. I'll keep them in my life. Lessons set to catchy melodies can be helpful, and I wouldn't want to be a wasteroo. 

no new craft purchases until:

 

Craft projects to complete:

Miniature room

Christmas ornaments (12)

Scrap book

Pillowcases

Knit the next ten hats

Silky scarf for Shelley

Editing to add: 

Get the dollhouse porch fixed

Get the AG stuff cleaned an ready

A Family Recipe

 Many years ago my paternal grandmother's family (Fairchild) printed a family cookbook. Everybody was asked to submit recipes, it was printed up and made available for purchase at the next reunion. For the record, I did NOT submit the recipe for "Chicken Stew" that is under my name. My father submitted it under my name and to this day I perceive it as a way to criticize my chicken and noodles, in which he thought I used too much salt. In any case, I take my cooking and recipes much too seriously to start an ingredient list with "one dead chicken." He could be a real asshole sometimes. 

I've decide to occasionally  (oh, the discipline it takes to not type "weekly" or "monthly" and then perfectionize myself out of doing it the first time I fail to meet a deadline - so I am sticking to occasionally) occasionally try one of the recipes and post it here or on the family Facebook page or both. 

Yesterday we had a dressed down Christmas, with just the two of us, and I decided not to cook. We had frozen lasagna and salad from a bag (although I did jazz that up with some marinated onions). I didn't regret it, except later in the evening I said I wished I would have made a dessert. So today on day two of my self-imposed weekend of complete relaxation I decided to do a recipe from the Desserts section. I flipped past a lot of fruit desserts, though tempted by Crazy Cobbler, flipped past Sugar Cream pie, even though I am sure Craig has never had the Official State Pie of Indiana, and landed on Brownie Pudding, a recipe by Patsy Dillon, whose relationship to me I do not know. She must be back a generation or two. 

As I read through and assembled my ingredients (mise en place y'all) I thought "ooh, if this is good I will be able to recommend it for people who don't eat eggs!" BUT, the dough (not a batter, a DOUGH) was so stiff I could hardly stir it, let alone POUR it into a pan, so I added an egg. With the addition of the egg it was a normal, thick brownie batter. While this was in the oven I did some internet research. Recipes of this type are often called "Hot Fudge Cake" or something of that ilk. One that I found was very similar to this except the batter had two additional tablespoons of butter and 3/4 cup of milk. Those changes would probably correct the batter consistency without the addition of egg. 

This is what it looked like after I poured the boiling water on it. 

I think the photo even captured the steam. 

Just out of the oven, looks like a regular brownie -                    amazing aroma, very chocolatey!

Underneath the brownie is a warm hot fudge sauce!

I served it with ice cream

and whipped cream and a cherry. After all, it IS a holiday!

This recipe with some adaptations will probably be on repeat. I will make some changes to the fats and liquid to loosen up the batter and I will probably add some espresso powder because this would be a great mocha brownie and sauce. 

An evening walk

 Craig and I went for an evening walk after dinner.... 

On the way down the street we heard two owls hooting back and forth to each other, one very low pitch, one higher. On the way back we could hear where they were... I led the way across the neighbor's grass toward the trees lining the golf course view.... as we grew closer the large bird flew down from one branch to the other...a few more steps and it took off from its perch toward a companion... what a sight!

Another few houses toward home in the pinkish purple-ish sunset sky a bright meteor made me jump and turn immediately to Craig, who was also startled and starting to talk..."I saw it too!" I blurted. "What a walk!" Craig said, "we heard and tracked an owl and saw it, then saw a meteor so bright we could see it in basically a daytime sky."

Our view as we walked toward the end of the street, hearing the owls. 

This is the direction and how bright the sky was when we saw the meteor.

The evening view toward our house.

Finish 3rd...

which is the questions at the end of Chapter 4!

1. On a scale of 1 - to 10, how fun is the goal you might be working on?
If I think of the goal of losing weight, it is about a six. I like feeling better and looking better in clothes,  but those enjoyments are heavily offset by the stress I feel when limiting portion sizes and food choices.
2. Decide whether you are motivated by fear or reward.
Hmm..... i think a little bit of both, really. as far as the weight loss, fear of serious health complications like loss of vision or limbs from high glucose levels is really terrifying. The reward of being more able physically and looking good are also motivating.
3. Fun is often weird. Finish this sentence, "This is weird, but I find ________________ fun." I cannt even think of what right now. Maybe this is something to put in front of the support group, who know me well....
4. Pick three small points of fun you can add to your goal. I don't know... if I am doing low carb, bacon is fun. If I am using Fitbit to log activity I enjoy making my daily goal and getting a "wrist party" when it is met. If I am using clothing purchase as a reward getting something more fitted is kind of fun.

Finish 2nd

Hmmm... "Finish 2nd" does not sound nearly as determined or positive as "Finish 1st" the title of my last post, but the goal is merely FINISH. As a matter of fact these questions come from the end of Chapter 3, which is "Choose What to Bomb"

As I read it, I realized that I need to re-think what I am cutting in half, as well.

1. I could totally bomb logging my food, as long as I am eating what I am supposed to WHO CARES IF IT IS WRITTEN DOWN OR RECORDED ONLINE? NOBODY, NOBODY EXCEPT ME. It is perfectionism driving the whole logging my food. It is really unimportant except for some kind of smug self-satisfaction I get. I AM BOMBING IT FROM NOW ON. I also realize I am using it as a guilt tool.

2. I am going to simplify my email, I have a goal to keep it down this year and that means a lot of deletion of advertising emails. I check them on my phone throughout the day and will see any appointment reminders or actual useful communications that I can check fully and respond to if needed. Trying to delete them nightly just distracts me from other more useful things. Most of them are advertising and I am bored and have more money than I ever have had in my life so deleting can turn into shopping....but I really don't have THAT MUCH money, just more than *I* have ever had.

3. I probably won't do this one. Moving away from all my friends and activities has already done that for me. I have maintained the relationships that are important to me. People who bring me down on social media are already muted so I don't see their posts. I am actually in a relationship-seeking phase of my life. I guess I can adapt this to make sure the relationships I choose to build are those that help me achieve my goals and give me outlets for productive time.