Joy in the Journey

Ah shoot.

2012-01-31T08:37:00.002-05:00

It's Gillian's birthday today and I ate one of the pretzel treats Joyce made. I have even warned myself over and over that pretzels are verboten! They are a waffle pretzel with a rolo on top squished down with a pecan... a perfect union of salty and sweet! Well, all I can do is start over again.

I just wanna say

2012-01-30T22:41:00.002-05:00

I feel happy today. I was SO happy to meet Lisa and John's babies yesterday. I gave them their stuffed rats and they love them. Work was happy. I got some songs on my mp3 player and y life at work is about a zillion and a half times happier with music. I know I won't be able to listen to it in the busy phone season, but I am really happy about it right now. I still had enough pain today to make me take pain killer in the morning, but it wasn't quite so bad and not so depressing. Day three of no gluten. I signed up to take another dinner to a Buffalo Sister who recently had a baby. Barley in not on her no-no list so I will make the vegetable barley soup I have been planning and give it to her and her family. I almost have hats complete for her little ones as well. That will be nice. Tomorrow is Scrabble and I can debut my new board.

Gluten-free...ME?

2012-01-29T10:59:00.003-05:00

Many, many people try to tell me how to eat and I completely and utterly rebel. Yesterday morning I had a massage. Since October my migraines have increased in frequency and intensity, even three episodes of actual vomiting and also episodes of nausea and dry heaves. Monday I went to the chiropractor and got some extensive work done. She recommended I go get professional massages now instead of going to the massage school. I'm desperate, so even though it costs THREE TIMES as much money, I made an appt. at That's The Rub Massage Therapy. The therapist, Rachel, recommended I go gluten free. For some reason it rang true. Then I came home and got on Facebook and my niece Barbara mentioned that she has had headaches since she was a teenager, has recently gone gluten free and they are gone. That sealed the deal.

According to the interwebs gluten free means really gluten free - watching even for cross contamination. I know my friend Kat has spoken about that as well. I am not sure if I can manage that and be a baker with wheat flour. Now that cup of barley I bought for soup, must be given away. I'm wondering if my chewable vitamins I bought are edible, all kinds of stuff. I think for now my plan is to start with the obvious stuff before I go out and buy a bunch of special things. I know there is a huge market for gluten free products. Maybe Hope's Homemades needs to become a specialty bakery. Hmmm...

Tomorrow

2012-01-12T23:03:00.002-05:00

Tomorrow I will:
Awaken at the appropriate time
Get ready for the day efficiently
Go to work on time
Work hard and efficiently
Take care of personal business as needed
Remember to take breaks and move frequently
Eat nourishing and satisfying food
Drink sufficient amounts of water.
Enjoy time with friends in the evening
Go to bed at a good time.

2012-01-06T23:05:00.000-05:00

Facebook Status:

I have a job and insurance and I live in the U.S. and I was able to take my son for medical care and get medicine. I won a $100 gift card at work for losing weight. I lost weight - over the holidays. I don't have a headache today and I have a new prescription if I get one. It's the beginning of a four day weekend/my annual retreat and I just went to a good movie. #Lifeisgood

Oops.

2012-01-05T22:59:00.003-05:00

Real life has interfered somewhat with my online activity.

Last night I felt well enough to try a run to Bloomingfoods so I called Michael to see if he wanted to go to pick up some stuff. He did, so I went downtown to get him. He said he knew the Occupation was going to get notice of eviction. When we returned to camp I decided maybe I should stay for GA (General Assembly) to see if there was a plan to know if I should bring some of Michael's belongings home or maybe even Michael. I ended up staying there for a couple of hours. Pretty soon after I first arrived the police went around and taped notices to the light poles. The Occupation was supposed to have all belongings out by noon today or their stuff would be confiscated. The Occupants (mostly) agreed to get the stuff out. So far no cops have gone and confiscated nor destroyed any belongings and I guess they have actually been granted an extension until noon tomorrow. I wish I didn't hate typing so much. I certainly have a lot of thoughts about this. I think the time for a physical occupation of space is over and it is time to use the networks they've developed, the skills they've acquired and the information they've learned and let the Occupation evolve to the next level. It's like when one needs to go to residential rehab for a while, but the process isn't complete unless you take it back out into the world and continue to live your life clean and successfully.

Michael had planned to come home tonight, but instead he is staying at the home of some other occupants. Michael is very sick with a very sore throat. Everybody decided it is best that he stay inside a house even though there seems to be no danger of arrest at the park tonight. I'm ready for him to come home. He has probably been the most faithful regular resident of the occupation, staying almost every night for nearly three months. I am proud of him for honoring his convictions, but I'm ready for him to come home. I haven't really written on my (minor) involvement with the occupation. I went from pretty hearty support to some disillusionment. I've decided my take on the Occupy catchphrase is "#Occupy your heart #Occupy your cranium - in real language "Act and speak thoughtfully, motivated by love."

I desperately need sleep tonight. Last night I ended up going back after 1:00 to get some items from camp. Honestly, I was about an hour into the deepest sleep I've had all week, and afterward, I never got it back. I'm going to watch some more news and see if they show the stuff from Occupy at Peoples' Park and then I am off to bed!

Significant hat complete.

2012-01-02T22:48:00.002-05:00

I wanted to make something for Brianna and Arianna and decided on hats. 1st one is complete today. Next comes a good one for BTK. I love making hats on my knitting looms. I am glad I am starting to think of different decorations and stuff to add to them and make them more special. A couple of weeks ago there was an article in Parade about a woman who knitted a bunch of hats for children. It's a demonstration of how shallow I am that I thought about how much cuter my hats are than hers were! Really the important thing is that the hats get to people who need them, but hey! a hat can be warm and cute, right? SO I am loving my hat looms tonight. It may be a repeat gratitude post to say that, but it is a deep, deep, affection. :)

New year milestone

2012-01-01T11:30:00.000-05:00

199.6 - the plan is to keep going down.

The end of 2011

2011-12-31T22:48:00.002-05:00

I won't do a recap or summary or anything of the sort. It was good, it was bad, but it is over.

I look forward to another year. Part of me sincerely feels that I won't live until the end of 2012. I think I am just feeling so badly because of my headaches coming back so wickedly in the past few weeks. It is emotionally and physically exhausting. I am going to try to put that out of my mind, and focus on the positive. I have good friends, I am meeting new people all the time. I still have a job and it paid more than ever before this year. I just registered Hope's Homemades as a business entity for two more years. the website is almost all paid for so I can use it to its full capacity guilt free. I've crossed some kind of bridge as far as being able to rid myself of unnecessary material goods. All good stuff.

I will just keep on rollin'!

I am intimidating.

2011-12-29T21:53:00.002-05:00

A couple of weeks ago I went and rode the stationary bike in the morning. Somebody asked my why I don't swim in the morning. I said I felt intimidated by the people who go swim in the morning. Later I realized that if I just make it into the pool that I will be one of the people who go swim in the morning. Yesterday I had a TERRIBLE foot pain day. I hurt no matter what I did. Through the course of the day I decided I would take an epsom salts bath that night and go to the pool this morning, even if all I did was get in a tread water. I felt like the cool water in the morning would help me have less foot pain day. I packed my bag last night, I got up this morning (a little late) I made it to the Y and into the water. I swam 500 meters, mostly because of the time constraint.

Tomorrow I am not going into work until 9:00. I am deciding to let whimsy be my decision maker tomorrow. It sounds insane, but I cannot make a goal to go work out every day, because it is too tempting to get into the perfectionist state of mind and then if I miss one day it will take me a few... MONTHS to go again! Sigh...

Just another day...

2011-12-28T22:45:00.002-05:00

Dealt with pretty high foot pain, came home on lunch to elevate my feet and switch to different shoes in an attempt to alleviate the pain. I finally gave up and took meds. Meds enabled me to do an important arranged shopping trip, however, so it was worth it. I also took a slow half hour around Target so I got in a little activity. On my list is to pack my bag, need to get to the Y in the morning. Even if all I can do is tread water, it must be done. I will return and report. I am glad I have been able to maintain my membership at the Y. I haven't used it as much as I would like, but the option is there.

It's been a few days...

2011-12-27T23:02:00.002-05:00

crazy days, trips to Lafayette, Wheaton, and back, a night in a motel with a near-deadly migraine, lazy Christmas and a successful return. I am glad it all worked out in the end.

I am still feeling fragile. I had a few moments where I had the migraine aura today. I haven't had the real headache yet. After I realized what it was I started drinking water and sort of babying myself. I had an appointment with Christine and she basically reikied me the entire time. I relaxed and drowsed and felt very spoiled. I am going to get in bed soon and I hope I sleep and when I awaken the threat of a headache will be gone.

Christmas just keeps on coming!

2011-12-22T23:27:00.002-05:00

Nothing is clean and things are a little confusing, but it keeps on coming anyway!

I shopped a little more tonight and bought a funny (fake) furry hat for Michael. Today is his birthday and I plan it for a birthday present. I also bought some warm socks for him. I am one crazy woman!

I bought a book for Mom at Goodwill. The nice thing in their apartments is that after they read them there is a library where they can share books and they don't end up with more stuff in their apartment.

I still need a blow torch and I need to make Dad the fuzzy bag with rice too keep his feet warm.

I just put my fake Christmas tree on Freecycle. After this year's tree fiasco I decided I am never going to have a large Christmas tree or a real one again. After Christmas I am going to go buy a three or four foot tree to have from now on. I am going to give away or throw out all the ornaments that won't fit on a small tree and that. is. it.

I didn't plan to, but I made a little Christmas letter...it just happened.

Whee!

2011-12-21T23:30:00.001-05:00

I love wrapping gifts. My favorite thing is to make the paper and all. This will do with the quantity involved and the speed necessary.

The end.

Tuesday...

2011-12-20T22:05:00.002-05:00

I had a better day physically than I had yesterday.

I also accomplished a lot at work.

I had Scrabble Club tonight. I lost miserably, but that is not what it is about.

I don't know what to make for the "pitch-in" at work tomorrow - maybe nothing.

I feel extremely narcissistic writing all these "I" statements.

I feel mildly happy. :)

Better

2011-12-19T21:55:00.002-05:00

Michael come home again this evening. We both felt pretty crappy. Neither one of us was very productive at home tonight. It had a WAY different feeling about it, though. still wish I had some energy to do some stuff, but that's just the way it is. I am going to accept it and love and accept myself anyway - and Michael too.

Lost a night...

2011-12-18T23:51:00.002-05:00

It slip-slided away.

Tonight I am ever so grateful for Eric! I am angry with Michael. I bought a real Christmas tree to please him, then he felt it more important to go to a meeting, rather than stay here and help me. I was really frustrated, upset, and angry. The damn tree needed to be put up so it could have water tonight. It was too awkward and too crooked and I called Eric, crying and he came over and basically did it by himself ( I had chocolates to complete making for a gift basket.) It is super meaningful, because Christmas is an extremely difficult time for him. His mother died a tragic death one year right after Christmas and his beloved Ma-Maw died the next year. I love that he was willing to come over and help me. I should say that I know Michael loves me, but he is still young and often thoughtless in his ways.

Forgot to post!

2011-12-16T23:58:00.003-05:00

Until right now when I am MAKING myself go to bed instead of watching more TV on Netflix!

This seven dollars a month for Netflix is one of the best bills I pay. It makes me happy.

The end.

A little uptight...

2011-12-15T22:39:00.002-05:00

I had a massage tonight. I swear I became more tense during my massage! I'm not sure what my deal was tonight. I am guessing it is because it wasn't until 7:30. I was tired because work was especially stressful today. I lay on the futon and slept for about an hour. Usually once I come home I just don't want to leave the house. When it was massage time I hadn't eaten, the temperature outside had dropped about 20 degrees and I was drowsy.

I had these great thoughts during the massage and even though I had trouble relaxing I thought of all the things going on to which I had been invited. There was a home feng shui workshop, and a "dancing in the shadow" workshop and probably three other events I can't recall.. In the past couple of years I have met so many wonderful, interesting and diverse people! I feel so honored to have these people in my life who provide so many opportunities. I am still a complete and total cynic, with trouble "believing" in all these methods and practices, BUT, and this is real... I am grateful to be exposed to them and to have the chance to try them and reject them fairly if I choose. When I am with Christine, my revered and adored Counselor, Life Coach and friend, she builds into my EFT "This stuff is crazy. It's hocus pocus," and other skeptical phrases to acknowledge my feelings. It still amazes me when I think it "works" and I am given some clarity of thought and relief from pain or fear. Probably during my massage, which in a sense was a "failure" tonight, that was my most freeing thought.

Answers,,,

2011-12-14T22:43:00.002-05:00

Waaaaaaah!

Incredibly informative, yet witty post lost here by computer docu-cide!

It's too late, and I'm too tired to rewrite it!

Information points:

I went to Y before work and walked one seventh of a mile and pedaled 22 minutes.

I have a piece of a staple embedded in my foot.

I bought "drawing salve" and hope it will help the staple work out.

I did hardly anything on my list tonight, but I'm cool with it.

I watched Harry's Law for the first time and I liked it.

I am working on a toy drive and I worked a little on organizational issues for it tonight.

That's all I recall.

Oh, and I am tired.

It'll be just like... Starting over...

2011-12-13T22:50:00.002-05:00

There's the Billy Boy! He has grown and changed so much over the past year. He speaks very well now, he's not shy, he's SO stinking beautiful! I loved seeing Jen as a mom again. Mom's are everywhere. Lisa had the babies Sunday night. Chloe and Zoe. Everybody is healthy, but tired.

I went to Christine tonight and it was good. I'm still scared, but I'm trying to overcome it. I keep reminding myself to be motivated by love and joy, not guilt, fear or shame.

So to that effect, tomorrow morning I am going to exercise before work once again. Preferably at the Y, but if that is too difficult at home is fine. At home is approximately a million times better than not at all! Working out will bring me the joy of health!

So I am going to end abruptly to make sure my clothes are ready for work tomorrow and all that.

General happiness.

2011-12-06T22:25:00.002-05:00

I plan to post a picture of Billy soon. I've been too lazy to take my pictures off the camera!

We had a good time visiting Emily. We didn't do any spectacular activities, but I enjoyed ht general laziness and spending time together.
Here is a summary:

Friday night pick up Michael from Occupation, pick up cello from Music School, drive to Jen's, tour new house, talk, go to bed.

Saturday, wake up, have breakfast with Billy, see some of his toys, talking all the while. Leave for Emily's, get to Emily's, meet June, reunion with my beloved Miss Kitty... :), out to lunch at Cozy Mel's Mexican Restaurant, back to apartment, watch TV, Walking Dead and Glee, Michael practiced, out for small dinner at Chik-Fil-A (I wanted lemonade), more TV, fireplace, nap, sleep...

Sunday, wake up, donuts, lazy, dressed, pack car, IKEA, Swedish meatballs and lingon berries, shop, shop, shop, ouch, get in car, drive to University of Chicago, visit Alexander, strange conversations, get in car, drive to Hyde Park area, dinner at Nathan's, shop at Hyde Park Records, Erykah Badu!, drive, drive, drive, home!

I feel back in the swing of things. I got up and exercised this morning, at home, not at the YMCA, but everything is good.

SO happy that even though the drive, drive, drive isn't my favorite thing I got to spend time with my favorite people. Happy it was safe driving and relaxing times.

Friday is a special day...

2011-12-02T16:47:00.002-05:00

It's the day the cardiologist declared me wonderful and my heart function "perfect."

I'm very glad for modern medicine so I won't worry anymore! Maybe it's a little kick in the butt to keep me going on my exercise and working on the remainder of my diet! The high fiber is paying off. The cardiologist didn't give me my full lab results, but the only thing that was high before was my triglycerides and they have dropped over 100 points. Ha! Butter for the win! More reinforcement that natural foods win over supposedly "healthy" fake fats.

Michael and I will leave for Emily's house soon. We're stopping in Lowell to see Jen tonight and Jen and Billy the Kid tomorrow. Yay! It's been a year since we've seen them. They have a permanent legal family now, another year of fun and a new house, and a new job soon. Lots of exciting stuff. Now I can show pictures of Billy as long as Jen agrees! When you see those beautiful eyes you will fall in love - oh and Billy is pretty cute, too!

I plan to work on booties for Lisa's baby girls this weekend. They should be here by the 16th. I voted for Michael's original due date on the twelfth. and the first baby at 3:44 so it will be 12, 3:45.

Tata for now!

Thursday

2011-12-01T23:06:00.003-05:00

I went to the lab this morning.. I didn't like the tech, but overall it was okay.

My big stress test is scheduled for tomorrow. I'm scared and nervous. Gillian volunteered to go with me for moral support. I LOVE GILLIAN! I always have to do this kind of stuff alone, no matter how scared I am. I have friends, but I always hate to ask them. I'm glad that sometimes they step in a volunteer or force me to let them come. For example when I had my last gut surgery Steph came and spent several hours in a hospital facility = NO SMOKING. That was a big deal for her. (No booze either, unless she sneaked it in!) That was one time when I was not the designated driver - probably the ONLY one!

It will be really ironic (but still sad) if I do have something wrong with my heart because on Thanksgiving I bragged to Vivek how my cholesterol was only 140 (really! it was!), and I eat saturated fats as long as they are natural ie: butter. BUT even though I eat butter now I grew up on Chiffon margarine and 40 years of hydrogenated oils probably can't be overcome in a few years.

Anyway... I LOVE LOVE LOVE that Gillian is doing this for me.

And... being optimistic that I won't die on the treadmill or be slapped in hospital for open heart surgery tomorrow Michael and I are going to hop in the car and drive first to Jennifer's and then Saturday to Emily's Squeee! It's been too long!

Wednesday, even on the clock.

2011-11-30T21:42:00.002-05:00

I am so tired I am going to go get in my warm bed and read!

I left work early today and went to my new doctor. I think I like her. I told her my heart has been racing a lot and she said it is "tachy" (NOT tacky!). They did a quick Electrocardiogram. I have suspicious looking "Q waves." They are going to schedule a stress test to see if my heart exploded or something. There was a time some time in the past few months when I was afraid I was having a heart attack, but it went away after awhile. Maybe I should have had it checked? Whatever I'm still alive - could say a lot about the more intense fatigue, though. Tomorrow I get regular labs and I'm not sure when the heart test is.

I'm grateful for health insurance, even though this will STILL put me deeper in debt with medical bills. It wouldn't even be possible to think about if there were no insurance (except then maybe I could get it for free... sigh.)

An auspicious occasion.

2011-11-29T21:42:00.003-05:00

I went to the YMCA and exercised BEFORE WORK - yes, worthy of capitals and bold. I walked one mile and did the stationary bike for 14 minutes. Part of me feels like that was so puny that I am almost embarrassed. Deep inside, however, I know that it is a MILLION (capitals and bold-worthy) times better than nothing, which is what I have been doing. It felt wonderful to know that I made a choice that is good for me. It felt good physically. It felt good to take a shower at the Y (damn the environment and my stupid low-flow shower head!). It felt good to see people out doing things that are good for them - I want to learn from their examples as I strive for health and strength.

After work I had an appt. with Christine. We worked on ... well, it's hard to say. I guess the main theme is exploring why it is emotionally so difficult to make choices that I know intellectually to be correct. I guess that is the core of my "health" blog, which has been all but abandoned lately. We got to a little nitty gritty. I think what it MIGHT (capitals & bold) boil down to is that I've been betrayed so often and felt it so keenly that maybe I set myself up to betray myself ? (bold only). Time to get over that shit!

I went down to the Occupation later... they participated in a "Direct Action" at the Business School tonight. My question to Michael is "If you get arrested and lose your scholarship is OWS going to pay for you to go to college?" I sure can't! I DO (B & C) want him to do what he believes in, but with caution!

Feeling cold again.

2011-11-28T22:45:00.002-05:00

When I went downtown, though nd I was wet and cold and basically miserable I realized that I have a (sort of, but it is this cold by choice) warm house to go home to. The homeless people are so happy to even be able to stay in their tents in the park. The Occupants are choosing to be outside because they think it will help bring attention to their Direct Actions and their protests. I'm all over (as in finished with) that sort of activism. So I am grateful for my home, and that I have the choice to be warm if I wish.

So. Cold.

2011-11-27T22:59:00.003-05:00

I feel like I will not get warm again. I washed my quilt AND my comforter today. I can't wait to get in bed and get under nice warm covers. Knowing the homeless more now I am so grateful for my home and my wonderful bed with covers - even if it is still old in here, it's better than being out in a tent.

Happy Saturday!

2011-11-27T01:14:00.002-05:00

I slept most of the day - still mostly in a headache fog. The right spot in the medicine dosage cycle where pain really was deadened allowed me to go to karaoke tonight. I ate some food without becoming nauseated and I enjoyed myself. I am really glad I got to go.

Duh!

2011-11-26T10:17:00.003-05:00

I was just reading the blog/site "My Aspergers Child" about tips for peaceful (not hell) shopping with your Aspergers Child. I caught myself thinking "This just sounds like common sense tips every parent should use with every child." Then I realized.. no, I NEVER had to do any of that stuff with Emily. I know Emily was exceptionally opposite an Aspergers Child and that there is an in-between between Michael and Emily, (BUT and it's a big BUT) the fact that they are four and a half years apart and that Michael's needs became in my view the "norm" for parenting and LIVING demonstrates the truth to Emily's frequent assertion that I loved Michael more. I really didn't love him more, but yes, I really did have to love him differently - that was the only way to keep our lives from being a living hell. I am glad that even though I had no helpful diagnosis, somehow I was able to see what his needs were and provide the routine and stability that helped him. I still hate to take him shopping, though.

Friday post.

2011-11-26T00:30:00.002-05:00

It will be short, because I am going to bed very soon. I did make it downtown. I heated up a lot of the leftovers from Thanksgiving and took them to share. I don't need all those carbs around the house. Michael and I ate a little bit then we walked down to the square - we arrived after the lights were lit. Oops. We walked around and said hi to a few people. We went to Fountain Square Mall and looked in The Game Preserve (I think the game I've been trying to remember is "Mindtrap - must remember to Google"), we went to Caveat Emptor and I spoke with Mr. Starcs about the possible value of my books from Prof. Rothmuller's estate. He wants me to bring them in probably after the holidays. We went back down to the Occupation and hung out. It was low key and relaxing and it was a beautiful night. My body and spirit felt good to spend three hours outside. I'm very grateful for that.

Not REALLY Thursday

2011-11-25T15:29:00.002-05:00

I didn't make an entry on Thursday because I WAS SICK. I cooked a huge Thanksgiving meal of 1,2,3,4,5, maybe 6 courses... maybe more. Let's see, turkey, quinoa main dish, dressing, green bean casserole, deviled eggs, cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes, gravy (two kinds), pumpkin pie (10 total) and cheesecake. Debby brought rolls and Vivek brought a wonderful, homemade mushroom soup. I sat down to eat and had absolutely no appetite - unusual for me. I ate some of the soup and then filled my plate with all the other yummy stuff and sort of looked at it. I ate half a deviled egg, a little bit of mashed potatoes and gravy, and maybe a couple of other bites. My head hurt and I kept catching myself rubbing my head, but I wasn't connecting all the dots. After dinner we all just sat around the table and talked a little bit, but never did talk about going to the Muppet movie like I had suggested. Michael said he wanted to stay home and watch a movie and Vivek decided he wanted to go home and crash so Michael and Debby and I went to the family room, I spread a quilt on the floor and went to sleep. I slept for so long and so soundly that Michael and Deb got up and ate cheesecake and I didn't even know it.

When I awakened I realized that the reason I had no appetite was because I had a true migraine. Argh. I took some pain killers, but it didn't help. I sipped a ginger ale so my blood sugar wouldn't plummet. I tried taking a bath. I tried some of the usual tricks to no avail. By 3am I had slept a little more, but was up and dry heaving and crying in the bathroom. :( Sadness. I decided it was close enough to morning to take the meds with caffeine and eventually went back to sleep. When I woke up again the pain had reduced to the foggy/hangover stage. I was able to make it to work. I only sipped ginger ale and nibbled pretzels until lunch. At lunch I went home and had some leftovers. I also tasted the cheesecake. I swear it is one of the best cheesecakes I have ever made. It is so good I brought it back here and I'm trying to make sure it gets eaten up. I usually hardly even eat my cheesecakes, but I am afraid I will eat more than one piece of this one and it is not even chocolate - that is how good it is. Since I ate I feel a little bit queasy, but I don't think vomiting will occur. As the morning pain killers wear off my head hurts a little bit, but I am going to try to make it the rest of the day with no more medicine.

I still have cleaning up to do at home - I never actually got it all clean to start with. Listen - I was so relaxed I actually had people over without freaking out about the house and I was late serving dinner! I hardly believe it's me. The bad part is that I feel weird about it now. It was the first time Vivek came over and he probably thinks I let the house be like that all the time. I hate to tell somebody who is just getting to know me that I basically had a migraine that lasted a month and getting to work and surviving had to be the first priority. eek! I hope the new doctor might have some more solutions. So far the "alternative" healing methods don't seem to have helped much. I am probably ready to try a medical approach again, but not a million drugs like Dr. Andry.

I'd like to go downtown tonight to the tree lighting ceremony. I feel like I need to take plan making about an hour at a time and just see how I feel. If I get all excited about going and then feel too bad to go I will just be really disappointed. I think I am treating myself like a three year old, but that is about the way I feel about the holidays!

Despite it all I am grateful, glad Deb felt comfortable coming over - things have been tense with her unusual situation. Even though she is not staying with me right now I feel like our roles are a little bit different than they have ever been. It's a dance we don't really know. I'm glad Michael came home from the Occupation for a couple of nights. It meant a lot to me, not just because I needed his help, but because even though he drives me nuts when he lives at home, I still miss him! When I hurt so badly last night he really sweetly tried to comfort me. He is truly one of the most compassion-driven people I know. I'm glad Emily called me today (maybe this should go on tonight's entry) and we had a nice little talk. I'm a little sad because it was while I was still working on the morning online submissions and I couldn't pay full attention or talk as long as I would have liked, but she was on her work break so she probably really couldn't have talked too much longer anyway.

It's still WEDNESDAY...

2011-11-24T00:40:00.003-05:00

Baking pies. Numbers nine and ten are in the oven. Either cheesecake or sleep next - maybe a little of both.

So very grateful for all the wonderful people in my life. I just commented on somebody's Facebook thread (back a little more today, but still being careful what I read) tonight how the friendships I have renewed and the contacts I have made have enriched my life and the lives of my children. I think that even though Facebook can pull people apart, so can it invite a quick kind of intimacy, whether with old friends or new, that can strengthen bonds. It is up to the users to bring those relationships into real life and make sure that we use it as a communication tool and not in a way that can isolate us. So yes I am grateful for the wonderful people and for the tools we utilize.

It's still TUESDAY...

2011-11-23T01:37:00.004-05:00

I've been packaging, labeling, photographing... TRUFFLES!

So that reminds me that I am SO, SO, SO, happy to have my digital camera! It has paid for itself ten times over in savings on film and developing. PLUS the photos are right there... no taking them in to get processed and picking them up again, no rolls of film lounging in drawers for years, waiting to be processed. I bought it the first time Michael went to Science Olympiad Nationals. I figured if my son was going to win a National Science Contest I was going to have pictures and I do!

Truffles...

2011-11-22T00:15:00.002-05:00

Not the kind pigs find...the CANDY kind. They are pretty yummy. I am a little worried about getting these ready in time. I am also a little worried about getting all the preparations for Thanksgiving complete in time.

SO I need to get to bed so I can get some sleep and work hard tomorrow. I am grateful for the skills I have learned by starting my little business. So far I haven't made ANY money, quite the opposite... I still feel like I have faith I can do this. If I truly had some working capital I could succeed. And if it never happens, if I decide to end it tomorrow, I will still feel that way.

Linky Love.

2011-11-20T23:27:00.001-05:00

http://www.chicagonow.com/moms-who-drink-and-swear/2011/11/make-sure-your-kids-know-that-monsters-are-real/

I love Nikki. I wish I could meet her sometime when I go visit Emily.

Thanks, Kim.

2011-11-20T22:17:00.004-05:00

I did give myself permission last night to not hold myself to any standard at all. Unfortunately it came AFTER I had a freak out and "yelled" at Emily on Facebook, then left a screaming crying message on her voice mail. I still haven't really spoken to her in voice yet - only online. I need to make sure I am not so psycho anymore.

I think I am so psycho because I just haven't seen Emily for so long and she also used to call me at least once a week maybe more, while she walked home from work. Now she has a car and drives to work. I miss our talks, but I can't get my head wrapped around calling her while I am at work, then by the end of the day I am so tired of talking on the phone that I don't do it.

Also with Michael Occupying Bloomington, there is not just the missing him factor there is a worry factor. When he lived in the dorm last year I missed him and I worried about his depression. This year I am worried that he is not getting enough food and I am worried about him getting arrested and I am worried about his safety. So far Mark the Mayor has said it is okay for them to live in the park as long as they are peaceful. He has even okayed that they rent port-a-potties and put them in the park. After seeing that footage of the U.C. Davis cops spraying the kids last night I was just sick. That is why I have decided to stay off Facebook until at least the end of the week this week. I jump on for about a minute at a time and make sure there are no messages and that is it.

It's a little bit strange to live mostly without Facebook. I have become so used to using it as a communication device and also just to post my thoughts. For example today as I was watching The Office I was thinking of Michael Scott and how he is one of the best examples of a well-written "Lovable Buffoon" character and how there are some examples of how he is consciously using the buffoonery as a management tool, yet other examples of how he is truly an innocent... If I can't get a thesis out of Buffy, maybe Michael Scott can be my subject.

That is all.

I am grateful for the electric roaster Mom and Dad gave me several years ago that I hated at the time. Now I have found it is a fantastic cooker of beans. I've made refried beans in there then frozen them. Last night and tonight I cooked four pounds of white beans and made a fantastic pot of beans, then made a double batch of corn muffins. It was dinner for a lot of people! I think next I am going to try to make a big load of baked potatoes, then serve them with different toppings and stuff. I love my electric roaster that I said I would never use!

Feeling negative.

2011-11-19T22:50:00.003-05:00

I don't want to do anything. I don't want to blog or write in any way. I don't want to be on Facebook any more. I am tired of cooking and cleaning. I don't want to talk to people. I don't want to go to counseling. I don't want to work. I don't want to read. I am tired.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhh.....

2011-11-18T22:37:00.001-05:00

Sweet nothing. I came right home after work. All have done since my return is clean and nap and watch TV on Netflix.

I am grateful for nothing.

Stressed...

2011-11-17T23:30:00.003-05:00

I called Michael tonight because I was still in town after my massage. I wanted to see if he might like to hang out at Player's Pub with me and I would feed him some yummy food. He has lost about five non-affordable pounds and that makes me worry. When he answered I asked, "What's up?" and he replied "I'm facilitating a very contentious GA." (GA = Occupy Bloomington General Assembly). I started reading on the OB Facebook page a little bit ago and they are falling apart a little bit. There has become some division between the long-time occupants of the park and the Occupants. I've worried a lot about that the entire time, but tried to give everybody a fair chance. One staunch Occupant, a leader (even though they are supposed to have a "horizontal" structure) has already called it quits. I hope if it is getting rough that Michael comes home quickly. I don't want hm to be a quitter, but I don't want him to endanger his health, his scholarships, his anything. He may need to learn that little actions can be meaningful in addition or maybe even instead of a group action. That said, I am grateful that he has had his time there to feel a part of an exceptional, strong-believing community. I know he has learned a lot - I mean MY GOD! He was FACILITATING A MEETING! I am glad I went to Player's Pub to hear Maryll sing, but I wish I would have jumped on the internet sooner so it wouldn't have been too late to call Michael and check in.

Super glad

2011-11-16T23:51:00.003-05:00

I am so grateful I hired the Hoosier Disposal to do my trash. They also pick up the recycling. My garage was OUT OF CONTROL. After only two weeks I am going to be able to get my car in the garage before it gets really cold or snows. Very few trips to the dump now, because the only thing they don't take is glass. I have guys who come pick up my metal to scrap it so that will be taken care of easily (Hoosier would take it, but I'd rather help these guys make money.) I feel a little bit badly about leaving my local guy to go to a national company. When I called to cancel John, I talked to the girl and told her the minute they take recycling to call me and I would go back. She said they are working on it.

I was so exhausted at the end of the work day today I had to come home and sleep. I've also slept off and on through the evening. After I woke up from the first rest I made a pot of chili and took it downtown and also picked up Michael. He came home and met with a bass player and they played together. I guess Michael is back to auditioning for his progressive metal band. This guy was pretty good and they played for over two hours. I slept periodically and watched The Office episodes on Netflix. I might take some Benedryl and watch another episode while it kicks in, then I will head to bed.

and... WOOT! Emily is off work the weekend of December 3 & 4 so Michael and I are heading to the land up north to go visit. I can't wait.

Title lacking!

2011-11-15T22:27:00.002-05:00

Sinus headache today - I had to take Sudafed. Therefore I slept on my lunch hour and slept a little when I returned home. I didn't get home until after 8:00. Michael and I went to the Memorial Service for Don Swank this evening. It was a nice service. This church hosts a shelter in the summertime so the Pastor knew Don and it was a pretty personal service. I like the idea of that church and I am thinking of volunteering at their shelter next summer.

I went downtown in between work and the service and took Michael out to dinner. I am so glad I have a good relationship with my children. Emily actually sounded kind of wistful a couple of days ago when she said, "I want you to come visit me." We're working on it! Today's MeYou Health challenge was to pay somebody a genuine compliment. I had looked at the challenge earlier today, but I wasn't really thinking of it when I told Michael he's a good boy. When I looked at it again tonight I was really happy that I am able to say nice things to my children and that they truly are wonderful people!

So - watching "Hoarders" tonight...

2011-11-14T23:15:00.002-05:00

I pegged one family as Mormon. It seems to me that there are many visibly Mormon families featured on the show. Telltale signs include artwork, clothing, location and vocabulary. It reminded me of my own post last night, reveling in my grapefruit spoons and how they remind me of my grandmother.

I pondered:

Sometimes I wonder if there are so many Mormons on "Hoarders" because the family history thing teaches people to attach an actual spiritual value to objects.

and got several replies:

Joy Shayne Laughter Really? Interesting! I'll take Buddhism's non-attachment and meditations on impermanence any day.
about an hour ago · · 1
Hope E Golightly Me too!
about an hour ago ·
Ken Spaulding Mormons are nothing if not materialistic...
about an hour ago ·
Hope E Golightly I don't want to click "Like" because I don't like it, but I definitely agree. Maybe I was too poor to stay Mormon!
about an hour ago · · 1
Ken Spaulding FB needs an "agree" button more than a "like" button
about an hour ago ·
Hope E Golightly Agree!
about an hour ago ·
Ken Spaulding You agree...but you don't like it. OK
59 minutes ago · · 1
Nan Harvey
Interesting. Does the Mormon family history thing include keeping items that belonged to their ancestors? I'm not Mormon, but the genealogy thing does make me hang on to old photos and heirlooms more than I might have otherwise. I'm driven more by puzzle solving when I work on genealogy, though there is a spiritual aspect to feeling the connection between myself and those became before, as well as the interconnection with people living today....See More
49 minutes ago ·
Nora Chisnell Food storage!
42 minutes ago · · 1
Mylese Tucker I've never been taught to attach a spiritual value to an object.
33 minutes ago ·
Nora Chisnell And saving supplies (crap) for the apocalypse.
32 minutes ago · · 1
Sarah Pechin Pacheco Born and raised Mormon, and have never put a spiritual attachment to an object, nor have I ever heard of that. Ever. I know a lot of hoarders who aren't Mormon, it seems to be a personality trait more than anything.
29 minutes ago ·
Joe Manning psychometry
28 minutes ago ·
Missy Too At least in the past, my family was crazy with food storage. Store, then toss. Now they mostly hoard things bought at the mall, gift others to the storehouse, other members, then buy some more. The Shopalot Ward, Mall Branch!
27 minutes ago · · 1
Hope E Golightly The Spirit of the Lord is the spirit of love that may eventually overcome all human family estrangements as it builds bridges between the generations. It binds beloved grandparents, now deceased, with the grandchildren who never knew them by preserving and sharing their histories and keepsakes. (From Mormon dot org.)
21 minutes ago ·
Hope E Golightly
Diaries, scrapbooks, letters, and copies of speeches will yield more information about your relatives than a lock of hair, a handcrafted item, or a personal belonging. But don’t disregard such personal artifacts! They evoke a love and emotion more informational items cannot reproduce. Such artifacts can also contribute photographic and emotional substance to a compiled personal history. (Ensign Magazine February 1987).
13 minutes ago ·
Hope E Golightly I'm sure there is more documentation, but I need to do my bedtime rituals and I am not an arguer.
9 minutes ago ·
Markie Ellett hehehe....I love ex-followers.
2 minutes ago ·
Hope E Golightly I'm not a bitter Ex - just observational.
about a minute ago · <br>

(Note to Too) I would try to hide peoples' names, but I figure if they post it on Facebook it's already public.)

But the true observation is that those who are still "safely" ensconced in Mormonism had one perspective, the Ex-Mormons recognize it in the same way I do (except Joe, who seems strangely passive!), and the Never Mormons just seem curious. I don't really intend to ever spark a political or religious discussion, I seriously just don't care for it. I venture to say, however, that I am glad my little question quickly rendered some comments. When I watch Hoarders or Biggest Loser or shows about morbid obesity it is often with a dual reason 1) To scare myself out of unhealthy behavior by observing how negative results can be 2) a little Schadenfreude, "at least I'm not that bad." I think my feelings tonight were sparked by my own recent joy in a fucking grapefruit spoon.

I want to be able to enjoy my favorite things, but I need to remember that the joy is truly the memory of the person and events that the objects represent. There is no intrinsic spiritual value and no reward except personal satisfaction or historical knowledge to be gained in the retention or maintenance of such items.

It sounds silly, but I am grateful for Hoarders! I'm also grateful that I have the intellectual capacity and the ability to enjoy it as entertainment and at the same time to gain a little knowledge that should help me in my personal growth - I'm not flawed or bad because I value objects and keep too many, I was trained that way, not only by the behaviors of my family of origin, but by the belief system in which I was emerged.

Nom! Nom! Nom!

2011-11-13T22:58:00.002-05:00

I Love grapefruit. I love my grapefruit spoons. My grandma had them and I always wanted them when I grew up and I have them! I won't take Lipitor because you can't eat grapefruit when you do.

I am grateful for Aldi because grapefruit were onky thirty-nine cents today. They are a dollar at Kroger!

I'm up too late

2011-11-12T23:54:00.004-05:00

but I slept late this morning and was VERY lazy until afternoon. When I finally got going I went shopping for close to four hours.. I went to TJ Maxx, Big Lots, Sam's Club and Goodwill. I decided I was on a quest for some Christmas gifts today. Although we haven't had the official "home made or second hand" last year and this year I would like to stick to it as much as possible, for both financial and sustainability reasons. I found a couple of small things today that are good starting points. Now I just need a blowtorch... :)

I am grateful today that my feet let me shop today. They complained, but not enough to make me give in. Sometimes the effects set in the day after, we'll see.

I'm glad Emily called me today and genuinely wanted to see me and Michael. Sometimes I feel so separated from her. I miss her terribly. She's never been the clinging type so I know not to expect it. I am the clingy type, but I try to repress it so I don't bother her. Emily, I love you dearly and I can't wait to see you soon! Do you have a blowtorch?

Mimi died.

2011-11-12T00:00:00.002-05:00

As usual. It was a beautiful death. I wonder if the singers have special lessons on how to sing while lying down... La Traviata has one of the most beautiful death solos... if I recall correctly it is also quite long. I remember thinking (even though it was beautiful) "just DIE already!" Tonight I was inwardly patient with Mimi's death, but my restless and painful legs were twitching and jerking from a long day at the office and then sitting some more. I stood and walked a little or did calf raises during intermissions but I was definitely reminded why I don't usually like to go out or do anything on Fridays.

I am so glad to live in this town where I can see professional quality operas and concerts - about a fifteen minute drive and about thirty dollars. I wonder how much a ticket to the Met costs.

I don't know what to post tonight.

2011-11-10T23:15:00.002-05:00

I am so grateful for music. It is a link between people. Right now it is a link with history. One of my friends found a recording of the opera singer of whose stuff I purchased a lot of to keep it from being destroyed. I've had the items for a couple of years and I am deciding what to do, keep/sell ??? I mailed a couple of the books to a friend today. I have some very personal items in addition to books, sheet music, playbills and such. Listening to this recording makes it all seem more real.

Tonight I watched Christina Aguilera's "Beautiful" I love it so much. I never thought I would like her because when she first started being played on the radio it seemed like she was just a teenybopper pop star who wore a lot of makeup. After I actually listened to a song and realized what an incredible vocalist she is I was blown away. I still don't know a lot of her music because my radio station doesn't play it. I need to make an effort to listen to more of it.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eAfyFTzZDMM&ob=av2e

Hmmm....

2011-11-09T23:31:00.002-05:00

I don't even know what I want to write tonight. I'm really grateful for friends.

I'm grateful that I was able to have John Lennon alive for part of my life. On the way downtown tonight I listened to the radio and they did the "time capsule" from 1980. It occurred to me that he died right after that album...(Double Fantasy) was released. Michael wasn't even born until 1991. He has always lived a life when John Lennon was an historical figure, no more real than George Washington is for me, maybe. I guess we have video of John, but it's still so ethereal ... I felt like crying when I thought of all this.

I guess I can only hope that there will be other examples of peace and enlightenment for today's youth to follow. Maybe these people working toward the current call for change will be the next round of heroes. Maybe the kids living in the park ARE the heroes.

Very strange.

2011-11-08T23:31:00.002-05:00

I told Deb Ochs about three weeks ago I would make buttermilk pie for her. We were talking about her grandma, who had given me a Christmas tree that I used for several years when Emily was a baby. Deb said one of the best memories of her grandma was of her buttermilk pie. So I said I'd make one, researched recipes, bought buttermilk about a week ago and still didn't make it. Finally tonight after Scrabble club I made two of the pies. After I put them in the oven I texted Deb. She called me back and told me her grandma died today.

Today I am thankful for synchronicity, for Scrabble Club, for smart and funny people who like to play Scrabble and for kind people in the world. With the violence in the world it is easy to be sad, then something wonderful will happen and I get a little faith restored.

I'm going to La Boheme Friday night. I think that will make it the opera I have seen the most time. I know that will be at least three and maybe four times.

Well...

2011-11-07T22:21:00.002-05:00

As far as sleep, last night was a loser! I guess that tonight I just hope to get back to the six or seven hours I had for a few nights in a row before last night. The strange part was that I started to bed early, well before 10:00, and still ended up not actually getting into bed until just about 12:00. Maybe it has to do with the time change, but I don't really think so. I don't think an hour has ever been enough to throw me off. I wonder if I am more sensitive to it this year because my sleep has been so much more disturbed then ever.

I went to Christine tonight. Frighteningly, (key word in my life...) I feel like the EFT helped tonight. It almost scares me to say that because then I will have top make some kind of commitment to getting better and I will just fuck it up all over again. I guess here's to one more fresh start!?

Tonight I plan to look at my vision board some more. I will think not just that I want to be all those dreams, ideas and notions, but that I already am those dreams, ideas, and notions. What I need to figure out is how to manifest those things in a way that satisfies my emotional, physical, mental and spiritual needs to my satisfaction and is motivated by love and not guilt. Way deep here for just before bedtime.

I feel guilty (Argh. Urgh.) that I didn't bake a cheesecake to take to Scrabble tomorrow. YOU know what? If I had done it instead of resting I would have stayed up too late and not even been able to enjoy Scrabble time anyway! It's important that I go wide awake, feeling good, and happy. I will be more fun and SMARTER that way.

It was Marvy, Harvey!

2011-11-06T22:16:00.002-05:00

Urgh. Did all my shopping and errands yesterday, including a trip to the evil empire. It was two hours of sheer hell. Eric and I went to dinner afterward. We went to Waffle House - I haven't been there in maybe 15 years... The food was kind of grody, really, but it is a good place to talk. Eric is having drama with his friends he hangs out with. I long for the day he realizes that many of them are toxic people in his life and that he will be better off without them. I really care about him and I think he would be so much happier. I kind of said so last night, but I think he really doesn't want to let them go. There must be something he gets from these friendships that I just can't see.

I spent most of today watching a movie in intervals, spliced with cooking. I made an enchilada casserole and corn cake.. I really enjoyed my cooking and housework today. The movie I watched was called "A Little Help." I chose it because Jenna Fisher from The Office was in it. I really liked it. Oh! I also watched one with Luke Wilson called "Tenure." I liked it, too. I took the food downtown and attended most of a General Assembly meeting. I am starting to feel more comfortable speaking up and I am getting to know some of the people. The second portion of the meeting was spent discussing the man who died the other night - Don Swank. One of his friends sort of eulogized him. That was very nice. The people from the camp who had discovered him and tried to revive him sort of told how it went. I feel like they needed to tell it as much as some of us needed to hear it.

Now I am just relaxing. I need to do a little cleaning and try to get to bed at a decent hour. The latter part of last week I had a maybe three nights where I slept six or seven hours a night. I awakened, but was able to go back to sleep fairly quickly. Saturday I spent most of the day without a headache, today also. I did feel pretty sinus-y today and it finally began to morph into a headache about dinner time. I did go ahead at take a sudafed and some ibuprofen and I never got to be in so much pain that I felt like I couldn't do what I wanted to do.

Here is my positive affirmation for tonight: When I go to bed I will be able to reflect on the positive portions of this weekend. I will fall asleep replaying happiness and thoughts of peace and will have not just restful, but joyful sleep!

Now it's still Saturday!

2011-11-06T01:09:00.002-04:00

I went to Nashville to meet Kim C. and a couple of her friends for lunch. I'm not much of a recreational shopper, but I stuck around for a couple of hours and shopped too. I even actually purchased something - a pair of earrings and a flying pig "stone" - whimsical...

I went down to the Occupation and sat in on the end of a discussion session and knitted while I listened. Michael came home with me to eat and do laundry and we watched an episode of "Buffy" together (except I napped). Last night I had gone down and taken dinner to the Occupants. One of the previously homeless drunks talked to me and Michael. He kept showing me his heart tattoo and said several times, "My heart beats for you." I was a little bit stressed by his insistence at talking to me and asked Michael to "protect" me from the drunks - mostly from discomfort, psychologically - I had nothing to fear physically. The drunk (Don) went to bed and died in his sleep overnight. I feel a little bit freaked out about it and a little bit grateful that I probably made his last meal that didn't come out of a bottle. I hope he died peacefully.

It's still Friday

2011-11-05T00:55:00.003-04:00

If I say it enough or rationalize perfectly it's true! Using the "I haven't gone to bed yet" is the best method.

My positive thought/affirmation/occurrence or whatever is fairly general. I had a good day. My head didn't hurt until the end of the day. I made money, I helped people, I laughed... things were good. Thanks! I needed that.

Through a fly's eyes...

2011-11-03T22:54:00.003-04:00

I've been looking at my vision board each night before I sleep, trying to harvest some positive affirmations as I doze off and trying to ward away nightmares. A couple of nights ago the phrase "Living Light" leaped into my mind. When I cut it out and posted it on my board I considered the phrase as a synonym to "sustainable living" - making choices that build a lifestyle that uses resources wisely, the resources of the earth, my financial resources, preserving my material goods, using them wisely and sharing them as able. I've realized over the past couple of days that I can interpret that phrase a few different ways:

I am trying to Live Lightly in regards to my physical health, eating with portion control, using whole foods as close to their natural state as possible, taking fewer medications, using natural wholistic healing methods. I am literally trying to become a lighter person, to reduce my mass so that I reduce my pain and am more physically able.

I am trying to develop my spirituality, to embrace the light within myself and discover the source thereof. I want to become comfortable with whatever power that is and be able to use it for personal growth, to enrich my own life and to empower me to enrich the lives of others.

I want to be in a spotlight. I want to develop my talents in music, acting, reading, writing, in ways of performing and assisting others as they perform. I was recently reminded of the joy of doing makeup, costume, sets in the drama world and realize I want to be a part of that life again.

I need to be in the sunlight. I need to be outside. I need to walk, ride and bask in the living sunlight and enjoys nature's gifts.

I want to "lighten up" - to view life with humor and optimism and hope. I want to get out of my funk and share joy, yea verily, to emanate peace from my very heart!

I can be the "Living Light" to myself and to others. The light will rise from within and my eyes will glow - just like "Children of the Corn." (just kidding on that one)

Lovely - the group has consensus.

2011-11-02T22:24:00.002-04:00

I really enjoy when I go down to the Occupation. Michael is nice, plus the other people really do their best to make me feel welcome. I got a big hug and an "I love you," from one sweet guy. Admitted, it was after he saw the large pan of peach crisp, but he didn't HAVE to do it at all. :)

Hmm, hmm, hmm.

2011-11-01T23:10:00.002-04:00

It's National Blog Posting Month. I'm trying to decide if I want to continue with the gratitude theme or skip to something else. I want to do something that is positive. I'm quite despairing of some of the situations in life right now. I feel like I cannot conquer my health problems. I feel out of control of my physical environment. I feel like my financial situation will never improve. That's all the negative...well some of the negative. Here are some positives... I'm thinking...I'm thinking...I'm thinking...Oh! I didn't eat at home all day so the dirty dish volume did not increase. OKay, one positive. I will posit some more tomorrow.

Distraction

2011-10-31T22:31:00.002-04:00

can save lives.

I am grateful for Netflix. I am grateful for the amazingly talented people who write and produce The Office. I think that right now if I truthfully and fully felt the amount of physical pain and mental anguish that is really inside me I would despair of ever having a normal life.

Yeah, baby!

2011-10-30T22:55:00.001-04:00

I am grateful for people who stand up for their rights and have the courage to do do, even when it is not convenient.

Arrrghhh

2011-10-29T23:02:00.002-04:00

Today I am grateful that Debbie was able and willing to bring some Sprite and pretzels to me. I am frustrated what it was necessary. Last Friday and today this headache morphed into the dreaded PUKING MIGRAINE. After so long I can't remember twice in eight days is way too much. I've basically has this headache continually since October 7th. The headache, too many painkillers, not sleeping and nightmares is wearing me down.

I'm supposed to be trying the EFT tapping for my headaches, to promote restful, peaceful sleep and for positive affirmations. Maybe I am a wimp, but it just feels SO HARD to have ONE MORE THING I am supposed to be doing. I am overwhelmed. I've had massage, chiropractic, Reiki, baths, lots of water, herbal teas... I can't even think what else. Gillian took me for a walk in the fresh air... Oh yeah - Thursday I had the migraine "aura" so intensely I thought I was having a stroke. I am pretty sure I haven't had that in years. I think that is why it took so long for me to realize what it was. I feel like I am about at the end of my rope. It seems like every week there is one day when I say if it doesn't get better I am going to go to Promptcare the next day - then the next day it is tolerable until it gradually becomes horrific again.

Super-dee-duper!

2011-10-28T22:19:00.002-04:00

I am SO happy and grateful for my knitting looms. I am trying a doll. It will either be the sweetest, cuddly thing ever or like a scary clown that will eat children in the night.

Yep, once more with feeling!

2011-10-27T23:28:00.002-04:00

Tonight I am grateful that Michael is too cheap to spend money at the laundry mat. He'd rather ride MILES home in a cold rain and do his laundry HERE with ME. I stopped at the store on the way home and bought a little food for here and A LOT of goodies to make a big pot of (vegetarian) chili for the Occupants. I really didn't want to leave the house tonight so I will make it either tomorrow or at least by Saturday. At least soon their lack of refrigeration will be solved! Brrr. I would not like the idea of camping in the winter with no campfire. I guess that is why I show my support with food - I'm too selfish to sacrifice my own comfort, but I'm nice enough to cook for them. a little. when I feel like it. when I have money (kinda). when it's convenient. when...

I bought melatonin to try for my insomnia. I probably should have waited for the weekend to try the first time. I hear it packs a wallop. We shall see.

Gratitude, Dude!

2011-10-26T21:13:00.000-04:00

Today I am VERY, VERY grateful for Gillian and her loving assistance. I also like that she was brave enough to suggest it could be caused by some of my anxiety about the transformation I am undertaking.

I am grateful for Scrabble, both online and in real life.

Gratitude

2011-10-25T23:36:00.003-04:00

I am grateful that Michael is such a nice person. He humors me when I am silly or sentimental and I really appreciate it. I wanted him to listen to me sing tonight and he did and didn't make fun of my bad notes - and I usually hit some humdingers!

Positive affirmation - I am tired tonight and I expect that the fatigue combined with a certain satisfaction with the day's activities will help me be calm and relaxed and sleep well tonight. I was gifted today with the opportunity to learn to use my creative skills for making something needed and useful.

Positive affirmations and gratitude.

2011-10-24T23:03:00.002-04:00

I am grateful for my gray hair! It has texture and body and holds a curl. Before my hair was gray it was stick straight. It is much easier to dye hair than it is to make straight hair curly!

I am grateful for Facebook. I have really used it to restart friendships and to keep in touch better with people. I believe I am very good at translating Facebook into real life action and not leaving it at the shallow level.

Remember the uberlist?

2011-09-27T22:36:00.004-04:00

The giant list of goals I used make annually? I think I started in 2005 with "105 for 05." In the beginning there was a LiveJournal group who made a list and blogged about the results each year. Eventually that faded away and I was the only remaining uberlister, so I brought it home to Joy in the Journey. I think uberlisting was good for me in one sense. It helped me to realize that even if I don't accomplish every goal or cross every item off my list I am still a good person! With that said, however, I do want to make a small list of goals I would like to achieve during this last quarter of the year:
1) Read a book each week.
2) Faithfully attend my Life Coaching Sessions with Christine and work diligently and whole-heartedly to learn about and begin the processes necessary for a life transformation.
3) Sugar only once a week.
4) French fries only once a week.
5) NO. MORE. SODA. I have 2-3 cans of Ginger Ale and I will keep those on hand in case of a sick day/glucose crash, but that is the only approved use.
6) Meatless (yet high protein) Mondays.
7) Knit enough hats to have 10 complete by Christmas.
8) Minimum of 300 minutes of intentional movement each month.
9) Pay off the IMA bill, find a new doctor and have an appointment.
10) Blog at least once a week in at least one of the three blogs.

What this is going to boil down to is less computer time, less Buffy and Angel and more of what life used to be before Facebook and Netflix. The intentional movement is truly a minimum. I actually hope to accomplish more than that. I am taking my chronic conditions, which have actually become quite acute lately, into account and hoping that unless it is a sick in bed day I can accomplish at least 10 minutes.

Another weekend has passed and is the past.

2011-08-29T23:00:00.002-04:00

I made another list of significant tasks to accomplish and I am still working on some of them. I DID accomplish some wonderful things. I made my first batch of homemade granola. It was pretty good. I think I will refine the recipe and probably change it every time I make it. It is significantly less expensive than buying it. I am probably going to try to make it to sell for Hope's Homemades.

I also made about 9 quarts of spaghetti sauce. Unfortunately it was not from homegrown tomatoes. My crop is not substantial enough for much more than a salad. Canned crushed tomatoes are a little over $2.00 for a #10 can at Sam's Club. two cans of those, jarred garlic, three pounds of onions, cheap Italian Seasoning, a couple cans of tomato paste because I got tired of boiling it and wanted it thick NOW, and hours and hours of work makes LOTS of spaghetti sauce with NO SUGAR added. It's practically a no carb food that way. I refrigerated some because I didn't have enough rings and canned the rest in 15 pints and one didn't seal. Michael ate his first meal of it tonight and declared it excellent and said there would be no trouble using up the refrigerated portions in time.

I have some amazingly FUN and NOT work-filled weekends planned for the next two months. I will report soon. I wrote on my list tonight "blog a little." I plan to stick to that! I guess I am just a tease!

Weekend. Yay!

2011-08-22T00:22:00.002-04:00

This is the list I made for the weekend:

Things I really want to accomplish this weekend:
Reiki Clinic
Air in bike tires
Social Activity
Start letter and prepare for post
Fill pill case
Finish "Schindler's List"
A load of something out of house
Laundry
Good food
Read a lot

Guess what!
Reiki Clinic - Check. I still do not completely know my feelings on Reiki, but it was at least relaxing. It was odd that I had two practitioners working on me, yet at times I felt as if I had three or more sets of hands touching me...
Air in bike tires - Check. Michael and I went to the store today and I loaded the bike on and we stopped at the gas station on the way and got air. The bike is still on the car. I may leave it on there and ride it somewhere during lunch tomorrow if my headache is gone.
Social Activity - Check. After the Reiki Clinic Kathy, Cetti and I went to a Thai restaurant and talked for over two hours. It was very nice. Michael and I also attended the Iftaar dinner at UU and talked with some lovely people.
Start letter and prepare for post - Check. I've started a "Round Robin" letter intended to go between me, Kim, Susan and Lu. They don't Facebook and we are losing touch and I don't like it. Time for some desperate, old- fashioned measures!
Fill Pill case - Check. Add another 20mgs or Lasex daily. My left foot has been swollen all weekend! Grrr...
Finish "Schindler's List"- Check. Michael and I had started it on Thursday, I think. I am trying for us to watch as many of the movies in our Netflix queue as possible before we switch to "streaming only" when they raise the rates. Many of the movies on the AFI Top 100 list that we are trying to see are only available on DVD.
A load of something out of the house - Check. I took a full laundry basket of items to the new Bloomington Community Thrift Store. It benefits Middle Way House, which is nice.
Laundry - Check. Two very full loads gave me an empty laundry basket and a selection of items that are now laundered in fragrance free, dye free detergent rather than the type I had used that I suspect of making me itchy.
Good food- Check. With the exception of the eating out with Kathy and Katie I ate at home all weekend. I had no processed food at all, (except a Hershey bar) even when we ate out it was real, cooked food, not fast food.
Read a lot - Sort of check. I did read in my current novel "Black Girl, White Girl" by Joyce Carol Oates. I didn't really make the "a lot" part. I had a headache today and ended up sleeping a couple of hours of what probably would have been reading time.

Photos, because I'm too lazy to write..

2011-08-16T23:15:00.026-04:00

Although I say I am too lazy to write, I think I often write as much or more when I post photos... SO, here I go. These photos are all mixed up as far as timeline is concerned because I always forget that it ends up posting them in reverse order...
These top two photos are at the State fair today. I love Indiana's version of "Eat your fruits and vegetables." FRIED FRUIT AND FRIED VEGETABLES!!! No wonder we are all so stinking fat. On the way to the Fair Debbie and I were talking about the President's Physical Fitness Awards program. I recall that while I was in school one year everybody had to do chin-ups. The next year girls only had to hang for a certain length of time to pass. I joked that now all a child has to do is be under two hundred pounds and be able to sit up unassisted... I do love fried mushrooms and fried zucchini and fried sweet potatoes and... yeah.
The roach is riding a cicada. I was really feeling emotional about the summer cicada song of Indiana a few days ago. I bet there are no cicadas in the dusty southwest. I guess that will be one joy I will only experience when I return to the Midwest to visit my children.
LOVE the audience. The line is the edge of the plexiglass that encloses the track.
John Deere model D360 with pull-behind mower with 42" cut. Yep, I've learned a lot selling Classified Advertising!
This is Arwin Provonsha. He is an entomologist AND incredible artist, also a long-time family friend from church. Here is some of his work: http://www.learner.org/jnorth/images/graphics/f-g/firefly_Purdue.jpg Fireflies are another thing I won't get in the southwest. Hmmm... I have seen some of his paintings up close and they are absolutely beautiful. It can really make one appreciate the beauty of insects! Arwin has such a distinctive voice that I could tell it was him racing roaches today over the loudspeaker in a large and echo-y exhibition hall.
This is made completely of cheese.
This is my new pet. Eric bought "Piggy" for me from the gift shop at Cracker Barrel. I saw it a couple of weeks ago when we went to dinner and that's where we went again last Friday and Eric bought it because I really wanted it and couldn't let myself spend ten dollars when I had already spent money eating out. I always buy my own dinner when we go out because Eric and I are only friends, therefore he cannot pay for my dinner. Silly. Boy.
This is because I forgot to rotate the picture and I don't know how to delete it. The cage, by the way, I purchased accidentally from a silent auction at a fund raiser. I hoped if I wrote down a bid someone would outbid me and it would make more money, instead I bought a birdcage.
This is me today. I liked my hair today so I took my picture! It certainly shows how gray I have become!
This is Michael this morning. He has been cleaning his room. He decided to get rid of his Legos. We took them to the Boy's and Girl's Club. I had taken an employment ad from the Director and asked him if the club could use them. Of course the answer was an enthusiastic yes! The guys who were there were SO HAPPY. I am proud of Michael for making this decision. I am proud of ME for not saying I would keep them. I seriously thought about it and then realized even I should become a grandmother tomorrow (I won't) it would be eight years before a child would be old enough to play with these. No hoarding. No hoarding. No hoarding.
These are record clocks made by Adam Nunez (that second N should have a tilde, but I don't know how.) His record clocks are more artistic than the one I made, but I kind of like the appearance of mine more. I really do like the idea or re-purposing objects into clocks. So far I have done the record clock and the Scrabble clock. I have ideas for more of them, but the clockworks end up costing so much that unless I really have a market for them, it is not worth making them. I may look into how much it costs to set up an Etsy store... I already have some tax issues I need to work out first however, because I now realize that in Indiana baked goods are not taxable, CHOCOLATES and TOFFEE, however, are CANDY and are therefore, taxable. I have to fill out a Form B-1 or something and agree with the state how often I will remit sales tax on any candy I sell. Sigh.. Baking is great. Business hurts.
This is Rachael Jones. She owns a cafe - Rachael's Cafe. A few years ago when we first met Rachael was Eric. Since then Rachael became and the cafe was opened. Rachael lives in Bloomington, well actually, she lives in Nashville, Indiana, but the cafe is in Bloomington. Bloomington has an artistic, academic community, including an MFA program in Creative Writing. A grad student wrote a play about Rachel's Becoming. The play was accepted to be produced at the Edinbergh Fringe Festival in Scotland. Rachael's friends want her to be able to go see the play about her. Rachael Himsel-Nunez (where the second N has a tilde, but I don't know how to do it) organized a fund raiser. Rachael Jones is going to Scotland! Woot! I love Bloomington.
Steven and the Savvy (Michael is part of the Savvy) performed at the fund raiser.
Debby Ochs (Debby with a "Y", known in our house as the "Other Debby") came to the fund raiser. We have been friends for twenty-six years, when I first moved to Bloomington.
Hope made over 100 mini cheesecakes for the fund raiser. I think they actually looked better than in this photo and they TASTED fabulous. Some were topped with ganache (Spellcheck doesn't recognize "ganache"), some with raspberry preserves.
The last two times I purchased "Cleaner with Bleach" at Dollar General the pumper on the bottle broke. I purchased a spray bottle to use. Did you know that bleach oxidizes aluminum? Yep. I actually could tell as soon as I put it in so I internetted and learned about it. My curiosity overcame me and I left it in the bottle. I was nervous that I would hear a pop overnight and walk out to aluminum shrapnel. It didn't pop. It took several days and ate through the bottle like this. It was two dollars plus the price of the "Cleaner with Bleach" to see it. I'm kind of embarrassed that I posted it on Facebook without posting that I really did realize this would happen....

This is the monkey that Michael made in sewing class in middle school. I think it's called "Life Skills" or some such thing these days. Monkey is now in the "donate" basket. No hoarding. No hoarding. No hoarding. Memorialized in photo allowed.
Michael - he plays cello. This is Alexander's cello instead of the mellow yellow cello. Alexander did not continue to play in college. Michael wants to be a professional musician. Rebecca Berteloni-Meli and Nico Berteloni-Meli have extremely generously allowed Michael to use the cello for almost a year. Michael told me tonight the carbon fiber cello he wants to buy is six THOUSAND dollars. It is acoustically the equivalent of a TWENTY THOUSAND dollar cello. Michael gets enough scholarship to pay for all of his fees and books. He will probably take out a loan to buy a carbon fiber cello. I couldn't believe when the words were coming out of my mouth encouraging him to do it. If he plans to be a professional musician he needs to have the proper tools. I would also like him to get a semester abroad with a luthier (Oh my God. Spellcheck does not recognize "luthier" or "Spellcheck" for that matter!). Really he needs to intern with the best electric instrument luthier he can find, even if it is in the United States. It really sounds like a good excuse to go to Europe (Italy) to me! Michael is taking eighteen credit hours this semester. Nine are physics and math, nine are jazz improvisation (with David Baker! the best jazz cellist in the world - Google him - also recognized as one of the world's best music educators. Have I said recently that I love Bloomington? If only it were in the desert....)
Steven and the Savvy played at "The Switchyard." It's actually a private house where a house concert and potluck dinner are hosted weekly. Lots of (musical genius) hippies play. It's a good place to be on Sunday night.
This is Debbie (with an "IE" NOT the "Other Debby" with a "Y") We have been friends for seventeen or eighteen years, since we worked at Monroe County Bank together and our children, Michael and Leandra. went to preschool together. We took her to hear the Bloomington Symphony Orchestra (heretofore known as BSO) play at the park. Debbie HAD NEVER BEEN TO AN ORCHESTRA CONCERT in her life. Can you tell I was scandalized? I was so pleased to introduce her to live orchestral music. Debbie (with an "IE" NOT the "Other Debby" with a "Y") is also the person (along with Leandra) with whom I attended the Indiana State Fair today.
This is a fairly bad picture of Michael. He's usually very handsome, but tends to look stupid in pictures. He is growing the Luscious Locks again. They are finally long enough to put in a pony tail.

The beginning. Or maybe The middle. I don't know.

Happy Hopie, aka Narcisism at its finest...

2011-07-17T13:24:00.003-04:00

I just wanted to post this photo again and crop everybody else out. I also fixed the red eyes. I remember how relaxed and happy I was that evening and I like the memory and the photo. I haven't even said anything yet about meeting the nice artist in the orange Hawaiian shirt and how much I enjoyed talking with him. He's probably gay, with my luck.

Things I learned on my trip.

2011-07-14T22:45:00.003-04:00

I was so happy in this picture because I had been singing along with the music and having a great time.

When returning to Indiana from New Jersey always pick "West" ... unless of course you are picking North or South.

The Pennsylvania Turnpike is no fun, even though the mountains are pretty.

I don't care if a hotel sign says, "American Owned" The Mr. Patel at The Super 8 on the way was a SUPER Mr. Patel.

Always clarify what someone truly means when they say, "Don't worry, we'll take care of everything."

Not all twelve year old boys are equally trained or mannered.

Alcoholics can be hard to be around, even when it is a vacation.

I really enjoy time alone. I knew this already, but it was reinforced.

I probably play on Facebook too much, judging by the amount that I regretted, nay, mourned how my little netbook wasn't fully functional.

Using beauty products purchased with good intentions many moons ago can be fun: Pore strips, masks, good tweezers, etc...

Not every hotel room comes with a hair dryer (Mr. Patel's did!)

You don't have to plan every outfit ahead of time and pack accordingly. You will survive, and new socks CAN be purchased even out of state.

Try to pick the hotel with the free breakfast when you are diabetic and traveling with alcoholics - or at least pack protein bars.

Sing when you feel like singing, even if it is not karaoke night.

I went out with Pat.

2011-06-26T02:24:00.003-04:00

I had a day where I rested all day. The most I did was one load of laundry, some dishes, boiled some eggs and made salad. I never got dressed and I never stepped one foot out of the door. My goal was to rest my body, especially my knee and my feet and my mind and my emotions. I wanted as little interaction with people as possible. When Michael said he would be gone all day I was thrilled. I watched three episodes of "Buffy" sandwiched the tasks I wanted to do in between "commercial breaks" and episodes and SLEPT an awful lot. Pat called sometime --- maybe 8:30 or nine and asked me to go out to this "Retro Prom" with him and I said no. About half an hour later he called back and talked me into going. So I took a shower and got dressed in pseudo prom garb and went to get him, having been designated the driver. I'm glad I dressed up a little because he was in his black suit and he looks ab fab in it!

It turns out he wanted to celebrate that today means he lived one day longer than how old his dad was when he died. Pat's only 47 and a half and he was 15 when his dad died, leaving behind 9? 10? children... His mom finished raising all those children by herself and did a good job. It's been a bad few years recently. His mom now has Alzheimer's, one of Pat's brothers was killed in a bike (bicycle, NOT motorcycle) crash, Pat had his DUI, and there has been conflict of some sort between several of the siblings.

Since his DUI Pat and I haven't hung out very much. Previous to his arrest we had often gone out to bars. He drank, he bought, I sang, we danced sometimes. I would spend a lot of time listening to him rant a little. He's one of those people who knows their opinion is always right and likes to talk about it. Because I don't argue politics or religion or right or wrong very often I was a good audience to just listen and let him go on, even when I didn't agree. When we were together and ran into people he knew he would often introduce me as his first friend in Bloomington and tell how I invited him to one of my parties and that is how he started to meet people here. After his DUI, however, he did not want to drink - I actually think he wasn't supposed to, for probation - and that took away what we had done together. I sort of quit having parties so often, and for holidays he either goes back up north to his family or goes to his boss's house whom he knew before he came here. Also we have whacky schedules where I am an 8-5 worker and his particular position as a circulation manager for a morning newspaper sometimes means going to work at two or three o'clock in the morning so just having dinner together would be hard.

What this is boiling down to is that I love Pat - I really do. I am not "in love" with him, but I care so much about him I can't believe it. When we were together tonight I felt so happy just to be with him. I have missed his opinionated, "always right" rants. I have missed his generosity, I have missed the faith he seems to have in me and in himself. I have missed his appreciation for my initial gesture of friendship. If there is any man I could truly be "Friends with Benefits" with, it is Pat. Guess what, though. Damn it if he doesn't have morals. He can sleep with somebody he doesn't love, but he can't sleep with me because he doesn't want to "mess up" our friendship. In this last year or so when we haven't spent time together I missed things that have happened in his life. When he talked about them tonight I was so sad. I told him I miss being part of his life and that I miss him.

I think a great thing has happened, though. Pat said that what he has done is lost his anger. He was so angry that his brother died, angry his mother got sick, angry at his siblings. Now he really feels like that part of him is healed. When we used to go out, if he were drinking, sometimes I'd have to be wary of him being a little combatant and pull him out of a hairy situation , afraid of a bar fight. He says that is all gone now and I will never have to worry about it again. I hope it's true and that the anger has really dissipated. That the year has been a year of healing and growth in a positive way. I'm glad he got me out of the house tonight and I'm glad I helped him feel like he really celebrated a milestone. I hope that we start to go out again and that it won't ever be drunk, angry Pat, but kind, generous and fun Pat whom I know is there. Even if we never, ever advance to "FWB" I will love him just the same and maybe I can grow to respect the part of him that keeps him from doing so.

There's no good conclusion to this post, I guess, except to say that I love my friend. I missed him. I hope for the best for him, and that even if tonight turns out to be the only night he came back into my life I am glad it happened because a few hours with a not-angry Pat, was a few hours well spent and will always be remembered.

Banana Cake

2011-06-25T17:07:00.003-04:00

I often use all whole wheat flour if I have a lighter type around - like King Arthur's. If I use half whole wheat it's because I am using flour from my local supplier which is a heavier stone-grind. It makes a heavier cake which a lot of people don't like unless they are used to eating whole grains all the time.

60th Anniversary...

2011-06-02T22:11:00.003-04:00

I've been spending hours sorting and scanning photos for a gift for Mom and Dad's 60th Anniversary. I originally purchased this "picture box" thinking of it as a Christmas gift, but THAT didn't happen.

I'm glad, because I think this will turn out great. It's a lot of hard work.

Swimming...

2011-05-19T00:35:00.003-04:00

This is copied from a post I made in a group of people from my class in HS. The question was, "What is your favorite memory of high school?" Below is my answer, although I do plan to edit a couple of typos I noticed as a read over it. If I add anything new I will italicize it.

Okay, the "Discussion" page seems to have disappeared with the new format.

Something that made me really happy in HS was swimming. I realized that because at work today we were talking about how some of us were forced to care for younger siblings as we grew up. I had swum on the AAU team for one season and really loved it and did well (I think). My parents hated it because it was expensive and about all I could depend on them for was a little funding and maybe a ride every now and then. I don't think they came to ONE meet. The next year my sister was born. That gave them the excuse to keep me from swimming competitively anymore. Because they worked in factories and their shifts started before the daycare opened all my 8th and 9th grade years when we were at Klondike I had to wake up, get a baby ready and walk her to daycare before I could get on the bus - no kidding. We moved from the Klondike area between 9th and 10th grade so my parents had to make different child care arrangements for Heather. I still didn't swim in 10th grade because girls' swim season was in the fall and I missed the beginning - which was really before school started. My junior year, however, I was able to join the team. It was a little funny, because none of my really close friends were into sports. I really did like getting to know a bigger circle of girls better, though and enjoyed being part of a team. I felt fat and slow most of the time because I compared myself to the other team members and I realize now that it was a really bad comparison. For example, Danielle Rihn and I had started swimming AAU the same season and I had been faster then she was. When I finally got to start swimming again I was upset because now Danielle was one of the fast swimmers and I was one of the slow rejects in the slow lane at practice. Now, however, I realize Danielle didn't have to take time off to be a "Mom" to her younger siblings (although I do realize she also had family responsibilities to fulfill - I'm not dismissing that). My parents still didn't really support me. I remember that when we had pre-season training I would have to ride my bike to school, do the workouts and then ride back home. During the season I usually had to get a ride to every morning practice or home from every meet. My parents also complained about any little bit of money they had to spend - I know we were not rich, and I know it was expensive, but I was not allowed to get a job either, except for babysitting, which at the time paid like seventy-five cents an hour!

Damn thing - I tried to make a paragraph! Argh! - So anyway, I still didn't really get much parental support. I don't think they ever came to one meet except I think I remember that one meet ran long for some reason and my dad just HAPPENED to be coming to get me to take home that night and he saw part of a meet, but I still don't think he saw me swim. I love swimming. I think I learned to swim when I was two - seriously - and have loved it ever since. When I go swim now I feel so at home - like the water is where I belong. Even though I am fat and sick and injured it is one place where I feel good. I am trying hard to NOT compare my speed to that of a thirty year younger and how many pounds lesser self, but just enjoy being back where I love and doing something that makes me feel good and is actually good for me. This may not really be my BEST memory from HS, but it is one I think of often now as I swim to try to regain my general health and rehabilitate my knee. Thank goodness for the couple of years I WAS able to have good coaches and learn good form and also for the friendships... I was not one of the cool "Swimming babes" in many ways, but these days I feel like I am a super-cool "Swimming Mama."

Sigh...

2011-04-10T20:23:00.002-04:00

" A Day In which Hope was optimistic about spending time with her son, enjoying the beautiful weather and getting in another long bout of aquatic movement, but instead spent many hours horizontal, alternately stretching and moving the most painful parts to see if the pain could end."

and it feels like nobody gives damn.

When I say it, however, I realize it sounds like I am not grateful for my friends. I am grateful, very much so, but I don't know how to work it the right way somehow.

Grr. Argh.

2011-04-09T15:46:00.002-04:00

And not in the good "Buffy" sense. I feel like I have only been able to stay out of bed little bits at a time today. I had imagined a day grocery shopping, swimming a mile, deciding what to do about the car and making arrangements, paying all the online bills, figuring EXACTLY how much money I could spend on the car, cleaning house completely, and going out tonight. So far I have managed to eat twice, walk out to the car and get my book, take some medicine, read a little on facebook and make my game moves and sleep, oh and sleep, oh, and sleep some more. This is even after I came home from work yesterday, went to bed, slept until about 10:00, ate a little, went BACK to bed, slept most of the night, woke up about eight o'clock and then slept off and on again until about ten o'clock!

I worked super hard this week, swam twice, had the emotional trauma of the car problems and I guess it has just all added up. I did have some insomnia, but I think I slept more through the week this week than I have been - it's hard to remember. It was all a blur. I guess today is my lesson in remembering that I can't do it all at once, and that my body is not what is used to be. Even though I am doing a lot of things that are good for me I am still chronically fatigued and I need to remember that and give myself the breaks and rest that I need. And with that - I think I am going to lie down and try to watch an episode of The Office, during which I will probably fall back to sleep!

I'm here!

2011-04-02T16:17:00.003-04:00

It's on my list to blog today. It has been such a long time! Not as long as some of my relatives who shall remain nameless, but who seem to have forgotten that their blogs even exist. I am kind of sad because it was a really good way of keeping up. I also expected some holiday letters and pictures, but they never came. I know I didn't send any this year either, so I guess I can't hold that against them. My children are getting so old, however, that it's not like I need to report that they now walk, talk, learned to tell jokes or all those other cute things. I actually started one, but it turned out to be mostly Michael as he finished his high school career. Maybe that is what I will post today... Another reason to not send a holiday letter was that Emily got mad at me for last year's letter. She sent me an email that bluntly told me about it. It hurt my feelings because I love her and I am proud that she is out and on her own and in some ways I feel like she does so much better at so many things in life than I do (relationships, for example)... She got over it, though and we "kissed and made up." She'll probably get mad at me for writing about it here! She told me that my "honesty all the time" policy is not always best for everybody. I think she is correct in a lot of ways. Maybe it doesn't matter if I am all honest about MYSELF, but other people have a right to have their privacy respected... I'm trying to learn the code that other people must somehow innately know!

It's posted below. I am going to read through and make sure I don't need to edit it for the reasons above. If I choose to remove portions. I will put some **** so you will know.

Here we are again. Another year nearly passed and the annual recap begins… Main focus seems to be on the transitions in our lives as we get older and move on to new adventures.

Michael has probably had the most adventurous year of all. He finished high school with a grand exit. The orchestra traveled to Atlanta Georgia this spring and competed in the National Musical Adjudicator’s Competition and excelled as usual. He also traveled to Neosho, Missouri with the solar bike team for the annual race. After an excellent win at State, the Science Olympiad Team competed in Nationals at the University of Illinois in Campaign. The team did well as a whole and Michael contributed to their success by winning a first place medal in the Physics competition. Part of his senior year was spent in a self-directed class that he invented. He spent time at the Community Bike Project doing more than his usual volunteer work. He had a mentor who directed him in a BIG project – which was to make a BIG bike. Michael learned how to weld and made a “long bike” by welding the frames of two bikes together. He also made a cargo rack to fit the long bike. He planned to bike to Kentucky and back at the completion of the building, but with all the rest of the end-of-the-school year events, the trip didn’t happen. He is ready now, however, for some BIG bike trips! Michael graduated with honors – although he didn’t attend Commencement, because it was the same day as the bike race in Missouri – priorities, priorities… He spent the summer resting up and making the final decisions about college. He was heavily recruited by every engineering and science school in the country! Michael has always been interested in engineering, but another one of those trips at the end of the school year, to Fermilab up near Chicago piqued his interest in particle physics. The final decision was to study at (drum roll please) INDIANA UNIVERSITY, right here in Bloomington. The physics department is run by one of the best particle physics guys in the world, the scholarship money was right AND IU also has the Jacobs School of Music. So Michael is currently matriculating at IU studying physics. He will also have an individualized major in “Electric String Instrument Technology” which for him means building electric cellos to play heavy metal cello – yes, it exists – yes, I’ve heard plenty of it – yes, Michael is pretty darned good. One more perk to IU – a little thing called “Little 500” the bike race featured in the film “Breaking Away.” Michael is training with the team sponsored by the dorm. I don’t think he could have found a better mix of all his interests than IU – just 5 miles from home.

Emily is still in the Chicago area, in a suburb called Romeoville. She and Scott are happy with Miss Kitty and their robo hamster and it seems like every electronic game, gadget or toy a person can imagine! Scott exhibits his engineer side by purchasing all the newest technology available, I think! I hope to inherit a few of their hand-me-downs sometime, if they are not too difficult to understand. I am a little technologically impaired. Michael and I have had a couple of visits. It never seemed like Chicago was so far away until Emily moved up there and we miss her so much! She seems to be reconsidering her life-long interest in all things medical and has begun looking into graduate programs for Nurse Practitioners and Physician’s Assistants in the area. Illinois education funding has dropped considerably and even a science degree no longer guarantees a job in your field. Another transition may be taking place soon, back into student life! Who knows? This is one where we will just have to wait and see.

I have spent the year on three major projects: The first is just living – still plugging away at the eight to five job, trying to be healthy and loving and hating it all at the same time. I began a series of “dancefit” classes which include Zumba, Hip-hop, belly dance, Bollywood, and burlesque! They are extremely difficult for a fatty like me, but they are so much fun I smile all the way through and just laugh when I can’t keep up with the choreography. Project number two is Hope’s Homemades – my in-home baking business. It began in 2009 and little by little I have been working on building a customer base, developing recipes and techniques and learning how to market in the modern age - which means using social media such as Facebook, Twitter and email alerts to customers. I focus on recipes that use whole grains, no trans fats and try to use locally produced ingredients as much as possible. Look me up on Facebook! Hope’s Homemades took a hiatus through a lot of the summer. I spent a lot of time on project number three which was another BIG transition. Mom and Dad decided it was time to get out of the house. I spent many weekends trying to get my own housework and stuff accomplished on Saturday. Sunday I would drive up to Lafayette and work on helping Mom and Dad sort out 60 years of accumulation. They moved into a very small one bedroom apartment, designated for the elderly. It is not a full care facility, but has many safeguards and programs that help with independent living. I’m still not sure if they are happy with the move or with my idea of what was or wasn’t necessary to keep or not. I feel much more at peace, however, knowing that they are surrounded by lots of other people where they can build a sense of community as well as having the safeguards in place just in case. There even was one “just in case” when Dad suffered another minor stroke this fall. This one seemed to have no serious effects however, and he was only in the hospital about overnight, just to be monitored and make sure.

Some of the highlights of the year were all the trips – I went with the orchestra to Georgia and to part of S.O Nationals in Illinois, our visits to Emily, which tend to be very mellow and relaxing, a very nice change from home, where I feel a drive to be “productive” all the time. We also had a great visit from my friend Elizabeth (Lu) and family from Montana. Nothing like high school girlfriend time! I got to meet up with a long-time internet friend, Erin and her family for breakfast as they traveled through Indiana. Such a treat. It’s amazing how intimate friends can become through writing and electronic media! We don’t even talk on the phone, yet we are deep friends! I have also reconnected with some high school friends on Facebook, and ...

...and that's where I quit, stopped, gave up, whatever you want to call it. It must have been written before Michael got the good gig playing for "A Christmas Carol" before I fell and broke my knee, before Michael started playing with the group that does the puppet shows, and before my incredibly depressing and lonely Christmas filled with physical pain and emotional angst. Thank goodness I am done with that emotional angst crap. On top of the usual physical ailments of various kinds it made life almost unbearable for a while. One of my therapists commented on how my inner workings are, that no matter how depressed or whatever I am classified as "functional." I think during November and December of 2010 I almost lost the right to be classified as such. Poor Michael came home from the dorms for Christmas to a mom who got out of bed, went to work, came home, climbed back into bed and that was about it. I'd often wake up again just as he was going to bed and try to accomplish a little bit of household or personal tasks, yet even most of my waking time was spent on distractions such as watching television shows or just playing on FB. No real writing, no real creating, no real enjoyment.

I feel like I am in a somewhat better place now. The knee has healed some. I have a new diagnosis that makes me feel like many of my symptoms are now "valid," I have tried to become more social again and renewed some local friendships (okay one) and tried to strengthen my other friendships again. I am going to be able to start physical movement again with my membership in the Y. I went once and only walked. I went once this week and swam (an embarrassingly small distance), and it did NOT make my leg swell, nor aggravate my remaining knee pain. I think I have my appropriate swimming attire problem solved, have found my goggles and my cap and I am ready and raring to go again! I planned to go yesterday after work, but I had an extreme "worried mother crisis" with Michael. I left work early because I was crying and I have been forbidden to cry at my desk or I will receive a formal warning for unprofessional behavior - assholes. I am assuming Michael is okay right now. He's gone to Tennessee on a trip with others in his dorm. He has severe cell phone suckage so I can't call him and check on him. I am assuming however, that 99.5% of the other students have phones and would loan him a phone to call if needed. Also his RA is aware of the problems and has my number to call if needed. I am still a worried mom, but I no longer feel like I want to act as if it is a crisis and can wait until Michael returns to get things handled appropriately.

When I first came home from work I was freaking out stressed so I cradled both phones with me in the world's coziest sleeping bag and SLEPT. Debbie called and I don't even remember what she said. I do remember that she hoped I was going somewhere and could bring some dinner for her and Leandra. I told I didn't feel well enough and went back to sleep. A couple of hours later Debby (with a Y) called and asked me if I wanted to go down south to the casino. I have never been before and I had slept enough by then, that I decided a distraction would be good for me. I got up and showered and got dressed and for the first time (except in Las Vegas) went to a casino! Debby goes often so she had a member card where we got free food and drinks. She gave (loaned, I can't find my debit card) me twenty dollars. I used one dollar to tip a bartender and gambled on slot machines with the other nineteen. I ended up with a voucher for $19.81 so I was able to pay her back (mostly) the $20 right away. There was also a DJ and good music and I really was pleasantly distracted - although I did check my cellphone frequently - and had a good time. I think I'd like to see if Scott and Emily would like to go down there sometime. One BAD, BAD thing however, was that people smoke in there. I am used to Bloomington, where you really can't smoke ANYWHERE, not even in bars! So I awakened with a raging headache today... I even had to postpone my meeting with Priscilla, my web developer. I didn't think my head could handle sitting in front of a computer - but look at what I'm doing now - but I am pretty sure I couldn't have handled sitting in front of a computer and learning to post things. She has the site set up and live, but it has fake content. She is going to put in the basic real content, but then teach me how to add things so as I develop new products I can add them myself and also can announce my sales and stuff. It is less expensive for me to learn that than to have to pay her to do it for me when it needs done. I'm all for saving money. After the Ben fiasco of feeding and boarding him for three months and still ending up with no website and the gazillion (not really) dollars I am paying Priscilla, it is ending up costing at least twice as much as it should have. Sigh..

Well I do think my head is telling me it is time to get away from this computer, eat some protein and drink some more water. I have another post I need to make soon about my interactions and thoughts with a woman here in town, but somehow today all this seemed more immediate.

I have a left ankle.

2011-03-19T23:13:00.006-04:00

I had the most completely terrible day yesterday. I had a completely terrible week concerning my swelling and sleeping - or not sleeping as the case may be. I came home from work early and slept and slept and slept... MANY hours of being horizontal has given me an ankle back! Also some muscle definition - my legs have always been ripped, even though I am fat. Only a little swelling left on the top of my foot. It's about time to get horizontal again to try to keep this good effect going. I had to get up and go to the dump to take recycling and go get Chinese food - real food for Michael (if you call tofu real food), and only soup for me as today also included vomiting and other gastro-intestinal issues. I am probably dehydrated. I hope when I get re-hydrated the swelling stays down. Note to Emily - look, my toenails are not perfect and polished. There's actually a reason though. I had such a bad night Thursday night that I figured I was going to go to a doctor on Friday and sometimes the color or condition of your nail beds can be a sign or symptom, but you probably already know that. I was productive while I was not sleeping and unpolished them in preparation for my doctor visit.

Editing to add that the picture to view for contrast was in the Feb 14 entry.

Stuff I really like (not necessarily THINGS this time)

2011-03-05T00:55:00.002-05:00

1) The Office
2) Sparkly things
3) Soda
4) chocolate
5) Reading
6) Disposable tissues; Kleenex or Puffs
7) Remote controls
8) Baskets to keep things together in sets ie: remote controls, perfumes, medicine, weights, etc.
9) Good smelling dish soap and hand soap
10) Garage door openers
11) All the good music in Bloomington
12) Cool looking bikes - think retro
13) Hello Kitty
14) Pills that help me sleep
15) Money
16) Being good at my job
17) Gyros
18) My digital camera
19) Washer and Dryer
20) Glow bracelets and necklaces
21) Making lists
22) Little notebooks for my lists
23) Calendars
24) Alphabetization
25) Appropriate punctuation
26) Beautiful, bright colors.
27) Glue guns
28) Facebook
29) Real mail
30) Stickers
31) DVDs and DVD players
32) Open windows
33) Fiber One tablets
34) Coconut Bon bons
35) Spirals
36) Squares
37) Karaoke
38) Harley Davidson motorcycles
39) Dollar stores
40) Hardcover books
41) Tablecloths
42) Earrings
43) Bubble gum
44) Voice mail
45) Sharpie markers
46) Lip balm
47) Flannel pajama pants
48) Frozen Coke or Pepsi
49) Reusable shopping bags
50) Tomatoes
51) Prime numbers

Pretty potty.

2011-03-04T00:19:00.008-05:00

I don't know why I couldn't get this one in focus.

Pure paper.

Simple collage.

Pure paper - this blue accents the other blues in the bathroom perfectly.

More detailed collage. Ooh - a spiral!

The entire arrangement. See the pretty canisters - cotton balls, cotton swabs, and Cottonelle! The middle canister is the perfect size to hold that extra roll of "bathroom tissue" you need to keep nearby! I noticed after I completed the entire thing all the frames need to be about two inches to the left. I'll move them...someday.

All paper by Twisted Limb Paperworks. http://www.twistedlimbpaper.com/index.html

Ya mon, no problem.

2011-03-04T00:18:00.002-05:00

I know you want to see the blister. I can sense it.

Unbelievable!

2011-03-02T22:45:00.004-05:00

I went to Dr. Karin today and she worked on my knee quite a bit. It still has a bruise. Gillian just asked me how it was yesterday and I said, "It still has a little shadow of a bruise." When I showed her she said, "That's not a shadow. That's a bruise!" Karen used her little "percussion" machine on it quite a bit. After she was done, the bruise had visibly faded a little more. I took a picture of it a few days ago, but it was hard to get the light right to show the bruise. I took those pictures on the 27 - what was that? Five days ago? I fell on December 19, so it has been about 10 weeks since the fall. Karin and I were talking about how I need to start exercising again. I started to put my shoes back on and noticed a weird bump on the ball of my foot. I took my sock off and there is a brand new blister! I have no idea why I got it. I was wearing shoes I have worn many times. I didn't do a lot of walking today, nothing. I did wear a new pair of socks today, but they are just like all the socks I wear, and I think I have even had this brand before. Tonight it has been hurting like crazy, every time I take a step! I feel like it be forever before I get to start exercising. I want to join the Y so I can use the pools. Even if I can only water walk or tread water it would be better than nothing! The Y is about $50 a month, though, and I just don't know if I can swing it. Sigh...

Bathroom remodel

2011-02-27T18:11:00.020-05:00

Before.
A "during" - got the pictures out of order. Oops!
Another"during"
Before.
Before - I hated this light fixture SO much!
Before - I hated the linoleum floor and how the side of the vanity was damaged. I also think the vanity made the bathroom look smaller and there is a closet with shelves right there, so the extra storage isn't really needed.
Another "during" I think this is after the first coat of paint.
Tile is in, but not grouted yet.
Non- sequiteur - this is the pile of papers I am going to sort out tonight!
Question - I have this in my possession already. Should I put it in over the toilet or is would that be dumb because I already have towel bars. I can't find a shelf I like that doesn't have towel bars. Maybe I should just keep looking if I am so uncertain. Opinions welcome and asked for. If I don't put in the shelf I don't think the sunflowers will go back up. I think I will make some art for it.
New towel bar and towels - same shower curtain. I made it and am not ready to part with it, besides, it's perfectly good!
New sink - purchased at Habitat for humanity ReStore for $25. Just a faucet like that costs over $100 new.
Question - should I leave the plumbing exposed as in the picture above or should I make a little "surround" to hide it? I like having the plumbing hidden, but I worry that hiding it will just take up the floor space like the vanity did and make the bathroom look smaller.
The new light fixture. I only learned during my first shower, however, that if you have all "uplight" in the bathroom it makes for a darker experience inside the shower. Keep that in mind if you do a bathroom remodel.
Sink with new mirror and towel ring - also new soap pumper. Mirror from garage sale for $5.
Toilet, of course, with the blank wall. I'm still trying to decide if I want to invest in a metal trash can to match the other stuff. I can't find one that isn't at least $10 so far, and I don't want to spend that much on a stinking TRASH CAN. I am much too cheap. Another problem with the remodel is that the tile floor is higher than the linoleum so my rug is too thick to have the direction it was before - the door hits the rug when you open it. One option I have thought of for above the toilet is to try to take off one end of the rug and use the removed section for artwork over the toilet. I am afraid of taking the rug apart, however. The little old lady who made these (I have one in the bedroom too) died so if I ruin it, it's not replaceable.
Same shower curtain - new hooks instead of rings to hang it.
Oops - forgot to rotate the picture first.

So there you go - the new bathroom. The most expensive thing was the tile and the labor. Light fixture next in line, shelf next if I use it. It was such a treat and something I've never done before to have someone paint for me. I have done the rest of the house - well I guess not in Michael's room, I only did one wall in there and then we "won" the other painting in a silent auction Scout fundraiser. I even did the floor when I worked on the other bathroom, including taking out the toilet and putting it back in. Part of what prompted me to pay to have this done is that I have lived without a sink in this bathroom for almost a year. We took out the old one and then it was one problem after another trying to get the work done. I planned to do the floor myself, but injuring my knee three times in a year meant I could not crawl around on the floor and install tile. I hired this sweet old man to come and work on the bathroom in June because I wanted it done before Michael's graduation party, but he did such a shit-tastic job that I had to undo what he did. I had a different sink I was trying to use at that time- not having found this one yet - and he installed it badly - so badly that he seriously used duct tape to try to connect some of the plumbing! Duct tape can do miracles, but not in plumbing!

So I LOVE it. I love my new bathroom. I also had Cooper do a bunch of other stuff at the same time. I will show some of it later. I like him a lot and trust him in the quality of his work and trust him in my house. The stuff I had a couple of questions about he answered to my satisfaction. It cost a truckload of money. I don't like that, but it was really, really worth it. I will be happier while I am in the house and it is closer to being ready to list if I decide to move west.

So we discovered that my "Recap" sucks.

2011-02-27T16:42:00.003-05:00

I can hardly keep up with the present - let alone recall the past!

Here's in the very NEAR past - yesterday up 'til now.

Woke up.
Called Michael - we decided that we wouldn't be able to get together until dinner time.
Talked to niece Hannah on the phone for a long time and got all the family news.
Showered and got dressed.
Went out and got gas, went to bank, decided to go see "The Vagina Monologues" Two of my friends were in it, plus it was a fundraiser for the shelter where the children and I stayed when I left Ed.
Afterward talked to a previous co-worker and friend from the bank.
Met Michael and had dinner at "Siam House" - tried Pad Thai for the first time.
Went shopping: Dollar Tree, Goodwill, evil empire - looking for frames for an art project I think I want to try for hanging in the newly remodeled bathroom.
Came home and talked to Debbie on the phone for a bit.
Watched a movie "Days of Heaven" because I decided I needed to see another Terrence Malick film, having liked "Badlands" and "The Thin Red Line." It also didn't hurt that it starred a young Richard Gere!
Slept some - woke up with a raging headache.
Suffered, slept, suffered, slept, suffered, slept, took medicine, suffered some more.
Woke up around 8am and took better medicine, slept a little more and watched "Field of Dreams"
Came in and began alternating computering, resting, chatting online with niece Amber, cleaning house, putting stuff on Freecycle (purging, purging) and here I am!

I am still doing the same stuff last mentioned above. I still have pile of papers to file and some other stuff to do to complete the basic housework I had planned for this weekend. I'm trying to decide if I want to hang the shelf I bought in the bathroom or wait and try to complete previously mentioned art project for that space. I may ask for opinions. I think photo post to follow.

I was supposed to go watch a movie with Will tonight, but he had forgotten today is his mother's birthday! Duh. I am glad he remembered in time to go see her. He is supposed to call me when he's done and we'll decide from there. I kind of want to and kind of want to stay home and not get dressed and work on the house and stuff some more. I guess we'll just see what time he calls and how I feel at the moment. I guess that's a plus in having a non-committed relationship. I was able to stay home and baby my headache and work on my own stuff. In a committed relationship I probably would have put the man's needs above my own and gone with to visit the mom and play Scrabble and celebrate birthday, even if I really didn't feel like it. I guess that's one thing I need to learn about relationships - that I don't always have to put someone else's needs above my own.

Rules of Engagement:

2011-02-22T23:03:00.002-05:00

FB says you have to use your real name - most of you know it is not Leeper. I have filed to have it changed legally however, on April 15th. I do NOT want to use my real name on FB. Back in the MySpace days, I had a fellow who had no picture on his profile write and tell me he had come into my office and checked me out. I still have no idea who it was and he could be somebody who comes in every week and deals with me. I have several gentleman (I hope) customers who insist on dealing with me and me only. My real name is on my work email, my work business cards, my name and full address are in the phone book. I have never made an effort to hide who or where I really am on the internet. That episode got me a little creeped out...So when I signed up for FB I used the name I planned to have eventually. I don't list the name of my workplace, although if someone searched enough of my local friends he could probably figure it out. Well, "eventually" has come and I have filed to have my name changed. FB says that because the rules require you to use your real name that if you want to change your name you have to send them a copy of a government issued document with your name change on it. That won't work for me because I want to change from my soon-to-be-real-but-really-fake-name to avoid stalker to a new avoid-the-stalker name.

A woman at work got married and her name changed on FB the very next day. I asked her if they required her to send in a copy of her marriage certificate or something and she said no, when she changed her status from "engaged to John Doe," to "married to John Doe" it asked her if she changed her name and let her change it right then! Sooo.... to make a short story long, I decided to become engaged. April 15th or so, right after a visit to the courthouse I will become Mrs. Harry Golightly, aka Hope E. Golightly. The irony of it all is that FB requires no legal proof of your name or real identity when you first sign up - that kind of pisses me off. If someone had a really serious stalker ... shudder.. well, bad things HAVE happened because of misuse of FB and it's sad that the victims are the ones who follow the "rules" and put their real names, addresses and workplaces on there and may be putting themselves in danger. Because of my previous experience, I choose not to do that.

I am a witness that you can become in real life, long-term friends through the internet with people who at first are anonymous, faceless words on a screen. I've met so many of the Folk of the Fringe, the Wild Women, and even men off of dating sites and have real friends from this way. FB is one forum however, where I am not comfortable revealing certain things about myself. There are very few people who are my "friends" on FB whom I have not met in real life. Those are people whom I have "known" online many years, however, and I have no fear, nor regret about them knowing who or where I am, nor anything about me.

Having a pseudonym on FB has made it hard for some people to find me who have been searching and as I have searched out a few I realized that. Changing it again will probably still make that hard, but it is a kind of control I need to have considering my residual fear of previous (current? status unknown.) stalker finding me in my workplace.

Muppet Foot

2011-02-04T00:31:00.003-05:00

Yuck. Yuck. and Yucky yuck. I hope it doesn't begin hurting in the night like it did last time. I am going to drive to Indy tomorrow night to see that Pink Floyd Cover band again, Atom Heart Mother. They will rock my world. I never did post my pictures of their show I saw this fall - maybe this weekend. Do you think I will become one of those old ladies with elephantiasis? I really want to get this fixed. I am glad I am going to Dr. Karin tomorrow!

2010 Recap #3: Knitting

2011-02-03T21:40:00.007-05:00

I made this hat for Karmin C. for Christmas. I haven't given it to her yet. I am not sure if I will because I really don't like it. I wanted to use a really soft yarn, but it turned out that the yarn is too flimsy. The hat won't be warm at all, and if I kept this pin on it, the hat is not sturdy enough to support it and it flops over. This hat should probably go to the fail blog page.
This is my mom trying on the hat I gave her for Christmas. This one is DEFINITELY not too flimsy. I made it with "chunky" yarn so it would be extra warm. It is hard to see, but the yarn is a nifty oatmealish color and I really like it. Mom said I have never made her a hat in all these years so I did!
These are like the hats I typically make. Since this picture was taken I have made an additional hat that is just like the "Tweed" one. I give the baby hats to what I call "The Baby House." It is really called Hannah House. It is run by the crisis pregnancy center. I don't like them or the the tactics they use to try to prevent women from having abortions. I do think, however, that the babies deserve warm little heads! I usually donate child-size hats to the Baby House too. Adult hats go to Shalom Center.
This is a hat I made especially for Renee's grand-niece/grand-baby. The baby is JQ's daughter. JQ is Renee's niece whom she mostly raised. I decided anybody related to Renee definitely needs a funky style hat. I have some more of both of these yarns and I am going to make some more of these hats in toddler and child sizes to give to the Baby House.

Knitting - usually when I made the uberlist my goal was to make and give away at least 10 hats every year. I have gifted many people I know with styles and colors I think they will like. Others go to the shelters mentioned above. 2010 however, I only achieved the seven mentioned here. Also epic fail that it is about nine degrees outside and they are still sitting here in the family room with me! I need to stop doing this, get a bag and take them to work tomorrow. A man often stops by who is a big supporter of the Baby House. He takes them over there for me. A couple of my coworkers also knit, crochet or cross stitch various items for the residents and the babies. I would like to get back to at least 10 this year. I have been thinking about it so much that I want to start another one. I am still working on a couple of Christmas gifts, however and one VERY LATE birthday gift. I have vowed to not start any new projects until everything that is started is complete! I have on my list tonight to finish one of those projects. If I complete it I can get it mailed tomorrow and I will be happy. I need to get it sent to southern California before it gets warm again! I may have about two days left.

Flashback: THE MOUNTAIN

2011-01-29T12:27:00.004-05:00

This is the mountain I climbed (hiked up, really) back in my healthier days - Mt. Timpanogos, in Utah. I think the part we went to is the little dip after the first peak on the left. It is called the "saddle." We hiked at night and after we got to the top we laid there and rested and watched the sky. We came back down in the morning and as it grew light I realized how high we were and that we had walked along the edges of cliffs and I was terrified. Despite the terror, I would like to get healthy enough to do this again.

Photo credit to Chris Weber, who hiked with me, and cheered me on the entire way. The lucky woman lives out there and gets to hike in the mountains almost every day. I will also never forget Larry, who when I almost gave up said he would carry me if I stopped. He practically did have to lift me up that final little climb to the top and I probably wouldn't have made it without him!

Recap #2 Addendum

2011-01-29T01:53:00.004-05:00

Fall I don't remember! The picture is dated October 19, 2010. Notice I hurt my LEFT elbow. Of course that is also the elbow I completely shattered three years ago.

editing to add - I remember what happened. This is when I hurt myself in the Burlesque dance class. There was part of the choreography where we got down on the floor and did things with our legs while lying on our sides. I didn't actually fall, but somehow when I went down on the left side my arm hit the floor just right to burst a blood vessel and it was bruised for several weeks - that little lighter spot in the middle was a bump where the blood originally pooled. I may actually have hurt a bone in that one too, but I never got it checked.

2010 Recap #2: Falling down.

2011-01-28T23:58:00.011-05:00

Fall #1. If I recall correctly, this was in March. I may be wrong on that, but that is what seems right. My car was broken. I think this was when something was seriously wrong with the brakes. I drove it to the garage down the street a little ways, maybe half a mile or a mile from home. It was an unseasonably warm day, and had been raining all week. I was wearing flip-flops, I had actually taken off to go somewhere.. the store or somewhere else that didn't require serious shoes. It was on the way the THE NOISE started, so I just drove right to the garage. I started to walk home, despite bad shoe-ishness. I slipped on some mud right after I started and went down on the knee - right into more mud and gravel. There was gravel embedded in my knee. I tried to call Debbie for a ride at this point, but she didn't answer. I had to walk all the way home, which now was a BIG DEAL. By the time I reached home there was blood running down my leg. Picking out the gravel really hurt! I survived, but had a small scar afterward....
Then came... Fall # 2! (May) I was walking on the "Rails to Trails" trail with Garet. I must have turned my ankle and down I went landing on, you guessed it... my left knee again! The trail is cinder-type gravel, but no gravel stuck in this time. It was a much deeper wound this time!
Despite the knee wound being deeper, the more serious part was on the right side. I didn't even notice it at first because the knee hurt so bad. Once again, the walking home thing...by the time we walked a little way I realized my ankle kind of hurt along with the knee. By the time we actually got to the neighborhood it was pretty damn painful. I kind of wanted to ask Garet to go get the car and come back for me, but I didn't want to be a baby, so I kept on walking. Duh! Poor choice!
Fall #3. December 19. Michael got a well-paying, professional gig, playing for the Cardinal Stage Company production of "A Christmas Carol." As a performer he got comp tickets for one show so I got to go see him without spending the thirty bucks, YAY! After the show Michael, Travis (a fellow performer with Michael), and I were walking to the car. I unwittingly hit a patch of pure ice on the sidewalk, slipped and went down on... you guessed it... the left knee, followed by an equal and opposite reaction which then involved the left hip (my bad one, of course - everything that is bad on me is on the left side, no wonder left means "evil!"). This picture is two days after the fall. Please note the reddish-colored, triangular scar from Fall #2.
Strangely, however, that bruise didn't go away. It grew and grew, ultimately reaching all the way to my ankle. It was funny, though, I didn't really limp, didn't feel like I needed to. The knee was extremely tender to touch, however, and especially at the end of the day the joint inside was very sore and painful. Ten days after the fall it looked like this...
January 26 it looked like above, still a bump and some bruise, still sore, especially at night.
January 16 it looked like above. Sorry the pictures are out of order.

Somewhere in there, I think about two weeks after the fall I went to Dr. Karin. She worked on it, but it was so tender she didn't do too much. She said we'll let it heal some more and then explore it again. When I went back she touched it a little deeper and guess what... I totally screamed in her office! She said for it to still be that bad, there has to be a bone broken in there! Yes, you can break your knee! She said I could go get an x-ray if I wanted to confirm it. I asked if she would do anything differently if we had an x-ray and she said no, you don't cast knees. You have to keep your knee moving or you use mobility. If you're amazed I will back her up by testifying that when I broke my elbow - yes you can break your elbow too, and I saw the x-ray on that and it was broken literally to pieces - the orthopedic surgeon said the same thing about joints. As a matter of fact I went to physical therapy for the elbow for months and still lost a certain percentage of mobility. I saw Dr. Andry sometime in the last couple of weeks and he said the same thing about keeping it mobile. For some reason the fact that it is broken totally upset me. I saw her again today and she worked on it some more.

End of recap #2 in other health news...

I mentioned that I saw Dr. Andry. We have switched around my medicines again because I have been feeling SO bad. I haven't been able to go to the dancefit classes since about the second week of November... I was at hip-hop one night and became so ill I thought I was going to pass out or die. Apparently I looked like it too, based on the other class members' level of concern! In the end it took about four weeks to determine that it was a newly prescribed potassium supplement that made me so ill. Ironically, I was just starting to feel better from that when I fell and broke my knee! So I haven't been able to do much exercise when I had been doing about four fifty minute classes a week. I started with belly dance only three Mondays ago because it doesn't really have any impact, but even it makes my knee hurt by the end. I tend toward depression and probably have SAD. Last year I started buying full spectrum light bulbs and have one in every room (maybe two years ago - was that when Katie lived here?). This year, however, it is really bad. It is probably part of the reason I haven't been writing much. I cry a lot, my sleeping is off, my eating is strange - basically everything is wrong. One of the things we did - "we" meaning Dr. Andry and I - was decide that I need an anti-depressant, so I started Welbutrin. I have taken it before and it seemed to help. It's been about 10 days (I just looked at the bottle to figure that out, smart huh?). I don't really feel better yet. Most anti-depressants have a cumulative effect and Welbutrin is among them, so it might take a couple of weeks.

I saw Karin again today. The minute I walked into the office I started crying. I had a VERY BAD night last night. My left leg (see, the left side) has some kind of lymph problem and swells a lot. Yesterday it got bad while I was at work. I felt really bad. I went to bed early, but awakened in the night in a lot of pain. My leg and foot were so swollen that the skin was stretched so tight it hurt. Because I can't take the potassium supplement I had to cut back the diuretics, so now it has been long enough that my leg was terrible, despite a fantastically expensive "lymphatic drainage massage" thrown in there. At some point in the night I was bawling, and wanted to call Debbie and ask her to take me to the Emergency Room. At the same time I figured there was nothing they could do about it and it would cost a thousand dollars so I didn't do it. As Karin worked on my leg - not just my knee, she also did some lymphatic massage and stuff - I cried and talked. By the end of my visit I actually had an ankle again AND a diagnosis! I am going to copy the email I sent the her tonight below titled "It All Makes Sense"

"Adrenal Fatigue" + Menopause, or at least pre-menopause.. yesterday at work I had a moment when I said, "My gosh. I suddenly feel like I have a fever. Maybe this isn't just sinus, but a fever and I've really been sick all this time." I didn't even think to register "hot flash." Part of the reason I haven't been able to sleep is because half the night I am freezing and the other have I am burning up...

I think also instinctively I have known what nutrients I need... in the past couple weeks or so I have bought supplements of B-Complex, D-3, and magnesium and kept thinking I should start taking the fish oil again. Everything I have read lists so many of my symptoms I feel like screaming, "YES!" It makes me feel like I'm not just crazy, only a little bit crazy, but have something real, too. Too bad there's not a magic pill to make it all better.

It also makes sense that it would become worse since Michael moved away from home, not because of Empty Nest sadness, but because I haven't been cooking as much, and despite my goal of eating more whole foods, have been eating more processed foods and eating out more often. While he was at home, even when I was baking I was subbing almond meal and flax meal in baked goods to try to give HIM more fats. We'd also eat lots of quinoa and more whole grains... I think the last batch of quinoa I bought I haven't used one bit of.

After I left your office I didn't go back to work -which I had already planned and had okayed before I left. I went to the store to buy assorted unnamed beverages, came home and ate a little bit and drank some unnamed beverages and slept until about 5:30. I woke up and called Gillian because we had talked about going out tonight to the puppet show Michael was playing in for girl's night, but our plan had become ethereal by the time I felt so bad and left work. We decided not to go. I ended up feeling better after sleeping and talking on the phone to Gillian and another friend. I went to the puppet show and was amazed by the brilliance of my son and his friends and fellow performers. I also saw a guy who had been at the yoga workshop last night and felt positive enough to go over and talk to him. I told him I wanted him to see me when I was happy so he'd know I didn't cry ALL the time!

So now I am staying up too late, as usual - another symptom I noted!I plan to blog and then try to sleep again so I can feel better tomorrow.

THANK YOU for giving a name to the summary of all my symptoms. gave me a sense of relief in itself, PLUS something new to research on the internet. What fun! :)

So yeah, I am only a little crazy. Thank God/Goddess. I am going to talk to Dr. Andry about it too the next time I go. He will probably try to prescribe something else! I jokingly refer to him as "Prescriptions "R" Us" I have an essay in mind to write about him with that title. I DO think he is a good doctor, however. I think it's kind of funny because his father is a chiropractor and Dr. Andry Jr. has a big wooden plaque in his office with the quote all chiropractors display, about good medicine is about care of the spine, yet he became an allopathic M.D. and writes prescriptions like crazy.

"The doctor of the future will give no medicine, but will interest his patients in the care of the human frame, in diet, and in the cause and prevention of disease."

-Thomas Edison, Inventor

Well my goodness. It is incredibly late. Despite my sleeping this afternoon I need to get to bed. Somehow I thought making a mostly picture post would be quick. I should know better. At least this is my real self and not my sick, depressed self. Writing compulsively is the norm for me! I plan to post pictures of the puppet shows on facebook tomorrow. I thought I would do them tonight, but it's too late now. I will demonstrate a modicum of common sense! Surprised?

Good night!

Editing to add: "Unnamed beverages" refers to Gatorade. They make a sugar free version of it now. I have been drinking a quart of it every day because of the electrolytes and not being able to take the potassium. If your potassium gets too low wake-up-screaming-in-the-night leg cramps occur and they are NO FUN. Karin doesn't like me to drink it because of the sucralose. The "alternative medicine" crowd are VERY against artificial sweeteners.

2010 Recap #1: Books I read

2011-01-23T19:51:00.004-05:00

One of the goals I used to make when I made the uberlist was to read a certain number of books, and that a certain number had to be non-fiction. I think the last two years I made the list the goal was 25, but I am too lazy to go back and look. In 2010 I read 22 books:
1) Amy and Isabelle: a Novel - Elizabeth Strout
2) Grace Notes - Bernard Mac Laverty
3) The Devil Wears Prada - Lauren Weisberger
4) The Year of Living Biblically - A.J. Jacobs
5) Earthly Possessions - Anne Tyler
6) The Return Journey - Maeve Binchy
7) Midwestern Love Songs (Short stories) - Jeff Rosenplot (A friend IRL)
8) Island of the Blue Dolphins - Scott O'Dell
9) Up Island - Anne Rivers Siddons
10) My Secret Garden - Nancy Friday
11) Boy - Tales of Childhood - Roald Dahl
12) Such A Pretty Fat - Jen Lancaster
13) Pleasures - Women Write Erotica - Ed. Lonnie Burbach
14) Does This Clutter Make My Butt Look Fat? - Peter Walsh
15) Animal, Vegetable, Miracle - Barbara Kingsolver, Stephen Hopp, and Camille Kingsolver
16) Revolutionary Road - Richard Yates
17) Into Thin Air - Jon Krakauer
18) The Secret Life of Bees - Sue Monk Kidd
19) Julie and Julia - Julie Powell
20) Loving Frank - Nancy Horan
21) Sabriel - Garth Nix
22) Good Harbor - Anita Diament

Eight of those were non- fiction: 4, 10, 11, 12, 14, 15, 17, 19. I read a higher number of non-fiction than usual. I guess because I found books about subjects where I had an interest that were non-fiction, yet written to be entertaining and easily read. The Year of Living Biblically was a book club selection of which I hadn't heard. I enjoyed it and want to read his other memoir as well, in which the author reads through the entire encyclopedia. I plan to write my memoirs (actually have already started) and reading others' memoirs feels like some good learning.

Editing to add: My forays into erotica were a test to see if there is well-written erotica out there. I also read a couple in 2009. I had wondered if it might be a market where I could write and publish a book quickly in order to make some money. What I discovered is that my imagination and experience are nowhere broad enough to try to enter that market!

I would like to get my book reading volume up again in 2011. I have a good start, two are already completed and I am on number three right now. I hope I find some more wonderful books both fiction and non-fiction. There are plenty of them out there!

Hello again!

2011-01-21T21:02:00.002-05:00

I know it has been a long time. I've become one of those people who wastes too much time on that damn Facebook and forgets about the important things in life. No more! i AM GOING TO BEGIN BLOGGIN AGAIN ON A REGULAR BASIS. i'M NOT GOING TO COMMIT TO EVERY DAY BECAUSE SOMETIMES THATS JUST. DAMNED CAP LOCKS!!! Too. Hard.

I thought a lot about it while I was at the grocery store tonight...okay, not really, I only thought about it for about three minutes while I put the stuff in the trunk and parked the cart in the cart corral. I just thought it would sound better if I acted like this is a well-thought-out plan. So here is my half-baked plan. I have been two years without making an uberlist - so I wonder how my life has been without the giant goal sheet... it would have been 110 this year! I want to think about the different areas of my life and what happened in them in 2009. I'm only introducing tonight. I plan to make at least one real entry this weekend. My goal is to not leave the house until I go to work on Monday morning, so surely in there I will find some time to write. Now, however, I must go check everybodys' status updates! haha!

Sigh...

2010-12-29T22:01:00.002-05:00

I've intended to blog, really I have! Because of some medicine changes and my chronic conditions I have experienced severe fatigue the last couple of months. I have been able to make it to work all but one day. Usually after work I come home and sleep for a couple of hours. Then I get up and am active a couple more hours, then back to bed. I faked it through November for National Blog posting month, but I just couldn't pony up for writing this month. I think I have determined which medicine made it impossible for me to keep food inside long enough for it to digest. I have been off of it for about five days and already feel better and have much less bathroom time!

Also - you're not going to believe this - just as I decided I would start attending my dancefit classes again even if I could only make it through TEN minutes of each class I FELL DOWN. I landed on my left knee AGAIN. I didn't break the skin this time, but it is a whopper of a bruise, basically from my knee down to my ankle. I have some pictures of it. I also have some Christmas pictures in the camera that I want to share. I think I will make it a weekend goal to download the pictures and do a photo-based post. So watch out blogworld, zombie leg and snowmen coming your way soon. I did NOT take a nap tonight. I even kinda sorta cooked a little dinner so I have to go to bed soon so I can make it to work tomorrow.

My Favorite Things #30

2010-11-30T22:04:00.003-05:00

Photos of family and friends. These are just a couple of places I have them displayed. Honestly I only have them displayed in the purple room, the Disney collage in the hallway, and a couple in my bedroom. Somewhere, I don't remember if it was a novel or a "real" etiquette book, I read that family photos should not be displayed in the "living room" - that they are too personal, and I kind of took that to heart. I have multiple albums of photos that I have been making since I was about 10 years old. I also have all these "mini albums" of photos of my nephew and nieces and their children. I also have MANY photos that were just tossed in boxes that I took from Mom and Dad's house over the summer. I have been working on sorting them out. I hope to have some sort of organization to them and get them in this MARVY photo box I bought at Opportunity House for $3. It is beautiful cherry wood, holds several little photo albums inside and is like brand new. That will give Mom and Dad a way to have some of the photos back, organized and protected. I need to quit doing crap like watching Hoarders and Glee and work on my projects. I've just been SO FREAKING TIRED. I almost went to a dance class tonight, then decided I didn't feel well enough. I stopped at the store long enough to spend only $15 and by the time I got home I felt bad enough to test my glucose and it was only 78. It took me abuot an hour to get it back up to 100. I think I am going to have to start cutting some meds so I can go to dance without being afraid of falling down into a coma. I plan to try a class tomorrow and I am going to be sure to take some juice with me and try to really pay attention and stop and drink if necessary.

But that's off track from my favorite things! Anyway, I have accomplished blogging every day for 30 days, even when I haven't felt well, even when I traveled, even on a holiday. Yay me! I feel like some of this is incomplete. I have a few things I want to photograph and have at least one, maybe more addendum to "My Favorite Things." I don't want to do too much, because I don't want you to know how shallow I really am - ha! good luck to me on hiding my materialism and hoardiness after 30 days of this! Erin is doing the higher road and posted "Thirty Days of Grateful." I am grateful too, for my friends, my family, my home and MY FAVORITE THINGS! So there.

My Favorite Things # 29

2010-11-29T21:04:00.008-05:00

Little plastic/rubber/vinyl amphibians, reptiles, arachnids.... Every once in a while I see a package at the dollar store or something and I just can't resist! I put them in random places around the house and just leave them until I get tired of them. The frogs are the most recent purchases, that is why there are still a lot of them. I also have a lizard who rides in the car with me. One day I went into the car wash on a total whim to vacuum the car - sitting there on the vacuum thing was a plastic lizard! I knew he was destined to be my escort in my Escort! The spider by the front door began as a legitimate Halloween decoration, but I liked her so much I didn't want to take her down. I think she has been there about three years now. Sometimes at Christmas I put a tiny bow on her, just to be festive. In my crap - uh I mean CRAFT closet I have a container with three hundred plastic flies. I found it for $1.50. I have a special plan for them. Just imagine what a twisted soul like me can do with three HUNDRED flies!

In other news. I am exhausted. Three hours sleep doesn't cut it. I had to make myself stay up until 9 so I could take my medicine at the right time. Now I plan to take it and get warm to go read "Loving Frank." until I fall into a deep slumber. Please plan - work!

My Favorite Things # 28

2010-11-28T22:13:00.003-05:00

My sewing machine. I am not really big on sewing. I don't sew something unless it is something that can't be found to buy. I do enjoy having a machine that is pretty good quality available for when I do need it, however. Previous to this machine I had a cheapo "Brother" brand machine that I bought at Wal-Mart for some very low price. Every time I tried to use it the tension was messed up and I would get so frustrated that I could never complete ANYTHING. This machine does get messed up sometimes, mostly that is because It am not an experienced enough seamstress to know what adjustments need to be made to deal with different thicknesses and textures of fabric. I think that will come with practice and with time. My latest project was the Halloween "Cheerios" costume. I was really quite pleased with the result. I would have liked to have worked on it a little more and made it so the bottom part of the top under the letters was red. I just plain ran out of time and couldn't get that done. I have been collecting some fabrics that I see here and there that I really adore and I would like to learn to make either purses or tote bags of of some of them. Patterns are hugely expensive these days, but I think I can probably figure out a lined purse or tote bag on my own, with a little trial and error. I can pretty much guarantee, however, there will be NO ZIPPERS involved!

In other news:
We met Jen's Billy the Kid. He's adorable, smart, loving, and funny. I hope it gets to be permanent and it sounds like it's highly likely.
We had a good visit with Emily. I had a little pissy fit last night with Michael, but I apologized and he said it was okay. He gets me, ya know? We went to Harry Potter at the IMAX theater. It was expensive, but um... very BIG. I think they chose to end part one at the perfect time.
Our ride home tonight was terrible, but lucky. I-80nand the I-65 were bumper to bumper. On 80 we went by a wreck with about 4 cars and then a car about two cars behind us ran into it and about three or four more cars hit it... I heard the first thump and looked in the rearview mirror and car parts were still flying through the air. I didn't stop because to try to would have been even more dangerous. The first wreck had happened long enough ago that the people were already standing by the side of the road waiting on emergency vehicles. I just hope that nobody was injured by the second round. It looked like what started out as a no injury, annoyance kind of thing could have turned into an 8-10 car pile-up. We finally exited the big highway and came all the way home on 231, which is just a state road and very curvy and dark, but tonight I think it was definitely the better option. What could have been a five hour trip turned out to be about six and a half, I think. I'm physically exhausted, but I drank BIG coffee to stay awake, so I'm not sure what's going to heppen with me tonight. PLUS I have to get up extra early and take Michael back to the dorm and get me to work by 8:00. He's not using the crutches full-time anymore, but he will still need help carrying his stuff up to his room in the morning. It has certainly been a role switch for me to be the door opener and thing toter! Michael is usually my go-to guy on that stuff.
I am super glad we got to visit Emily. It wasn't that we did anything HUGE, just the movie and eating, really, besides hanging out at the apartment. I napped, everybody played with the electronics (Scott and Emily have EVERYTHING!), we made a trip to Target, blah, blah, blah, but we learned that it is possible to go up on a Friday after work and make it back by Sunday evening, It would be even better if it weren't a holiday weekend and Michael were fully mobile. So if we can scrape the gas money together more frequently and not spend too much money eating out instead of in, maybe we can see Scott and Emily (and Jen and Billy) more frequently. I would be really happy with that!

My Favorite Things #27

2010-11-27T23:38:00.004-05:00

So, you might think the favorite thing here is the silver container or the colored stones or the candles and yes, each of those are things I really enjoy, as well as the entire configuration. My favorite part of the entire configuration, however, is the SWEETGUM balls. The seed pods! These are from a tree outside my office. I love the way they look. I love the way they feel. I love the way they fall and cover the ground under the tree. It all just makes me happy. I love having them in my home. They remind me of the way nature takes care of itself!

In other news we saw Harry Poter tonight at the IMAX. It was big and loud and good. I had a kind of irritable evening, but it was nice to go see the movie.

My Favorite Things #26

2010-11-26T23:43:00.004-05:00

Toys. I like toys. I get kids meals at restaurants and I usually really enjoy the toys. My favorite toys are the ones that "do" stuff. I like the Kung Fu Panda because he talks. One of the penguins also talks. I like the little stuffed ones a lot too, even though I am not a big stuffed animal fan. I like bubbles - there were two giant bubble wands in my wine rack and there are two more bottles here. Sometimes I get toys based on movies and I have never heard of the movies yet - that flying red thing on the shelf? still not sure what the heck it is! Tonight I went to Arby's on the way here (to Jen's - hi Jen!) and got a chicken strips kids meal with a Little Miss Daredevil in some ways SO ,ME in other ways so NOT me! She's riding on the dashboard of the car for a while. I'll have to take her picture tomorrow. I also need to add one more picture to this post later - my FAVORITE Happy Meal Toy EVER - Stuart Little in his little red convertible- and it's a WIND-UP. It really goes! Woo hoo Stuart. Sometimes when a child comes over and plays with my toys if he or she really likes something I will give it away, but STUART IS MINE FOREVER. So there. Kids meals are more than portion control - they are just, plain fun.

My Favorite Things # 25

2010-11-25T23:15:00.007-05:00

The top two photos are a repeat of favorite thing number whatever. I moved it up off its normal shelf to get a better shot of it. It's important that my readers clearly see my favorites! The top photo I took with no flash, hoping you can see how it cast the starry lights.
Favorite thing # 25 really is COASTERS. Using coasters makes me feel ultra-civilized, for some reason. I think it makes me feel like I care about my home and that I want to protect the things I have from damage so I can use them a long, long time. I have two sets: the one above, which I purchased because the design is a reflection of my flooring and the multi-colored squares I like. They are fun, but they are only cork and after a lost of use get damaged or moldy. I think I started with eight and I am down to about five because Michael tosses them when he thinks they need to go. Set below is kitties. Even though I don't want to have any pets right now I still really like cats. I especially like whimsically presented cats. It is a better set of coasters as far as quality, because they are stone. The square coasters are in the living room. The kitties are in the purple room.

In other news after work tomorrow Michael and I are heading up north. First destination is the booming city of Hebron (I'm not even sure if it has ONE stoplight!), to see Jen and meet Billy the kid. Then Saturday morning we will complete our journey to the booming suburb of Chicago, Romeoville, to see Emily. Michael hasn't seen her in forever and he has been jonesing for a sister fix. Emily already saw Harry Potter, but I kind of hope we can talk her into going again so we can see it - and they have an IMAX somewhere nearby, that's where she saw it. It probably costs a million dollars, but I think that would be super cool.

Had a nice Thanksgiving. Mom and Dad were supposed to come, but then Dad didn't feel well, so they stayed home. I was a bad daughter and didn't call. I hate talking on the phone! I did post some pictures on Facebook at least so Mom could see we used some of the family items I took from the house. I promised her I would honor and use them and I am working hard to do it. We ended up with me, Michael, Chris and Miko, Heather and Ian, and my friend Karmin, from WAY back - starting in seventh grade! We've been closer the past couple of years and I have really enjoyed our friendship. Next year we're heading to NYC for the Thanksgiving Day parade. I am going to make SURE I can afford a trip next holiday season! Later in the day Alexander came over to spend some time with Michael and Debbie came over and we chatted a bit. I was so tired, I kept almost dozing off during our conversation! I need to get to bed soon, but I had to do a load of laundry to be ready for the trip and I didn't realize Michael (who shall be chastened) had left a wet load in the washer, so I had to finish that up too! Argh!

My Favorite Things # 24

2010-11-24T21:16:00.003-05:00

Liquid fabric softener. I don't want this to become a "My favorite products" blog, so I must add that I buy MANY different brands and fragrances of fabric softener. Ultra Suavitel just happened to be the one I photographed some time ago. I do buy it frequently, but because the companies frequently introduce new fragrances I buy different types a lot. I think Snuggle is probably my second favorite brand, especially some of the fresh-smelling scents they have had over the past few years. That's about all for tonight. I had moved the computer into Michael's room while Ben was here so it makes it a little clumsy for computer use. I can use Michael's laptop, but I am very awkward with it.